....why God why....
Fuck it all. I swear. How can I make everyone happy including myself? How can I feel good about telling my thoughts to another?
It is difficult to put into words the emotion I am feeling right now. The majority of it I think can be called sorrowful mixed with a bit of self-loathing sprinkled with hopelessness. It is hard to be everything to everyone and even more difficult to come to terms with the fact that you can't be everything to everyone. So when do you decide to do what you want by standing by what you want or submissing to the situation? And when you do decide to submit, how do you address the lack of accomplishment that is achieved instead of jubilation for a job well done? These are all questions I would love to not feel answerless to.
I know I am capable of greatness; I know that I am an amazing person. But right now neither of those definitions do I feel worthy of. For right now, I feel like my veiws have let someone I care about down. But how do you decide which is the lesser evil when,enivitably, they have the same outcome......disappointment and anger.
I know living is difficult...and that I should be greatful for everything I have....
But God damnit....I need a guinuine hug and some loving from a certin someone to make me feel like I'm not such a fuck up. Unfortunantly, I will be granted neither for about a week most likely. I guess I will suffer till then.
And I have just realized that I am demonstrating something I really hate sometimes.....emo.
Damn that too....
It is difficult to put into words the emotion I am feeling right now. The majority of it I think can be called sorrowful mixed with a bit of self-loathing sprinkled with hopelessness. It is hard to be everything to everyone and even more difficult to come to terms with the fact that you can't be everything to everyone. So when do you decide to do what you want by standing by what you want or submissing to the situation? And when you do decide to submit, how do you address the lack of accomplishment that is achieved instead of jubilation for a job well done? These are all questions I would love to not feel answerless to.
I know I am capable of greatness; I know that I am an amazing person. But right now neither of those definitions do I feel worthy of. For right now, I feel like my veiws have let someone I care about down. But how do you decide which is the lesser evil when,enivitably, they have the same outcome......disappointment and anger.
I know living is difficult...and that I should be greatful for everything I have....
But God damnit....I need a guinuine hug and some loving from a certin someone to make me feel like I'm not such a fuck up. Unfortunantly, I will be granted neither for about a week most likely. I guess I will suffer till then.
And I have just realized that I am demonstrating something I really hate sometimes.....emo.
Damn that too....