> [V] John: Suffer public embarrassment.

[airkind]

[What? That's not even going to happen. You are just investigating this mysterious door incident! It's slightly ajar. You go to open the door all the way and find out what's up, but as soon as you jostle it just a little, a BUCKET FALLS ONTO YOUR HEAD AND COVERS YOU WITH WATER HA HA HA HA HA. How outrageous.

You immediately go BRIGHT RED with

Comments

[goddamncrabby]

[WHY IS IT ALWAYS BUCKETS]

YOU KNOW, EGBERT, I HAD ALMOST THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNED NOT TO RECORD SHIT LIKE THIS BY NOW.
YOU KNOW, THANKS TO BEING ENLIGHTENED TO YOUR CULTURAL INSENSITIVITY BY THE REST OF US.
CLEARLY, I OVERESTIMATED YOU. AGAIN.
WELL DONE.

[1/2]

[airkind]

[Your PESTERCHUM is bugging you. You'd better check who it is.]

... Karkat? Wow, okay, what are you--

[2/2]

[airkind]

[... Oh.]

Why does this only happen to me?? I didn't make that post, you jerk, I'm not that insensitive! I don't even know who put that bucket up there, it was just a prank anyway you guys are ridiculous!

[goddamncrabby]

WHY IS THIS A HUMAN TRADITION, ANYWAY?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL.
ALL VULGARITY IN THE ACTION ASIDE.

[airkind]

It's funny, stupid. Someone goes to open a door and a bucket of water or shaving cream or something falls on their head and they're really surprised and they're like ohhh nooooooo and you laugh at them and hey Karkat look at this convenient distraction I'm supposed to interrogate you now.

[goddamncrabby]

I DON'T GET WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT.
BUT YOUR STRANGE AND CONFUSING HUMAN CULTURE WILL NEVER APPEAL TO ME.

LOOK AT THAT, EGBERT, I'M ACTUALLY LETTING YOU CHANGE THE CONVERSATION!
SEE HOW NICE I AM? SEE? I'M A GODDAMN SAINT.

[airkind]

One day I'll prank you, and you'll get it. Just you wait!

[You roll your eyes at this troll's antics. What a loser.]

Oh yeah, you're a real kind-hearted guy. Thank you for being soooo considerate. Anyway, I have questions, and you had better give me the answers I want!

[You learnt to interrogate people from crime dramas. But you think it usually works a lot better in person, when you can do intimidating stuff and you have a dimly-lit cell to set the right mood.]

[goddamncrabby]

[You are done explaining things to the Sgrub human and his little friends, but hey. A few questions couldn't hurt]

AT LEAST YOU ARE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT I AM A BEING OF SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE.
WHAT DO YOU NEED?

[airkind]

Yeah, yeah, bluh bluh better species, you're just in the future, dude.

Okay, you keep telling us how we fucked up everything. ... Well, uh, what's up with that? I'm pretty sure we can't have fucked up the universe just because we're playing some crappy game!

[goddamncrabby]

BZZT.
WRONG QUESTION.
I'VE ALREADY EXPLAINED THIS TO YOU ONCE. IN YOUR FUTURE.
BE PATIENT AND WAIT UNTIL THEN.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT A SECOND TIME.

[airkind]

Oh, come on! That is not how an interrogation works. You don't get to not answer my questions. Jeez, I should have made an amazing plan for this with Jade first.

[You express your displeasure clearly by pouting. You're trying to scowl, but it's not working so well. It looks stupid, in fact.]

Fine, whatever, who even cares! You're probably lying anyway. Sheesh. Then, why do you guys call me the "leader of the humans"? That's just literal, right? Because I got into the game first?

[goddamncrabby]

WELL, SURE.
ISN'T THE LEADER ALWAYS THE FIRST ONE IN?
I KNOW I WAS.

[airkind]

No, you usually appoint a leader based on who's the best for it! When you start playing a game, you don't just let whoever got there first lead the party, duh. Like, I would probably want Dave or Rose to be the leader, because Dave is really good at stuff and knows what he's doing, or because Rose is super smart.

Seriously, you have never seen me be the leader. Everyone always gets killed by zombies when I'm in charge.

[goddamncrabby]

IF THAT'S THE CASE, THEN YOU REALLY ARE SOME KIND OF SHITTY LEADER.
WHY WERE YOU THE FIRST ONE IN IF YOU AREN'T THE LEADER?

[airkind]

I just started playing it first! Dave didn't want to play it, Jade doesn't play video games, and I installed the game as soon as I got it, so Rose connected to me after that. It's not like we even knew what the heck we were doing. We still don't, actually!

[goddamncrabby]

SO YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND YOU'RE STILL RUNNING AROUND?
NO WONDER YOU GUYS FUCK THINGS OVER SO BADLY.