[G] Years Ago
Title: Years Ago
Character(s): Hangeng, Super Junior
Rating: G
Genre: Friendship, Sad
Type: One-shot
The wind was cold against his warm skin as he stepped out onto the balcony. Wrapping his dark coat tighter around him, he leaned on the cool metal bars and gazed down at the moving cars and blinking lights. The stars were shining brightly on the blanket of the midnight blue sky. The night is quiet and calm. Too quiet for his liking.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Bowing his head, he squeezed his eyes and willed himself to think of happier thoughts. An all too familiar song started playing in the background bringing back all too familiar feelings. He lifted his head up and looked up at the sky, clasping his hands together, willing himself to forget.
The door to the balcony slid open and one of the guests stepped out. “What are you doing here? It’s freezing.”
He smiled. “Just thinking. You should go back to the party. I’m fine.”
The guest gave him an understanding and comforting pat on the shoulder and went back inside without another word.
It’s been years. And yet every time his mind wanders, they’re the first that his mind thinks of. Always. It happened in the most random of moments; when he woke up in the morning to an empty apartment, when he cooked his famous fried rice, when he worked, when he did interviews… when he performed.
Performing alone was the hardest thing he’s had to do. It wasn’t that he suddenly had too many lines to sing, too many things to memorize. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to it. It was just that it felt empty. Standing on a big stage by himself felt like something was missing. It was incomplete. He felt incomplete.
But it was a decision he had to make.
It was never easy for him to leave everything behind, despite what everyone might think. He had thought about it for a long time, weighing the pros and cons. In the end, the pros outweighed the cons and he had to do it. He had to go. And it hurt him deeply more than anyone else.
The faces of his brothers flashed in his head. He knew he hurt them with his choice. He knew they felt betrayed. He knew they felt lost. He knew because he felt it, too. They were such a part of him that what they felt, he felt.
Years ago he would never have thought this would happen. They accepted him. They took care of him. They loved him.
It was that love that had him holding on for so long.
He straightened up and took a deep breath. Looking back through the glass, sliding doors, he saw everyone having fun. He thought about going back when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
He smiled as he looked at the caller ID, grinning by the time he answered it.
“Hyung!”
He heard the phone being shuffled around, recognizing all the voices in the background.
“Ya! What are you doing answering your phone? Aren’t you supposed to be having a party?”
“I am in the party,” he answered, his smile reflecting on his voice,
More phone shuffling then a voice suggested to put it on speaker.
“Hyuuung!” all the different voices chorused together. “Happy birthday!”
As he listened to their greetings, to their stories and to their squabbling, he realized that despite the hardships and the heartaches that he experienced, it was all worth it. It didn’t matter if he had to hide his face under a mask, that he couldn’t communicate as well as he wanted to, that he was discriminated against.
The only people that mattered, whose opinions he valued were his members’.
They saw through the mask. They understood him. They accepted him.
If he were given the chance to bring back all those years ago, he would take it. He would do it all over again.
Character(s): Hangeng, Super Junior
Rating: G
Genre: Friendship, Sad
Type: One-shot
The wind was cold against his warm skin as he stepped out onto the balcony. Wrapping his dark coat tighter around him, he leaned on the cool metal bars and gazed down at the moving cars and blinking lights. The stars were shining brightly on the blanket of the midnight blue sky. The night is quiet and calm. Too quiet for his liking.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Bowing his head, he squeezed his eyes and willed himself to think of happier thoughts. An all too familiar song started playing in the background bringing back all too familiar feelings. He lifted his head up and looked up at the sky, clasping his hands together, willing himself to forget.
The door to the balcony slid open and one of the guests stepped out. “What are you doing here? It’s freezing.”
He smiled. “Just thinking. You should go back to the party. I’m fine.”
The guest gave him an understanding and comforting pat on the shoulder and went back inside without another word.
It’s been years. And yet every time his mind wanders, they’re the first that his mind thinks of. Always. It happened in the most random of moments; when he woke up in the morning to an empty apartment, when he cooked his famous fried rice, when he worked, when he did interviews… when he performed.
Performing alone was the hardest thing he’s had to do. It wasn’t that he suddenly had too many lines to sing, too many things to memorize. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to it. It was just that it felt empty. Standing on a big stage by himself felt like something was missing. It was incomplete. He felt incomplete.
But it was a decision he had to make.
It was never easy for him to leave everything behind, despite what everyone might think. He had thought about it for a long time, weighing the pros and cons. In the end, the pros outweighed the cons and he had to do it. He had to go. And it hurt him deeply more than anyone else.
The faces of his brothers flashed in his head. He knew he hurt them with his choice. He knew they felt betrayed. He knew they felt lost. He knew because he felt it, too. They were such a part of him that what they felt, he felt.
Years ago he would never have thought this would happen. They accepted him. They took care of him. They loved him.
It was that love that had him holding on for so long.
He straightened up and took a deep breath. Looking back through the glass, sliding doors, he saw everyone having fun. He thought about going back when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
He smiled as he looked at the caller ID, grinning by the time he answered it.
“Hyung!”
He heard the phone being shuffled around, recognizing all the voices in the background.
“Ya! What are you doing answering your phone? Aren’t you supposed to be having a party?”
“I am in the party,” he answered, his smile reflecting on his voice,
More phone shuffling then a voice suggested to put it on speaker.
“Hyuuung!” all the different voices chorused together. “Happy birthday!”
As he listened to their greetings, to their stories and to their squabbling, he realized that despite the hardships and the heartaches that he experienced, it was all worth it. It didn’t matter if he had to hide his face under a mask, that he couldn’t communicate as well as he wanted to, that he was discriminated against.
The only people that mattered, whose opinions he valued were his members’.
They saw through the mask. They understood him. They accepted him.
If he were given the chance to bring back all those years ago, he would take it. He would do it all over again.