hey yal!
sooo
It's has been a while since i have really anything...at all. I't been a busy life here at my new home on campus. I really love it here. Jai surprised me and came down this weekend to encourage me before exams. He gave me part of my Christams gift....2 new fish! Their names are Marina and Shipwreck. i don't know if Nordic likes them or not, but none of them have died, which is a good thing considering my volital past with fish (God rest their souls).
Christmas is comming fast and i cannot wait for this overdue break. It was very hard to come back for just 2 weeks after Thanksgiving so i can't wait to lounge around the house and do nothing.
The cole and Nat thing has now diminished to being a question topic that i constantly have to answer with nothing more than "I DON'T KNOW!" I't hard to take....hard to see....hard to get over. I can say, though, that after my searching for Natalie that nite, it is easier to handle everything. It is always is easier to breakup with someone when you are pissed at them. Though we have had our meager attempts at converations...and these have raised some doubts in my mind still; whether or not i am truely satisfied with the outcome of our friendship and all. But me being stubborn....i refuse to call her. I have tried before....and to no avail never gotten her...so fuck that. If she has any voice crying out to call me...i figure that girl woulda done it by now. I am sure that it was her emails that put her conscience at peace. But the thing that got me was the threat if Alexis and I didn't stop talking about her that she wouldn't even try to fix things. well...i know this isn't what she wanted...but as far as what she has said to me...she has never expressed any attempts or feelings of reconceliation at any time...so that just sounds like bullshit. Take it or leave it. the sad thing about that, and the last thing i will say about their relatinship, is that people will take sides. In their minds when Cole and Nat are not around, or maybe when they are, friends will take sides and in the end, I fear that they will take Nat's. She has come to town more when cole was away and so people talked to her more...built more empathy as friends often do. Fortunantly, Cole has been comming to town, and chosing his friends wisely (thank God) for i feel like so many never were what he hoped. And there is nothign to do about it now. Just in a time of neutrality i feel that the Red Sea will part more to Natalie's side. It' s ok though. I ow her one thing...if anything..and i'm not sure of this (as i have stated before about alot of my feeling concerning her) that if she wasn't with Cole at all...I doubt Cole Alexis and I would be as close as we sre. Because when all this started, Cole has realized that we will always be here fore him....when friends fail we will not. And that...If nothign else..is a comfort.
I never thougth that it would come to this...but now that it has...i don't see how it couldn't..
It's has been a while since i have really anything...at all. I't been a busy life here at my new home on campus. I really love it here. Jai surprised me and came down this weekend to encourage me before exams. He gave me part of my Christams gift....2 new fish! Their names are Marina and Shipwreck. i don't know if Nordic likes them or not, but none of them have died, which is a good thing considering my volital past with fish (God rest their souls).
Christmas is comming fast and i cannot wait for this overdue break. It was very hard to come back for just 2 weeks after Thanksgiving so i can't wait to lounge around the house and do nothing.
The cole and Nat thing has now diminished to being a question topic that i constantly have to answer with nothing more than "I DON'T KNOW!" I't hard to take....hard to see....hard to get over. I can say, though, that after my searching for Natalie that nite, it is easier to handle everything. It is always is easier to breakup with someone when you are pissed at them. Though we have had our meager attempts at converations...and these have raised some doubts in my mind still; whether or not i am truely satisfied with the outcome of our friendship and all. But me being stubborn....i refuse to call her. I have tried before....and to no avail never gotten her...so fuck that. If she has any voice crying out to call me...i figure that girl woulda done it by now. I am sure that it was her emails that put her conscience at peace. But the thing that got me was the threat if Alexis and I didn't stop talking about her that she wouldn't even try to fix things. well...i know this isn't what she wanted...but as far as what she has said to me...she has never expressed any attempts or feelings of reconceliation at any time...so that just sounds like bullshit. Take it or leave it. the sad thing about that, and the last thing i will say about their relatinship, is that people will take sides. In their minds when Cole and Nat are not around, or maybe when they are, friends will take sides and in the end, I fear that they will take Nat's. She has come to town more when cole was away and so people talked to her more...built more empathy as friends often do. Fortunantly, Cole has been comming to town, and chosing his friends wisely (thank God) for i feel like so many never were what he hoped. And there is nothign to do about it now. Just in a time of neutrality i feel that the Red Sea will part more to Natalie's side. It' s ok though. I ow her one thing...if anything..and i'm not sure of this (as i have stated before about alot of my feeling concerning her) that if she wasn't with Cole at all...I doubt Cole Alexis and I would be as close as we sre. Because when all this started, Cole has realized that we will always be here fore him....when friends fail we will not. And that...If nothign else..is a comfort.
I never thougth that it would come to this...but now that it has...i don't see how it couldn't..