Along for the Ride - 9/?

[aireyelle]

Title: Along for the Ride
Pairing: 2min, side!Jongkey
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Slight (if any) Smut
Rating: M for language and possible smut
Warning: Bring tissues, you might cry. Feel free to leave those tears in my comment box.

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He woke to the morning sun, chirping birds, and a ringing cell phone.

Kibum lay awake in his bed, listening to the sound of his mother’s footsteps in her room down the hall as she more than likely prepared to leave for her shift at the hospital. Kibum snuggled into the pillow trying to rid his mind of the thoughts he really didn’t want to be thinking about. But luckily, his phone goes off again, disturbing the chaos in his mind and bringing him back to the real world which was not much better than being in his thoughts.

He didn’t bother getting up or reaching for the cord to pull the phone closer to himself. He just listened and waited for it to shut up and hopefully whoever it was calling so damn early would leave him alone to wallow in his pity. He didn’t need to look at the caller id to know it was either one of two people he was avoiding at the moment. Three if he counted his boyfriend, who had no idea why he was in such a sour mood for the past week.

Just thinking about his week and everything that had happened brought fresh tears. He knew he was being a coward by hiding, but he couldn’t face the truth right now. In his dreams, everything was perfect. Jinki ran a music store where he sold all sorts of instruments from wind to percussion to pianos and even taught lessons to young prodigal musicians. He and Jonghyun were always together and in love, Jong being a music teacher at the best art and music college in Korea while Kibum was a choreographer and costume designer for theater actors and actresses as big as those in Broadway. Minho would be some sport fanatic journalist, or maybe a world known soccer player.

Taemin would be whatever he wanted to be, seeing as he could do anything he wanted without much attempt. He was book smart. He was artistic. He had talent. He could cook. He was cuter than any normal man should be allowed. Yeah, Taemin would be whatever Kibum’s mind could muster up in that dream world. But whatever it was he dreamed Taemin would be, they all had the one thing in common. No matter how rich or famous or successful dream Taemin was, that Taemin was healthy.

And he couldn’t really say the same for real world Taemin.

Kibum found himself making his way into the hospital on a Wednesday afternoon. His mother worked as a nurse and had left her lunch and wallet at home. Kibum, being the caring son that he was, offered to bring her things so she wouldn’t waste the trip. He walked through the automated doors, ready to take the familiar path to the nurse’s station his mother was located when he saw familiar red hair heading for the elevator across the room. He then noticed Jinki walking with said red head when they both faced his direction and the elevator doors closed.

He stared at the floor buttons above the doors and watched as the light moved and moved and moved and stopped at ten before continuing up to fourteen and making it’s way back down. Kibum shifted the bag with his mother’s things in it to his other hand as he walked up to the reception desk. He told the woman that he had parted wit his friends, losing them when he stopped to tie his shoes, and if she knew what floor they were going to.

He held a wry frown as he took the elevator up to the fourteenth floor. He had dropped off his mother’s things and asked her what departments were on the very top floor of the hospital. She informed him that it was a rehabilitation ward with experts to help with most of the common ailments requiring rehab. Immediately after parting from her he decided to find his friends.

He couldn’t find the reason why Jinki and Taemin would be going to any sort of rehab, seeing as neither had any addictions that he knew of. But then it clicked and he smiled, a proud smile that caused a visitor next to him-a kid maybe in elementary school-to step away. Taemin had an addiction. He was always smoking and that obviously wasn’t healthy. He had finally realized just how bad-disgusting-smoking was and wanted to take care of it. He wanted to fix it himself. Actually, not by himself because every addict needed someone there to help him, which was why Jinki was with him.

He was embarrassed to tell Kibum about it because he wanted it to be a surprise. Now that he thought about it, Kibum realized how much less Taemin was smoking, or smelled like smoke. How had he not seen it earlier? He could have definitely helped the younger. He shouldn’t have been embarrassed in front of Kibum for anything. And he wanted to tell Taemin exactly that.

But when he made his way to the group session for ‘Substance Anonymous’ he noticed the lack of a frail red head accompanied by a brown haired escort. He frowned, thinking that the possibility of them both going to the bathroom at the same time was highly improbable. So he went to the information desk to ask for help.

Kibum wiped his face with the back of his hand. He hated crying, even if he was by himself. He saw it as a waste of time when that time spent crying could be used to fix whatever made one cry. But he couldn’t. There was no way he could leave the confines of his room, not willingly at least. His phone rang and he frowned. He remembered turning it off the night before. He reached over and grabbed the phone from his nightstand, glancing at the name flashing across the screen in disdain.

Minho.

He really wasn’t in the mood to speak to him, either. Not after what happened. He had never once been upset, or disappointed, with anyone as far as he could remember. He never would have imagined someone telling him he would be ignoring Minho for being such an asshole. Minho had always been so sweet and kind towards everyone. He was the exact opposite of Kibum, which was why they got along as well as they did. Where Minho was considerate of everyone around him, Kibum found it hard to trust anyone without a background check of his knowledge.

He didn’t know when the tables had flipped.

His Minho wasn’t selfish. His Minho wasn’t inconsiderate. His Minho wasn’t heartless. But this Minho, the Minho he got into an argument with last week, was someone he didn’t even know. And he hated it. Sure he knew Minho liked him-as more than his hyung-but never did he imagine Minho would stoop so low.

Kibum let himself in Minho’s apartment, frantic and hell bent on finding his reading glasses. Sure he wore contacts during the day, but on the weekends and at night he would wear his black horn rimmed glasses to relieve his eyes of them.

He saw shoes at the doorway and happily let himself into the living room to begin his search. “Minho-yah! Come help me find my glasses you tall freak!” He could hear shuffling from the bedroom, but no response. “Minho, answer me so I know you’re not a robber in there about to kill me!” His heart rate sped up when there was still no response, but sounds coming from behind the closed door. And he was just about to leave when the door creaked open and Minho slid open, shutting the door softly behind him.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?”

“My glasses,” Kibum replied after a few seconds of inspection. Minho had on his jeans, but no shirt. In fact it had looked like he’d just gotten out of bed with how his hair was splayed all over. “What were you doing?” he asked suspiciously, watching how the younger kept fidgeting with his hair and scratching his arm out of nervous habit.

“Sleeping. That’s why it took so long to hear you.”

“Why are you shirtless?”

Minho grinned, losing all traces of anything other than idiocy and-oddly-adorableness. “Why? Does it bother you, hyung?”

“Yeah,” Kibum nodded, wearing a slight scowl of disgust. “It’s disturbing. I don’t want to look at your flabby abs.”

“Hey,” Minho crossed his arms while staring down at Kibum’s shorter figure. “There isn’t an ounce of flab anywhere on my body, hyung.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now help me find my glasses so I don’t fall asleep with contacts tonight.”

“Um,” Kibum looked at Minho, suddenly nervous once again. “How about we go out somewhere and look for them when we get back?”

“Why would we do that when we’re here now?” A look of confusion passed through Kibum’s features as he continued staring at Minho. He knew Minho was never a good liar-most of which had to do with his infatuation with the elder seeing as he had no problem lying to others-and just waited for a reasonable explanation.

“But we haven’t hung out in a long time, hyung. Just me and you.”

And there was reason for that. He was with Jonghyun now, so there was no way he’d willingly lead his dongsaeng on with false hope. That was one of the main reasons he wanted him to get along well with Taemin. It was obvious to Kibum how the youngest felt about Minho since the first day they met. He also knew Taemin didn’t know about his feelings at that time, so he didn’t push it. He noticed how when he and Minho graduated, Taemin was finally noticing his own feelings. Yet somewhere during Tae’s senior year and the middle of his first year as a college student that Taemin seemed to lose that…spark of something. He no longer seemed to follow behind Minho. Nor did he talk or smile much. Kibum figured he was still going through puberty-the bad part of it-and left it alone.

“Minho, there really isn’t anything for us to do alone. We don’t have much in common.” Kibum noticed the downcast look on his dongsaeng’s face and shook his head. “And, well, aren’t we going to that game soon?”

Minho looked at him with large, hopeful doe eyes that stung his conscience. “You’re still going? I thought you’d back out.”

“Ani,” Kibum gave a small smile, hopefully enough to pacify the younger. “I promised if you spent more time with Taeminnie then I’d go with you to your stupid baseball game.”

“Basketball, hyung,” Minho corrected with a wide grin.

Kibum let out a sob as he remembered the look on Taemin’s face when he surfaced from Minho’s bedroom. Kibum was confused at first as to why Taemin’s clothes were disheveled and how he had gotten to Minho’s room. Before he could connect the dots, he realized the youngest in the room had to have heard what he said. He expected yelling or anger or tears or something to that level. Never had he expected to see a smile on Taemin’s face. But it wasn’t his usual smile. It was a smile of understanding and betrayal and a hint of relief. Kibum had tried apologizing and explaining himself, but his mind was stunted.

“Hyung, if you want to hang out with Minho hyung, don’t force him to do things he doesn’t want to.”

And he turned and left, leaving Minho and Kibum to listen as the front door shut behind him. Minho let out a sigh while Kibum stood there shell shocked and still-still-putting everything together. Minho’s bed hair and no shirt. Taemin’s disheveled appearance. Both coming from the bedroom at different times.

“Since when have you and Taemin been sexually active?” Kibum turned and glared at the younger as the last fact finally snapped into place.

Minho bit his lip, not knowing any way to get around the situation. “Hyung, it’s really not what it seems. We aren’t anything official. It’s just…a deal I guess.”

“What do you mean a deal?”

“Well, we agreed to…I mean, we…sometimes we…Hyung, can we not talk about my sex life?” Minho shifted from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable, but one look at Kibum and he knew he’d have to explain something. “So we have sex sometimes, it’s no big deal.”

“What’s sometimes, Minho?” Kibum growled, massaging the temples of his forehead in attempt to drive away the forming headache.

“…Frequently. We have sex frequently. But we’re not together, so, like I said-”

“Wait a minute,” Kibum snapped his gaze on the taller, obviously not amused. “What the hell, Minho?! You fuck him but you’re not even dating?! Where’s the sense in that?”

“It’s not like I’m messing around with some stranger, Kibum. It’s Taemin.”

“You may as well be fucking a random stranger! It’s better than getting his hopes up and crushing them!”

“What hopes, hyung? This thing with me and Taemin is mutual. I don’t see the problem.”

“Why the hell do you think he agreed to something like that in the first place?” Kibum shook his head, irritated with the situation. “Christ, I never knew you were so fucking dense.”

“Oh, that’s nice coming from you,” Minho sneered, rolling his eyes in the process.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You are the most dense person I know. You never put anyone else’s feelings before yours, which then make you blind to what’s around you. As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.”

“That is not true.”

“It is, but the sad thing is that you don’t even realize it. As long as things are going your way you don’t give a shit about the next person.”

“Shut up, Minho,” Kibum’s voice was low yet stern with warning.

“When Jonghyun came into the picture you just dropped your friends to hang out with him.”

“No I didn’t! I invited him along with us-”

“And what made you think I wanted him there?!”

“His being there had nothing to do with you!”

“It had everything to do with me! I fucking love you!”

“You don’t think I know that?! Why else would I try setting you and Taemin up? So you can hurry the hell up and get over that!”

They stood there, silent and angry and out of their bodies. It took a few seconds for either to realize the words they had tossed around. Kibum felt the tears pricking his eyes. Minho let out a dry laugh. “Wow.”

Kibum shook his head. “Ani. Minho, I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure you did, hyung. If you don’t mind, I have somewhere I need to be. You know the way out.” Kibum watched as the younger turned, back facing him.

“Minho, you don’t understand.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll let you know if I find your glasses. I’m sure you have to get back to Jonghyun.” And he walked out of the kitchen granting Kibum the allowance of hearing his bedroom door slam shut.

Sure, Minho was a selfish bastard for playing with Taemin’s feelings, but was he so far from the same thing? The only difference was that Kibum knew about Minho’s feelings. And instead of confronting him about them, he tried pushing Taemin in his path in hopes that the youngest would gather enough courage to confess.

He knew Minho was too quiet and shy to confess to him, so he was never scared. In fact the only reason he knew about the younger’s feelings now was because of that one night Minho had crashed at his place-drunk-and confessed to him. The next morning he didn’t remember anything, so Kibum didn’t speak word of it ever since. Yet when Minho confessed sober-albeit angrily-he threw the confession back in his face as if his feelings were nothing.

“Kibum?” He stiffened hearing a knock on his door. He quickly wiped his face wit his blanket as the door opened gently. His mother poked her head inside with a soft smile. “Hey, I’m leaving now. I left breakfast in the microwave for whenever you eat it.”

“Thanks, umma.”

The woman smiled. “I’ll see you tonight. Neh?”

He nodded and she closed his door. He listened for her until he could hear the front door close downstairs and let out a tired sigh as his thoughts rounded back to his friends.

Sure, he was sorry for what happened with Minho, but that didn’t excuse what he was doing with Taemin. Sleeping with him was more than likely hurting the younger because he loved Minho. He knew he shouldn’t have pried into the situation by bribing the taller to hang out with Taemin. But he could see just how well the two got along. He knew they’d be perfect for each other. ‘Where one had flaws, the other would make up for them’ or however that saying went.

But would Minho be able to make up for Taemin’s…No. He wouldn’t call it a flaw. Everything about the young red head was perfect. And just because there was a major minor setback didn’t mean Taemin couldn’t get his happily ever after.

“There you are, hyung!”

Kibum smiled and rushed over to Jinki as he was coming out of a room. Jinki became stock still when he saw Kibum, but Kibum didn’t notice that. He marched right up to the elder and playfully slapped his arm while showcasing the brightest smile imaginable.

“Kibum-ah, what are you doing here?”

“My mom is a nurse downstairs. She needed me to bring her something and I happened to see you and Taemin.” He grabbed onto and shook Jinki’s arm in excitement. “That sneaky brat had me fooled for a minute. Thinking he could hide this from me.”

“Kibum, I don’t think you understand what’s really going on,” Jinki glanced into the door he’d just left from.

“Of course I do! He’s getting help for his smoking. It’s really about time. I don’t see how it took me so long to notice him not smoking.”

“Ani, Kibum. It’s not-”

“How long has he been in rehab? He should have told me. I would have supported him for sure. Where is he, anyway? I need to apologize about the other day, and he didn’t show up to dance class.”

“Hyung, I’m not here for rehab.”

Taemin came up behind Jinki, ruffling his red hair in annoyance.

“Taemin, I’m so happy I found you. I’m so sorry about what happened with Minho. I never meant to try and control your love life or trick you in any way. I wanted you to be happy.”

“Hyung, that’s really the least of my worries. Did you hear me? I said I’m not here for rehab.”

Kibum tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean? Why else would you be in the rehabilitation department?”

“This isn’t my usual hospital, so the department I’m supposed to be in hasn’t assigned me a physician yet. And I need to show up weekly whether I’m assigned one or not. Right now my temporary physician needs me to give him a urinal.”

“Why do you need to give a sample for substance anonymous?”

Taemin sighed, heart breaking at the expression and reaction he knew Kibum would have. “Hyung, I’ve been diagnosed with Leukemia.”

Leukemia. Leukemia. Leukemia.

He laughed.

That was his response when Taemin told him the news. He stared at both him and Jinki and laughed. He refused to believe it. Taemin was the healthiest person he knew, aside from his smoking. But that was okay, because he was getting help for it. And Taemin didn’t want him to know about it, so he made up a story for why he was there.

But Taemin wouldn’t let up on the story. And that pissed Kibum off.

“Lee Taemin, that’s not funny. Some people actually have life threatening illnesses and you’re up here making fun of it? Stop it.”

“He’s not joking, Kibum.”

“I’m leaving. I’ll talk to you when you’re done being an asshole.”

Taemin was strong and healthy. Never has he been sick. Never has he shown symptoms of being sick. Kibum refused to believe in the lie. Which was why he was avoiding his phone. He didn’t want to hear the logical explanations that would prove to him that Taemin wasn’t invincible.

“Hyung.”

Kibum jumped up, tossing his pillow at the unexpected presence standing in his doorway. He hadn’t even heard the door open. Taemin caught the pillow and stepped further in the room.

“How did you get in?”

“Your mom let me in before she left.”

“And you’re just now coming up?”

“She said you’d be down, but you were taking too long.” Taemin sat at the foot of the bed, staring at a blank spot on the opposite wall. Both boys avoided each other’s gazes all the while drowning in the god-awful awkward tension surrounding them.

“Why are you here?”

“You’ve been avoiding everyone. Avoiding…me.”

Kibum didn’t spare the younger a look, afraid. “I’ve been busy.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Ah, Taemin-ah. I never got to apologize for that thing with Minho.”

“It’s fine, hyung.”

“Really? I honestly never meant to manipulate things. I just wanted you guys to become closer.”

“I’m not the one he wants to become closer to,” Taemin muttered, staring out the window with a sad smile.

Kibum frowned before looking away. “Ah…so you know…about Minho’s feelings?”

Taemin’s eyes widened as he turned to Kibum. “Wait, you know? That hyung loves-”

“Me? Yeah, kind of.”

“So he finally confessed?”

Kibum shrugged. “He did, but I knew before that.”

“How?”

“Ah, well…he’s not really good with liquor.” Kibum bit his lip. “How did you find out?”

“Same way as you, I’m assuming. Hyung was drunk but couldn’t remember the next morning. So I never said anything.”

“So that’s why you never tried to get closer to him? Because you knew he liked me? Tae, you know I don’t like him like that, right?”

“I know, hyung. But that wasn’t the reason.” Kibum fiddled with his fingers as he waited for the younger to continue. “My time is sort of limited, hyung. It’s not fair for me to try and sway Minho’s feelings only for him to find out I’m not whole. Hyung and I have this thing-I don’t know if you picked up on it last time-where we…have sex every so often.

“I willingly allowed myself to do these things with him despite knowing his feelings for you. He doesn’t know I know about them. Jinki hyung thinks it’s not fair and that Minho hyung is using me, but it’s not like that. I’m the one that’s not being fair. He doesn’t know I know his feelings. He doesn’t know about my feelings. He doesn’t know about my sickness. He’s practically clueless while I could take advantage of him-more than I already have-if I wanted to. But I’d rather him love someone else and hurt me than to have him love me and hurt when I’m gone. I want him to have someone not broken. He needs someone perfect. Someone whole.”

Kibum felt his heart jam in his throat. He tried swallowing it down before replying. “What do you mean whole?”

“I’m damaged goods, hyung that’s bound to shut down at any moment.” Taemin watched on sadly as Kibum made it his mission to not look at him. “I knew this would happen.”

“What?”

“This is why I didn’t want you to know. Why I didn’t want anyone to know. Now you’ll start treating me differently.”

“That’s not true, Taemin. I’ll still treat you the same-”

“Hyung, you cant even look at me!” Kibum turned hearing Taemin snap at him. He saw the younger glaring at him with tears in his eyes, fists clenching the bed sheets. His whole body was trembling with bundles of emotions fighting to all get out. “You’re so disgusted…you wont look at me…”

Kibum’s eyes widened in shock when Taemin looked down at his lap. “Taemin, that’s not-”

“I love you, Kibum hyung. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone. Because I didn’t want you guys to worry about me. I tried separating myself from you guys when I first found out, so it would be easier for you after I died. But-”

“Andwae!” Kibum lunged forward and grabbed Taemin in a hug. Neither realized they were crying. Taemin, stunned from the strength of the hug, sat silently sobbing while Kibum shook his head and burying his face into the younger’s shoulder sobbing quite noticeably. “I love you, Taemin. You can never be apart from me. Don’t talk like that. Don’t say such strange things, Taemin-ah. You’ll be fine. You’ll get over this thing and live a nice long healthy life.

“You might even become a professional dancer or a chef or something. You’ll get so famous you’ll be internationally known and you’ll travel all the time. And when you come back to Korea, Minho will be here waiting for you with hugs and kisses and presents and you two will be the perfect couple-”

“Hyung, please stop.”

“Why should I?!” Kibum snatched away from the hug to look intensely into Taemin’s eyes. “It’s the truth. Your life will be fucking perfect! I know it! You’ll adopt two or three kids. One will look more like you, another like Minho, and maybe the third will have nothing in common with you two, but it will be loved the same. Your family will be beautiful.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Minho will be a sports journalist, or whatever the hell he’s majoring in. With both of your salaries, you’ll be able to afford a nice modern house with a backyard for the kids. It’ll be a few houses down from me and Jonghyun hyung’s house. No matter where you travel or how long you’re gone, you’ll always have a house and family to return to.”

“I’m going to die, hyung.”

“Shut up,” Kibum squeezed Taemin’s arms tightly with his hands, making the pale flesh turn yellow and red and blotchy under the hold. “Of course by the time the kids are teenagers you and Minho will have renewed your vows. Maybe have a second honeymoon in Maui. Or Milan.

“Maybe Paris or Venice. Jong and I will watch them for you anytime.” His eyes began to burn and he blinked rapidly, causing more tears to flow. Taemin sat before him silently listening and watching. “And later on you’ll get some kind of achievement award for being so awesome in your career. And afterwards you realize how much you love and miss your family. So you open a center right here for kids interested in doing the same thing you do. You become a role model. Isn’t that nice?”

Taemin got up and walked over to a bag on the floor by the door Kibum hadn’t noticed. It was his bag. He reached around in it until he pulled something out. Kibum watched as the younger grabbed his laptop from his desk and came back to the bed. He tossed Kibum a bottle of prescription pills-the same bottle from the time in Jonghyun’s car except it was full-and pulled up the internet. Kibum internally read the name of the pills as he listened to the tapping of laptop keys. And then the laptop was set in his lap with a medical page titled the same name as the prescription with an explanation for the pills and a list of side effects and other forms of treatment to coincide with the medication.

Kibum slammed the laptop shut and set it aside angrily as he looked up at Taemin. “Do you understand now, hyung?”

“And when you’re old-like, over ninety-you’ll have weak lungs from when you smoked in your youth. They may collapse, but Minho and your grown children will be by your bedside. Yeah, Minho will outlive you but that’s because he a freak when it comes to being healthy. But only for a year or so. He’ll be the last of us. We all lived good and healthy lives. Even Jinki hyung.”

Taemin bit his lip, a cold trail of tears being replaced by a fresh warm one as he nodded to his hyung. He held his pill bottle in his shaking hand as Kibum pulled him back in for another hug. They sat there for a good part of the morning and well into the afternoon, both ignoring the interruptions of their cell phones  and the outside world.