phase 1 of the december trials
Today was the first test of the problem that I have to deal with each December. Today (well, Dec. 3....technically yesterday) would've been my nephew's birthday if he was still alive. He would've been 23. December is always hard for me. There's a lot of tragedy in my family in Dec......my grandfather on my dad's side died 2 days after Xmas the year I was born, my dad is a twin born on Xmas day....he has to face each birthday without his twin who died when I was 4, my aunt died between Thanksgiving and Xmas in 1994 and then a year later, my nephew was killed in a car wreck on Dec. 13.....just 10 days after his 16th bday. On other personal notes, I had chicken pox when I was little at Xmas, then a nasty concussion when I slipped on some ice a couple years later and I about keeled over from mono during my junior year of high school....though everyone including teachers at my school thought I was either "faking it" or just had my usual bout with throat/ear infection. Add on top of that the peer torture of seeing everyone at school giving gifts and cards to each other and then laughing at me because no one gave me squat or laughing at me because I gave cards to people to try to befriend them or just be a nice person. Then there were all the holiday parties that I was NEVER invited to.
Welcome to December....hold on for the bumpy ride because I'm probably going to beat the shit out of my "childhood traumas" and probably start 2003 with a much clearer head. Livejournal....the cheapest therapist in the world....and probably not a criminal in disguise (for my Birds of Prey fans). Maybe instead of "The Twelve Days of Christmas", I can have "The Twelve Years of Torment" and each day instead of a partridge and a pear tree, you'll get another year of my childhood existence for grades 1-12....no kindergarten, because hell, if they would've expelled me, it would've been the best thing to ever happen probably.
Anyway, back to the main point....happy bday Michael....I miss you so much. This song came out right after you were ripped from my life and it will forever remind me of you.
The Offspring=== Gone Away
Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name And if I could trade
I would
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold Now that you've gone away
Welcome to December....hold on for the bumpy ride because I'm probably going to beat the shit out of my "childhood traumas" and probably start 2003 with a much clearer head. Livejournal....the cheapest therapist in the world....and probably not a criminal in disguise (for my Birds of Prey fans). Maybe instead of "The Twelve Days of Christmas", I can have "The Twelve Years of Torment" and each day instead of a partridge and a pear tree, you'll get another year of my childhood existence for grades 1-12....no kindergarten, because hell, if they would've expelled me, it would've been the best thing to ever happen probably.
Anyway, back to the main point....happy bday Michael....I miss you so much. This song came out right after you were ripped from my life and it will forever remind me of you.
The Offspring=== Gone Away
Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name And if I could trade
I would
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold Now that you've gone away