(no subject)
I thought today would help, that it would help me start to get over it. I thought it would finally make it real, make it permanent and I could stop waking up every morning feeling like it was a bad dream and realizing all over again that it really was happening. I know he's gone, but I can't really grasp it yet. There's a hole somewhere in the middle of me that knows it, but I still expect him to call, to come home any day now and ask what's for dinner or when the next party is. I keep picturing all the things to come with him in it. It's so morbid but I wish I could have seen the body, just to convince myself he really died. It doesn't feel like he's gone for good, just gone for awhile and someday, eventually, he'll be back...