(no subject)
I'm torn, confused, excited, frightened, nervous, proud, disappointed, thrilled.... I dont know how to feel, what to think.
For many years, I've wanted to be an Irish Dance Teacher. I think I've always dragged my feet when pursuing other career opportunities because what I really wanted to do was dance, and teach dance. I love dancing, it makes me happy. People always say "do what you love".
So when people talk about me getting my TCRG, why do I always shy away from that too?
This past week, my teacher kept me after class, he wanted to talk to me about getting my TCRG and teaching for Tir Conaill. He was serious, and not in a "someday" kind of way. He had a plan, a time frame, and he basically offered me a job. He wants me to take the exam next year, maybe sometime after nationals. He wants me to help teach classes at the main studio, and help with the younger ceili teams in the meantime (thus gaining experience with teaching ceilis in particular, the one area I lack expertise). He wants to open a branch in the east valley, and he wants me to teach. So instead of paying for classes, I'd be getting paid. Instead of scrounging for money to go to Oireachtas, Nationals etc. it would be paid for me. I would have an opportunity to do everything I dreamed of. And he thinks I oculd be successful at it.
On the other hand, I would have to quit competing. This Oireachtas would be my last as a competitor. He also informed me that I would not be on our senior ceili team. If I did not get recalled at Nationals in 2009, i would not have another chance. If I dont qualify for worlds in novemember, I will not get to try again. If I dont go to All-Irelands this year, I will never compete there.
I've been competing in Irish Dance since I was 10. Thats 15+ years. When I was a teen, I told myself that I would not be one of those dancers who quit competing and got their TCRG because they had given up on achieving more competitively. I told myself that I would not "retire" from competition untill I had been recalled at a major competition. That was after my first Oireachtas. I thought, from there, that I could not achieve more. The first time I did get recalled at a major was my 3rd Oireachtas. They recalled all of us, and I got 7th. I later found out that I had a chance to compete at worlds as an alternate. I had reached my goal, but it would be another 2 years before I could take the TCRG exam at 21. In the meantime, I set another goal for myself, to be recalled at an event higher then the Oireachtas. Nationals, or Worlds, or any other international major. Since then, I've been to a total of 8 nationals, and 2 world championships, and not been recalled at any of them. I have placed as close as 4 and 5 places away, but never had the chance to perform my set on the worldwide stage.
It could all happen this year, but I am afraid it wont. I am also afraid it will, that I will get my recall, and then never know if I could have done better and better. Top 20? top 10? How do you know when you have given all you have and gotten as good as you can be? How do you walk away and not wonder if you could have done better?
And so, I come to a crossroads. I know what I want to do, and I know what I should do, but that doesnt make it easy. On the one hand I will have to give up something I'm just finally being successful at after a long dry spell. On the other, I will be finally given the chance to do something I really enjoy. I have always found teaching so rewarding, but I dont know what it will be like to not compete for myself anymore.
For many years, I've wanted to be an Irish Dance Teacher. I think I've always dragged my feet when pursuing other career opportunities because what I really wanted to do was dance, and teach dance. I love dancing, it makes me happy. People always say "do what you love".
So when people talk about me getting my TCRG, why do I always shy away from that too?
This past week, my teacher kept me after class, he wanted to talk to me about getting my TCRG and teaching for Tir Conaill. He was serious, and not in a "someday" kind of way. He had a plan, a time frame, and he basically offered me a job. He wants me to take the exam next year, maybe sometime after nationals. He wants me to help teach classes at the main studio, and help with the younger ceili teams in the meantime (thus gaining experience with teaching ceilis in particular, the one area I lack expertise). He wants to open a branch in the east valley, and he wants me to teach. So instead of paying for classes, I'd be getting paid. Instead of scrounging for money to go to Oireachtas, Nationals etc. it would be paid for me. I would have an opportunity to do everything I dreamed of. And he thinks I oculd be successful at it.
On the other hand, I would have to quit competing. This Oireachtas would be my last as a competitor. He also informed me that I would not be on our senior ceili team. If I did not get recalled at Nationals in 2009, i would not have another chance. If I dont qualify for worlds in novemember, I will not get to try again. If I dont go to All-Irelands this year, I will never compete there.
I've been competing in Irish Dance since I was 10. Thats 15+ years. When I was a teen, I told myself that I would not be one of those dancers who quit competing and got their TCRG because they had given up on achieving more competitively. I told myself that I would not "retire" from competition untill I had been recalled at a major competition. That was after my first Oireachtas. I thought, from there, that I could not achieve more. The first time I did get recalled at a major was my 3rd Oireachtas. They recalled all of us, and I got 7th. I later found out that I had a chance to compete at worlds as an alternate. I had reached my goal, but it would be another 2 years before I could take the TCRG exam at 21. In the meantime, I set another goal for myself, to be recalled at an event higher then the Oireachtas. Nationals, or Worlds, or any other international major. Since then, I've been to a total of 8 nationals, and 2 world championships, and not been recalled at any of them. I have placed as close as 4 and 5 places away, but never had the chance to perform my set on the worldwide stage.
It could all happen this year, but I am afraid it wont. I am also afraid it will, that I will get my recall, and then never know if I could have done better and better. Top 20? top 10? How do you know when you have given all you have and gotten as good as you can be? How do you walk away and not wonder if you could have done better?
And so, I come to a crossroads. I know what I want to do, and I know what I should do, but that doesnt make it easy. On the one hand I will have to give up something I'm just finally being successful at after a long dry spell. On the other, I will be finally given the chance to do something I really enjoy. I have always found teaching so rewarding, but I dont know what it will be like to not compete for myself anymore.