Romance 101, Chapter 3, pt 2

[airey_kun]

You two are the only ones here today?

Marisa: Well Brock said something about winning the heart of a Queen

Kyurem: *as Marisa* -to work for him. He lost Anabel lately for some reason.

(GLaDOS: Ash approaches, Misty runs. And the Circle of Science moves us all.)

Brock: Hmm…Lucy, would you go

All: *as Brock* -work for me?

out with me? No, that won’t work! Maybe if I come back with some flowers and chocolates. (Winona walks up) Ugh!

Dusknoir: *as Brock* The sight of a strong, independent woman disgusts me!

Winona: Just go over to her and introduce yourself. What’s the worst that could happen?

Humblot: Lesbian bodyguard.

Brock: I suppose you’re right! She doesn’t seem nearly as stuck up as some of the girls I know at this school so far. Okay, I’m going in! Wish me luck! (He walks inside) There she is! I’m halfway to the table and I haven’t fainted yet! (Inhales)

Humblot: Lesbian bodyguard? Where is she?

Barbra: HEY KID! What do you think you’re doing?

Humblot: There she is! Now I want some lesbian action~

Dr. Sceptile: *X-Scissor*

Dusknoir: *Fire and Ice Punch*

Kyurem: *Blizzard*

Brock: I was going to talk to Queen Lucy!

Humblot: *revives* Ah no, not that Queen again.

Barbra: (Mocking) I was going to talk to Queen Lucy! Well, this is as far as you go to see her. I’ve heard all about you!

Dusknoir: From who?

Dr. Sceptile: Marisa the sea witch, obviously.

Dusknoir: And she can suddenly identify Brock on sight?

Dr. Sceptile: She would recognize her employer from anywhere.

I know that you’re the freshmen pervert

Humblot: Classism! Summon the Weights of Liberty!

and I don’t want you hanging around Lucy.

Kyurem: Wait, so according to you people, Barbra works for Brock, while Brock is trying to recruit Lucy?

Dr. Sceptile: Precisely. She must’ve been hired by someone on Brock’s behalf, and thus has never seen her boss.

(Pushes Brock to the ground)

Dusknoir: And then Barbra was arrested because of the school’s zero-tolerance fighting policy.

Now get out of my site before I really get mad! (Nearby)

Humblot: *really mad* Death to the aristocrats and their servants who down trod their fellow man!

Kyurem: The snake is starting to creep me out.

Ash: I wish Misty were here to see this! I’m sure she would have gotten a kick out of seeing Brock make a fool out of himself like that.

Dusknoir: Nothing like a friend being attacked, right?

Dr. Sceptile: Just reward, right?

Dusknoir: And yet she succumbs to violence, which would probably get removed extremely quickly.

Humblot: I don’t like that they consider this “queen” to be important enough to have an insufferable bodyguard.

Dr. Sceptile: If it makes you feel any better, she’s just as insufferable in canon.

Sakura: Speaking of Misty, what do you think about her?

Ash: Huh?

Marisa: Yeah, you know, she’s your friend right? Just being curious here and wondering what you think of her!

Ash: Well, I see her as one of my friends, that’s all!

Dr. Sceptile: Say ‘canon’, Citizen Humblot.

Humblot: ‘Canon, Citizen Humblot’.

Sakura: That’s it? (Marisa and Sakura stand up)

Ash: Where are you two going off to?

Kyurem: You know the drill- Hawaii.

Dusknoir: Dark Crater.

Dr. Sceptile: Shevat.

Humblot: The salon.

Both: None of your business!

Dr. Sceptile: And thus a conspiracy against the public (and Ash) is born. Stupid guilds.

All Else: *quietly ignore*

Sakura: What a jerk!

Dusknoir: Because as everyone knows, a minion must be mindlessly loyal to his or her master, even if it makes them appear to be idiots.

Marisa: Maybe not! Maybe Ash isn’t aware of Misty’s infatuation. Maybe he’s just oblivious to the fact. But then again, men are like dogs and in most cases, mutts! So immature!

Dr. Sceptile: And women are all perfect and intelligent? Please explain.

Humblot: Wouldn’t calling someone immature for having a lack of social aptitude really be immature?

Dr. Sceptile: You’d think.

Sakura: Mutts like Gary? But you were right with Ash the first time. Maybe Ash doesn’t understand. Besides, some men aren’t dogs!

Humblot: Says the girl who just called Ash a jerk for not having good social graces.

Dusknoir: Apparently Sakura is also Marisa’s minion.

Marisa: Am I to assume that you’re talking about Drew with that last statement?

Kyurem: No. Professor Elm.

Sakura: Yeah. I have a feeling that after that date we had Saturday, he might ask me out again. Keep your fingers crossed!

Marisa: Really? Then, what is he doing with that other girl?

Sakura: What the hell? (Drew kisses another girl on the cheek)

All: *spiteful laughter*

Marisa: I can honestly say I wasn’t expecting to see that!

Sakura: I knew it was too good to be true! He’s a player! (Sighs) Oh well, there are other male fish in the sea! But I can move on, I wonder if Misty can.

Kyurem: Now can I summarize this section? Let’s see, I know… men are dogs, women are amazing, and Drew flirts. Blah blah blah blah.

(GLaDOS: Misty is aggressive in gym class because she is codependent on her relationship with Ash- one he doesn’t acknowledge. This is seen as romantic, for some unknown reason. Maybe she should just donate one or all of her vital organs to the SceptiCorp Mfg. Vital Organs For Orphans campaign.)

Marisa: Are you okay?

Misty: (Sobbing) I’ll be fine.

Dr. Sceptile: *as Misty* -despite evidence to the contrary.

Dusknoir: Shouldn’t it be harder to understand what she’s saying?

Humblot: Like this? “Ahhhhlllll bi fiiiinnnnnnnee!”

Marisa: You’re not fine! You didn’t show up for half of your classes today,

Kyurem: That just means that she’s rebelling against the Man.

Dusknoir: Shouldn’t it be obvious now that she’s skipping, and would quickly be sent to in-school suspension, or worse?

Dr. Sceptile: In American schools run by competent teachers, yes, yes she would.

you’ve been unusually aggressive in gym today and now you’re crying.

Dr. Sceptile: Now I’ve got to say that this text- *puts on sunglasses* -was written by the Department of Redundancy Department.

Dusknoir, Humblot: *facepalm*

You can tell me.

Dr. Sceptile: *as Marisa* No, wait, you can’t. Someone ate my doll.

Kyurem: I regret nothing.

Misty: I thought there was something there,

Dr. Sceptile: I smell a musical number…

GLaDOS: *storage cube strategic strike*

Dr. Sceptile: *buried by storage cubes* *muffled* Or maybe not.

but I guess I was wrong. Going to the dance with Ash was the best thing that I could ever hope for.

Humblot: Because the only thing that a girl dreams about is men not named Jacques Humblot. Of course.

Dusknoir: She is a teenaged girl, whose entire romance right now appears to be based off of lust.

Humblot: Then why not go for a deeper personality, like me~

Dusknoir: Because you are a medium-sized green snake and she is not?

Humblot: I don’t see how that matters.

Dusknoir: Humans can only mate within their own species, Servine.

But then, I saw him kissing her right in front of my eyes.

Kyurem: Well, in fairness to Misty, it really does make no sense that he would randomly start kissing Anabel even though his date was right behind him.

It hurt me! I know it was only one little date, but I was hoping that there was something. I was hoping that he would love me more than just a friend.

Dr. Sceptile: *from inside cube mountain* I doubt Ash would ever love Misty romantically. He’s too dense.

Dusknoir: Doctor! The shippers!

Dr. Sceptile: Wha-

Pokéshippers: *break down doors, grab Dr. Sceptile, and run out*

Dusknoir: *sighs* I suppose I should go get him. *warps out*

Humblot: …well, that was odd. Continue?

Kyurem: Let’s.

Marisa: I’m not really the best person to talk to about this since I’ve never really been in love before.

Kyurem: *as Marisa* That may be because of my lust for power, but you never know.

But all I can say is to try and talk to him and see if he feels the same way about you. (After school in the parking lot)

Humblot: *rolls eyes* Because there’s no way that will backfire.

Winona: There she is Brock! You might want to get this over with since she’s not around any of her crew.

Kyurem: For the record, for this coming part I was going to sing the Oogy-Boogy Song from The Nightmare Before Christmas. But then I realized that in this context, it became Brock singing about how he was going to murder/rape/force into prostitution Lucy, which GLaDOS decided was inappropriate and thus nixed my song.

Humblot: So no musical numbers. Thank Reason.

Kyurem: I didn’t say that.

Brock: Alright! Time for Brock to get some luck! (He walks up to her) Queen Lucy?

Lucy: Huh? You’re that boy from the dance! I remember, you’re the one wearing the mask and praising me.

Kyurem: I’ve got to admit that a masquerade would be a cool homecoming dance. It’d be even better if it was in a freezer and blood-drained flesh was available.

Humblot: You make me sick.

Kyurem: Then go cry to the restroom, pansy.

Brock: Um, yeah, that’s me! Brock Harrison!

Lucy: (Blushes) I was very flattered by all of those kind remarks.

Brock: Really? Gee Lucy, I’ve never met any other girl as pretty and kind as you. I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime.

Dr. Sceptile and Dusknoir: *run back in*

GLaDOS: *deploys caged turrets at entrances*

Pokéshippers: *flee*

Dr. Sceptile: I feel a song coming on…

Humblot: Oh no…

Dr. Sceptile: *as Brock*

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid

Tell me, Queen, now when did

You last let your heart decide? ~

I can open your eyes

Take you wonder by wonder

Over, sideways, and under

On a magic car ride~

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us no

Or where to go

Or say we’re only dreaming~

Humblot: Arghh! *Leaf Blade*

Dr. Sceptile: Ack!

Lucy: As much as I’d love to, I’m only into older men and I know that you’re only a freshman. (Brock gasps) I’m sorry. It’s just that I like my dates to be in my class or at the college level. (She gets in her car) Later! (She drives off)

Kyurem, GLaDOS: *snide laughter*

Dusknoir: Interestingly enough, in the animé Brock is something like five years older the main trio- meaning that if ages were accurate, he would be able to date her.

Dr. Sceptile: Except that, you know, Brock doesn’t date girls younger than him. Speaking of which…

Humblot: *irritated* You do not want to know what I’m like when I’m angry, Brit. Keep in mind that I had the king of my country killed.

Brock: God damn it! (Winona walks up)

Winona: Oh, don’t take it too hard Brock. Most boys have been turned down by Lucy in a matter of seconds.

Dusknoir: She proceeds to never show up again. Although ironically, Brock’s only surviving girlfriend cheats on him and gives birth to his baby, not Brock’s.

Humblot: Meaning?

Dusknoir: We could just say that after the events of the sequel, Brock began dating Lucy or something. But I doubt it.

Humblot: That would require actually planning?

Dusknoir: Exactly.

Brock: You couldn’t have told me that?

Winona: But, none of those boys could make her blush the way you did.

Dr. Sceptile: *to Dusknoir* So what you’re saying is that she’s wasted potential?

Dusknoir: *shrug* You could say that.

Brock: So you think there maybe a chance for me?

Winona: You never know!

Dusknoir: Or maybe I forgot to read that part in the first fic’s script. I’ll have a Sableye look into it.

She might change her view on dating freshmen and when that happens, you may be the first one she goes to.

Kyurem: And yet that would require a fall from class, yes?

Humblot: *disgusted* Then she should die with the rest of royalty and nobility.

Brock: Ha! Watch out Lucy, Brock Harrison is on the loose!

Winona: Just try not to pull anymore peep shows during gym class.

Brock: You know about that one too? (Near the bike rack)

Dr. Sceptile: I feel like there should be a laugh track here as well.

GLaDOS: *obliges*

Kyurem and Humblot: *join in*

Ash: I think it’s best that we just stay friends.

Anabel: Oh.

Humblot: Off-screen character development away!

Dr. Sceptile: Heh. She’s been friend-zoned.

Dusknoir: Or dumped.

Dr. Sceptile: She’ll survive.

Ash: Hey, don’t take it so hard like that. It’s just that, I’m not ready to be in a relationship and I really don’t know when I ever will be.

Kyurem: For Ash, how about never?

Dusknoir: Not until the author decides that Ash/Misty should be implemented.

Kyurem: Yes, yes, that too.

Anabel: No, I’m sorry. It was just…That kiss we had at the dance, I just felt some sort of connection.

Dr. Sceptile: *as Anabel* -it felt like some sort of mind-control, like the Imperious curse.

It felt like you were the one for me.

All: *spiteful laughter*

But, you are right Ash. If you’re not ready to be in a relationship, I understand your decision. I’m glad that at least we’ll be friends. (They shake hands)

Dusknoir: And then she never shows up again.

Kyurem: Well, that’s too bad… Who’re we talking about again?

Ash: Don’t worry Anabel. One day, you’ll find a boy who will love you, the way you wanted me to.

Humblot: Or a girl~

Dusknoir: At least you didn’t say “and me”.

Humblot: Whoops. And me~

Dusknoir: Why did I even bother?

As Ash and Anabel went their separate ways,

Dr. Sceptile: Here we stand~

GLaDOS: *plays Separate Ways over the speakers so that no-one has to listen to Dr. Sceptile*

Humblot: *Leaf Blade on Dr. Sceptile*

Dr. Sceptile: Blasted revolutionary…

Ash walked into the courtyard to find Misty sitting under a tree by herself. He decided to go over to her and see how she was doing.

Dusknoir: See Spot run. Run, Spot, run.

Ash: There you are.

Misty: Oh, Ash.

Ash: You feeling okay?

Misty: Oh yeah, I’m feeling a little better than I was.

Humblot: *as Misty* I caught spontaneous codependency disease.

(Thinking) I don’t want to tell him yet. Not yet!

Kyurem: Milk the tension for all it’s worth. Milk! Milk! Milk!

Ash: You’re not contagious are you?

Dr. Sceptile: *as Misty* No, you’re too dense for it to affect you.

Kyurem: *as Misty* By the way, my shirt says “I want to have Ash’s babiez", or is that too subtle for you?

Misty: No, you’re safe. (He sits down)

Dr. Sceptile: Same thing as I said.

Ash: I take it you got sick during the dance because I didn’t see you come back outside.

Humblot: He’s not good at critical thinking, is he?

All Else: No.

Misty: Right. My sisters gave me a ride home. (Ash puts his arm around her) Huh?

Dr. Sceptile: There’s no way that he’s not doing that on purpose.

Humblot: Sounds like something I would do.

Dr. Sceptile: Or I. Of course, I have arms, not vines, Humblot.

Kyurem: Save your arguments for later.

Ash: That’s another load off my mind. In the midst of Anabel having a crush on me, I was worried if you were feeling okay.

Dr. Sceptile: Definitely on purpose.

Misty: (Blushes) Anabel had a crush on you?

Humblot: Poor Misty. Her first date is a dense idiot, and her lesbian lover had a crush on said idiot.

Dusknoir: What? I don’t see how you arrived at that.

Humblot: Well, I- uh…

Ash: Yeah, but I told her that I would rather be friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m not really ready to have a relationship and to be honest I have no idea when I will be ready.

Dr. Sceptile: Redundancy comments are too easy.

Dusknoir: Well, at Ash is still being somewhat in character.

Dr. Sceptile: I really can’t imagine him putting his arm around Misty period, though.

But for now, I’m happy with things the way they are.

Kyurem: And I present to you: Ash the conservative.

Turrets: *begin firing at angry political commenters*

Misty: Hmm, that makes sense. I’m with you on that one. We are young after all and love is kind of new to all of us.

Dr. Sceptile: Says the girl who was just crying because her not-boyfriend kissed some girl behind her back.

Ash: That’s true! That’s why I always like talking to you. You just seem so down to earth.

All: *snide laughter*

Dusknoir: Well, in the end this is Pokémon. Ash, in this fic, is probably going to end up married to Misty. Albeit, they date for six years, Ash proposes for the first time successfully, and all it takes is two pregnancies.

Misty: (Thinking) I guess he’s not ready yet. But that’s okay. He can change his mind at any point. And when that day comes, I’ll be there.

Humblot: What? Why is this italicized?

Dr. Sceptile: To denote thinking.

Humblot: It’s not like we were told that- oh wait, we were.

GLaDOS: Let us all state what we learned today, then. So that I can refocus on science.

Dr. Sceptile: I learned that shippers will break down industrial steel doors with bare fists.

Dusknoir: I discovered that all I had to do to free Dr. Sceptile was fling Hogwarts Exposed at them.

Humblot: I hate musicals. Especially when sung by obnoxious lizards.

Kyurem: Brock and Lucy, OTP, except when they are not.

GLaDOS: Very well. Dismissed.