(no subject)
I've had a lot of time to think today. I've been put on quarters for today and tomorrow due to a nasty throat. I believe the Doc's exact quote really was "Egh!" So they locked me down and said I couldn't go to work and infect everyone.
So, sitting around thinking all day... Whenever I do this, it always comes back to the need for companionship. I need someone. I miss feeling that sense of completion that I had with my last relationship. The times when I meet the most special people is when I'm not looking. Ashley for instance. One of the best things that ever happened to me. Met at the beach through one of my other friends. I wasn't looking at her as a potential relationship at all. I was able to be me. Non of that "have to impress someone" type shit. We ended up spending the entire week just talking. I think we kissed maybe twice the entire time. It was purely the fact that she was there with me. It wasn't based on the physical interaction, but that deeper intellectual/emotional track.
I want that back. That electric feeling that comes with someone special. Someone who you can be free with. Someone you don't feel you need to impress. One of those people that don't feel they need to impress you.
Searching for that perfect someone sucks. So many wrong turns and disappointments.
I wish I knew what I wanted. That would make the search a little easier. I don't know what my "type" is anymore. For the past 18 years of my life I basically knew what I wanted. Now, from one person opening that strange new door for me, I am thrown into a hurricane of new thoughts and ideas.
I want there to be some clarity in my existence. A path that is distinguishable from the rest of the cacophony.
All this wishing and wanting isn't getting me anywhere though. I don't know where to go from here. I just don't know where to go.
So, sitting around thinking all day... Whenever I do this, it always comes back to the need for companionship. I need someone. I miss feeling that sense of completion that I had with my last relationship. The times when I meet the most special people is when I'm not looking. Ashley for instance. One of the best things that ever happened to me. Met at the beach through one of my other friends. I wasn't looking at her as a potential relationship at all. I was able to be me. Non of that "have to impress someone" type shit. We ended up spending the entire week just talking. I think we kissed maybe twice the entire time. It was purely the fact that she was there with me. It wasn't based on the physical interaction, but that deeper intellectual/emotional track.
I want that back. That electric feeling that comes with someone special. Someone who you can be free with. Someone you don't feel you need to impress. One of those people that don't feel they need to impress you.
Searching for that perfect someone sucks. So many wrong turns and disappointments.
I wish I knew what I wanted. That would make the search a little easier. I don't know what my "type" is anymore. For the past 18 years of my life I basically knew what I wanted. Now, from one person opening that strange new door for me, I am thrown into a hurricane of new thoughts and ideas.
I want there to be some clarity in my existence. A path that is distinguishable from the rest of the cacophony.
All this wishing and wanting isn't getting me anywhere though. I don't know where to go from here. I just don't know where to go.