The Beginning in the End (yes, that is a 'Bones' reference - Secondary school is over. What-
After seven years, my time at Newstead Wood has ended. (I don’t mean to sound apocalyptic or anything )
I don’t really know what to think. To be honest, it hasn’t quite sunk in yet, and I’m still really confused as to how seven years have gone by so damn slowly, but so damn quickly at the same time. Meh.
Sorry for the slight confusion/boring ramblings/mindfuckery/nostalgic and sappy shit. Just had to be said, so that I could get it off my chest.
Anyways. I guess now, I should look to the future. I hope that whatever life brings me, good or bad, I can take it in stride.
Today was PRETTY EPIC in all sorts of fun and amazing and nostalgic and angsty ways. The whole getting up at 5.30am was not good, and I had a headache which I think originated from having been dehydrated from the wine last night, even though I only had about a glass but when I got to Katie’s, and met up with everyone, it got really exiting.
Once at school, we proceeded to trash every single classroom/corridor/little space that looked vulnerable by doing various antics such as turning the tables over, putting loud ABBA music on, and generally excuse the language totally fucking it up! :D Also, we all had our hippie stuff on, and stood outside to terrify greet the Younger Years with an avalanche of free hugs, bubbles and water guns.
The assembly was rather saddening - I don’t think I realised until then how much I’m going to miss school. I mean, it’s not like I ever hated it, it’s just that I’ve seen it as a bit of a pain in the arse (well, it kind of was) but there are, in fact, quite a few awesome things about it. Starfishyfish noticed that a few of the Anime & Manga Club girls had made a banner - I was so touched :’) The fact that we’d made such a difference to people’s lives so that they would go to the trouble of making a little banner - I can’t put into words how awesome it is.
And then came the speeches, and the songs, and the tears - I cried quite a bit even though I hate crying in public, though I tried to hold it off for as long as I could, the fact that I will never be taught by the teachers again, see familiar faces, and - hell, why not - the sea of green, got me shedding a few. Although it sounds really cheesy, it’s like they say - you don’t appreciate something until you lose it completely. As much as I do not want to move on (yet I really, really do at the same time), I’ve had my moment at Newstead - as sad as it is I will never have it again -, and now it’s time for others to have theirs.
The school has many problems with it. Students are sometimes pushed so hard they snap (as was my, and many, many other people's case) and it causes them - and those around them - to lose what faith they had in the system and come to loathe it. This time last year - when severe anxiety struck me - it affected me extremely badly. Until about November, I hated school - and was scared of it. But gradually, I got better, and although the shiny, glittery image of the perfect school that I’d had in my mind all through my lower school years had disappeared, the dark and terrifying image of the school vanished too. I came to see Newstead from a more realistic perspective, including good aspects and bad. Yes, the school does not always have the pupils well-being in mind. Yes, they care too much about their position in the league boards. But not all the school is like this. Some teachers - and I’m glad to say that a few have taught me - do care about the people, and not the achievements. And the school is, in many ways, like a family - albeit a bit dysfunctional.
I’m going to miss it so much.
The staffroom. After seven years of waiting to see inside, I have to say it was a bit anti-climatic :P
starfishyfish (right) calendair (middle) and I ^_^
The whole gang!
It couldn’t have been more epic - gah, everyone was so happy and together and BRILLIANT! But when I had to go home ( I’d lied to my mother and told her I was in Orpington, still at school) and got on the train on my own, I sort of lulled into a state of catatonic depression, which must have been noticeable to passersby to the point where two elderly ladies asked me if I needed help - FML ( I was curled up on the seat in a strange fashion, I think).
Worse, when my mother got home and briefly wondered why I was acting like a zombie, I showed her my signed book, and she proceeded to ask me questions, you know ‘oh, what does your friend mean by this?’ Explaining all those funny, special jokes and moments to her made my chest constrict and I almost cried in front of her. (Which I don’t really like doing.)
Also I felt a bit guilty about lying to her about going to London. But I’ve reached the conclusion that what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
And dammit I just saw something really epic on TV - and found it on youtube. I thought to myself I’d show people at school tomorrow, during our period 4 free. Ahaha. But WAIT.