> Mun: Write an application for dramadramaduck.
Player nickname: Ichi
Player LJ: unspeakingly
Way to contact you:
Email: ezzigreenie@hotmail.com
AIM: kowareta ichi
Other: unspeakingly @ plurk
Are you at least 15?: Y.
Current Characters: Haruhi Fujioka, Xion, Minatsuki Takami, Ciel Phantomhive, Sasuke Uchiha
Character: John Egbert
Fandom: Homestuck
Character Notes:
History:
So once, a group of trolls played a pretty cool game. The action of them playing this game created a universe, and in that universe was a planet called Earth. On that planet was a race called humans, and within this race there was a kid called Zoosmell Pooplord John Egbert. He's a pretty cool kid. John is raised by his dad in a nice little town, and he has three best friends that he's never actually met but he talks to every day over the internet. And he gets trolled a lot.
On John's 13th birthday, he gets the beta for an awesome new game called SBURB, and manages to rope his friend Rose into playing it with him. It's pretty much The Sims crossed with real life, which means John sits there for some time while Rose wreaks havoc on his house trying to get the hang of the game. They deploy a lot of weird free items in John's house, at which point they start to wonder what the point of the game is; after creating a weird thing known as a Kernelsprite, John goes outside only to find that there is a huge meteor is coming at his house. After some panicking and flailing about, he manages to do as he's supposed to and use one of his weird free items to make... an apple. He then bites this apple, which transports him and his house into a huge void, known as The Medium.
He fights some imp things and stuff while Rose and Dave run around being introduced and doing other things, like trying to save Rose from her own impending doom, and gets told by his dead grandmother - now combined with the Kernelsprite - that his father has been kidnapped. She then proceeds to tell him about Skaia, a place of great importance that "exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential", and how war is being waged over it between light and darkness. She talks about a lot of other crap which boils down to the fact that he has to go up to a ridiculous height to get into the First Gate, and then continue through various other gates to get to Skaia. He also finds out that Earth is completely and utterly fucked, and he cannot do anything about that fact.
So, John runs around slaying more imps, and Rose continues to build upwards to get John to the First Gate. He makes some pretty sweet items, like a pogo hammer, and spends a lot of time dicking around while the story focuses on everyone else. He does get into his Dad's room, which has always been locked, and finds out that he isn't secretly a street-performing crazy clown, and is, in fact, just a regular boring businessman. He flips the fuck out over this ~SHOCKING TWIST~ and then promptly realises that that is stupid, calms down and opens his birthday presents. (Which leads to another mental breakdown when he realises his favourite candy is made by his arch nemesis Betty Crocker, but that is also found to be rather stupid.) And then he mulls about and does some business-y things with his inventory.
More imp-slaying, more making of sweet items, Rose builds up a lot more and finally, John enters the First Gate. This takes him to the Land of Wind and Shade (LOWAS), where he talks to the local residents - Consorts, really, and they are salamanders - and finds out that the land is a little less than perfect, due to The Slumbering One, who cast a spell on it, and his douchebag Agents, who weren't much of a pain until some mysterious Heir showed up. The spell will not be broken unless The Slumbering One is woken and then slain. And then Nannasprite decides to tell John that he is, in fact, the Heir, and this is sort of his place.
Jade tells him that she's going to get Dave into the game, and then John has to finish the cycle by getting her in - but then BAM trolls everywhere. By which I mean one of them decides to bug him. Karkat, to be exact, who is, at this point, pretty much a friend of John's. Because Karkat is a retard who decided to troll backwards through the timeline oh gosh. So he tries to be pretty nice (by troll standards) and reasonable with John, who still finds him to be an annoying douchebag right now and promptly drops that conversation like it's hot so that he can continue exploring. Unfortunately, the game disc he needs to get Jade into the session is missing, and then he gets trolled again.
This time it's Terezi, who convinces the stupid boy that he should follow her instructions, which are given with the sole intent of fucking with the timeline. Somewhere in amongst that, he reunites with his loving wife and daughter (two random salamanders he came across) ala the theatrical masterpiece that is Con Air and bawls a lot and gets yelled at by Karkat some more. Terezi hits him up again tells him to skip all of the Gates with his awesome new rocket pack (PCHOOOOO) and go to the last one to fight the final boss, which, naturally, gets him horribly and brutally killed since he is severely underleveled.
It turns out that this was pretty much a doomed timeline, because Dave, being the sweet Knight of Time that he is, goes back in time and tells John not to listen to the crazy troll because he will die like a great big retard, creating an alternate branch where John most certainly is not dead because he took Dave's advice instead of Terezi's. This becomes the main branch, and the one where John died is the alternate doomed branch, and it ceases to exist once the problem is fixed. Then Karkat yells at John again because that just happens all the time, and Terezi trolls him again to help him to the Second Gate this time instead of being a bluh bluh huge bitch.
PCHOOOOO he crash-lands in Rose's house, steals her mutant kitten, accidentally helps Dave snoop through her stuff and trolls the troll Kanaya whilst pretending to be Rose, thus making Kan think that Rose is an utter moron. Victory for the pranking master. He makes a crazy cool hammer and jets off to explore the Land of Light and Rain, then goes through a transportaliser that takes him to a ~mysterious lab~ in the Veil, where he starts messing with all the equipment. Through this messing around, he creates paradox clones of his grandmother, Jade's grandfather, Dave's bro and Rose's mother, and then there's a lot of confusing shit about how it turns out John actually cloned and created all of the kids from their guardian clones and sent himself, Jade, Rose and Dave down to Earth on meteors, which is how they ended up with their guardians and his father isn't actually his father, more like his half-brother, and his grandmother is actually his mother and it's really confusing. And he is Jade's brother and Rose is Dave's sister holy crap slow down too many plot twists going on here yo.
Then Karkat, predictably, yells at him a lot again, and John starts passing out bunnies like cheap cigars as he ends up reenacting Con Air AGAIN, this time with the baby Jade and baby Rose and the two bunnies that he has collected. He cries. A lot.
All of the clones get meteor'd down to Earth, and meanwhile the big bad guy Jack Noir is destroying absolutely everything within the vicinity of the planet Prospit, in the dream world. Jade, who is there as her Dream Self, frantically tries to wake John's Dream Self to stop it from getting killed. She dies saving him, and he "wakes" to a bloody battlefield and a dead sister. He sees himself at a castle in a cloud, so he goes to said castle and receives a package from Jade that has been through so much timey-wimey crap it is ridiculous. Jack tries to attack John while he is grieving over Jade, but then it turns out that the present is a tricked-out stuffed rabbit robot with an assload of weapons. It scares Jack off.
(And everything gets more confusing because Act 5 follows the trolls from the beginning of their adventure, the end of which creates Earth, which is then fucked over royally by the end of the kids' session and are you confused yet. Act 5 Part 2 kicks off with the first time Karkat talks to John, which is when John is God-Tier as will be explained later so it is very late in the timeline and just before the Scratch which fucks up the trolls' session and which is the end of the kids' timeline. For the sake of convenience, we'll continue to do this in a much more linear way from John's perspective.)
Meanwhile, in the Veil, John is kindly strapped to a rocket board and sent back down to LOWAS, where he continues to sleep. Dream John finds his Dad and Rose's mother, and they are about to lovingly reunite but then the troll Vriska manages to wake John up, snatching Dream John out of mid-air and losing the important ring he was supposed to deliver somewhere. She tells him that she's going to help him, and reminds him that he still has to get Jade into the session, so he gets the SBURB disc and heads back to his house and computer, following Terezi's map. He spends a lot of time just being shouted at by Vriska, which is pretty much the start of their friendship, and she makes him some cool new clothes so that he looks less like an elf. Except the clothes are pretty much just a replication of her own ahahaha. It's also around this time that he starts typing with eights because of her influence - as in, repeating a letter or punctuation mark eight times - and wow look at all this relevant information.
He sits around on his laptop looking for Nannasprite and talking to Vriska and Karkat (who trolled backwards until he reached the beginning of John's life and then jumped forward again) yells at him a lot more about talking to Vriska and John, Karkat and Dave awkwardly discuss relationships for a while before John gets a pie to the face from Nannasprite. She gives him a thing so that he can summon her whenever he wants and then he connects to Jade so he can get her into the session finally. They go about the usual procedure while he fills her in since she's been sleeping for so long, and unbeknownst to them Jack is just wreaking havoc all over John's planet (LOWAS). There are some sick fires burning which is a very bad thing because LOWAS is covered in seas and rivers of oil.
But suddenly he falls asleep without knowing why (because Vriska did it and she is a bluh bluh huge bitch) and the floating bed that Nannasprite put him on crashes in the oil ocean. Oh, and his planet is still on fire. And the fire is getting much closer to his current ocean. He talks to Rose for a little while and doesn't learn much except that he has to find and remove something called the Tumor and then BAM trolls everywhere again. First he deals with Karkat, but this is trolling-backwards-from-the-past-Karkat, so it's the second time Karkat has ever spoken to him so everything is generally terrible and full of seething hatred, and Karkat proceeds to tell him exactly how they fucked absolutely everything up, including the trolls' session; by John falling asleep at the worst possible time, Jade prototyped her freaky radioactive teleporting dog with the Kernelsprite and it upgraded Jack Noir to make him absolutely unbeatable. Well, shit.
Anyway, he entertains Vriska while he is surrounded by now-green fire, and he finds out that it's sort of Vriska's fault that everything got fucked up since she knew what would happen when she put him to sleep; she's sort of crazy and wanted to be the one to create and kill Jack. She is generally unhelpful, but thankfully he manages to awaken his powers finally and do the windy thing, successfully putting out all the fires. He makes it back to a nearby village on LOWAS thanks to the wind, and Vriska tells him that now that he has managed that, his next step is to ascend through the god tier. For that, he has to go to sleep on his Quest Bed - and she sneakily neglects to tell him what will happen after that, because he probably wouldn't have done it if she told him. So, he unwittingly goes up to his Quest Bed and takes his legendary nap.
And then Jack comes and RAMS A SWORD THROUGH HIS CHEST and he dies. But that's okay, because that's what needed to happen for him to ascend to God Tier. So, while his bleeding corpse is left on the bed, Dream John wakes up and in his dreams he is the god. It's him. He hangs out on the battlefield with his new friend WV, finds his father's wallet and then gets into his dad's car which was stored in his wallet okay. John is now awesome and can float at will and fly cars with the windy thing because he is a god. He chats with Jade, and then gets very worrying messages from Karkat who is in the midst of a whole lot of seeing all this horrible troll massacring and fearing for his life and stuff, but John can't really do anything about it so he goes off on his quest to find his Dad!
He and WV crash-land and he searches the castle for his father to no avail, and Vriska tells him that he is elsewhere. John and Vriska have a touching if depressing conversation in which she reveals her guilt for a lot of the things she did and they talk about troll culture, and then she tells him he should go and find/remove the Tumor first. So he does. He drills a huge hole in the middle of the battlefield with his windy thing, finds The Tumor and puts it in his wallet. He then returns to the surface and reunites with his weapon factory of a bunny robot, Liv Tyler. And then he takes her tiny ridiculous hammer and she hugens it and then he has the WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO. Fuck yes. He gives WV the tumor-in-a-wallet and sends him and Liv Tyler and another weird little friend he has just made (who may actually be an enemy, who knows) away to the moon of Derse so that they can deliver the Tumor while he keeps looking for his father.
He doesn't get Jade's urgent messages because he is a derp and accidentally gave his computer to WV. Whoops. And that is where canon is up to as I post this application!
Personality:
John is like the personification of derp. For starters, he's more of a kid than the rest of his friends, he's silly and a little weird, and he's pretty dorky; he likes terrible movies, he's honest to a fault, geeks out over Nicholas Cage, enjoys pranks and lame jokes and he's the sort of guy that loves nothing more than just hanging out with his friends. More often than not, John is naive, goofy and immature in a good-spirited way. There are things that annoy and frustrate him and he'll sure as hell make his annoyance known, but he rarely gets genuinely angry with anything. He tries to be as accepting as he can, even of things he finds confusing or weird (and sometimes he'll try to just accept them without bothering to try and understand them).
His naivety goes hand-in-hand with his obliviousness, friendliness and his constant attempts to see the good in people to make him the typical shounen hero ball of veritable sunshine. He could give anyone a friendship speech and be 100% serious about it. He hands out money to complete strangers. However, it also means - along with his terrible belief in giving people second chances (or third, or fourth) - that he is painfully easy to manipulate and influence. He's too nice and trusting and gullible. He follows Terezi's instructions despite the fact that she's only trying to royally fuck up the timeline (and she tells him this fact) and then forgives her very easily even when he finds out that if Dave hadn't stopped him from following her plan, he would have died. He actually defends her against Karkat, saying that he's pretty sure she wasn't trying to be mean and she seems to feel pretty bad about it. And he doesn't hold it against Vriska for technically killing him, either.
That's because he already thinks both of them are cool, and considers them his friends. John is very insistent and clings like glue when it comes to friendship; even though Karkat threatens him and insults him with every other word, he decides that they're buddies and refuses to let go of it. His friends are of absolute importance to him; he trusts them completely, cares about them more than anything and loves them a whole lot. He'll accept pretty much anyone as his friend, too, because he tries not to judge anyone for the things they've done, especially when it comes to the trolls and their freaky troll differences. If a friend tells him to do something, there's a 95% chance he'll do it; if one of his best friends tells him to do something, there is a 99.99999% chance he'll do it.
He can be stubborn, courageous and determined to the point of stupidity, and he's not always the brightest to begin with; he spends most of the game following orders from various other people and trying to sort them out when they conflict, and also generally doing retarded things. He has a good heart, which is what makes him a good leader, but he rarely actually gives anyone instructions, and he tends to look to his friends for advice. He is a friend first, and a leader second.
First Person (entry type):
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering DramaDramaDuck [DDD] at ??:?? --
dooooooooes anyone have any advice about cultural sensitivity? because i am seriously trying to be understanding about all this troll stuff and the weird things they do and say, but it's pretty hard! like karkat is always mad at me but i don't think he hates me and troll hate is something different anyway. and vriska is super weird about buckets????????
uh. so, has anyone else had to adjust to totally different cultural stuff? because i could really use some tips. i don't want to come off as insensitive or anything, and i am trying my best, but it's so confusing sometimes!
thanks in advance guys. i am soooooooo lost here.
Third Person:
John has never thought of himself as a leader - not even when he first realises that it is what he is expected to be, and that it is what people (well, trolls, really) see him as. Not even when Rose asks him what their next steps should be and consults him for a plan, or when Jade insists that his role is definitely as the leader and he's going to be a really great one and it's just destiny like that, or when Dave tells him that he should stop letting those douchebag trolls push him around like a chumpass loser and he should let them know that he is the motherfucking leader here and they better shut up and listen because John Egbert is gonna lay down the goddamn law for some alien freaks. Not even, for that matter, when Karkat and the other trolls try to worm in a few jabs at his leadership skills, or just generally use the fact that he is the leader of the humans as further insult fuel.
Because he has never given orders in his life. He doesn't even give advice, much less instructions, and definitely not for anything important. It's usually him who asks everyone else for tips and help, who follows the commands of others. That's why he does as Terezi says when she decides that she wants to fuck with time. That's why he follows Vriska's lead when she offers her guidance to him, despite her secrecy and her own questionable motivations. Dave and Karkat call him a gullible moron and a stupid pushover for it, but that's just the way he is. He is the guy that follows the orders, not the one that gives them. Everyone normally has better ideas than him anyway. (Although he will admit that sometimes he does have some pretty sweet ideas that should be carried out post-haste, and he doesn't mind giving some polite instruction that everyone should get their asses into gear.)
And he is first and foremost a nice guy, and a friend, which is why he forgives Terezi when she seems genuinely sorry for getting him killed in an alternate timeline and allows her to continue giving him instructions, and why he forgives Vriska for killing him and killing Tavros and killing a whole lot of other people, apparently. He's not the kind of guy to lose his friends easily, or at all. They're kind of his world, as lame and corny and rom-com-esque that sounds, and he listens to them. It's part of why he sits there through Karkat's endless fountain of verbal abuse - the other parts being that sometimes it is kind of entertaining and cool to listen to Karkat ramble about his "hatred", and also that it's not like he can pull his rarely-used leadership card on someone who he isn't the supposed leader of. Actually, someone who claims to be the leader of him, because yeah, technically, he did help to create John (and woah, that is so weird to think about, he reflects sometimes).
He can pull it, however, when he's talking to his friends and he's having a lot of fun oh god Karkat is trying to talk to him again and he sounds angry. (Doesn't he always sound angry? That seriously can't be good for him. They should really find a way to cheer him up or something. Like with a movie marathon! Those are the best.) Dave drops his usual reminder that John should just ditch Karkat and ignore him because they're too cool for his weird homo love-hate obsession thing and his stupid guilt trips about how they ruined the trolls' lives when he's probably just jealous that they fucked up their session and they don't get to climb aboard the sweet-ass ride that this game is going to be - and he does pull the leadership card; he even comes up with some lame, pathetic-sounding rambling excuse about how as the leader he has to maintain a good and solid relationship with their allies if they want this crazy thing to work with minimum being incredibly annoying, especially the leader of the other team, and if he doesn't respond than Karkat will just get angrier and more abusive and that will just be bad for everyone in every way.
And besides, he reasons with Dave, he figures he's left him hanging long enough.
Player LJ: unspeakingly
Way to contact you:
Email: ezzigreenie@hotmail.com
AIM: kowareta ichi
Other: unspeakingly @ plurk
Are you at least 15?: Y.
Current Characters: Haruhi Fujioka, Xion, Minatsuki Takami, Ciel Phantomhive, Sasuke Uchiha
Character: John Egbert
Fandom: Homestuck
Character Notes:
History:
So once, a group of trolls played a pretty cool game. The action of them playing this game created a universe, and in that universe was a planet called Earth. On that planet was a race called humans, and within this race there was a kid called Zoosmell Pooplord John Egbert. He's a pretty cool kid. John is raised by his dad in a nice little town, and he has three best friends that he's never actually met but he talks to every day over the internet. And he gets trolled a lot.
On John's 13th birthday, he gets the beta for an awesome new game called SBURB, and manages to rope his friend Rose into playing it with him. It's pretty much The Sims crossed with real life, which means John sits there for some time while Rose wreaks havoc on his house trying to get the hang of the game. They deploy a lot of weird free items in John's house, at which point they start to wonder what the point of the game is; after creating a weird thing known as a Kernelsprite, John goes outside only to find that there is a huge meteor is coming at his house. After some panicking and flailing about, he manages to do as he's supposed to and use one of his weird free items to make... an apple. He then bites this apple, which transports him and his house into a huge void, known as The Medium.
He fights some imp things and stuff while Rose and Dave run around being introduced and doing other things, like trying to save Rose from her own impending doom, and gets told by his dead grandmother - now combined with the Kernelsprite - that his father has been kidnapped. She then proceeds to tell him about Skaia, a place of great importance that "exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential", and how war is being waged over it between light and darkness. She talks about a lot of other crap which boils down to the fact that he has to go up to a ridiculous height to get into the First Gate, and then continue through various other gates to get to Skaia. He also finds out that Earth is completely and utterly fucked, and he cannot do anything about that fact.
So, John runs around slaying more imps, and Rose continues to build upwards to get John to the First Gate. He makes some pretty sweet items, like a pogo hammer, and spends a lot of time dicking around while the story focuses on everyone else. He does get into his Dad's room, which has always been locked, and finds out that he isn't secretly a street-performing crazy clown, and is, in fact, just a regular boring businessman. He flips the fuck out over this ~SHOCKING TWIST~ and then promptly realises that that is stupid, calms down and opens his birthday presents. (Which leads to another mental breakdown when he realises his favourite candy is made by his arch nemesis Betty Crocker, but that is also found to be rather stupid.) And then he mulls about and does some business-y things with his inventory.
More imp-slaying, more making of sweet items, Rose builds up a lot more and finally, John enters the First Gate. This takes him to the Land of Wind and Shade (LOWAS), where he talks to the local residents - Consorts, really, and they are salamanders - and finds out that the land is a little less than perfect, due to The Slumbering One, who cast a spell on it, and his douchebag Agents, who weren't much of a pain until some mysterious Heir showed up. The spell will not be broken unless The Slumbering One is woken and then slain. And then Nannasprite decides to tell John that he is, in fact, the Heir, and this is sort of his place.
Jade tells him that she's going to get Dave into the game, and then John has to finish the cycle by getting her in - but then BAM trolls everywhere. By which I mean one of them decides to bug him. Karkat, to be exact, who is, at this point, pretty much a friend of John's. Because Karkat is a retard who decided to troll backwards through the timeline oh gosh. So he tries to be pretty nice (by troll standards) and reasonable with John, who still finds him to be an annoying douchebag right now and promptly drops that conversation like it's hot so that he can continue exploring. Unfortunately, the game disc he needs to get Jade into the session is missing, and then he gets trolled again.
This time it's Terezi, who convinces the stupid boy that he should follow her instructions, which are given with the sole intent of fucking with the timeline. Somewhere in amongst that, he reunites with his loving wife and daughter (two random salamanders he came across) ala the theatrical masterpiece that is Con Air and bawls a lot and gets yelled at by Karkat some more. Terezi hits him up again tells him to skip all of the Gates with his awesome new rocket pack (PCHOOOOO) and go to the last one to fight the final boss, which, naturally, gets him horribly and brutally killed since he is severely underleveled.
It turns out that this was pretty much a doomed timeline, because Dave, being the sweet Knight of Time that he is, goes back in time and tells John not to listen to the crazy troll because he will die like a great big retard, creating an alternate branch where John most certainly is not dead because he took Dave's advice instead of Terezi's. This becomes the main branch, and the one where John died is the alternate doomed branch, and it ceases to exist once the problem is fixed. Then Karkat yells at John again because that just happens all the time, and Terezi trolls him again to help him to the Second Gate this time instead of being a bluh bluh huge bitch.
PCHOOOOO he crash-lands in Rose's house, steals her mutant kitten, accidentally helps Dave snoop through her stuff and trolls the troll Kanaya whilst pretending to be Rose, thus making Kan think that Rose is an utter moron. Victory for the pranking master. He makes a crazy cool hammer and jets off to explore the Land of Light and Rain, then goes through a transportaliser that takes him to a ~mysterious lab~ in the Veil, where he starts messing with all the equipment. Through this messing around, he creates paradox clones of his grandmother, Jade's grandfather, Dave's bro and Rose's mother, and then there's a lot of confusing shit about how it turns out John actually cloned and created all of the kids from their guardian clones and sent himself, Jade, Rose and Dave down to Earth on meteors, which is how they ended up with their guardians and his father isn't actually his father, more like his half-brother, and his grandmother is actually his mother and it's really confusing. And he is Jade's brother and Rose is Dave's sister holy crap slow down too many plot twists going on here yo.
Then Karkat, predictably, yells at him a lot again, and John starts passing out bunnies like cheap cigars as he ends up reenacting Con Air AGAIN, this time with the baby Jade and baby Rose and the two bunnies that he has collected. He cries. A lot.
All of the clones get meteor'd down to Earth, and meanwhile the big bad guy Jack Noir is destroying absolutely everything within the vicinity of the planet Prospit, in the dream world. Jade, who is there as her Dream Self, frantically tries to wake John's Dream Self to stop it from getting killed. She dies saving him, and he "wakes" to a bloody battlefield and a dead sister. He sees himself at a castle in a cloud, so he goes to said castle and receives a package from Jade that has been through so much timey-wimey crap it is ridiculous. Jack tries to attack John while he is grieving over Jade, but then it turns out that the present is a tricked-out stuffed rabbit robot with an assload of weapons. It scares Jack off.
(And everything gets more confusing because Act 5 follows the trolls from the beginning of their adventure, the end of which creates Earth, which is then fucked over royally by the end of the kids' session and are you confused yet. Act 5 Part 2 kicks off with the first time Karkat talks to John, which is when John is God-Tier as will be explained later so it is very late in the timeline and just before the Scratch which fucks up the trolls' session and which is the end of the kids' timeline. For the sake of convenience, we'll continue to do this in a much more linear way from John's perspective.)
Meanwhile, in the Veil, John is kindly strapped to a rocket board and sent back down to LOWAS, where he continues to sleep. Dream John finds his Dad and Rose's mother, and they are about to lovingly reunite but then the troll Vriska manages to wake John up, snatching Dream John out of mid-air and losing the important ring he was supposed to deliver somewhere. She tells him that she's going to help him, and reminds him that he still has to get Jade into the session, so he gets the SBURB disc and heads back to his house and computer, following Terezi's map. He spends a lot of time just being shouted at by Vriska, which is pretty much the start of their friendship, and she makes him some cool new clothes so that he looks less like an elf. Except the clothes are pretty much just a replication of her own ahahaha. It's also around this time that he starts typing with eights because of her influence - as in, repeating a letter or punctuation mark eight times - and wow look at all this relevant information.
He sits around on his laptop looking for Nannasprite and talking to Vriska and Karkat (who trolled backwards until he reached the beginning of John's life and then jumped forward again) yells at him a lot more about talking to Vriska and John, Karkat and Dave awkwardly discuss relationships for a while before John gets a pie to the face from Nannasprite. She gives him a thing so that he can summon her whenever he wants and then he connects to Jade so he can get her into the session finally. They go about the usual procedure while he fills her in since she's been sleeping for so long, and unbeknownst to them Jack is just wreaking havoc all over John's planet (LOWAS). There are some sick fires burning which is a very bad thing because LOWAS is covered in seas and rivers of oil.
But suddenly he falls asleep without knowing why (because Vriska did it and she is a bluh bluh huge bitch) and the floating bed that Nannasprite put him on crashes in the oil ocean. Oh, and his planet is still on fire. And the fire is getting much closer to his current ocean. He talks to Rose for a little while and doesn't learn much except that he has to find and remove something called the Tumor and then BAM trolls everywhere again. First he deals with Karkat, but this is trolling-backwards-from-the-past-Karkat, so it's the second time Karkat has ever spoken to him so everything is generally terrible and full of seething hatred, and Karkat proceeds to tell him exactly how they fucked absolutely everything up, including the trolls' session; by John falling asleep at the worst possible time, Jade prototyped her freaky radioactive teleporting dog with the Kernelsprite and it upgraded Jack Noir to make him absolutely unbeatable. Well, shit.
Anyway, he entertains Vriska while he is surrounded by now-green fire, and he finds out that it's sort of Vriska's fault that everything got fucked up since she knew what would happen when she put him to sleep; she's sort of crazy and wanted to be the one to create and kill Jack. She is generally unhelpful, but thankfully he manages to awaken his powers finally and do the windy thing, successfully putting out all the fires. He makes it back to a nearby village on LOWAS thanks to the wind, and Vriska tells him that now that he has managed that, his next step is to ascend through the god tier. For that, he has to go to sleep on his Quest Bed - and she sneakily neglects to tell him what will happen after that, because he probably wouldn't have done it if she told him. So, he unwittingly goes up to his Quest Bed and takes his legendary nap.
And then Jack comes and RAMS A SWORD THROUGH HIS CHEST and he dies. But that's okay, because that's what needed to happen for him to ascend to God Tier. So, while his bleeding corpse is left on the bed, Dream John wakes up and in his dreams he is the god. It's him. He hangs out on the battlefield with his new friend WV, finds his father's wallet and then gets into his dad's car which was stored in his wallet okay. John is now awesome and can float at will and fly cars with the windy thing because he is a god. He chats with Jade, and then gets very worrying messages from Karkat who is in the midst of a whole lot of seeing all this horrible troll massacring and fearing for his life and stuff, but John can't really do anything about it so he goes off on his quest to find his Dad!
He and WV crash-land and he searches the castle for his father to no avail, and Vriska tells him that he is elsewhere. John and Vriska have a touching if depressing conversation in which she reveals her guilt for a lot of the things she did and they talk about troll culture, and then she tells him he should go and find/remove the Tumor first. So he does. He drills a huge hole in the middle of the battlefield with his windy thing, finds The Tumor and puts it in his wallet. He then returns to the surface and reunites with his weapon factory of a bunny robot, Liv Tyler. And then he takes her tiny ridiculous hammer and she hugens it and then he has the WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO. Fuck yes. He gives WV the tumor-in-a-wallet and sends him and Liv Tyler and another weird little friend he has just made (who may actually be an enemy, who knows) away to the moon of Derse so that they can deliver the Tumor while he keeps looking for his father.
He doesn't get Jade's urgent messages because he is a derp and accidentally gave his computer to WV. Whoops. And that is where canon is up to as I post this application!
Personality:
John is like the personification of derp. For starters, he's more of a kid than the rest of his friends, he's silly and a little weird, and he's pretty dorky; he likes terrible movies, he's honest to a fault, geeks out over Nicholas Cage, enjoys pranks and lame jokes and he's the sort of guy that loves nothing more than just hanging out with his friends. More often than not, John is naive, goofy and immature in a good-spirited way. There are things that annoy and frustrate him and he'll sure as hell make his annoyance known, but he rarely gets genuinely angry with anything. He tries to be as accepting as he can, even of things he finds confusing or weird (and sometimes he'll try to just accept them without bothering to try and understand them).
His naivety goes hand-in-hand with his obliviousness, friendliness and his constant attempts to see the good in people to make him the typical shounen hero ball of veritable sunshine. He could give anyone a friendship speech and be 100% serious about it. He hands out money to complete strangers. However, it also means - along with his terrible belief in giving people second chances (or third, or fourth) - that he is painfully easy to manipulate and influence. He's too nice and trusting and gullible. He follows Terezi's instructions despite the fact that she's only trying to royally fuck up the timeline (and she tells him this fact) and then forgives her very easily even when he finds out that if Dave hadn't stopped him from following her plan, he would have died. He actually defends her against Karkat, saying that he's pretty sure she wasn't trying to be mean and she seems to feel pretty bad about it. And he doesn't hold it against Vriska for technically killing him, either.
That's because he already thinks both of them are cool, and considers them his friends. John is very insistent and clings like glue when it comes to friendship; even though Karkat threatens him and insults him with every other word, he decides that they're buddies and refuses to let go of it. His friends are of absolute importance to him; he trusts them completely, cares about them more than anything and loves them a whole lot. He'll accept pretty much anyone as his friend, too, because he tries not to judge anyone for the things they've done, especially when it comes to the trolls and their freaky troll differences. If a friend tells him to do something, there's a 95% chance he'll do it; if one of his best friends tells him to do something, there is a 99.99999% chance he'll do it.
He can be stubborn, courageous and determined to the point of stupidity, and he's not always the brightest to begin with; he spends most of the game following orders from various other people and trying to sort them out when they conflict, and also generally doing retarded things. He has a good heart, which is what makes him a good leader, but he rarely actually gives anyone instructions, and he tends to look to his friends for advice. He is a friend first, and a leader second.
First Person (entry type):
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering DramaDramaDuck [DDD] at ??:?? --
dooooooooes anyone have any advice about cultural sensitivity? because i am seriously trying to be understanding about all this troll stuff and the weird things they do and say, but it's pretty hard! like karkat is always mad at me but i don't think he hates me and troll hate is something different anyway. and vriska is super weird about buckets????????
uh. so, has anyone else had to adjust to totally different cultural stuff? because i could really use some tips. i don't want to come off as insensitive or anything, and i am trying my best, but it's so confusing sometimes!
thanks in advance guys. i am soooooooo lost here.
Third Person:
John has never thought of himself as a leader - not even when he first realises that it is what he is expected to be, and that it is what people (well, trolls, really) see him as. Not even when Rose asks him what their next steps should be and consults him for a plan, or when Jade insists that his role is definitely as the leader and he's going to be a really great one and it's just destiny like that, or when Dave tells him that he should stop letting those douchebag trolls push him around like a chumpass loser and he should let them know that he is the motherfucking leader here and they better shut up and listen because John Egbert is gonna lay down the goddamn law for some alien freaks. Not even, for that matter, when Karkat and the other trolls try to worm in a few jabs at his leadership skills, or just generally use the fact that he is the leader of the humans as further insult fuel.
Because he has never given orders in his life. He doesn't even give advice, much less instructions, and definitely not for anything important. It's usually him who asks everyone else for tips and help, who follows the commands of others. That's why he does as Terezi says when she decides that she wants to fuck with time. That's why he follows Vriska's lead when she offers her guidance to him, despite her secrecy and her own questionable motivations. Dave and Karkat call him a gullible moron and a stupid pushover for it, but that's just the way he is. He is the guy that follows the orders, not the one that gives them. Everyone normally has better ideas than him anyway. (Although he will admit that sometimes he does have some pretty sweet ideas that should be carried out post-haste, and he doesn't mind giving some polite instruction that everyone should get their asses into gear.)
And he is first and foremost a nice guy, and a friend, which is why he forgives Terezi when she seems genuinely sorry for getting him killed in an alternate timeline and allows her to continue giving him instructions, and why he forgives Vriska for killing him and killing Tavros and killing a whole lot of other people, apparently. He's not the kind of guy to lose his friends easily, or at all. They're kind of his world, as lame and corny and rom-com-esque that sounds, and he listens to them. It's part of why he sits there through Karkat's endless fountain of verbal abuse - the other parts being that sometimes it is kind of entertaining and cool to listen to Karkat ramble about his "hatred", and also that it's not like he can pull his rarely-used leadership card on someone who he isn't the supposed leader of. Actually, someone who claims to be the leader of him, because yeah, technically, he did help to create John (and woah, that is so weird to think about, he reflects sometimes).
He can pull it, however, when he's talking to his friends and he's having a lot of fun oh god Karkat is trying to talk to him again and he sounds angry. (Doesn't he always sound angry? That seriously can't be good for him. They should really find a way to cheer him up or something. Like with a movie marathon! Those are the best.) Dave drops his usual reminder that John should just ditch Karkat and ignore him because they're too cool for his weird homo love-hate obsession thing and his stupid guilt trips about how they ruined the trolls' lives when he's probably just jealous that they fucked up their session and they don't get to climb aboard the sweet-ass ride that this game is going to be - and he does pull the leadership card; he even comes up with some lame, pathetic-sounding rambling excuse about how as the leader he has to maintain a good and solid relationship with their allies if they want this crazy thing to work with minimum being incredibly annoying, especially the leader of the other team, and if he doesn't respond than Karkat will just get angrier and more abusive and that will just be bad for everyone in every way.
And besides, he reasons with Dave, he figures he's left him hanging long enough.