Talk about something you lost.
(Due to what's going on with this thread, any comment will be treated as meta.)
Well, fuck. Isn't this a cheerful subject.
I usually don't lose things. Things can be replaced, anyway, but I've always been careful and protective of the things that I own.
When it comes to people, though... Damn, man, I'm an expert at losing. And no, I ain't exaggerating. I either push people away in one way or another, or the loss is simply out of my hands and I still end up feeling guilty anyway. Like, with DJ. He died because he was sick, not because of anything I did, and there's this nagging thought that I could've done something yet I didn't. There was nothing, and I know that, but... I can't help it. Same with my grandfather. Same with my son. Those losses were out of my control. I couldn't have done anything to stop it even if I tried, but--
...actually, I guess I'm lying. I could have prevented Aidan's death, but I didn't. The loss of my son happened because of me - because I picked the lifestyle that I lived, because I got involved with the wrong people, because I didn't stay behind to protect him and Lauren...
So many reasons. All my fault.
I would say I'm learning to live with it, but that's such bullshit. You can't learn to live with that sort of thing. It's impossible, because it eats you up alive each day that passes.
But that's the thing, isn't it. You lose something, you deal, you move on as best as you can.
At least I can say I'm trying.
Well, fuck. Isn't this a cheerful subject.
I usually don't lose things. Things can be replaced, anyway, but I've always been careful and protective of the things that I own.
When it comes to people, though... Damn, man, I'm an expert at losing. And no, I ain't exaggerating. I either push people away in one way or another, or the loss is simply out of my hands and I still end up feeling guilty anyway. Like, with DJ. He died because he was sick, not because of anything I did, and there's this nagging thought that I could've done something yet I didn't. There was nothing, and I know that, but... I can't help it. Same with my grandfather. Same with my son. Those losses were out of my control. I couldn't have done anything to stop it even if I tried, but--
...actually, I guess I'm lying. I could have prevented Aidan's death, but I didn't. The loss of my son happened because of me - because I picked the lifestyle that I lived, because I got involved with the wrong people, because I didn't stay behind to protect him and Lauren...
So many reasons. All my fault.
I would say I'm learning to live with it, but that's such bullshit. You can't learn to live with that sort of thing. It's impossible, because it eats you up alive each day that passes.
But that's the thing, isn't it. You lose something, you deal, you move on as best as you can.
At least I can say I'm trying.