(no subject)
He stared down at the keys in his hands, the keys that seemed to hold the answer for a quick getaway. A quick getaway from his thoughts, from his past. He had been driving away for so long, basically running away from the ghosts that haunted him.
It was funny, there was a time that what he did, how he was, didn't seem to matter to him. He could beat up someone and not think about it fifteen minutes afterwards. After leaving his 'line of work,' though, things seemed to start changing. Things he had done and said in the past came haunting him. Regrets came knocking at his door constantly, which he hated. What if I had made different decisions? What if I would have done something different...?
What if...?
It was all probably simply birthday blues all over again. He seemed to get them every year, except this year it seemed to be hitting him with a vengence. You're getting old, he reminded himself. You're turning 28, and what exactly have you done with your life...?
He cringed at the thought. What exactly had he done...? Earn money in a way he wasn't proud of? Even if that was all in the past, it was all there. Sometimes it was hard to look at himself in the mirror, remembering that morning when he decided that he didn't want to continue what he was doing. When someone innocent, someone who interfered and...
Shaking away the thought he threw the keys towards his bed. How long was he going to keep running away for...? Forever sounded good, safe, but he knew that he couldn't. Even if he had money, it would soon start getting tight. Traveling required spending, and now that the price to fill up the tank of his car was starting to rise again, he knew that he couldn't continue this. But what was he going to put as his previous job experience? He had no experience in anything that would be useful. He could cook, but so what...? A feeling of entrapment started to overwhelm him, making him feel vulnerable; a feeling he despised.
Clenching his jaw, he took the keys again before starting to head out. Maybe during his drive he'd find a newspaper with classified ads. Maybe his luck was going to change.
It was funny, there was a time that what he did, how he was, didn't seem to matter to him. He could beat up someone and not think about it fifteen minutes afterwards. After leaving his 'line of work,' though, things seemed to start changing. Things he had done and said in the past came haunting him. Regrets came knocking at his door constantly, which he hated. What if I had made different decisions? What if I would have done something different...?
What if...?
It was all probably simply birthday blues all over again. He seemed to get them every year, except this year it seemed to be hitting him with a vengence. You're getting old, he reminded himself. You're turning 28, and what exactly have you done with your life...?
He cringed at the thought. What exactly had he done...? Earn money in a way he wasn't proud of? Even if that was all in the past, it was all there. Sometimes it was hard to look at himself in the mirror, remembering that morning when he decided that he didn't want to continue what he was doing. When someone innocent, someone who interfered and...
Shaking away the thought he threw the keys towards his bed. How long was he going to keep running away for...? Forever sounded good, safe, but he knew that he couldn't. Even if he had money, it would soon start getting tight. Traveling required spending, and now that the price to fill up the tank of his car was starting to rise again, he knew that he couldn't continue this. But what was he going to put as his previous job experience? He had no experience in anything that would be useful. He could cook, but so what...? A feeling of entrapment started to overwhelm him, making him feel vulnerable; a feeling he despised.
Clenching his jaw, he took the keys again before starting to head out. Maybe during his drive he'd find a newspaper with classified ads. Maybe his luck was going to change.