Update
Ashbe is sick and refuses to get help. So what if its nothing, oh no you wasted time making sure that it isn't something that could really fuck you up. I guess I am pressuring her into decisions she doesn'twant to do. I apologize for that I thought we had discussed it and you had told me it was something you wanted to do but were scared. I was trying to be supportive and wanted to make sure those fears didnt mess up something that you would enjoy. All in all I need to sit down with you and talk this out I don't want to pressure you in a direction you don't wanna go. I really thought moving to flag was something you wanted. Most of all I am scared about what I feel. I am scared that I will push you away or that it will fade. I don't know why that of all things scares me. If you decide not to go to flag I will be disappointed, but i will be happy for you because its what you want.
As for me. I don't know anymore. I am slacking at work my mind can't seem to focus. I could blame it on the things that are happening in my lie but I don't think thats it. I think this has been a long time coming. I think I am just stressed out and scared beyone all. I don't wanna do this for the rest of my life. I don't wanna go into a job I hate for the next year and then move to flag and scrape by as a student. But thats the best I have. If I stay down here I will be working a job I hate for much longer then a year and I will be having an even harder time as a student at MCC. There are 2 bright spots in my life and even those have dimmers on right now. Ashbe and my friends. My home life is shit. God damn I don't know when I stopped being able to find happiness in anything but my friends or ashbe. That wouldn't be bad but when I am alone I am completely miserable. I cannot entertain myself even a little. I either have to be chatting with ashbe on aim or playing WoW with Alex. If I am not doing one of those two things I can't figure out what to do with myself. I do feel better writing this though. God life is gonna be tough for a while.
As for me. I don't know anymore. I am slacking at work my mind can't seem to focus. I could blame it on the things that are happening in my lie but I don't think thats it. I think this has been a long time coming. I think I am just stressed out and scared beyone all. I don't wanna do this for the rest of my life. I don't wanna go into a job I hate for the next year and then move to flag and scrape by as a student. But thats the best I have. If I stay down here I will be working a job I hate for much longer then a year and I will be having an even harder time as a student at MCC. There are 2 bright spots in my life and even those have dimmers on right now. Ashbe and my friends. My home life is shit. God damn I don't know when I stopped being able to find happiness in anything but my friends or ashbe. That wouldn't be bad but when I am alone I am completely miserable. I cannot entertain myself even a little. I either have to be chatting with ashbe on aim or playing WoW with Alex. If I am not doing one of those two things I can't figure out what to do with myself. I do feel better writing this though. God life is gonna be tough for a while.