(no subject)
everyday that I'm here I feel more and more like I shouldn't be........
I got into a fight with my mom this morning and walked to the bus stop, she can piss me off so much sometimes. she left without me for seminary (cuz devon HAS to be on time EVERYDAY god forbid if we're a few minutes late) and then came home and was yelling at me. she said that before I got home he was ontime everyday and since I've been home we haven't blahblahblahblah, right when she said that, immediately the thought went through my head "this isn't my home" and I really don't feel like it is anymore. I miss missouri so much it hurts. I mean (and this may sound really dumb but it's true) it's like this constant ache inside me that doesn't feel like it's ever going to go away. And I can't help it, ever since I've been back things keep happening that make me wish to get out of here! I can't stand it. and I know that I'm not quite myself. I don't know what to do I want to go back so bad but it's not possible, I HAVE to finish school, and there is no program like runningstart there. I thought about moving there and taking online classes through BCC but I don't know if they have all the classes online that I need to graduate with and I can't stand online classes..... I'm so confused..... I just can't explain it. I don't know if anybody REALLY understands what i'm going through. I haven't emailed an update thing to anyone in missouri because I don't know what I would put in it.... (i have emailed people but I just don't tell them what is going on) i need somebody to talk to, just to hear the voice of someone who actually cares. I don't know I can't stand being this way it kills me to be depressed all the time... whatever I just needed to get that off my chest. I don't even know if people will read this but it feels better to have it out. and there will probably be more days like this... many more. I'm sorry the last thing you all want to read about is some stupid girl who doesn't even make sense. but it just needed to be said. bye
~brianna~
I got into a fight with my mom this morning and walked to the bus stop, she can piss me off so much sometimes. she left without me for seminary (cuz devon HAS to be on time EVERYDAY god forbid if we're a few minutes late) and then came home and was yelling at me. she said that before I got home he was ontime everyday and since I've been home we haven't blahblahblahblah, right when she said that, immediately the thought went through my head "this isn't my home" and I really don't feel like it is anymore. I miss missouri so much it hurts. I mean (and this may sound really dumb but it's true) it's like this constant ache inside me that doesn't feel like it's ever going to go away. And I can't help it, ever since I've been back things keep happening that make me wish to get out of here! I can't stand it. and I know that I'm not quite myself. I don't know what to do I want to go back so bad but it's not possible, I HAVE to finish school, and there is no program like runningstart there. I thought about moving there and taking online classes through BCC but I don't know if they have all the classes online that I need to graduate with and I can't stand online classes..... I'm so confused..... I just can't explain it. I don't know if anybody REALLY understands what i'm going through. I haven't emailed an update thing to anyone in missouri because I don't know what I would put in it.... (i have emailed people but I just don't tell them what is going on) i need somebody to talk to, just to hear the voice of someone who actually cares. I don't know I can't stand being this way it kills me to be depressed all the time... whatever I just needed to get that off my chest. I don't even know if people will read this but it feels better to have it out. and there will probably be more days like this... many more. I'm sorry the last thing you all want to read about is some stupid girl who doesn't even make sense. but it just needed to be said. bye
~brianna~