Screams of Frustration
at this moment
date: tuesday, april 29th, 2003
time: 3:02 am
mood: blah
wearing: barefoot, black/white skirt, green/yellow shirt, glasses, pentacle
doing: debating on going to bed.
thinking: why can she not just understand my religion? why does she have to be christian, why can we not just agree that christianity is FULL OF SHIT. yet again, religion dogs me. yet again, christianity wraps its filthy fucking tentacles around my neck and begins to squeeze. yeah, i do not hate the religion, i hate the people in it. it just happens to be that all of the pain that i have felt during the course of my life has been caused by people DIRECTLY RELATED to that FUCKING religion. i have been bent over a chair and SHAFTED by christianity more times than i can count, and time and again i am told to "not blame christianity for its christians". Well, they are shits because of christianity. that religion fosters so much negative energy that it is simply unbelievable. it needs to go away.
So, I realize that you probably do not read my journal very often and therefore did not receive my last plea. I sit here, still awake and unable to sleep, yet so incredibly tired. I am tired of having to work, just to have what I need in life. I am tired of stressing about school and my grades and whether or not I am going to get the financial aid necessary for me to continue my education. I am tired of living here in this nothing town so far away from the rest of my life. I am tired of being emotionally harassed by my mother and my sister and being told how to live my life. I am tired of worrying about how my life is going to turn out and what my future is going to be like. I am tired of wondering if you are the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with or if there exists someone out there who is perfect for me with the same ideas, beliefs, morals and desires for life. I am so tired. I am tired of fighting with you. Of arguing with you and being made to feel like I am wrong and I should be ashamed or embarrassed because, God forbid, I actually accept Christianity. After all, I am not of such esteemed thinking and elevated, open-minded intelligence as you are. Oh no, I am blind because I do not feel the need to question every little thing that happens around me. Because I am content in believing that there is Someone out there who does understand it all and has all the answers and that He is looking out for me, even when I am not asking Him to. I am wrong because I do not believe exactly as you do and because I do not whole heartedly and openly accept your religion. Yet there is nothing wrong with you completely denying mine, with you bashing it every chance you get, of you making a mockery of it. That is all perfectly okay. But because I dare to harbor a little disbelief towards your religion, I am so terrible and I am inhibiting your ability to practice said religion. What about what you do to me? Do you not think your constant bashing of my beliefs and all your ranting about Christianity inhibits my ability to practice it? Why is it okay for you to hate what I believe but not okay for me to disbelieve what you say? WHY IS THAT OKAY!?!?!? I get so mad at you for your selfish, CLOSE-MINDED views on the subject that I could scream. I am sick of it. I am sick of you refusing to consider my beliefs and expecting my to accept yours. You want a week so you can "reconnect with your goddess"? Fine. Here it is. As a matter of fact take as much fucking time as you need to get over yourself. Until then, so much as one negative word towards my religion and I am walking away, with no intent of turning back.
date: tuesday, april 29th, 2003
time: 3:02 am
mood: blah
wearing: barefoot, black/white skirt, green/yellow shirt, glasses, pentacle
doing: debating on going to bed.
thinking: why can she not just understand my religion? why does she have to be christian, why can we not just agree that christianity is FULL OF SHIT. yet again, religion dogs me. yet again, christianity wraps its filthy fucking tentacles around my neck and begins to squeeze. yeah, i do not hate the religion, i hate the people in it. it just happens to be that all of the pain that i have felt during the course of my life has been caused by people DIRECTLY RELATED to that FUCKING religion. i have been bent over a chair and SHAFTED by christianity more times than i can count, and time and again i am told to "not blame christianity for its christians". Well, they are shits because of christianity. that religion fosters so much negative energy that it is simply unbelievable. it needs to go away.
So, I realize that you probably do not read my journal very often and therefore did not receive my last plea. I sit here, still awake and unable to sleep, yet so incredibly tired. I am tired of having to work, just to have what I need in life. I am tired of stressing about school and my grades and whether or not I am going to get the financial aid necessary for me to continue my education. I am tired of living here in this nothing town so far away from the rest of my life. I am tired of being emotionally harassed by my mother and my sister and being told how to live my life. I am tired of worrying about how my life is going to turn out and what my future is going to be like. I am tired of wondering if you are the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with or if there exists someone out there who is perfect for me with the same ideas, beliefs, morals and desires for life. I am so tired. I am tired of fighting with you. Of arguing with you and being made to feel like I am wrong and I should be ashamed or embarrassed because, God forbid, I actually accept Christianity. After all, I am not of such esteemed thinking and elevated, open-minded intelligence as you are. Oh no, I am blind because I do not feel the need to question every little thing that happens around me. Because I am content in believing that there is Someone out there who does understand it all and has all the answers and that He is looking out for me, even when I am not asking Him to. I am wrong because I do not believe exactly as you do and because I do not whole heartedly and openly accept your religion. Yet there is nothing wrong with you completely denying mine, with you bashing it every chance you get, of you making a mockery of it. That is all perfectly okay. But because I dare to harbor a little disbelief towards your religion, I am so terrible and I am inhibiting your ability to practice said religion. What about what you do to me? Do you not think your constant bashing of my beliefs and all your ranting about Christianity inhibits my ability to practice it? Why is it okay for you to hate what I believe but not okay for me to disbelieve what you say? WHY IS THAT OKAY!?!?!? I get so mad at you for your selfish, CLOSE-MINDED views on the subject that I could scream. I am sick of it. I am sick of you refusing to consider my beliefs and expecting my to accept yours. You want a week so you can "reconnect with your goddess"? Fine. Here it is. As a matter of fact take as much fucking time as you need to get over yourself. Until then, so much as one negative word towards my religion and I am walking away, with no intent of turning back.