Chapter Five
OMG, this chapter is soooo very looooong. 16 pages in Word. Yeah, I'm dedicated.
Actually, I'm insane. And like to torture people. Or something.
This is a very...hard chapter, because Atsushi is depressed. Big time. And drunk. And, well...a depressed drunk.
Now, some people might feel uncomfortable reading this chapter... It was a little hard to write (mainly b/c of the general subject matter), but I think that it's a perfectly human reaction to events and there is nothing all that shamefully here. (Although you can tell I was in a good mood writing this because humor creeps in...)
That being said, let us carry on...
NONE of this was taken from experience. I just kinda...typed it. So how realistic it is I cannot say, but I doubt he'll remember most of it the next morning, anyway.
Title: ?? Bad Poetry/ Vile Poetry
Summary: Supernatural forces interrupt B-T's tour when Atsushi gets a very strange admirer.
Year: ~1993
Notes: A bit of a tie-in with the manga/anime Yami no Matsuei. I'm using the concept from that story, if not the characters… Look it up on wikipedia if you want the full facts. ^^
Chapter Five:
If anyone is reading this who has any qualms *whatsoever* about "real person fic" should not read this chapter… Atsushi is -not- at his best. At all. It was even a little hard for me to write, but it's necessary.
It didn't take that much convincing for the other two to agree to get a cab and, on the way back to the hotel, to make a detour to a bar. The sun had already set and the street lights had come on, changing the atmosphere completely to that of the night life.
Although it was still early in the evening, the bar they stopped in was already starting to fill up. It was an upscale place where everything was overpriced, but it was better to be photographed in a respectable location than some hole-in-the-wall, if it ever came to that. Besides, there were more likely to be ignored at a place where most of the people saw you as average anyhow. Musicians were just a person to another celebrity. At least that was the theory.
"I'm gonna call Anii and Hide, let them know where we are," U-ta stated as soon as the door swung shut behind them. "Maybe they'll come join us."
Imai mumbled an agreement as he made a beeline for the bar. Atsushi remained patient and followed U-ta at a more sedate pace. He climbed up on a bar stool next to Imai while U-ta asked the bartender if he could use the phone. The man brought out a shining white rotary phone from underneath the counter and placed it on the bar. While U-ta did his thing, the bartender turned towards Imai and Atsushi, eyeing them in the classic subtle trying-to-decide-if-their-buying manner so typical of barmen at this level.
Imai opened his mouth to order, but Atsushi spoke first, ordering a glass of wine. Imai glanced over at him. "A little eager?"
Atsushi didn't even try looking contrite. "Just a little."
Imai just cocked an eyebrow, shrugged, and then ordered his drink. U-ta rejoined the group just as the bartender put the wine glass down in front of Atsushi. "They're coming. Hide met up with some friends today and they're coming to."
"Oh, a party," Imai noted, dryly.
"I guess so, yeah," U-ta replied, unfazed by Imai's mockery.
Atsushi didn't respond. He just swirled the wine around in his glass. He'd chosen a white one…he didn't really want to drink anything red right now.
The night continued on from there. The three of them hung around the bar until everyone else arrived. Not only had Hide brought a few friends, but some of the roadies from the tour had joined in too. That wasn't unusual, even if it meant they spent most of their weeks salary in one night. Atsushi watched them all come in over the rim of his third glass of wine.
The bar was filling up with people now, and it was getting warmer. He swept his hair over one shoulder, allowing one side of his neck to be open to the air. That was one of the many disadvantages to long hair--it always trapped in the heat.
Atsushi was drawn out of his hair-musings long enough to make the proper introductions. There was woman in the group that came in with Hide--a sister to someone, Atsushi didn't really hear-- who blushed very prettily as they were introduced. Atsushi just smiled at her politely before draining his mostly empty glass.
He knew he was depressed now, when not even a pretty woman could capture his attention.
So he ordered whisky for the next round.
Imai disappeared from the stool next to him a short time later, but Atsushi kept his seat, not wanting to lose direct access to the bartender. He talked to a few of the roadies, but didn't remember much of it afterwards. Everything was getting fuzzy around the edges now, the whole atmosphere around him starting to close in like a warm, distorted cocoon. Even the voices were becoming muffled, a distant murmur that didn't concern him at all. So he just titled his head as they prattled one and smiled endearingly.
He moved up to vodka next. He didn't really taste it anymore, but that didn't matter. Nothing really did anymore, and that was a good thing. No more eerie eyes to stare at him, terrifying nannies to run him down or threats of evil vampires to hover over him. There was just the weight of the glass in his hand and the wood of the bar top jammed into his back as he faced out into the chattering crowd around him.
Atsushi wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, or how many glasses of what he'd had. Staying upright on the chair was starting to become a bit difficult though, and he had to hook the heels of his boots firmly over the bottom rung. The room was just a blur of faces and clothes, the voices just like a noisy ocean outside his alcohol-made shell.
Someone was talking near to him. It took Atsushi a moment to find the source--it was the young woman from before and she was talking to him. He just looked at her. She was blushing fiercely as she held out her hand and Atsushi's eyes fell sluggishly from her face to that hand. What did she want?
He might have heard the word "dance". It wasn't a good idea at all, but Atsushi tossed back his last glass of…whatever it was and stood up anyway. It was as if some giant decided to pick the room up at that very instant and toss it over on its side. Atsushi stumbled, almost falling over the woman, who just giggled. Atsushi giggled too, but it wasn't all that funny. He followed her to where it looked like people were dancing…but he wasn't sure. He was so lightheaded he could have sworn his brain had floated away from him, leaving his ungainly body to stumble its way along on its own.
That woman led them straight into the mess of bodies and grabbed Atsushi's hands, trying to get him to move along with her. But now that he was in the hot, disorienting press of blurred moving shapes and the alcohol he'd imbibed so far had been stirred up by moving around…he didn't feel so much like doing anything now…besides throwing up.
It was with a drunk's luck that he was able to fight his way out of the crowd and into the nearby men's room just in time to fly into the nearest stall and collapse over the toilet. It seemed like forever until he could gasp a breath, spitting the last of the vomit into the water below. He managed to lift his head enough to wipe his mouth on the back of his hand. That's when he realized that some of his hair had ended up in the toilet too. He groaned, his forehead falling against the toilet seat with a thud.
Atsushi sat sprawled out on the cold tiles for what felt like a long time, head pounding and his stomach twisting. He panted quietly, trying to keep the nausea at bay, but it wasn't working so well.
He felt like shit. Some miserable shit that had been run over by a train. Repeatedly.
A door opened in the distance, and footsteps sounded on the floor outside. Atsushi tensed. Thankfully the door to the stall had closed behind him automatically, but if anyone looked they could certainly see his legs. Normal people didn't sit on the bathroom floor.
"Acchan? Are you in here?" It was Anii's voice. He sounded concerned to even Atsushi's alcohol-befuddled ears.
Atsushi didn't answer. He didn't want to. Nor did he think he could. He just remained still, clutching the toilet like a lifeline. He was so pathetic.
Of course Toll could figure out where he was. He was polite enough to knock before opening the stall door though. Atsushi had to give him that.
Atsushi couldn't see Toll's face, but he didn't sound at all disgusted as he said, in a gentle voice, "Hey, Acchan, let me give you a hand."
Toll's sleeve brushed the top of Atsushi's head as he reached over him to unroll some of the toilet paper. Then he drew Atsushi's hair from the basin and cleaned it off the best he could. Something about his gentleness made Atsushi start to cry. He could feel the tears on his face, but he couldn't bring his hands up to get rid of them…
All he could do was throw up again.
At least Anii was here to hold back his hair this time.
"How much did you have tonight Acchan?" Toll mused to himself as he absently rubbed Atsushi's back through the last few heaves. Atsushi went to wipe his mouth again, but Toll had toilet paper ready.
"I'm sorry," Atsushi tried to say, but he wasn't sure how clearly the words came out. Anii just hummed in reply before taking Atsushi by the shoulders and forcing him to sit as upright as possible against the stall wall instead of the toilet. He still sagged, unable to hold himself up very well. He just let his gangly legs where they fell, knees bent and partially tucked against his body. He was too tired to pull them up towards him, even if he did want to just curl into a ball and die.
Toll took a moment to flush everything away before squatting down in front of Atsushi. It was a tight fit. "Feeling any better now?"
"No…" Atsushi replied in a small voice.
"Do you feel well enough to go back to the hotel? I don't think you want to spend the night here."
"How…how late is it?"
Apparently his words didn't come out clear enough, because he had to repeat himself at Toll's confused look. "Oh, it's only eleven."
Atsushi blinked up at him. Eleven? They'd gotten here after sundown…so maybe seven…or something…Damn, his brain was swimming. What was he thinking about…?
"I'm kinda surprised at you, Acchan," Toll was saying, a bit of a chuckle in his voice…but it didn't sound right. Or maybe Atsushi was just hearing things--a high probability. He couldn't be hearing worry…this wasn't the first time one of them got drunk off their ass. "You're usually much better at handling your booze. How much did you have?"
Atsushi didn't reply. Instead, he brought his hands up over his face, fingers digging into his scalp. He felt so wretched. He halfway wished that Toll would just leave him there, but that wasn't the case. It took a lot of leverage and upper body strength on Toll's part to get Atsushi on his feet.
"A little help would be appreciated," he said lightly, shifting Atsushi's weight against his shoulder as he pushed the door outwards with his foot. Atsushi grabbed for the doorframe, using it as an aid to stumble along after Toll's lead. They managed an awkward hobbled shuffle over to the sink. There were huge, gleaming bare light bulbs illuminating the whole area and Atsushi moaned, trying to block the light with his hand but failing.
"Let's get you cleaned up a little more, hmm?" Toll said brightly, propping Atsushi up against the countertop. This bathroom had actually towels in it, so Toll grabbed one and wet it. The two of them set about getting Atsushi somewhat presentable--actually, Toll did most of the work. Atsushi just contributed to the cause by focusing on the difficult task of staying upright.
After Atsushi's face and clothing were clean enough, Toll turned on the water in the sink and let it run. "Can you bend over a tad, Acchan? I'm going to rinse out your hair, okay?"
It wasn't the most graceful moment, but Atsushi managed to bow down far enough so that Anii could run his sullied hair under the water. Atsushi had to cling to the edge of the counter when Toll moved away to get a clean towel, but he got back in time to keep Atsushi from tumbling to the floor. He ended up wrapping one arm around Atsushi's back so that he could use two hands to dry Atsushi hair and keep him upright.
"I'd give you some water, but there are no cups in here… Okay, lean your elbows on the counter like this…that's right. Cup your hands--" Atsushi really wanted to make a face at him, but it took all his concentration to drink out of the damn faucet. What he did manage to drink did feel nice against his dry, sore throat. Toll made him spit the first mouthful out, but he was allowed to swallow the rest.
"Okay, we're going to walk out of here and head for the bar. I'll call for the driver to come get you. It might take a little while, so we'll just hang out by the door. Okay?" At Atsushi's tired nod, Toll shifted Atsushi's weight away from the sink and tried to settle him on his feet. It worked a little better than before, so at least this time it didn't look like Atsushi was about to melt onto the floor. "I'd recommend closing your eyes once we get out there… Don't worry, I'll lead you."
Atsushi did just that as they exited his safe, quiet rest room sanctuary. Outside was a wave of noise and light and his stomach roiled. Closing his eyes, he clung to Anii's arm like a lifeline, feeling his nails dig in. Anii didn't say a word. He just calmly led Atsushi across the room, taking a detour around the dance floor. Atsushi tried to just focus on placing his feet down, and that took away some of the noise. He swayed a few times, still feeling dazed and lightheaded, but Toll was there to pull him upright. One of two people tried to talk to them, but Toll somehow weaseled his way out of conversation.
Thankfully, it wasn't too long until Atsushi could sit down. It was a stool at the bar. Anii stood right beside him as he asked the bartender for the phone. If Atsushi leaned a little too much against him, he didn't complain.
Atsushi refused to open his eyes although he was sitting now. The noise was enough to make him queasy--he couldn't imagine what the light would do. It was actually kind of nice though, to just sit there in a dizzying darkness behind his eyelids…the noise began to fade away and it was getting nice and quiet…
"Hey, Acchan. Acchan!" Someone was shaking him. Atsushi mumbled something at them--he wasn't even sure what it was. "C'mon Acchan, stay awake."
"'M 'wake…"
"No, you're not. Just stay up until the car gets here, okay? Just a little bit more, then you can sleep… Oh, hello." Toll pushed Atsushi into a more upright position as he talked to whoever had come up to them.
Atsushi was forced to lean against the bar, and he tried to be cool about it, resting his head on his propped up fist…but he missed and his head almost hit the table, but someone on his other side caught his shoulder in time.
"Hey, Acchan." Was that U-ta? Atsushi risked cracking his eyes open a slit…but regretted it instantly. It hurt his eyes to even look through his lashes.
So he had to ask. He must have said U-ta's name correctly, because the other man said he was right.
"I hear you're going back early tonight," U-ta said, his voice bright like always. He was putting on a good face. You couldn't tell his friend was making a completely embarrassment of himself. Even wasted, Atsushi knew that was happening. "That's a good idea--it's not good to drink too much on tour!"
Shit. Atsushi felt like such a fucking ass in that one moment. U-ta was right and damn it…damn it… He knew he was going to start crying again because he was such a pathetic crybaby…
"Oh damn…I'm sorry Acchan! Shit…I shouldn't have said anything!" U-ta sounded so contrite now…but he just didn't want a weepy Atsushi on his hands… Atsushi was sure of it.
"You're right," he told U-ta around the lump in his throat. Maybe it came out as the proper words…he couldn't tell because U-ta didn't reply. All he did was wrap his arm around Atsushi's shoulders the best he could and squeezed.
"Just get some sleep, Acchan," U-ta mumbled into his shoulder, where his face was pressed. "Feel better."
There was a commotion behind him. Atsushi felt U-ta pull away to turn around, but Atsushi stayed still. He wanted U-ta back…
"Ride's here," Anii said from somewhere. "Let's get you back to your room." Someone grabbed Atsushi by his arm and helped guide him off his stool and to a semi-standing position. Then someone else grabbed his other arm…but it couldn't be U-ta. This person was too tall…
"Watch the door, Anii," the mysterious man said and it took Atsushi a moment to recognize Hide's voice. That made him feel worse. That was right, Hide had invited friends and here he was, helping his drunken ass band mate.
If there hadn't been two steady hands on him, Atsushi would have really liked to have just sunk down to the floor and not moved for the rest of the night. Maybe he could just cry himself dry…
But, before he could even try to get rid of the two men holding him up, they were outside. The cold, fresh air hit him like a wall and he involuntarily opened his eyes. He couldn’t see a damn thing besides blurry street lights and some hulking white shape in front of him. He blinked a few times and he could see that this shape was a car…but it was a fuzzy car… A big white fuzzy car… Maybe it was a big cat instead… Wouldn't that be nice?
Atsushi's knees buckled then and his band mates scrambled to catch him before he fell.
"Whoa!" Hide cried, ending up grabbing Atsushi around his upper chest. All the quick movements and abrupt jostling made Atsushi have to wretch again and he scrambled out of Hide's hold. His knees hit the ground hard, but he managed to vomit into the street instead of on Hide. Atsushi counted that as a good thing. Thankfully, someone grabbed his hair for him this time.
There wasn't much this time besides bile and dry heaves, but his throat was burning and his chest and diaphragm ached. His stomach was a roiling mass of agony too; it felt as if someone was trying to turn his insides to fiery mush.
People were talking above him. He didn't know who… But their voices flowed over him, sometime making sense…other times not.
"…usually such a happy drunk…"
"…different…..be wrong…"
"…hospital?"
"….done this before, remember? A year or so ago?"
"...this looks bad…poisoning?"
Atsushi moved his head at this. What?
"….and watch him."
"…your friends….I'll go…"
"…away from that woman…don't mind…"
Atsushi moaned, falling slack so that his cheek rested against the gritty pavement. Someone scooped him up immediately, saying something about not being seen like that, or…whatever. At least the words made some sense to Atsushi… He didn't want people stepping on him…that wouldn't be good…
Atsushi was forced to move in ways he really didn't want to before he was allowed to sit down again, this time in a seat that had back support. He sighed gratefully, letting the fabric take the task of holding him upright. Someone else got in the car next to him, and multiple doors slammed shut. Atsushi winced.
"Stay awake a bit longer Acchan." It was Hide who spoke. He didn't know that Toll had said he could go to sleep now… Atsushi was about to tell him, but the thought never left his brain. He just wanted to sink into the seat and never be seen again…
There was more conversation, but Atsushi wasn't aware of it. It was just another murmur, just like the engine. It was soothing in its own way. Atsushi really tried to do as Hide asked…but he was suddenly so tired. And he didn't need to see anything, so kept his eyes closed. His eyes couldn't hurt then…
"Acchan!"
Atsushi grunted at Hide in response. He wanted to say 'leave me alone' but that would take too much energy.
"We're here. Time to get up."
Atsushi groaned, bringing a hand up to cover his face. "Leave me here…" he pushed himself to say. Speaking was the only way to make Hide go away…
"No. Come on. Up." Hide grabbed Atsushi around his upper torso and pulled. Atsushi, not ready for the attack, nearly toppled over. "Give me a hand here," Hide said to someone else, and soon the door on the other side opened and someone began to push on his shoulders. It had to be a roadie--only a roadie would do that… So, between the two of them, Atsushi soon found himself on his feet again, swaying like a sapling in a hurricane.
"Do you have your room key?" Hide asked calmly. Atsushi nodded, reaching for it, but he couldn't find his pocket for some reason…it kept moving… "I'll get it Acchan. Hold on."
A shorter person came to stand on Atsushi's other side while Hide fished out the keycard. Atsushi giggled at the feeling of Hide's hand in his pocket. "Ah, over a little, heh…"
"I don't think so, Acchan," Hide replied, sounding amused. He bent down and slung Atsushi's arm over his broad shoulders. The man on the other side did the same and they paraded through the rotating hotel doors that way, Atsushi trying to keep in step with the other two but did not succeed in the slightest. It was goofy…and he wanted to laugh…but there was something bad, so he wasn't supposed to…right? Right…
The trip across the lobby was a blur, and soon the elevator doors were closing shut behind them. Atsushi's stomach heaved as the elevator jolted upwards, but thankfully everyone stayed dry… Atsushi thought he heard Hide make a similar comment but he wasn't sure. He just really wanted to sit down…but they wouldn't let him. He tried, letting all his weight relax all at once and the two men holding him almost toppled over, but they managed to drag him upright in the end. All that move accomplished was for Atsushi's knee to hit the ground rather hard and, damn it, it throbbed.
"Shit," he muttered. No one commented. Hide and the roadie --who was it?-- hoisted Atsushi up on their shoulders and after the elevator slammed to a stop, they ignored Atsushi's beleaguered moaning and dragged him out into the hall.
It wasn't until Hide was working at unlocking the door that Atsushi realized he should be saying something about this. "Hide, go back."
"Huh?" Hide turned to look down at him. "Go back where, Acchan?"
Atsushi stared up at him. He didn't know? "The bar."
"Oh, don't worry, I will," Hide reassured him, going back to the door. He pushed it open with his back as the roadie helped to manhandle Atsushi into the room. "After I get you in here. Don't worry."
"I'm sorry." He meant it. At least he thought he did…
"Thank you, but you don't have to be. Okay, Ariwara-san, let's get him into the bathroom…"
Oh, so it was Ariwara. Atsushi remembered him… He was the man in charge of his microphone. He wore glasses and often suggested funny things to say on sound checks. Atsushi didn't know he was at the party… or maybe he hadn't been? Maybe he'd been waiting for Atsushi to come back? But why… Maybe he missed him? No, that couldn’t be right…
All befuddled musings were cut off by a sheet of freezing water. Atsushi sputtered, hands coming up to wipe at his face…only to realize that the water was still coming. And that he was sitting down in a little tiled area… the shower? What the hell? Atsushi tried to get up, to get away, but Hide stopped him with two hands on his shoulders. "It's okay, Acchan. Let's just get you cleaned up and into bed, huh?"
"But I'm still dressed…" And he was too. All of his clothing was drenched and sticking to him uncomfortably. It was really cold, too.
The water cut off and Hide chuckled, sounding a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, I know. Sorry. I just wanted you a bit more sobered up first. Ariwara-san's getting your room ready for you, so it's just the two of us doing this now."
"Oh." That's all he could think to say. Hide didn't seem to care about his lack of words too much. He probably didn't expect much conversation from Atsushi anyway. Because Atsushi was so pathetic and drunk… Shit.
"Shirt off. Yeah--no, hold on, your bracelet got stuck. Jeez, this material sure is clingy. Did it shrink in the water?" Hide kept up a running commentary as he helped Atsushi strip out of his clothing. "Let me get the bracelet off first--okay, now that sleeve'll come off…"
Sooner than he thought he would Atsushi found himself sitting naked on the bottom of the shower with Hide lathering shampoo through his hair. "If we don't do this now it'll be a disaster tomorrow," he said as he worked. Atsushi only grunted a reply--he was fucking freezing. It did feel nice to have Hide massaging his scalp though…but that was short-lived.
At least the water was hot this time. Hide closed the door to the stall so that the mess would be minimal, and Atsushi was left sitting in the hot water, letting it and the shampoo suds slide off his shoulders. It was actually strangely relaxing. He blinked the water out of his eyes and focused on watching the white streams of soap spiral towards the drain. He was content to watch that hypnotic flow, to dream that it could be him just drifting with the water, disappearing into the dark…
And then he got soap in his eye.
"Ah!"
"What?" Hide called out immediately.
Atsushi scrubbed at his eye furiously, but that didn't help. So he tilted his head back and…ow, that water hurt against his face. He kept at it though, until he was forced to take a breath.
"What happened, Acchan?"
Atsushi didn't really want to tell him. What sort of idiot couldn't even rinse shampoo from his hair? Atsushi, that's who.
Atsushi blinked the water from his eyes…the soap seemed to be gone…and he looked up at the door. He could see a hulking shadow just beyond the frosted glass. His heart skipped a beat, before beginning to pump furiously. Oh damn. Damn damn damn…
But then he remembered earlier. It was best not to be paranoid. It just made him look like a jackass. So, clearing this throat, he asked, softly. "Hide?"
The shadow moved. "Yeah, what is it?"
Atsushi slumped forward, relieved. "Oh, good."
There was a silence. "Are you almost done, Acchan?"
"Huh? Ah…I dunno…" What was he supposed to be doing besides rinsing his hair? Well, he hadn't done that very well, anyway, Atsushi realized. So he took the moment to run his fingers through his hair and scrub at his scalp, making sure everything was squeaky-clean. Then he rubbed at his cheeks a bit, knowing there had to be tear tracks on there somewhere…
"Okay, you have to be done by now. I'm just gonna reach in and turn off the water, okay? No need to stand up yet."
Hide did just that. Atsushi wasn't left freezing this time, though. There was enough steam in the little tiled cubicle to keep him warm until Hide appeared with one of the large hotel towels. Ariwara was right behind him, holding another towel and a small pile of clothing.
"Let's wrap your hair and then dry you off," Hide suggested, giving Atsushi the towel. Atsushi managed to get his hair properly wrapped and he was quite proud of himself.
Now, standing up and drying off was a bit more difficult. Atsushi's legs felt like lead when he tried to move. They must have given up on working through this problem. If he hadn't felt so tired Atsushi was of the mind to yell at them. Stupid things…
It was tricky work, but the three of them finally got Atsushi dried and dressed in proper night clothes of T-shirt and boxers. Hide pulled a robe out from somewhere, wrapping it tight around Atsushi's shoulders despite the warm humidity of the bathroom. "You'll want it," he said with a quirked smile.
Atsushi felt stable enough by now to walk out into the other room with just Hide helping him. The bed wasn't that far away anyway.
As soon as he stepped foot into the main part of the room though, Atsushi immediately recognized that it had been set up for him to sleep on tour. It was even more humid in here than it had been in the bathroom, thanks for the humidifier that Ariwara must have turned on. Atsushi had slept without it last night, hadn't he? Stupid, stupid… and, damn it, he didn't want to think about last night.
So he didn't. He just collapsed onto the bed, where the blankets had already been turned down. Atsushi was content to lay sprawled out like that, but, once again, Hide had other ideas.
"Sit up, Acchan. Drink this--it's only water. That should help a bit with your hangover."
"I don't have a hangover," Atsushi protested.
"Not yet you don't."
Atsushi pouted a little, but did as Hide suggested. The water felt good against his raw throat, so it wasn't such a bad idea after all… He was a bit surprised when Hide pushed another glass on him after he was finished, though. "I already did this!"
Hide's lips twitched as he was trying not to smile. "One more, please."
Atsushi grumbled at Hide and his damn persuasiveness under his breath. But once that glass of water was done, Atsushi refused to give it back to Hide. "You'll just give me another one."
"No I won't. We're all done with the water."
Atsushi sighed, handing the glass back. Something niggled at the back of his brain then…something Hide was supposed to be doing… "Wait, you said you were going back to the bar! Why are you still here?"
"You remember that?" Hide asked, incredulously.
Atsushi was kind of surprised about that too, but he wasn't going to bring it up. "Go back, Hide. I'm in bed now. You can go."
"I'll go as soon as your hair is done, how's that?"
"But--"
"I will go back, Acchan, don't worry."
"I don't want to be a burden…" Atsushi whispered very quietly as Hide unwrapped his hair towel. Either Hide didn't hear, or he just didn't want to respond.
"Okay, Ariwara-san, let's do this!" Maybe Hide's voice was a little too cheery, but Atsushi was in too much of a funk to care.
He was so useless and needy and, damn it, he wanted another drink… The comforting haze wasn't there anymore… It was just his pathetic self with a growing headache and blurred vision…
Hide held Atsushi upright while Ariwara fought with his wet hair, starting at the ends and working though the knots clumsily. Atsushi didn't notice the pulling. He stared blankly at Hide's chest in front of him as the other man maintained a tight grip on his upper arms. It was a really nice shirt Hide was wearing…a very pretty green color… But there was a large wet spot across the front that was drying, making the material wrinkle. Atsushi wanted to rub at that spot, smooth it out, but Hide didn't let go of his arms.
"I'm sorry, Hide," Atsushi said again. He blinked and something wet spilled down his face. So it wasn't just drink that made his eyes blurry…
"I told you that you don't need to apologize, Atsushi," Hide told him, firmly. "I don't mind helping you out. Besides, I needed to get out of there anyway."
"Why?"
Hide grimaced comically. "My friend brought his little sister and her friends too, and he was trying to hook me up with one of them. It was annoying. Besides, not too long before…euh, we had to come here, his sister came up and started whining about how her dance partner had run away. She was still there when I left, but hopefully she'll have moved on by the time I go back."
Atsushi wasn't sure if he blushed, but he was feeling warm and lightheaded again. "Eh…I think I might have been that dance partner…"
"Really?" Hide actually laughed. "No wonder she was so upset. She'd been eyeing you all night long."
"I guess it's a good thing I wasn't sick on her then. She would have been traumatized."
"Maybe you should have been."
"Hide!" Atsushi was forced to laugh. Damn it. Now his head hurt even more…
"I'm sorry, but I can't help what I see, and I saw that she was annoying."
That sentence didn't make much sense to Atsushi, but that didn't matter. He felt a little bit better, just talking to Hide like this, like he wasn't a useless drunk. He blinked a few times, trying to clear the teardrops from his wet lashes.
"Here," Hide offered the corner of the towel to him, and Atsushi took it with a shaky hand.
"Thank you…"
"How's it going back there?" Hide asked while Atsushi worked on his face.
"Almost done," Ariwara replied, speaking for the first time that night. He had a distinct nasally voice that made all the jokes he suggested sound even funnier than if it had come from someone else. He always knew how to use it well, so Atsushi couldn't help but giggle as he continued, saying, "And this is why I didn't sign on to be a stylist. Faaar too many places to break a nail!"
Even Hide had to snort. Short, nerdy Ariwara was the last person concerned about breaking a nail.
"Now you can go to sleep," Hide told Atsushi, finally letting go of his arms. Atsushi swayed a little, but remained upright on his own.
"So you're going now?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going. Why are you so obsessed with me leaving?"
Atsushi stared up at Hide, frowning. "Because I'm wasting your time."
"No, you're not." Hide reached behind Atsushi and piled up his pillows before physically pushing Atsushi to lay down against them. Hide held Atsushi down by his shoulders as he said his piece. "You're not wasting my time, you're not a waste of time, and you certainly have no need to feel that way. Got it?"
Atsushi nodded; it was a numb, automatic motion of his head.
Hide didn't look convinced, but he let it slide. "All right then. I'm off. There's the waste basket if you need it, but you seem to be doing okay now. So…good night," he finished, sounding somewhat awkward and hesitant.
"Good night," Atsushi mumbled, turning his back on Hide and yanking the blankets up over his head. He already felt lonely and Hide hadn't even left yet. But Hide didn't need to stay here--what company would Atsushi be? He couldn't monopolize his friend's time just because he was needy.
Hide reached down and clasped Atsushi's shoulder through the blankets before clearing his throat and moving away. Atsushi heard him talking to Ariwara, something about checking up on him during the night, but Atsushi didn't really care. He just stared at the opposite wall, where the window hid behind the dark curtains. He continued to stare until everything became blurred and distant. His whole body seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, sinking into the somewhat stiff hotel bed. He shifted a little, pulling the blankets closer, and then finally --finally-- he was allowed to close his eyes and fall asleep.
He didn't hear Hide leave.
*
It wasn't the best party ever, but it was distracting enough that Imai didn't even notice U-ta until he poked Imai in the ribs.
"What?" he grunted, giving U-ta a Look.
"Nothing. Just wanted to let you know that Acchan is gone."
"What do you mean gone?" Imai frowned. He leaned forward slightly to see beyond U-ta's big head. The stool that Atsushi had been on nearly all night was empty. "'Bout time he moved around."
"No, he's gone. As in left the building. No longer on the premise."
"So he went back early? Good for him. Seems he's keeping to that silly idea not to get drunk on tour." Imai shrugged, appearing nonchalant. But something wasn't sitting right…
"Oh, he went back early," U-ta said, pitching his voice low. "Completely wasted. Anii found him throwing up in the bathroom."
"Really?" U-ta had Imai's full attention now. He even put down his drink. "So, what, Anii took him back to his room?"
"Well, Hide did. They left a few minutes ago."
Imai frowned, looking down at his beer. Why hadn't he even noticed? "What time is it?" he asked, suddenly.
U-ta didn't look too surprised though. "Almost eleven thirty, why?"
Imai's eyebrows rose up to his hairline. "That's it? What the hell was he drinking?"
U-ta fiddled with an empty coaster on the tabletop. "I asked the bartender. He said Acchan's last drink was a straight vodka shot."
Imai winced without meaning to. "Already?"
U-ta nodded solemnly. "He hasn't drank like this since…well, you know."
Imai did know. Just a year or so ago, when Atsushi was so damn depressed over everything… Imai stood up suddenly. "Somebody had better go watch him."
U-ta grabbed his arm. "Don't worry, Imai, he's well taken care of." Imai looked down and saw that the little midget was grinning. Why was he grinning?
"Well, don't come whining to me if he ends up choking on his vomit in his sleep," Imai grumbled.
U-ta's grin faded. "Imai, don't say such things."
Imai sat down, folding his arms and clamping his mouth shut. He didn't like saying those things… but they just came out of his mouth anyway.
He felt so uneasy knowing that Atsushi was all the way back at the hotel in such a condition, and Imai…wasn't there. He starting picking at the coaster his glass sat on, pulling the cork out little piece by little piece.
"Imai…" U-ta began, but stopped after a moment's reflection. The other man just sighed instead, resting his elbows on the table.
They remained there together at the little table near the corner until the door opened and Hide appeared. Imai shifted in his seat for what seemed the first time in forever, while U-ta physically perked up like a plant finally getting sunlight. Hide disappearing into the crowd, only to reappearing at Anii's side across the room. The two talked for a moment, before Anii pointed to where Imai and U-ta sat, at attention like well-trained dogs.
Hide crossed the room towards them, speaking before either one of them could say a word. "He's fine. Sleeping. I asked Ariwara to check in on him from time to time. So you don't have to jump me for information, Imai."
"Hn." Imai lowered himself back down onto the chair, having pushed himself up halfway.
The three of them just looked at each other for a long moment, not really knowing what to say. It wasn't a tense silence…it was just a confused one. What happened now?
"Buy you another round?" Hide asked.
"Sure," U-ta replied.
Imai just stared at his glass.
Something wasn't right in all this. Imai didn't know what…but it was something. Sure, Atsushi liked to drink--no big shocker there-- but this binge didn't sit right with Imai. He was going to have to find out what the issue was….most likely after the show tomorrow night. Upsetting Atsushi before going on stage wasn't the brightest idea.
But he would figure it out. Even if he had to pester Atsushi relentlessly.
Now all Imai had to do was remember his vow tomorrow morning.
Actually, I'm insane. And like to torture people. Or something.
This is a very...hard chapter, because Atsushi is depressed. Big time. And drunk. And, well...a depressed drunk.
Now, some people might feel uncomfortable reading this chapter... It was a little hard to write (mainly b/c of the general subject matter), but I think that it's a perfectly human reaction to events and there is nothing all that shamefully here. (Although you can tell I was in a good mood writing this because humor creeps in...)
That being said, let us carry on...
NONE of this was taken from experience. I just kinda...typed it. So how realistic it is I cannot say, but I doubt he'll remember most of it the next morning, anyway.
Title: ?? Bad Poetry/ Vile Poetry
Summary: Supernatural forces interrupt B-T's tour when Atsushi gets a very strange admirer.
Year: ~1993
Notes: A bit of a tie-in with the manga/anime Yami no Matsuei. I'm using the concept from that story, if not the characters… Look it up on wikipedia if you want the full facts. ^^
Chapter Five:
If anyone is reading this who has any qualms *whatsoever* about "real person fic" should not read this chapter… Atsushi is -not- at his best. At all. It was even a little hard for me to write, but it's necessary.
It didn't take that much convincing for the other two to agree to get a cab and, on the way back to the hotel, to make a detour to a bar. The sun had already set and the street lights had come on, changing the atmosphere completely to that of the night life.
Although it was still early in the evening, the bar they stopped in was already starting to fill up. It was an upscale place where everything was overpriced, but it was better to be photographed in a respectable location than some hole-in-the-wall, if it ever came to that. Besides, there were more likely to be ignored at a place where most of the people saw you as average anyhow. Musicians were just a person to another celebrity. At least that was the theory.
"I'm gonna call Anii and Hide, let them know where we are," U-ta stated as soon as the door swung shut behind them. "Maybe they'll come join us."
Imai mumbled an agreement as he made a beeline for the bar. Atsushi remained patient and followed U-ta at a more sedate pace. He climbed up on a bar stool next to Imai while U-ta asked the bartender if he could use the phone. The man brought out a shining white rotary phone from underneath the counter and placed it on the bar. While U-ta did his thing, the bartender turned towards Imai and Atsushi, eyeing them in the classic subtle trying-to-decide-if-their-buying manner so typical of barmen at this level.
Imai opened his mouth to order, but Atsushi spoke first, ordering a glass of wine. Imai glanced over at him. "A little eager?"
Atsushi didn't even try looking contrite. "Just a little."
Imai just cocked an eyebrow, shrugged, and then ordered his drink. U-ta rejoined the group just as the bartender put the wine glass down in front of Atsushi. "They're coming. Hide met up with some friends today and they're coming to."
"Oh, a party," Imai noted, dryly.
"I guess so, yeah," U-ta replied, unfazed by Imai's mockery.
Atsushi didn't respond. He just swirled the wine around in his glass. He'd chosen a white one…he didn't really want to drink anything red right now.
The night continued on from there. The three of them hung around the bar until everyone else arrived. Not only had Hide brought a few friends, but some of the roadies from the tour had joined in too. That wasn't unusual, even if it meant they spent most of their weeks salary in one night. Atsushi watched them all come in over the rim of his third glass of wine.
The bar was filling up with people now, and it was getting warmer. He swept his hair over one shoulder, allowing one side of his neck to be open to the air. That was one of the many disadvantages to long hair--it always trapped in the heat.
Atsushi was drawn out of his hair-musings long enough to make the proper introductions. There was woman in the group that came in with Hide--a sister to someone, Atsushi didn't really hear-- who blushed very prettily as they were introduced. Atsushi just smiled at her politely before draining his mostly empty glass.
He knew he was depressed now, when not even a pretty woman could capture his attention.
So he ordered whisky for the next round.
Imai disappeared from the stool next to him a short time later, but Atsushi kept his seat, not wanting to lose direct access to the bartender. He talked to a few of the roadies, but didn't remember much of it afterwards. Everything was getting fuzzy around the edges now, the whole atmosphere around him starting to close in like a warm, distorted cocoon. Even the voices were becoming muffled, a distant murmur that didn't concern him at all. So he just titled his head as they prattled one and smiled endearingly.
He moved up to vodka next. He didn't really taste it anymore, but that didn't matter. Nothing really did anymore, and that was a good thing. No more eerie eyes to stare at him, terrifying nannies to run him down or threats of evil vampires to hover over him. There was just the weight of the glass in his hand and the wood of the bar top jammed into his back as he faced out into the chattering crowd around him.
Atsushi wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, or how many glasses of what he'd had. Staying upright on the chair was starting to become a bit difficult though, and he had to hook the heels of his boots firmly over the bottom rung. The room was just a blur of faces and clothes, the voices just like a noisy ocean outside his alcohol-made shell.
Someone was talking near to him. It took Atsushi a moment to find the source--it was the young woman from before and she was talking to him. He just looked at her. She was blushing fiercely as she held out her hand and Atsushi's eyes fell sluggishly from her face to that hand. What did she want?
He might have heard the word "dance". It wasn't a good idea at all, but Atsushi tossed back his last glass of…whatever it was and stood up anyway. It was as if some giant decided to pick the room up at that very instant and toss it over on its side. Atsushi stumbled, almost falling over the woman, who just giggled. Atsushi giggled too, but it wasn't all that funny. He followed her to where it looked like people were dancing…but he wasn't sure. He was so lightheaded he could have sworn his brain had floated away from him, leaving his ungainly body to stumble its way along on its own.
That woman led them straight into the mess of bodies and grabbed Atsushi's hands, trying to get him to move along with her. But now that he was in the hot, disorienting press of blurred moving shapes and the alcohol he'd imbibed so far had been stirred up by moving around…he didn't feel so much like doing anything now…besides throwing up.
It was with a drunk's luck that he was able to fight his way out of the crowd and into the nearby men's room just in time to fly into the nearest stall and collapse over the toilet. It seemed like forever until he could gasp a breath, spitting the last of the vomit into the water below. He managed to lift his head enough to wipe his mouth on the back of his hand. That's when he realized that some of his hair had ended up in the toilet too. He groaned, his forehead falling against the toilet seat with a thud.
Atsushi sat sprawled out on the cold tiles for what felt like a long time, head pounding and his stomach twisting. He panted quietly, trying to keep the nausea at bay, but it wasn't working so well.
He felt like shit. Some miserable shit that had been run over by a train. Repeatedly.
A door opened in the distance, and footsteps sounded on the floor outside. Atsushi tensed. Thankfully the door to the stall had closed behind him automatically, but if anyone looked they could certainly see his legs. Normal people didn't sit on the bathroom floor.
"Acchan? Are you in here?" It was Anii's voice. He sounded concerned to even Atsushi's alcohol-befuddled ears.
Atsushi didn't answer. He didn't want to. Nor did he think he could. He just remained still, clutching the toilet like a lifeline. He was so pathetic.
Of course Toll could figure out where he was. He was polite enough to knock before opening the stall door though. Atsushi had to give him that.
Atsushi couldn't see Toll's face, but he didn't sound at all disgusted as he said, in a gentle voice, "Hey, Acchan, let me give you a hand."
Toll's sleeve brushed the top of Atsushi's head as he reached over him to unroll some of the toilet paper. Then he drew Atsushi's hair from the basin and cleaned it off the best he could. Something about his gentleness made Atsushi start to cry. He could feel the tears on his face, but he couldn't bring his hands up to get rid of them…
All he could do was throw up again.
At least Anii was here to hold back his hair this time.
"How much did you have tonight Acchan?" Toll mused to himself as he absently rubbed Atsushi's back through the last few heaves. Atsushi went to wipe his mouth again, but Toll had toilet paper ready.
"I'm sorry," Atsushi tried to say, but he wasn't sure how clearly the words came out. Anii just hummed in reply before taking Atsushi by the shoulders and forcing him to sit as upright as possible against the stall wall instead of the toilet. He still sagged, unable to hold himself up very well. He just let his gangly legs where they fell, knees bent and partially tucked against his body. He was too tired to pull them up towards him, even if he did want to just curl into a ball and die.
Toll took a moment to flush everything away before squatting down in front of Atsushi. It was a tight fit. "Feeling any better now?"
"No…" Atsushi replied in a small voice.
"Do you feel well enough to go back to the hotel? I don't think you want to spend the night here."
"How…how late is it?"
Apparently his words didn't come out clear enough, because he had to repeat himself at Toll's confused look. "Oh, it's only eleven."
Atsushi blinked up at him. Eleven? They'd gotten here after sundown…so maybe seven…or something…Damn, his brain was swimming. What was he thinking about…?
"I'm kinda surprised at you, Acchan," Toll was saying, a bit of a chuckle in his voice…but it didn't sound right. Or maybe Atsushi was just hearing things--a high probability. He couldn't be hearing worry…this wasn't the first time one of them got drunk off their ass. "You're usually much better at handling your booze. How much did you have?"
Atsushi didn't reply. Instead, he brought his hands up over his face, fingers digging into his scalp. He felt so wretched. He halfway wished that Toll would just leave him there, but that wasn't the case. It took a lot of leverage and upper body strength on Toll's part to get Atsushi on his feet.
"A little help would be appreciated," he said lightly, shifting Atsushi's weight against his shoulder as he pushed the door outwards with his foot. Atsushi grabbed for the doorframe, using it as an aid to stumble along after Toll's lead. They managed an awkward hobbled shuffle over to the sink. There were huge, gleaming bare light bulbs illuminating the whole area and Atsushi moaned, trying to block the light with his hand but failing.
"Let's get you cleaned up a little more, hmm?" Toll said brightly, propping Atsushi up against the countertop. This bathroom had actually towels in it, so Toll grabbed one and wet it. The two of them set about getting Atsushi somewhat presentable--actually, Toll did most of the work. Atsushi just contributed to the cause by focusing on the difficult task of staying upright.
After Atsushi's face and clothing were clean enough, Toll turned on the water in the sink and let it run. "Can you bend over a tad, Acchan? I'm going to rinse out your hair, okay?"
It wasn't the most graceful moment, but Atsushi managed to bow down far enough so that Anii could run his sullied hair under the water. Atsushi had to cling to the edge of the counter when Toll moved away to get a clean towel, but he got back in time to keep Atsushi from tumbling to the floor. He ended up wrapping one arm around Atsushi's back so that he could use two hands to dry Atsushi hair and keep him upright.
"I'd give you some water, but there are no cups in here… Okay, lean your elbows on the counter like this…that's right. Cup your hands--" Atsushi really wanted to make a face at him, but it took all his concentration to drink out of the damn faucet. What he did manage to drink did feel nice against his dry, sore throat. Toll made him spit the first mouthful out, but he was allowed to swallow the rest.
"Okay, we're going to walk out of here and head for the bar. I'll call for the driver to come get you. It might take a little while, so we'll just hang out by the door. Okay?" At Atsushi's tired nod, Toll shifted Atsushi's weight away from the sink and tried to settle him on his feet. It worked a little better than before, so at least this time it didn't look like Atsushi was about to melt onto the floor. "I'd recommend closing your eyes once we get out there… Don't worry, I'll lead you."
Atsushi did just that as they exited his safe, quiet rest room sanctuary. Outside was a wave of noise and light and his stomach roiled. Closing his eyes, he clung to Anii's arm like a lifeline, feeling his nails dig in. Anii didn't say a word. He just calmly led Atsushi across the room, taking a detour around the dance floor. Atsushi tried to just focus on placing his feet down, and that took away some of the noise. He swayed a few times, still feeling dazed and lightheaded, but Toll was there to pull him upright. One of two people tried to talk to them, but Toll somehow weaseled his way out of conversation.
Thankfully, it wasn't too long until Atsushi could sit down. It was a stool at the bar. Anii stood right beside him as he asked the bartender for the phone. If Atsushi leaned a little too much against him, he didn't complain.
Atsushi refused to open his eyes although he was sitting now. The noise was enough to make him queasy--he couldn't imagine what the light would do. It was actually kind of nice though, to just sit there in a dizzying darkness behind his eyelids…the noise began to fade away and it was getting nice and quiet…
"Hey, Acchan. Acchan!" Someone was shaking him. Atsushi mumbled something at them--he wasn't even sure what it was. "C'mon Acchan, stay awake."
"'M 'wake…"
"No, you're not. Just stay up until the car gets here, okay? Just a little bit more, then you can sleep… Oh, hello." Toll pushed Atsushi into a more upright position as he talked to whoever had come up to them.
Atsushi was forced to lean against the bar, and he tried to be cool about it, resting his head on his propped up fist…but he missed and his head almost hit the table, but someone on his other side caught his shoulder in time.
"Hey, Acchan." Was that U-ta? Atsushi risked cracking his eyes open a slit…but regretted it instantly. It hurt his eyes to even look through his lashes.
So he had to ask. He must have said U-ta's name correctly, because the other man said he was right.
"I hear you're going back early tonight," U-ta said, his voice bright like always. He was putting on a good face. You couldn't tell his friend was making a completely embarrassment of himself. Even wasted, Atsushi knew that was happening. "That's a good idea--it's not good to drink too much on tour!"
Shit. Atsushi felt like such a fucking ass in that one moment. U-ta was right and damn it…damn it… He knew he was going to start crying again because he was such a pathetic crybaby…
"Oh damn…I'm sorry Acchan! Shit…I shouldn't have said anything!" U-ta sounded so contrite now…but he just didn't want a weepy Atsushi on his hands… Atsushi was sure of it.
"You're right," he told U-ta around the lump in his throat. Maybe it came out as the proper words…he couldn't tell because U-ta didn't reply. All he did was wrap his arm around Atsushi's shoulders the best he could and squeezed.
"Just get some sleep, Acchan," U-ta mumbled into his shoulder, where his face was pressed. "Feel better."
There was a commotion behind him. Atsushi felt U-ta pull away to turn around, but Atsushi stayed still. He wanted U-ta back…
"Ride's here," Anii said from somewhere. "Let's get you back to your room." Someone grabbed Atsushi by his arm and helped guide him off his stool and to a semi-standing position. Then someone else grabbed his other arm…but it couldn't be U-ta. This person was too tall…
"Watch the door, Anii," the mysterious man said and it took Atsushi a moment to recognize Hide's voice. That made him feel worse. That was right, Hide had invited friends and here he was, helping his drunken ass band mate.
If there hadn't been two steady hands on him, Atsushi would have really liked to have just sunk down to the floor and not moved for the rest of the night. Maybe he could just cry himself dry…
But, before he could even try to get rid of the two men holding him up, they were outside. The cold, fresh air hit him like a wall and he involuntarily opened his eyes. He couldn’t see a damn thing besides blurry street lights and some hulking white shape in front of him. He blinked a few times and he could see that this shape was a car…but it was a fuzzy car… A big white fuzzy car… Maybe it was a big cat instead… Wouldn't that be nice?
Atsushi's knees buckled then and his band mates scrambled to catch him before he fell.
"Whoa!" Hide cried, ending up grabbing Atsushi around his upper chest. All the quick movements and abrupt jostling made Atsushi have to wretch again and he scrambled out of Hide's hold. His knees hit the ground hard, but he managed to vomit into the street instead of on Hide. Atsushi counted that as a good thing. Thankfully, someone grabbed his hair for him this time.
There wasn't much this time besides bile and dry heaves, but his throat was burning and his chest and diaphragm ached. His stomach was a roiling mass of agony too; it felt as if someone was trying to turn his insides to fiery mush.
People were talking above him. He didn't know who… But their voices flowed over him, sometime making sense…other times not.
"…usually such a happy drunk…"
"…different…..be wrong…"
"…hospital?"
"….done this before, remember? A year or so ago?"
"...this looks bad…poisoning?"
Atsushi moved his head at this. What?
"….and watch him."
"…your friends….I'll go…"
"…away from that woman…don't mind…"
Atsushi moaned, falling slack so that his cheek rested against the gritty pavement. Someone scooped him up immediately, saying something about not being seen like that, or…whatever. At least the words made some sense to Atsushi… He didn't want people stepping on him…that wouldn't be good…
Atsushi was forced to move in ways he really didn't want to before he was allowed to sit down again, this time in a seat that had back support. He sighed gratefully, letting the fabric take the task of holding him upright. Someone else got in the car next to him, and multiple doors slammed shut. Atsushi winced.
"Stay awake a bit longer Acchan." It was Hide who spoke. He didn't know that Toll had said he could go to sleep now… Atsushi was about to tell him, but the thought never left his brain. He just wanted to sink into the seat and never be seen again…
There was more conversation, but Atsushi wasn't aware of it. It was just another murmur, just like the engine. It was soothing in its own way. Atsushi really tried to do as Hide asked…but he was suddenly so tired. And he didn't need to see anything, so kept his eyes closed. His eyes couldn't hurt then…
"Acchan!"
Atsushi grunted at Hide in response. He wanted to say 'leave me alone' but that would take too much energy.
"We're here. Time to get up."
Atsushi groaned, bringing a hand up to cover his face. "Leave me here…" he pushed himself to say. Speaking was the only way to make Hide go away…
"No. Come on. Up." Hide grabbed Atsushi around his upper torso and pulled. Atsushi, not ready for the attack, nearly toppled over. "Give me a hand here," Hide said to someone else, and soon the door on the other side opened and someone began to push on his shoulders. It had to be a roadie--only a roadie would do that… So, between the two of them, Atsushi soon found himself on his feet again, swaying like a sapling in a hurricane.
"Do you have your room key?" Hide asked calmly. Atsushi nodded, reaching for it, but he couldn't find his pocket for some reason…it kept moving… "I'll get it Acchan. Hold on."
A shorter person came to stand on Atsushi's other side while Hide fished out the keycard. Atsushi giggled at the feeling of Hide's hand in his pocket. "Ah, over a little, heh…"
"I don't think so, Acchan," Hide replied, sounding amused. He bent down and slung Atsushi's arm over his broad shoulders. The man on the other side did the same and they paraded through the rotating hotel doors that way, Atsushi trying to keep in step with the other two but did not succeed in the slightest. It was goofy…and he wanted to laugh…but there was something bad, so he wasn't supposed to…right? Right…
The trip across the lobby was a blur, and soon the elevator doors were closing shut behind them. Atsushi's stomach heaved as the elevator jolted upwards, but thankfully everyone stayed dry… Atsushi thought he heard Hide make a similar comment but he wasn't sure. He just really wanted to sit down…but they wouldn't let him. He tried, letting all his weight relax all at once and the two men holding him almost toppled over, but they managed to drag him upright in the end. All that move accomplished was for Atsushi's knee to hit the ground rather hard and, damn it, it throbbed.
"Shit," he muttered. No one commented. Hide and the roadie --who was it?-- hoisted Atsushi up on their shoulders and after the elevator slammed to a stop, they ignored Atsushi's beleaguered moaning and dragged him out into the hall.
It wasn't until Hide was working at unlocking the door that Atsushi realized he should be saying something about this. "Hide, go back."
"Huh?" Hide turned to look down at him. "Go back where, Acchan?"
Atsushi stared up at him. He didn't know? "The bar."
"Oh, don't worry, I will," Hide reassured him, going back to the door. He pushed it open with his back as the roadie helped to manhandle Atsushi into the room. "After I get you in here. Don't worry."
"I'm sorry." He meant it. At least he thought he did…
"Thank you, but you don't have to be. Okay, Ariwara-san, let's get him into the bathroom…"
Oh, so it was Ariwara. Atsushi remembered him… He was the man in charge of his microphone. He wore glasses and often suggested funny things to say on sound checks. Atsushi didn't know he was at the party… or maybe he hadn't been? Maybe he'd been waiting for Atsushi to come back? But why… Maybe he missed him? No, that couldn’t be right…
All befuddled musings were cut off by a sheet of freezing water. Atsushi sputtered, hands coming up to wipe at his face…only to realize that the water was still coming. And that he was sitting down in a little tiled area… the shower? What the hell? Atsushi tried to get up, to get away, but Hide stopped him with two hands on his shoulders. "It's okay, Acchan. Let's just get you cleaned up and into bed, huh?"
"But I'm still dressed…" And he was too. All of his clothing was drenched and sticking to him uncomfortably. It was really cold, too.
The water cut off and Hide chuckled, sounding a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, I know. Sorry. I just wanted you a bit more sobered up first. Ariwara-san's getting your room ready for you, so it's just the two of us doing this now."
"Oh." That's all he could think to say. Hide didn't seem to care about his lack of words too much. He probably didn't expect much conversation from Atsushi anyway. Because Atsushi was so pathetic and drunk… Shit.
"Shirt off. Yeah--no, hold on, your bracelet got stuck. Jeez, this material sure is clingy. Did it shrink in the water?" Hide kept up a running commentary as he helped Atsushi strip out of his clothing. "Let me get the bracelet off first--okay, now that sleeve'll come off…"
Sooner than he thought he would Atsushi found himself sitting naked on the bottom of the shower with Hide lathering shampoo through his hair. "If we don't do this now it'll be a disaster tomorrow," he said as he worked. Atsushi only grunted a reply--he was fucking freezing. It did feel nice to have Hide massaging his scalp though…but that was short-lived.
At least the water was hot this time. Hide closed the door to the stall so that the mess would be minimal, and Atsushi was left sitting in the hot water, letting it and the shampoo suds slide off his shoulders. It was actually strangely relaxing. He blinked the water out of his eyes and focused on watching the white streams of soap spiral towards the drain. He was content to watch that hypnotic flow, to dream that it could be him just drifting with the water, disappearing into the dark…
And then he got soap in his eye.
"Ah!"
"What?" Hide called out immediately.
Atsushi scrubbed at his eye furiously, but that didn't help. So he tilted his head back and…ow, that water hurt against his face. He kept at it though, until he was forced to take a breath.
"What happened, Acchan?"
Atsushi didn't really want to tell him. What sort of idiot couldn't even rinse shampoo from his hair? Atsushi, that's who.
Atsushi blinked the water from his eyes…the soap seemed to be gone…and he looked up at the door. He could see a hulking shadow just beyond the frosted glass. His heart skipped a beat, before beginning to pump furiously. Oh damn. Damn damn damn…
But then he remembered earlier. It was best not to be paranoid. It just made him look like a jackass. So, clearing this throat, he asked, softly. "Hide?"
The shadow moved. "Yeah, what is it?"
Atsushi slumped forward, relieved. "Oh, good."
There was a silence. "Are you almost done, Acchan?"
"Huh? Ah…I dunno…" What was he supposed to be doing besides rinsing his hair? Well, he hadn't done that very well, anyway, Atsushi realized. So he took the moment to run his fingers through his hair and scrub at his scalp, making sure everything was squeaky-clean. Then he rubbed at his cheeks a bit, knowing there had to be tear tracks on there somewhere…
"Okay, you have to be done by now. I'm just gonna reach in and turn off the water, okay? No need to stand up yet."
Hide did just that. Atsushi wasn't left freezing this time, though. There was enough steam in the little tiled cubicle to keep him warm until Hide appeared with one of the large hotel towels. Ariwara was right behind him, holding another towel and a small pile of clothing.
"Let's wrap your hair and then dry you off," Hide suggested, giving Atsushi the towel. Atsushi managed to get his hair properly wrapped and he was quite proud of himself.
Now, standing up and drying off was a bit more difficult. Atsushi's legs felt like lead when he tried to move. They must have given up on working through this problem. If he hadn't felt so tired Atsushi was of the mind to yell at them. Stupid things…
It was tricky work, but the three of them finally got Atsushi dried and dressed in proper night clothes of T-shirt and boxers. Hide pulled a robe out from somewhere, wrapping it tight around Atsushi's shoulders despite the warm humidity of the bathroom. "You'll want it," he said with a quirked smile.
Atsushi felt stable enough by now to walk out into the other room with just Hide helping him. The bed wasn't that far away anyway.
As soon as he stepped foot into the main part of the room though, Atsushi immediately recognized that it had been set up for him to sleep on tour. It was even more humid in here than it had been in the bathroom, thanks for the humidifier that Ariwara must have turned on. Atsushi had slept without it last night, hadn't he? Stupid, stupid… and, damn it, he didn't want to think about last night.
So he didn't. He just collapsed onto the bed, where the blankets had already been turned down. Atsushi was content to lay sprawled out like that, but, once again, Hide had other ideas.
"Sit up, Acchan. Drink this--it's only water. That should help a bit with your hangover."
"I don't have a hangover," Atsushi protested.
"Not yet you don't."
Atsushi pouted a little, but did as Hide suggested. The water felt good against his raw throat, so it wasn't such a bad idea after all… He was a bit surprised when Hide pushed another glass on him after he was finished, though. "I already did this!"
Hide's lips twitched as he was trying not to smile. "One more, please."
Atsushi grumbled at Hide and his damn persuasiveness under his breath. But once that glass of water was done, Atsushi refused to give it back to Hide. "You'll just give me another one."
"No I won't. We're all done with the water."
Atsushi sighed, handing the glass back. Something niggled at the back of his brain then…something Hide was supposed to be doing… "Wait, you said you were going back to the bar! Why are you still here?"
"You remember that?" Hide asked, incredulously.
Atsushi was kind of surprised about that too, but he wasn't going to bring it up. "Go back, Hide. I'm in bed now. You can go."
"I'll go as soon as your hair is done, how's that?"
"But--"
"I will go back, Acchan, don't worry."
"I don't want to be a burden…" Atsushi whispered very quietly as Hide unwrapped his hair towel. Either Hide didn't hear, or he just didn't want to respond.
"Okay, Ariwara-san, let's do this!" Maybe Hide's voice was a little too cheery, but Atsushi was in too much of a funk to care.
He was so useless and needy and, damn it, he wanted another drink… The comforting haze wasn't there anymore… It was just his pathetic self with a growing headache and blurred vision…
Hide held Atsushi upright while Ariwara fought with his wet hair, starting at the ends and working though the knots clumsily. Atsushi didn't notice the pulling. He stared blankly at Hide's chest in front of him as the other man maintained a tight grip on his upper arms. It was a really nice shirt Hide was wearing…a very pretty green color… But there was a large wet spot across the front that was drying, making the material wrinkle. Atsushi wanted to rub at that spot, smooth it out, but Hide didn't let go of his arms.
"I'm sorry, Hide," Atsushi said again. He blinked and something wet spilled down his face. So it wasn't just drink that made his eyes blurry…
"I told you that you don't need to apologize, Atsushi," Hide told him, firmly. "I don't mind helping you out. Besides, I needed to get out of there anyway."
"Why?"
Hide grimaced comically. "My friend brought his little sister and her friends too, and he was trying to hook me up with one of them. It was annoying. Besides, not too long before…euh, we had to come here, his sister came up and started whining about how her dance partner had run away. She was still there when I left, but hopefully she'll have moved on by the time I go back."
Atsushi wasn't sure if he blushed, but he was feeling warm and lightheaded again. "Eh…I think I might have been that dance partner…"
"Really?" Hide actually laughed. "No wonder she was so upset. She'd been eyeing you all night long."
"I guess it's a good thing I wasn't sick on her then. She would have been traumatized."
"Maybe you should have been."
"Hide!" Atsushi was forced to laugh. Damn it. Now his head hurt even more…
"I'm sorry, but I can't help what I see, and I saw that she was annoying."
That sentence didn't make much sense to Atsushi, but that didn't matter. He felt a little bit better, just talking to Hide like this, like he wasn't a useless drunk. He blinked a few times, trying to clear the teardrops from his wet lashes.
"Here," Hide offered the corner of the towel to him, and Atsushi took it with a shaky hand.
"Thank you…"
"How's it going back there?" Hide asked while Atsushi worked on his face.
"Almost done," Ariwara replied, speaking for the first time that night. He had a distinct nasally voice that made all the jokes he suggested sound even funnier than if it had come from someone else. He always knew how to use it well, so Atsushi couldn't help but giggle as he continued, saying, "And this is why I didn't sign on to be a stylist. Faaar too many places to break a nail!"
Even Hide had to snort. Short, nerdy Ariwara was the last person concerned about breaking a nail.
"Now you can go to sleep," Hide told Atsushi, finally letting go of his arms. Atsushi swayed a little, but remained upright on his own.
"So you're going now?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going. Why are you so obsessed with me leaving?"
Atsushi stared up at Hide, frowning. "Because I'm wasting your time."
"No, you're not." Hide reached behind Atsushi and piled up his pillows before physically pushing Atsushi to lay down against them. Hide held Atsushi down by his shoulders as he said his piece. "You're not wasting my time, you're not a waste of time, and you certainly have no need to feel that way. Got it?"
Atsushi nodded; it was a numb, automatic motion of his head.
Hide didn't look convinced, but he let it slide. "All right then. I'm off. There's the waste basket if you need it, but you seem to be doing okay now. So…good night," he finished, sounding somewhat awkward and hesitant.
"Good night," Atsushi mumbled, turning his back on Hide and yanking the blankets up over his head. He already felt lonely and Hide hadn't even left yet. But Hide didn't need to stay here--what company would Atsushi be? He couldn't monopolize his friend's time just because he was needy.
Hide reached down and clasped Atsushi's shoulder through the blankets before clearing his throat and moving away. Atsushi heard him talking to Ariwara, something about checking up on him during the night, but Atsushi didn't really care. He just stared at the opposite wall, where the window hid behind the dark curtains. He continued to stare until everything became blurred and distant. His whole body seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, sinking into the somewhat stiff hotel bed. He shifted a little, pulling the blankets closer, and then finally --finally-- he was allowed to close his eyes and fall asleep.
He didn't hear Hide leave.
*
It wasn't the best party ever, but it was distracting enough that Imai didn't even notice U-ta until he poked Imai in the ribs.
"What?" he grunted, giving U-ta a Look.
"Nothing. Just wanted to let you know that Acchan is gone."
"What do you mean gone?" Imai frowned. He leaned forward slightly to see beyond U-ta's big head. The stool that Atsushi had been on nearly all night was empty. "'Bout time he moved around."
"No, he's gone. As in left the building. No longer on the premise."
"So he went back early? Good for him. Seems he's keeping to that silly idea not to get drunk on tour." Imai shrugged, appearing nonchalant. But something wasn't sitting right…
"Oh, he went back early," U-ta said, pitching his voice low. "Completely wasted. Anii found him throwing up in the bathroom."
"Really?" U-ta had Imai's full attention now. He even put down his drink. "So, what, Anii took him back to his room?"
"Well, Hide did. They left a few minutes ago."
Imai frowned, looking down at his beer. Why hadn't he even noticed? "What time is it?" he asked, suddenly.
U-ta didn't look too surprised though. "Almost eleven thirty, why?"
Imai's eyebrows rose up to his hairline. "That's it? What the hell was he drinking?"
U-ta fiddled with an empty coaster on the tabletop. "I asked the bartender. He said Acchan's last drink was a straight vodka shot."
Imai winced without meaning to. "Already?"
U-ta nodded solemnly. "He hasn't drank like this since…well, you know."
Imai did know. Just a year or so ago, when Atsushi was so damn depressed over everything… Imai stood up suddenly. "Somebody had better go watch him."
U-ta grabbed his arm. "Don't worry, Imai, he's well taken care of." Imai looked down and saw that the little midget was grinning. Why was he grinning?
"Well, don't come whining to me if he ends up choking on his vomit in his sleep," Imai grumbled.
U-ta's grin faded. "Imai, don't say such things."
Imai sat down, folding his arms and clamping his mouth shut. He didn't like saying those things… but they just came out of his mouth anyway.
He felt so uneasy knowing that Atsushi was all the way back at the hotel in such a condition, and Imai…wasn't there. He starting picking at the coaster his glass sat on, pulling the cork out little piece by little piece.
"Imai…" U-ta began, but stopped after a moment's reflection. The other man just sighed instead, resting his elbows on the table.
They remained there together at the little table near the corner until the door opened and Hide appeared. Imai shifted in his seat for what seemed the first time in forever, while U-ta physically perked up like a plant finally getting sunlight. Hide disappearing into the crowd, only to reappearing at Anii's side across the room. The two talked for a moment, before Anii pointed to where Imai and U-ta sat, at attention like well-trained dogs.
Hide crossed the room towards them, speaking before either one of them could say a word. "He's fine. Sleeping. I asked Ariwara to check in on him from time to time. So you don't have to jump me for information, Imai."
"Hn." Imai lowered himself back down onto the chair, having pushed himself up halfway.
The three of them just looked at each other for a long moment, not really knowing what to say. It wasn't a tense silence…it was just a confused one. What happened now?
"Buy you another round?" Hide asked.
"Sure," U-ta replied.
Imai just stared at his glass.
Something wasn't right in all this. Imai didn't know what…but it was something. Sure, Atsushi liked to drink--no big shocker there-- but this binge didn't sit right with Imai. He was going to have to find out what the issue was….most likely after the show tomorrow night. Upsetting Atsushi before going on stage wasn't the brightest idea.
But he would figure it out. Even if he had to pester Atsushi relentlessly.
Now all Imai had to do was remember his vow tomorrow morning.