RANTS!
Hey look, it's Thursday.
Last night, after leaving Pon's I just could not stop crying... not Pon's fault at all. It just hit me again that Mitch left me. So I called Mitch's best friend Cullen and went over there and cried on his shoulder. It felt good. After a short while his "girl"friend came over and the three of us watched "I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry." After the movie was over I came back home and cried some more.... I just couldn't stop.
But I'm better today. I know my moods are quite unpredictable, but I'm really crushed by this whole Mitch thing. I still can't get over the fact that we were together for 5 years, engaged for 1 year and then he just broke it off. Seriously?! How am I supposed to trust what a guy says to me after that? "I love you" means crap to me right now, when coming from a guy. Not that I have any guys saying that to me anyways.
I'm so simple.... all I wanted was a family... I'm really not picky about careers because I honestly don't care. It's not a flaw and I'm not trying to be the version of a domestic female, but it's true. There is nothing in this world I would love more than to find someone who I can share a life with and settle in and be happy! And I thought I would have that, and now I have to start all over. Dating is hard for me. I'm like a leech.
I have so many people around me that thought I would be the first to get married. The first to settle down. Now those people are married with kids and I'm still sitting here, desperately trying to get someone to ACTUALLY LOVE ME. And I'm talking real love that doesn't come with strings or "buts".
Seriously if you love someone you would do anything for them, THIS IS NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BE INDIVIDUALS! At least not love with me. Of course you can be yourself, but it's US against the world. Love is a joint experience, I'm in it for the partnership, not to be pushed to the side whenever you want.
I loved him for good or bad, I forgave him for everything he did, that's what kind of love I have. I lived for him and I think I would have honestly died for him. Now just to find a guy who is actually CAPABLE of feeling the same way would be nice. I probably ask too much, but I can't live with someone who'll only give you part of their heart. I want everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. That to me, is a real relationship.
BLARG
~Airey~
Last night, after leaving Pon's I just could not stop crying... not Pon's fault at all. It just hit me again that Mitch left me. So I called Mitch's best friend Cullen and went over there and cried on his shoulder. It felt good. After a short while his "girl"friend came over and the three of us watched "I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry." After the movie was over I came back home and cried some more.... I just couldn't stop.
But I'm better today. I know my moods are quite unpredictable, but I'm really crushed by this whole Mitch thing. I still can't get over the fact that we were together for 5 years, engaged for 1 year and then he just broke it off. Seriously?! How am I supposed to trust what a guy says to me after that? "I love you" means crap to me right now, when coming from a guy. Not that I have any guys saying that to me anyways.
I'm so simple.... all I wanted was a family... I'm really not picky about careers because I honestly don't care. It's not a flaw and I'm not trying to be the version of a domestic female, but it's true. There is nothing in this world I would love more than to find someone who I can share a life with and settle in and be happy! And I thought I would have that, and now I have to start all over. Dating is hard for me. I'm like a leech.
I have so many people around me that thought I would be the first to get married. The first to settle down. Now those people are married with kids and I'm still sitting here, desperately trying to get someone to ACTUALLY LOVE ME. And I'm talking real love that doesn't come with strings or "buts".
Seriously if you love someone you would do anything for them, THIS IS NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BE INDIVIDUALS! At least not love with me. Of course you can be yourself, but it's US against the world. Love is a joint experience, I'm in it for the partnership, not to be pushed to the side whenever you want.
I loved him for good or bad, I forgave him for everything he did, that's what kind of love I have. I lived for him and I think I would have honestly died for him. Now just to find a guy who is actually CAPABLE of feeling the same way would be nice. I probably ask too much, but I can't live with someone who'll only give you part of their heart. I want everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. That to me, is a real relationship.
BLARG
~Airey~