(no subject)
So, my life has been pretty boring. For real. I'm sitting in my apartment at 1:41 AM. I have swimming in the morning and there's nothing I hate more than swimming when I'm tired. But, I don't want to go to sleep.
I haven't updated this in a really long time. Nothing has changed. I realized that I love learning, but I am so tired of being in the idle state. School is just a span of waiting to start your life. And it's killing me. I look forward to starting my life.
But, I love being young.
I've been struggling a lot lately with the way that I feel about people. I love everyone, but there's just so much that I see that is wasted, or misunderstood in people. Like, I don't know how to explain it. I think I just get so fed up with all the SAME people. Boys are retarded. Girls are retarded. Girls make drama-rama because secretly they like it. And guys SAY they can just be friends, but they totally say that and do another. And dealing with it, or just losing a friend is really upsetting.
I love how I get on this thing and I just ramble about stuff that makes no sense what so ever.
My house is disgusting. My whole last few weeks have been busy as crap and the apartment really shows it. I need to clean it over this weekend.
I miss a lot of people. I miss the people I don't see, and rarely talk to. I just get these urges that are so strong in missing them, but sometimes, I talk myself into thinking it's better off. That they've probably changed, or I have changed- but I really don't think thats it. I think I just pass a judgement to them from a 'feeling'. And I think they do the same. I need to get out of my fucking bubble, and learn not to try to make excuses for my lack of communication.
So, something weird. I had this dream a couple of weeks ago while in a "silly" state of mind, and I was in a desert on a merry go round. But, instead of riding on horses, we rode on cactuses (cacti?). And I wasn't myself, but I was sort of like a person made of straw.
And I had this dream again, in a completely sober state of mind, but when I woke up- I felt like I was made of straw.
It was just a really weird dream.
I am happy with myself, but with this rut... I think I could do without it.
I haven't updated this in a really long time. Nothing has changed. I realized that I love learning, but I am so tired of being in the idle state. School is just a span of waiting to start your life. And it's killing me. I look forward to starting my life.
But, I love being young.
I've been struggling a lot lately with the way that I feel about people. I love everyone, but there's just so much that I see that is wasted, or misunderstood in people. Like, I don't know how to explain it. I think I just get so fed up with all the SAME people. Boys are retarded. Girls are retarded. Girls make drama-rama because secretly they like it. And guys SAY they can just be friends, but they totally say that and do another. And dealing with it, or just losing a friend is really upsetting.
I love how I get on this thing and I just ramble about stuff that makes no sense what so ever.
My house is disgusting. My whole last few weeks have been busy as crap and the apartment really shows it. I need to clean it over this weekend.
I miss a lot of people. I miss the people I don't see, and rarely talk to. I just get these urges that are so strong in missing them, but sometimes, I talk myself into thinking it's better off. That they've probably changed, or I have changed- but I really don't think thats it. I think I just pass a judgement to them from a 'feeling'. And I think they do the same. I need to get out of my fucking bubble, and learn not to try to make excuses for my lack of communication.
So, something weird. I had this dream a couple of weeks ago while in a "silly" state of mind, and I was in a desert on a merry go round. But, instead of riding on horses, we rode on cactuses (cacti?). And I wasn't myself, but I was sort of like a person made of straw.
And I had this dream again, in a completely sober state of mind, but when I woke up- I felt like I was made of straw.
It was just a really weird dream.
I am happy with myself, but with this rut... I think I could do without it.