Wake up in the morning feeling like...
We had our recollection/retreat just yesterday and today. It's been so long since I WAS THIS GLAD TO BE HOME. My pa's not in Cebu, my brothers are out so no one could pick me up, and I had to queue a long time for a taxi. Ugh!
But nothing bad actually happened during the retreat, it was just mostly boring. Catholicism is not for me, I can attest to that. But since my spiritual life had been a desert for the past few years, the few times I went to mass was like a cactus slashed to pour its water out to the thirsty sand. As if it sufficed.
The retreat place initially reminded me of the mental institution in the Leonardo diCap movie, Shutter Island. It was also a place to house patients, but more homey and long-term compared to a hospital. But after staying a few hours, I thought, "Eh, this is kinda like the dorms in Hana Kimi. Except the show is more fun a hundredfold."
Since this was a recollection, and dissecting the words re and collection, there were activities about thanking each and every person about the things done for the past four years. This was kinda nerve wracking for me in a minor way. But basically it was all just, "thanks for the friendships, memories, etc.."
But the funniest thing, and most unforgettable, was what Joan Original always says about me that I'm "like a turtle". Just chillin' and not in a hurry about anything, minding my own business. And I'm glad to discover I'm like that...
Additionally, there was another BULGARAN session, which is really freakin uncomfortable if you're the subject.
To make the long story short, my classmate for the past FOUR firetruckin years... actually confessed to me in front of a group of people. He asked, "If I pursue you, do I have a chance?"
In front of 8 other people, I answered, "God did not give me a sign that you're the one."
And 2 seconds later I'm like WHAAAT IN THE WORLD AM I TALKING ABOUT!!!! And right now it's funny coz I never really thought seriously who I'll consider as my boyfriend/husband if he's really the one. So that God's sign was a religious spur of the moment extemporaneous thing. What folly.
And later on he privately told me what he said was sincere and blah. I was completely indifferent, knowing him for the past four years. And he's confessed to me months before already. This was just reconfession.
But the next day when I woke up in the morning, it felt... I don't know, different? Like the "that was really awkward and I wish I could unexperience it" kinda feeling. Later on, the awkward feeling turned into repulsion at the fact as to why this is like this.
I am not repulsed by him at all, but the fact he has feelings for me, if it really is true.
And somehow, a part/maybe the whole of me wished that scene never happened. I hope nothing has changed for him. I will do my best to pretend like it was nothing to me, coz in fact, after the retreat, I don't even want to meet him anymore.
It feels terrible and at one point he asked me if I was okay, I answered, "No, I'm depressed. Because of thesis." ...and because of you.
Oh well, maybe I might become an actress if this goes on.
It is disappointing how I cannot maturely handle a simple situation.
Updated Booklist.
I watched this reaaaalllly cool movie, Dorian Gray and instantly fell in love with the story.
But nothing bad actually happened during the retreat, it was just mostly boring. Catholicism is not for me, I can attest to that. But since my spiritual life had been a desert for the past few years, the few times I went to mass was like a cactus slashed to pour its water out to the thirsty sand. As if it sufficed.
The retreat place initially reminded me of the mental institution in the Leonardo diCap movie, Shutter Island. It was also a place to house patients, but more homey and long-term compared to a hospital. But after staying a few hours, I thought, "Eh, this is kinda like the dorms in Hana Kimi. Except the show is more fun a hundredfold."
Since this was a recollection, and dissecting the words re and collection, there were activities about thanking each and every person about the things done for the past four years. This was kinda nerve wracking for me in a minor way. But basically it was all just, "thanks for the friendships, memories, etc.."
But the funniest thing, and most unforgettable, was what Joan Original always says about me that I'm "like a turtle". Just chillin' and not in a hurry about anything, minding my own business. And I'm glad to discover I'm like that...
Additionally, there was another BULGARAN session, which is really freakin uncomfortable if you're the subject.
To make the long story short, my classmate for the past FOUR firetruckin years... actually confessed to me in front of a group of people. He asked, "If I pursue you, do I have a chance?"
In front of 8 other people, I answered, "God did not give me a sign that you're the one."
And 2 seconds later I'm like WHAAAT IN THE WORLD AM I TALKING ABOUT!!!! And right now it's funny coz I never really thought seriously who I'll consider as my boyfriend/husband if he's really the one. So that God's sign was a religious spur of the moment extemporaneous thing. What folly.
And later on he privately told me what he said was sincere and blah. I was completely indifferent, knowing him for the past four years. And he's confessed to me months before already. This was just reconfession.
But the next day when I woke up in the morning, it felt... I don't know, different? Like the "that was really awkward and I wish I could unexperience it" kinda feeling. Later on, the awkward feeling turned into repulsion at the fact as to why this is like this.
I am not repulsed by him at all, but the fact he has feelings for me, if it really is true.
And somehow, a part/maybe the whole of me wished that scene never happened. I hope nothing has changed for him. I will do my best to pretend like it was nothing to me, coz in fact, after the retreat, I don't even want to meet him anymore.
It feels terrible and at one point he asked me if I was okay, I answered, "No, I'm depressed. Because of thesis." ...and because of you.
Oh well, maybe I might become an actress if this goes on.
It is disappointing how I cannot maturely handle a simple situation.
Updated Booklist.
I watched this reaaaalllly cool movie, Dorian Gray and instantly fell in love with the story.