Note I posted on Facebook, worth reposting here...
It seems cliche to say that life speeds by us all. One day flows into the next, and we don't give much thought to the little things we do everyday that might matter later. We also don't give enough thought to our relationships and what they contribute to our lives. This, then, is the heart of my first-ever [Facebook] Note.
Perhaps the timing of this note has to do with the fact that I'm bored at school with time to kill right now, but I think more than that, it has to do with where I've been, where I am, and where I'm headed. Whatever the reason, I finally feel able to express some of these feelings in words.
To say that I am bad at keeping in touch with people is an understatement. To say that, for the most part, I am shy, is being kind. I don't do enough to cultivate the relationships that matter. I let things slip by until one day it's too late. Life changes, and that is inevitable. I cannot control the fact that life will change, just as people change. But I can control what I do to get through that change and come out the other side.
What I'm trying to say is that, through laziness, fear, depression, and more fear, I have lost touch with many people I care deeply for.
There is so much I wish I could say to these people, and maybe someday I will be able to pour my heart out to them again. But, for now, what I have to say in this note will have to suffice.
Call me sentimental or overdramatic, but I hate with a passion that I've let people drift out of my life. "Do something about it, then," you say. That would be the logical thing to do, wouldn't it? But as much as I hate to admit it, I have gotten to a point where the fear of rejection, the fear that things will never be the same, has caused me to hang back, to withdraw.
Quite simply, I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart to the people I may have hurt or neglected because of my own fear. As a result of this, I may have lost some of you forever. Your lives have moved forward while mine has been treading water. I've been hanging on to memories of good times with you instead of trying to create new ones.
All I've ever wanted is to feel accepted and make others feel the same; I've longed to make a difference to someone, to make their lives better. Really, it's not about me being accepted at all. I would feel accepted simply by knowing that there are people who I can always turn to, no matter how much time has passed or what changes have come about in their lives. My greatest joy would be to be able to be that kind of person for someone else.
Maybe I am making too much out of a small issue, but I just felt compelled to write this. If I lived within walking distance of all of you, I would personally be at your door to tell you this. I would tell you how sorry I am from my own lips, and I would try like hell never to let our bond break again.
If you're curious as to who this note is addressed to specifically, it is not written to only one person. Rather, it is my apology to all those who have touched my life, even in the smallest way.
I owe a particularly profound apology to my friends from Bethel, mainly my roommates from Freshman year. You all know who you are. If you're reading this right now I want you to know that in nine months with you girls I had more fun and felt the most included I ever have in my life, and I think about you everyday. I haven't kept in touch like i should have, and I'll regret that forever. But you will always be in my heart, and I'm holding out hope that I'm still in yours, even after all this time.
If I were to write a note to everyone important to me, it would shut down [Facebook] just due to the sheer volume, so please know that even if I didn't specifically mention you, that doesn't mean you matter any less to me. God, family, and friends are what sustains my existence, so I guess you could say that lately, I have been only two thirds alive. I need special people like you in my life. I hope you can forgive me and take this note to heart. I mean every word with the utmost sincerity.
Thank you for reading this. I love every one of you dearly, and hope that somehow, you feel the same for me. It's never too late...
Perhaps the timing of this note has to do with the fact that I'm bored at school with time to kill right now, but I think more than that, it has to do with where I've been, where I am, and where I'm headed. Whatever the reason, I finally feel able to express some of these feelings in words.
To say that I am bad at keeping in touch with people is an understatement. To say that, for the most part, I am shy, is being kind. I don't do enough to cultivate the relationships that matter. I let things slip by until one day it's too late. Life changes, and that is inevitable. I cannot control the fact that life will change, just as people change. But I can control what I do to get through that change and come out the other side.
What I'm trying to say is that, through laziness, fear, depression, and more fear, I have lost touch with many people I care deeply for.
There is so much I wish I could say to these people, and maybe someday I will be able to pour my heart out to them again. But, for now, what I have to say in this note will have to suffice.
Call me sentimental or overdramatic, but I hate with a passion that I've let people drift out of my life. "Do something about it, then," you say. That would be the logical thing to do, wouldn't it? But as much as I hate to admit it, I have gotten to a point where the fear of rejection, the fear that things will never be the same, has caused me to hang back, to withdraw.
Quite simply, I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart to the people I may have hurt or neglected because of my own fear. As a result of this, I may have lost some of you forever. Your lives have moved forward while mine has been treading water. I've been hanging on to memories of good times with you instead of trying to create new ones.
All I've ever wanted is to feel accepted and make others feel the same; I've longed to make a difference to someone, to make their lives better. Really, it's not about me being accepted at all. I would feel accepted simply by knowing that there are people who I can always turn to, no matter how much time has passed or what changes have come about in their lives. My greatest joy would be to be able to be that kind of person for someone else.
Maybe I am making too much out of a small issue, but I just felt compelled to write this. If I lived within walking distance of all of you, I would personally be at your door to tell you this. I would tell you how sorry I am from my own lips, and I would try like hell never to let our bond break again.
If you're curious as to who this note is addressed to specifically, it is not written to only one person. Rather, it is my apology to all those who have touched my life, even in the smallest way.
I owe a particularly profound apology to my friends from Bethel, mainly my roommates from Freshman year. You all know who you are. If you're reading this right now I want you to know that in nine months with you girls I had more fun and felt the most included I ever have in my life, and I think about you everyday. I haven't kept in touch like i should have, and I'll regret that forever. But you will always be in my heart, and I'm holding out hope that I'm still in yours, even after all this time.
If I were to write a note to everyone important to me, it would shut down [Facebook] just due to the sheer volume, so please know that even if I didn't specifically mention you, that doesn't mean you matter any less to me. God, family, and friends are what sustains my existence, so I guess you could say that lately, I have been only two thirds alive. I need special people like you in my life. I hope you can forgive me and take this note to heart. I mean every word with the utmost sincerity.
Thank you for reading this. I love every one of you dearly, and hope that somehow, you feel the same for me. It's never too late...