Permanence in the Dark
You know that feeling you have,
The one right before you click off the light?
The one that makes you look around your room
once more
as if seeing all those objects in the light
gives them some kind of permanence in the dark.
I am a lonely girl.
Surrounded by people and places unfamiliar.
I have no where to belong
Only this long path to walk on alone
and no rest stops along the way.
The light and warmth I used to sense in the distance
has long faded, flickered out.
Yet I walk on, to pass where that light now lays dead
and shuffle on until I see another to fall short of.
This is what happens when you chase after stars.
You don't even know it when they've died
and you just keep following those last bits of sparkle,
unaware that the dream is gone
and you are simply chasing shadows,
A faint glimmer of what once was,
but has already passed you by.
What I once called a house
suddenly now seems to be more of a home
then what I have now.
I've been so foolish in these thoughts,
To believe that I understood loneliness then is a joke.
But I'm not laughing.
In fact, I'm not even smiling.
But how would you know?
I hide behind false pretenses, and why shouldn't I?
I have done it my whole life.
Happy family,
nice clothes,
new cars,
shiny expensive luxury.
Big smile!
Long sleeves.
Daddy's little Angel.
Reality check.
Highschool was a drag.
Drugs, sex, violence, and hate.
Just to keep up with the scene.
I built people up just to tear them down
to watch them live my fears.
And now?
After some reflection, I'm left empty handed.
No place to call home.
Not here, Not there.
The welcome mat is there, but I'm simply a guest.
And that lonely path illuminates my bedside.
The one right before you click off the light?
The one that makes you look around your room
once more
as if seeing all those objects in the light
gives them some kind of permanence in the dark.
I am a lonely girl.
Surrounded by people and places unfamiliar.
I have no where to belong
Only this long path to walk on alone
and no rest stops along the way.
The light and warmth I used to sense in the distance
has long faded, flickered out.
Yet I walk on, to pass where that light now lays dead
and shuffle on until I see another to fall short of.
This is what happens when you chase after stars.
You don't even know it when they've died
and you just keep following those last bits of sparkle,
unaware that the dream is gone
and you are simply chasing shadows,
A faint glimmer of what once was,
but has already passed you by.
What I once called a house
suddenly now seems to be more of a home
then what I have now.
I've been so foolish in these thoughts,
To believe that I understood loneliness then is a joke.
But I'm not laughing.
In fact, I'm not even smiling.
But how would you know?
I hide behind false pretenses, and why shouldn't I?
I have done it my whole life.
Happy family,
nice clothes,
new cars,
shiny expensive luxury.
Big smile!
Long sleeves.
Daddy's little Angel.
Reality check.
Highschool was a drag.
Drugs, sex, violence, and hate.
Just to keep up with the scene.
I built people up just to tear them down
to watch them live my fears.
And now?
After some reflection, I'm left empty handed.
No place to call home.
Not here, Not there.
The welcome mat is there, but I'm simply a guest.
And that lonely path illuminates my bedside.