Things are starting to look up.

[ainoeri]

Well, for the most part, anyway. So where do I begin? Well, I got up the nerve to call Kyle, and it was heartwrentching, but I needed to talk to him regardless. He wasn't answering my IM's sooooooooo, yeah. It was a little nervwracking too. We are on the same page at least, and it looks like we won't be getting back together...I think I really hurt

Comments

roomates and the accountant

[monrovia042]

once upon a time there was a frog named Jerimiah. Which is a terrible name for a frog. I mean, there wasnt a day that went by that he didnt hear that fricking song. He would sometimes stay in his room all day long just begging zorkon the sun god, ( its a frog thing ) that he could go one day with out some one busting out the "Jerimiah was a bullfrog!" song on him. But alas, his days were without solice from the "demon tune" as he preferd to call it. this was not the least of the poor frogs problems. You see, you wouldn't know it by looking at them but frogs are VERY high maitenence, and our friend Jerry had a rent problem. And an interview problem. All of the people he tried to get as roomates for his plush beverly hills apartment to which he needed a renter were just plain nuts. I mean one guy even brought his frickin butterly collection to the gall derned interview. Well, i bet you can guess what happened next, i mean a frog on an empty stomach and a wealsy guy with a butterfly collection just dont mix. Jerry was about to give up hope to his rent struggles in the high tops of his high class berverly estate when god sent down a blessing. God in his high and mighty wisdom sent jerry a blessing...he said" eat wheaties"...at first jerry didnt understand...he didnt get it. He replied, "but god, i dont like fiber..." then he paused and said"i mean, your a great dude and all, but really man,...im a frog, you know? we just dont do cereal..." and to which there was a loud Hosanah! and god replied down unto Jerry " shut up dumbass, im god, just take to frickin message and go with it ok? im god for crissake!" and Jerry was thankfull. His last interview for the day was one he wasnt too sure of. I mean the second he say the guy, he though " damn man i just dont know." It turned out to be a 5 inch high vampire bat who was named radar. The really sad part was that out of all the people that Jerry had interviewed that day he seemed to be the most level headed. Although he was a bit grumpy about having to wake up to get to the damn interview. I mean hes a bat. that and Jerry was a little disturbed about the fact that Radar had killed his own parents when he was a child. That was a bit unnerving. But when Jerry tried to get deeper into the subject, Radar just replied "its a bat thing, man" Which is crap, because any one who knows anything about Bats knows damn well that killing your parents when your young is NOT a bat thing. But, fortunatly for Radar, there werent a whole hell of a lot of people who knew anything about Bats so when confonted with the travesty he could alyways back up on his "its a bat thing, man, you wouldnt understand" line. The real clincher to Radar getting into the plush high frog maitenence beverly estate though was the fact that he could pick up digital cable for free though. And life was good. Untill, yes...untill tradgety struck. Jack was back. Yes, Jack. All of those citizens in Batswalla know what im talkin about. The tradgety that stuck Madagaskar and all those who live there know what im talkin about. The stange yet undiscovered islands of New Guina know of the terrors of Jack. And oh, how the ground did shudder when Jack struck beverly hills. Jack was a rabbit. He was a vengefull tax collecting rabbit, the worst kind. All though we try to educate the dangers to our youth about tax collecting rabbits, it seems they never seem to learn. And now jack had chosen his time to strike.

more to come...one more post

Re: roomates and the accountant

[monrovia042]

It was a peacefull day. The birds were singing derrogetory tunes about Oprah, the flies were buzzing menecingly around joggers heads, the sun was out...it was a day made in eden. Jerry and Radar were comfortably pertched in their living room watching "all in the Family" reruns. Life was good. and with the exception of a slight arguement between Radar and Jerry about the benifits of a good fiber diet of wheaties, the house was in full harmony. Radar's side of the discussion was based primarily on the fact the just befor 3pm and 4pm he had a regular bowel movement thanks to the wonders of fiber would not dissuade Jerrys arguement that "fiber" was simply "not a frog thing" much like killing your parents at a young age was a bat thing, to which Radar was not about to reveal his terribly secret that killing your parents at any age was not an any-creature thing. so it was. At 330 pm, Radar went to have his moment of porceline purity, due to the wonders of the all knowing wheaties, and Jerry was left all alone, in solitude, grasping his last gasp of laughter before his beloved, "three's company" reruns were about to show, that Jack, the menacing Tax-Collecting rabbit, chose to boar his ugly head. Terror stuck breifly as the haunting pass of white furr passed beneath Jerrys legs. He jumped slightly as if a ghost has just passed over his grave. Looking frantically left and right, he could only see quick glances of snow ball tail pass from within his eyes. Calm struck for only a moment, and then the whites of Jerrys eyes met with all the whites of eyes that had met the terror of Jack in all the years before him.
Upon the telivision, that always shows white snow when Radar was taking a shit, Jack the Rabbit chose his moment to strike his venomouse pose.

more to come....

Re: roomates and the accountant

[monrovia042]

"Remember 1997!!!!!!!" screamed the rabbit. And burst upon the most viscouse nibbling that any frog had known to this day. Jerry was instantly overwhealmed. The slashing fur, the ripping limbs, the carnage that would insue, was only the begginning. After the blood and goar of Jacks un relenting nibbling of Jerrys inner thigh, Came the collections. CD's were packed, Knick knacks were repossesed, and computers were proccesed. The couch that Jerry and Radar had lovingly picked out from the local Ikia was mercilessy stored a way in a Rent-A-Wreck moving van. Radar's favorite Food-O-Matic Vegitable processor was talen in the name of Rabbit tax collectors everywhere. Even the bird fider out side the plush beverly hills apartment was not privy to the eyes of the all knowing, the all seeing, Jack "Take the Money and Run" Rabbit. All hope was lost... DVD's taken,...Televisions packageded,...Gamecubes consolidated...the faint cry of a porceline lamp could be heard in the distance...
Jerry lay on the ground defensless, his legs repossesed in the name of French Cuisine everywhere. He cried a faint cry as the villounous Jack stole there last peice of Bohemian carpet, when a miricle occured. Radar, thanks to the wonders of fiber, had had a backage. His ass had built up enough fiber to thwart once and for all the doings of Jack. And as Jack unknowingly dragged the Bohemian carpet past the bathroom door, a great loud blast of a bats ass, blew the Rabbit out the window covered in shit, out past the heavens and into the stars. Radar passed out...the effort was beyond his ability to hand on....
Jerry, pulling forcefully with only his arms, leggless, crawled helpless to his unconcious friend. Covered in shit. After blowing enough ass to throw a rabbit into the stratisphere. he came to his freind Radar, the parent killing bat, who now lay gasping his final words.

"Radar! Hold on good buddy!" said Jerry, wincing in pain.
"gasp" Replied Radar.
"God was right Radar, you did it, you were right in your ways, and i failed us..." Jerry weaped.
A strong moment of silence passed, a moment of reflection, if you will, while the last words of the last parent killing bat spoke his final words....words that would one day be heard around the world...finnaly Radar spoke, his head lifted by Jerry the frog, who lost his legs to a tax-collector. In there last embrace, Radar wispered,
"My fucking ass hurts, man." Gasp. "no, really , dude. Fuck this lame ass story. My Anus is BLEEEDING!"

THE END

Re: roomates and the accountant

[monrovia042]

DISCLIAMER:

i would now like to appologize to all of the following

Bats with Fiber problems
Frogs named Jerry
Tax Collectors
Plumbers
The Mandeles Brothers
New York
Lawyers in general
and General Mills

the previous story was not intened to offend any of the the above mentioned named, it was simply written in the hopes that Ainoeri would frikkin piss herself reading it.

-Claypool