Feel Again 03. // akame
feel again 03.
akame
NC-17 (R for this chapter), angst, romance
An emotionally and physically abused boy who thought he wouldn't be able to feel again. A man who wanted to be alone and became lonely. They meet and they get the chance to heal each other. But none of them wants to be healed.
Warning: Violence, rape, language.
Chapter 3
Jin had no idea how things turned out like this. When exactly did Kazuya become part of his pitiful life? Not in the sense of actually being present, but Jin's every second thought was about the younger man. Whatever he was doing, whenever he went, his mind always wandered there, replaying that evening when Kazuya showed up at his door and they had sex.
Every time Jin thought about it, his body showed some weird symptoms. His stomach turned upside down, air got stuck in his throat for a few moments, chills ran up and down along his spine, not to mention the most embarassing thing he had to experience every single time; a hard on. And Jin wasn't stupid, there was no need to think too much to figure out what the symptoms meant.
Jin was actually angry. He was mad at Kazuya because his life was nothing like before. He couldn't work, couldn't drink and couldn't enjoy his loneliness like before. It was frustrating how much effect a single encounter can have on one's life. He really tried to look at it as a one night stand and convince himself that he couldn't get the boy out of his mind because Kazuya had that strange mysterious atmosphere around him. He certainly wasn't the chatty-flirty type and it was somehow appealing to Jin. No lies, no fake smiles and unnecessarily babbling; Kazuya just did what he wanted to do without trying to be someone else or appear better, more beautiful or more intelligent than he was.
Although it was something Jin had always wanted, Kazuya's behaviour suggested that the boy had a much more complicated life than it seemed to be. When they had sex, Jin could see and feel that Kazuya wanted him just as much as he himself wanted the other. But Kazuya didn't let Jin pleasure him, as if he was torturing himself with allowing the desire to take over but never letting himself reach release. Like some kind of punishment.
And why didn't he let Jin undress him? Could it be that he was ashamed of his body and didn't want to let Jin see him naked? It would be the total opposite of what Jin had thought of the boy. Kazuya seemed to be determined and aware of the emotional struggle he had caused, not to mention the physical attraction Jin could feel towards him even when he wasn't around. Then why?
He knew he would never be able to get over it if he didn't do something. With this thought, Jin glanced at his watch then grabbed his coat and left.
--
“Would you like to order something, sir... oh no”, was Kazuya's reaction when he spotted Jin at one of the tables. He didn't seem to be pleased to see the older man there. “Why are you here?”
Jin looked up at the boy calmly, though he felt excited and nervous like never before. Kazuya looked gorgeous and Jin needed all his self-control not to pull him close and kiss him or simply just caress his cheeks. “When does your shift end?”, he asked instead.
“Huh?” Kazuya gave him a surprised look.
Jin smiled a bit. “You know, your shift here. When does it end?”
Kame gave Jin a long look, hesitating. “Ten minutes.” he answered eventually.
Jin just nodded and stood up. “Great”, then without another word he left Kazuya and walked outside.
When the younger boy finally appeared at the back door, Jin pushed himself away from the wall where he had been standing and approached Kazuya, who stopped and glared at him with a hint of curiousity on his face.
“Hungry?” Jin asked, smiling.
“Not really”, Kazuya answered in a cold tone.
“Oh, come on, you're too skinny, you need to eat. Let's grab something.” Jin insisted and when he saw the annoyed look on the younger man's face he added, “there's that place just right across the street, I won't bring you away.”
Kazuya rolled his eyes. “As if you could.”
Jin chuckled. “Come on, let's go”, he tugged a bit on the sleeve of Kazuya's coat and the other followed him reluctantly.
--
“You sure you don't want to eat something... edible?” Jin gave the salad a doubtful look as Kazuya pulled the plate closer to him and started poking it with his chopsticks.
“It is edible.” Kazuya said and then stayed silent. He would really like to eat something more delicious but he had learnt that heavy meals were not the best choice for someone who got beaten up and raped every night. They would make his body heavy and his reactions slow and he would eventually end up throwing up what he had eaten. So he's gotten used to eat light meals and sometimes even nothing. It was easier that way.
“How old are you?” Jin shook him out of his thoughts.
“Why do you want to know?”
“I'm trying to make a conversation here. Come on, it's not a difficult question.”
“Twenty.” Kazuya said and shot a glance at Jin. “You?”
Jin took a sip of his water. “What do you think?”
“Thirty-eight?” Kazuya asked and Jin's eyes widened.
“What?”
“Forty?”, Kazuya guessed and Jin gaped at him.
“You... you...”
Kazuya just raised an eyebrow. “Twenty-five?”
Jin stopped gaping and blinked at the boy. “Correct.”
Kazuya nodded and turned back to his salad, missing the grin that spread on Jin's face. “So you were teasing me. You have a sense of humor after all.”, he concluded and Kazuya looked up at him, surprised then turned his gaze away, looking somewhat embarrassed. Jin guessed what had crossed Kazuya's mind. He had let his guard down for a moment and went so far to tease the older man. And that meant he played along, he hadn't rejected Jin fully. And the tought brought a bright smile on Jin's face.
He licked his lips and looked at Kazuya, putting his hands on the table, close to the boy's. “I like you.”
The words echoed in the almost empty restaurant and Kazuya stared at his salad for a moment before he looked up. “I know.”
Jin's jaw dropped. “No... I mean, I really like you. Not just... you know... I mean...” he stuttered, his mind raced to figure out how he could make Kazuya understand what he meant. “Not just sex... It was incredible... but I... I want to get to know you. I want to know who you are.”
“No, you don't.” Kazuya said immediately and shook his head.
Jin could feel the tension in the air, the cold tone in Kazuya's voice made him hold his breath but he didn't want to let the issue go. Maybe it was his only chance. “But I really do. I want to go out with you. To talk to you. To know everything about you.”
“Believe me, you don't.” Kazuya slammed his chopsticks on the table. “Stop this bullshit”, he added, looking straight into Jin's eyes with a slightly angry expression on his face.
Jin inhaled deeply and looked back into those cold but mesmerizing brown orbs. “I won't”, he said almost in a whisper. “Whatever had happened to you in the past or is happening now, I don't mind. Just give it a chance. Is it too much to ask?”
Kazuya pursed his lips together and Jin could see how he was struggling with his desires and thoughts, and it only made him more confident. Kazuya looked troubled and that meant he wasn't sure if he wanted to reject Jin or not.
“It is”, Kazuya replied but his voice lacked conviction. He avoided Jin' eyes.
“Kazuya”, Jin said softly and inched his hand closer to put it gently on the boy's hands and Kazuya stiffened, but didn't look up. “Kazuya, look at me.”
In response, Kazuya shook his head and stared at the warm hand convering his own but didn't move. Jin opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off.
“Ah, here you are.” a man said, stopping by their table.
Kazuya jerked his hand away and looked up at the man. Jin could see how the younger man's face paled and his lips trembled.
“I was looking for you, Kazuya”, the man said in an exaggeratedly sweet voice and turned to Jin. “I'm sorry to interrupt but Kazuya has to go now.”
Jin frowned at the man. He had no idea who the middle-aged man was but he didn't like him already. “I'm sorry, too but we are having di-”
“No problem, let's go.” Kazuya jumped up, almost knocking his plate over as he stood up.
Jin eyed the boy suspiciously. Something didn't feel right.
“Kazuya...”
The boy shook his head, almost as if he was giving a warning to him to keep quiet. Jin couldn't help thinking that Kazuya looked a bit scared and Jin wanted nothing more than grab him by the hand and walk away but he couldn't.
Kazuya kept his gaze down and followed the man out of the restaurant.
Jin ended up being dead drunk again that night.
--
“You bitch”, the man shouted, throwing a bottle against the wall where it shattered into pieces. He grabbed Kazuya's arm hard and raised his hand. “You stupid, useless shit.”, he growled again and slapped Kazuya across his face, opening a bleeding wound at the corner of the boy's mouth.
Kazuya's breathing sped up, he shut his eyes tightly and grabbed the edge of the table to prevent himself from letting out any sound.
“Bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are? I told you not to talk to anyone. And that bastard... I bet he fucked you, am I right?”, the man grabbed a fistful of Kazuya's hair and pulled on it, making the boy look into his eyes. “Answer me. Did he fuck you or not?”
Kazuya bit his lips. “No.”
“You're lying”, the man hissed and turned Kazuya around to slam his body into the table. His belt was already in his hands and Kazuya shivered when the clothes were ripped off of his body. The first hit made him gasp and he muffled his whimpers with burying his face on his arms. He could taste blood on his tongue. It made him sick.
The man pressed his sweaty body on Kazuya's slim form and continued beating him with all his strength. When he thrusted into him roughly, Kazuya couldn't take it anymore and cried out loud, his fingers clenching the edge of the table.
“I like your voice, Kazuya. Come on, scream louder.” the man panted into his ears, licking his earlobe and Kazuya sank his teeth into his arm. The man's body was pressed to him so strongly that he felt as if all air was knocked out of him and he couldn't breathe any longer.
Kazuya didn't know how long it lasted but when he opened his eyes again, he was lying naked on the cold kitchen floor, pain stabbing his body everywhere and he didn't have the strength to even move a muscle. He must have passed out because he couldn't recall falling down from the table.
Pain. The pain was unbearable. But what it made Kazuya scared like nothing before was the pain that he was feeling inside. His heart clenched so hard that he stopped breathing for a moment and for the first time after several years, Kazuya wanted to cry.
--
It had been three days that Jin didn't see Kazuya. He went to the club every day but Kazuya didn't show up at work and Jin started to feel worried. His hopes were floating away; he didn't know where the younger man lived and no one seemed to be interested in sharing this information with him. If Kazuya didn't go to work then he would lose all his chances to contact him and the thought made Jin restless.
After one of his visits at the club, which had ended with total failure as usual, he was walking home, feeling tired and helpless but at least sober. He wasn't in the mood to drink too much these days.
When he got out the elevator and turned to head to his door, he froze and almost cried out in surprise. A figure in black coat was sitting next to his door, with knees pulled up to his chest, head rested on his arms, motionless.
Jin slowly approached the figure, trying to figure out if he was sleeping or not. “Kazuya.” he whispered in a tone that suggested he still couldn't believe that the man he had been trying to find for days now was here at his door.
Kazuya didn't move so Jin called his name again, leaning closer. “Kazuya.”
The boy slowly raised his head and looked up at Jin, who gasped in shock. Kazuya looked so different, so fragile, sad and lost that Jin heart started beating faster. He just stared at the boy, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't.
Jin fished his keys out of his pocket and opened his door then turned back. “Do you want to come in?”, he asked carefully.
Kazuya looked at the door then back at Jin. “Can't we... can't we just stay here?”, he whispered; his voice was hoarse and he sounded broken, desperate even.
Jin tried to smile at him. “Hey, I won't jump on you, okay? But it's really cold here. You can't keep sitting there, you'll catch a cold.”
Kazuya didn't answer but Jin could feel he wanted to say something.
“I won't try anything, I promise.”, Jin said again but he fell silent when Kazuya shook his head weakly.
“Not that... it's just...” his voice trailed off and he took a shuddering breath.
Jin lowered himself next to him and his smile faded. Something was wrong. Kazuya looked and sounded weak and broken. It was heart-wrenching.
“What?” he asked, whispering.
Kazuya looked away and bit his lips which, Jin noticed now, were trembling. “I... I don't think... I can move.”
Jin's heart skipped a beat as he was roaming his eyes over the boy's figure but he couldn't see anything strange. Several questions formed in his head but before he could voice them out, Kazuya's gaze met his and Jin understood that it was not the best moment to start asking.
He slowly grabbed Kazuya's arm and gently pulled him away from the wall, sneaking an arm around his waist, making Kazuya hiss. Jin stopped for a moment, then continued moving. He pulled the boy on his feet and swung his arm over his own shoulder. He could feel how Kazuya's entire weight was on his body as he practically carried him inside.
As they were in, Jin switched the light on and stopped in the living room, helping Kazuya to lean on the doorframe, before he released him. Then he quickly peeled himself out of his coat and dropped it on the couch then walked back to Kazuya, who somehow managed to steady himself, clenching the doorframe tightly.
Jin stepped closer and pulled down the zipper on his black coat. Kazuya averted his gaze and looked down, making Jin feel the scent of his shampoo as he was standing close. There was silence as he pulled the coat off of the boy, only their unsteady breathing could be heard in the apartment and Jin could feel his stomach churn in fear. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see what had happened to the boy. But he couldn't and didn't want to stop.
He threw the coat on the couch next to his and turned back. Kazuya slumped a bit downwards, it was obvious that it took so much effort to keep himself standing on his feet. Jin raised his hands hesitantly and slowly started unbuttoning the long-sleeved shirt Kazuya was wearing.
When he was done, he stopped and Kazuya looked up, silently and trembling. Jin looked back, shifting a bit closer, feeling the boy's warm breath on his face. He carefully pulled the shirt off of Kazuya's shoulders and saw the slim body shiver at feeling the cold air.
The shirt was discarded on the floor and they were just looking at each other in silence, both of them tensed. Kazuya's eyes were shining with something that Jin couldn't define at the moment, but it was painful to look into those brown orbs. He raised his hand again and his fingers stroked gently the skin from Kazuya's shoulders downwards, before they stopped at his elbow and clenched around it firmly.
Kazuya lifted his own shaking hand and grabbed Jin's shirt on his stomach as if searching for support. Jin took a deep breath and turned his look away then slowly turned Kazuya around and when his gaze fell on the boy's back, he gasped loudly.
“Oh my god.” Jin whispered, eyes widening in horror and felt Kazuya's hand, which was fisting his shirt, tremble. Te boy's arm was slightly twisted backwards as he refused to release Jin, when the older man moved behind his back. He swayed on his feet and Jin had to grab his hips to steady him. He swallowed the anger that was spreading in him and instead of punching the wall beside him, he just made a promise to himself to find whoever had done this to Kazuya and made him regret that he had ever been born to this world.
Jin shook his head and sighed deeply. Then he sneaked his arm around the boy's waist from behind, making Kazuya let go of his shirt and his other hand stroked over the slender arm once again.
He leaned closer, carefully enough not to touch the cuts and bruises on the boy's back. “Kazuya, come on, let's lie down”, he said softly into the boy's ears and Kazuya lowered his head, letting Jin lead him to the bed.
He carefully lowered Kazuya on the bed and the boy lied down on his stomach with a soft groan. His eyes almost immediately closed.
Jin went out to grab some bandages and everything else he needed to treat Kazuya's wounds and walked back, sitting down on the edge of the bed, watching the boy silently as Kazuya still had his eyes closed. Some wounds were old, barely visible but Jin could tell they would never heal completely. Other cuts were fresh and deep; some of them were still bleeding. Jin felt a sudden wave of guilt rushing through him when he remembered how he sank his nails into Kazuya's back while they were having sex. It must have hurt like hell.
As he started to treat the wounds, Kazuya's eyes flew open at the sudden pain, his hands clenched the pillow under his head, his knuckles turned white.
“I'm sorry.” Jin whispered and continued as carefully as he could. When he finished, he covered Kazuya's body with a blanket, watching as the boy sighed in relief.
“How are you feeling?”
Kazuya glanced at him, not having the energy to raise his head and turn his face to him, which was half-buried into the pillow so he could just raise his eyebrows and roll his eyes to look at the other man. He looked like a little kid, blinking from under the blanket and Jin found the sight incredibly cute. It was hard to stop himself from smiling.
“Fine”, Kazuya breathed into the pillow and struggled to keep his eyes open.
Jin brought a hand to Kazuya's head and ran his fingers through the brown locks. If Kazuya wanted to protest, he didn't have the strength to do so. Jin watched him as he drifted off, his breathing became even. “Sleep, Kazuya. Have a nice dream.”
Jin smiled sadly as his hands continued the soothing movements. He didn't know what he could do for the younger man; all he knew that he wanted to protect him, no matter what.
04.>>
akame
NC-17 (R for this chapter), angst, romance
An emotionally and physically abused boy who thought he wouldn't be able to feel again. A man who wanted to be alone and became lonely. They meet and they get the chance to heal each other. But none of them wants to be healed.
Warning: Violence, rape, language.
Chapter 3
Jin had no idea how things turned out like this. When exactly did Kazuya become part of his pitiful life? Not in the sense of actually being present, but Jin's every second thought was about the younger man. Whatever he was doing, whenever he went, his mind always wandered there, replaying that evening when Kazuya showed up at his door and they had sex.
Every time Jin thought about it, his body showed some weird symptoms. His stomach turned upside down, air got stuck in his throat for a few moments, chills ran up and down along his spine, not to mention the most embarassing thing he had to experience every single time; a hard on. And Jin wasn't stupid, there was no need to think too much to figure out what the symptoms meant.
Jin was actually angry. He was mad at Kazuya because his life was nothing like before. He couldn't work, couldn't drink and couldn't enjoy his loneliness like before. It was frustrating how much effect a single encounter can have on one's life. He really tried to look at it as a one night stand and convince himself that he couldn't get the boy out of his mind because Kazuya had that strange mysterious atmosphere around him. He certainly wasn't the chatty-flirty type and it was somehow appealing to Jin. No lies, no fake smiles and unnecessarily babbling; Kazuya just did what he wanted to do without trying to be someone else or appear better, more beautiful or more intelligent than he was.
Although it was something Jin had always wanted, Kazuya's behaviour suggested that the boy had a much more complicated life than it seemed to be. When they had sex, Jin could see and feel that Kazuya wanted him just as much as he himself wanted the other. But Kazuya didn't let Jin pleasure him, as if he was torturing himself with allowing the desire to take over but never letting himself reach release. Like some kind of punishment.
And why didn't he let Jin undress him? Could it be that he was ashamed of his body and didn't want to let Jin see him naked? It would be the total opposite of what Jin had thought of the boy. Kazuya seemed to be determined and aware of the emotional struggle he had caused, not to mention the physical attraction Jin could feel towards him even when he wasn't around. Then why?
He knew he would never be able to get over it if he didn't do something. With this thought, Jin glanced at his watch then grabbed his coat and left.
--
“Would you like to order something, sir... oh no”, was Kazuya's reaction when he spotted Jin at one of the tables. He didn't seem to be pleased to see the older man there. “Why are you here?”
Jin looked up at the boy calmly, though he felt excited and nervous like never before. Kazuya looked gorgeous and Jin needed all his self-control not to pull him close and kiss him or simply just caress his cheeks. “When does your shift end?”, he asked instead.
“Huh?” Kazuya gave him a surprised look.
Jin smiled a bit. “You know, your shift here. When does it end?”
Kame gave Jin a long look, hesitating. “Ten minutes.” he answered eventually.
Jin just nodded and stood up. “Great”, then without another word he left Kazuya and walked outside.
When the younger boy finally appeared at the back door, Jin pushed himself away from the wall where he had been standing and approached Kazuya, who stopped and glared at him with a hint of curiousity on his face.
“Hungry?” Jin asked, smiling.
“Not really”, Kazuya answered in a cold tone.
“Oh, come on, you're too skinny, you need to eat. Let's grab something.” Jin insisted and when he saw the annoyed look on the younger man's face he added, “there's that place just right across the street, I won't bring you away.”
Kazuya rolled his eyes. “As if you could.”
Jin chuckled. “Come on, let's go”, he tugged a bit on the sleeve of Kazuya's coat and the other followed him reluctantly.
--
“You sure you don't want to eat something... edible?” Jin gave the salad a doubtful look as Kazuya pulled the plate closer to him and started poking it with his chopsticks.
“It is edible.” Kazuya said and then stayed silent. He would really like to eat something more delicious but he had learnt that heavy meals were not the best choice for someone who got beaten up and raped every night. They would make his body heavy and his reactions slow and he would eventually end up throwing up what he had eaten. So he's gotten used to eat light meals and sometimes even nothing. It was easier that way.
“How old are you?” Jin shook him out of his thoughts.
“Why do you want to know?”
“I'm trying to make a conversation here. Come on, it's not a difficult question.”
“Twenty.” Kazuya said and shot a glance at Jin. “You?”
Jin took a sip of his water. “What do you think?”
“Thirty-eight?” Kazuya asked and Jin's eyes widened.
“What?”
“Forty?”, Kazuya guessed and Jin gaped at him.
“You... you...”
Kazuya just raised an eyebrow. “Twenty-five?”
Jin stopped gaping and blinked at the boy. “Correct.”
Kazuya nodded and turned back to his salad, missing the grin that spread on Jin's face. “So you were teasing me. You have a sense of humor after all.”, he concluded and Kazuya looked up at him, surprised then turned his gaze away, looking somewhat embarrassed. Jin guessed what had crossed Kazuya's mind. He had let his guard down for a moment and went so far to tease the older man. And that meant he played along, he hadn't rejected Jin fully. And the tought brought a bright smile on Jin's face.
He licked his lips and looked at Kazuya, putting his hands on the table, close to the boy's. “I like you.”
The words echoed in the almost empty restaurant and Kazuya stared at his salad for a moment before he looked up. “I know.”
Jin's jaw dropped. “No... I mean, I really like you. Not just... you know... I mean...” he stuttered, his mind raced to figure out how he could make Kazuya understand what he meant. “Not just sex... It was incredible... but I... I want to get to know you. I want to know who you are.”
“No, you don't.” Kazuya said immediately and shook his head.
Jin could feel the tension in the air, the cold tone in Kazuya's voice made him hold his breath but he didn't want to let the issue go. Maybe it was his only chance. “But I really do. I want to go out with you. To talk to you. To know everything about you.”
“Believe me, you don't.” Kazuya slammed his chopsticks on the table. “Stop this bullshit”, he added, looking straight into Jin's eyes with a slightly angry expression on his face.
Jin inhaled deeply and looked back into those cold but mesmerizing brown orbs. “I won't”, he said almost in a whisper. “Whatever had happened to you in the past or is happening now, I don't mind. Just give it a chance. Is it too much to ask?”
Kazuya pursed his lips together and Jin could see how he was struggling with his desires and thoughts, and it only made him more confident. Kazuya looked troubled and that meant he wasn't sure if he wanted to reject Jin or not.
“It is”, Kazuya replied but his voice lacked conviction. He avoided Jin' eyes.
“Kazuya”, Jin said softly and inched his hand closer to put it gently on the boy's hands and Kazuya stiffened, but didn't look up. “Kazuya, look at me.”
In response, Kazuya shook his head and stared at the warm hand convering his own but didn't move. Jin opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off.
“Ah, here you are.” a man said, stopping by their table.
Kazuya jerked his hand away and looked up at the man. Jin could see how the younger man's face paled and his lips trembled.
“I was looking for you, Kazuya”, the man said in an exaggeratedly sweet voice and turned to Jin. “I'm sorry to interrupt but Kazuya has to go now.”
Jin frowned at the man. He had no idea who the middle-aged man was but he didn't like him already. “I'm sorry, too but we are having di-”
“No problem, let's go.” Kazuya jumped up, almost knocking his plate over as he stood up.
Jin eyed the boy suspiciously. Something didn't feel right.
“Kazuya...”
The boy shook his head, almost as if he was giving a warning to him to keep quiet. Jin couldn't help thinking that Kazuya looked a bit scared and Jin wanted nothing more than grab him by the hand and walk away but he couldn't.
Kazuya kept his gaze down and followed the man out of the restaurant.
Jin ended up being dead drunk again that night.
--
“You bitch”, the man shouted, throwing a bottle against the wall where it shattered into pieces. He grabbed Kazuya's arm hard and raised his hand. “You stupid, useless shit.”, he growled again and slapped Kazuya across his face, opening a bleeding wound at the corner of the boy's mouth.
Kazuya's breathing sped up, he shut his eyes tightly and grabbed the edge of the table to prevent himself from letting out any sound.
“Bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are? I told you not to talk to anyone. And that bastard... I bet he fucked you, am I right?”, the man grabbed a fistful of Kazuya's hair and pulled on it, making the boy look into his eyes. “Answer me. Did he fuck you or not?”
Kazuya bit his lips. “No.”
“You're lying”, the man hissed and turned Kazuya around to slam his body into the table. His belt was already in his hands and Kazuya shivered when the clothes were ripped off of his body. The first hit made him gasp and he muffled his whimpers with burying his face on his arms. He could taste blood on his tongue. It made him sick.
The man pressed his sweaty body on Kazuya's slim form and continued beating him with all his strength. When he thrusted into him roughly, Kazuya couldn't take it anymore and cried out loud, his fingers clenching the edge of the table.
“I like your voice, Kazuya. Come on, scream louder.” the man panted into his ears, licking his earlobe and Kazuya sank his teeth into his arm. The man's body was pressed to him so strongly that he felt as if all air was knocked out of him and he couldn't breathe any longer.
Kazuya didn't know how long it lasted but when he opened his eyes again, he was lying naked on the cold kitchen floor, pain stabbing his body everywhere and he didn't have the strength to even move a muscle. He must have passed out because he couldn't recall falling down from the table.
Pain. The pain was unbearable. But what it made Kazuya scared like nothing before was the pain that he was feeling inside. His heart clenched so hard that he stopped breathing for a moment and for the first time after several years, Kazuya wanted to cry.
--
It had been three days that Jin didn't see Kazuya. He went to the club every day but Kazuya didn't show up at work and Jin started to feel worried. His hopes were floating away; he didn't know where the younger man lived and no one seemed to be interested in sharing this information with him. If Kazuya didn't go to work then he would lose all his chances to contact him and the thought made Jin restless.
After one of his visits at the club, which had ended with total failure as usual, he was walking home, feeling tired and helpless but at least sober. He wasn't in the mood to drink too much these days.
When he got out the elevator and turned to head to his door, he froze and almost cried out in surprise. A figure in black coat was sitting next to his door, with knees pulled up to his chest, head rested on his arms, motionless.
Jin slowly approached the figure, trying to figure out if he was sleeping or not. “Kazuya.” he whispered in a tone that suggested he still couldn't believe that the man he had been trying to find for days now was here at his door.
Kazuya didn't move so Jin called his name again, leaning closer. “Kazuya.”
The boy slowly raised his head and looked up at Jin, who gasped in shock. Kazuya looked so different, so fragile, sad and lost that Jin heart started beating faster. He just stared at the boy, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't.
Jin fished his keys out of his pocket and opened his door then turned back. “Do you want to come in?”, he asked carefully.
Kazuya looked at the door then back at Jin. “Can't we... can't we just stay here?”, he whispered; his voice was hoarse and he sounded broken, desperate even.
Jin tried to smile at him. “Hey, I won't jump on you, okay? But it's really cold here. You can't keep sitting there, you'll catch a cold.”
Kazuya didn't answer but Jin could feel he wanted to say something.
“I won't try anything, I promise.”, Jin said again but he fell silent when Kazuya shook his head weakly.
“Not that... it's just...” his voice trailed off and he took a shuddering breath.
Jin lowered himself next to him and his smile faded. Something was wrong. Kazuya looked and sounded weak and broken. It was heart-wrenching.
“What?” he asked, whispering.
Kazuya looked away and bit his lips which, Jin noticed now, were trembling. “I... I don't think... I can move.”
Jin's heart skipped a beat as he was roaming his eyes over the boy's figure but he couldn't see anything strange. Several questions formed in his head but before he could voice them out, Kazuya's gaze met his and Jin understood that it was not the best moment to start asking.
He slowly grabbed Kazuya's arm and gently pulled him away from the wall, sneaking an arm around his waist, making Kazuya hiss. Jin stopped for a moment, then continued moving. He pulled the boy on his feet and swung his arm over his own shoulder. He could feel how Kazuya's entire weight was on his body as he practically carried him inside.
As they were in, Jin switched the light on and stopped in the living room, helping Kazuya to lean on the doorframe, before he released him. Then he quickly peeled himself out of his coat and dropped it on the couch then walked back to Kazuya, who somehow managed to steady himself, clenching the doorframe tightly.
Jin stepped closer and pulled down the zipper on his black coat. Kazuya averted his gaze and looked down, making Jin feel the scent of his shampoo as he was standing close. There was silence as he pulled the coat off of the boy, only their unsteady breathing could be heard in the apartment and Jin could feel his stomach churn in fear. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see what had happened to the boy. But he couldn't and didn't want to stop.
He threw the coat on the couch next to his and turned back. Kazuya slumped a bit downwards, it was obvious that it took so much effort to keep himself standing on his feet. Jin raised his hands hesitantly and slowly started unbuttoning the long-sleeved shirt Kazuya was wearing.
When he was done, he stopped and Kazuya looked up, silently and trembling. Jin looked back, shifting a bit closer, feeling the boy's warm breath on his face. He carefully pulled the shirt off of Kazuya's shoulders and saw the slim body shiver at feeling the cold air.
The shirt was discarded on the floor and they were just looking at each other in silence, both of them tensed. Kazuya's eyes were shining with something that Jin couldn't define at the moment, but it was painful to look into those brown orbs. He raised his hand again and his fingers stroked gently the skin from Kazuya's shoulders downwards, before they stopped at his elbow and clenched around it firmly.
Kazuya lifted his own shaking hand and grabbed Jin's shirt on his stomach as if searching for support. Jin took a deep breath and turned his look away then slowly turned Kazuya around and when his gaze fell on the boy's back, he gasped loudly.
“Oh my god.” Jin whispered, eyes widening in horror and felt Kazuya's hand, which was fisting his shirt, tremble. Te boy's arm was slightly twisted backwards as he refused to release Jin, when the older man moved behind his back. He swayed on his feet and Jin had to grab his hips to steady him. He swallowed the anger that was spreading in him and instead of punching the wall beside him, he just made a promise to himself to find whoever had done this to Kazuya and made him regret that he had ever been born to this world.
Jin shook his head and sighed deeply. Then he sneaked his arm around the boy's waist from behind, making Kazuya let go of his shirt and his other hand stroked over the slender arm once again.
He leaned closer, carefully enough not to touch the cuts and bruises on the boy's back. “Kazuya, come on, let's lie down”, he said softly into the boy's ears and Kazuya lowered his head, letting Jin lead him to the bed.
He carefully lowered Kazuya on the bed and the boy lied down on his stomach with a soft groan. His eyes almost immediately closed.
Jin went out to grab some bandages and everything else he needed to treat Kazuya's wounds and walked back, sitting down on the edge of the bed, watching the boy silently as Kazuya still had his eyes closed. Some wounds were old, barely visible but Jin could tell they would never heal completely. Other cuts were fresh and deep; some of them were still bleeding. Jin felt a sudden wave of guilt rushing through him when he remembered how he sank his nails into Kazuya's back while they were having sex. It must have hurt like hell.
As he started to treat the wounds, Kazuya's eyes flew open at the sudden pain, his hands clenched the pillow under his head, his knuckles turned white.
“I'm sorry.” Jin whispered and continued as carefully as he could. When he finished, he covered Kazuya's body with a blanket, watching as the boy sighed in relief.
“How are you feeling?”
Kazuya glanced at him, not having the energy to raise his head and turn his face to him, which was half-buried into the pillow so he could just raise his eyebrows and roll his eyes to look at the other man. He looked like a little kid, blinking from under the blanket and Jin found the sight incredibly cute. It was hard to stop himself from smiling.
“Fine”, Kazuya breathed into the pillow and struggled to keep his eyes open.
Jin brought a hand to Kazuya's head and ran his fingers through the brown locks. If Kazuya wanted to protest, he didn't have the strength to do so. Jin watched him as he drifted off, his breathing became even. “Sleep, Kazuya. Have a nice dream.”
Jin smiled sadly as his hands continued the soothing movements. He didn't know what he could do for the younger man; all he knew that he wanted to protect him, no matter what.
04.>>