So what if you can see....
**disclaimer, there will be some happiness if you read to the end**
...the darkest side of me...(Animal- Three Days Grace)
Well, I suppose I owe a lot of explanations...first off, I just need to write down things I need to say:
-I honestly need to spend more time with you
-Last night was probably the happiest I've been since school started. Thank you.
-I'm so sorry. I was intrusive and I'm really embarassed.
-I hate how I've been recently (freakin' OCD), and I wish I could just stop it for your sake. I love you so much
-We should talk more often
-You honestly know me better than anyone else. I don't think words can describe how appreciative I am to still have you in my life. I want you to know how much you mean to me.
-The support is very much welcome, it's nice to know that I'm not the first one to go through this
-It's nothing you've done, I just need to slow my mind down.
Sooo yeah. Anyway, the past few days have been...exhausting. I won't go into any crazy details, I figure writing some stuff down will help me out. Major things that I've come to realize/have happened:
- I realized today that no one was meant to have it all. The good grades, satisfying job, good friendships, a significant other, a social life, and sanity. How the hell does anyone do this? I'm struggling and I'm only taking four classes this semester -_-;;
{{-I try and have a social life, but I already know that I'm never going to have the same college experiences as everyone else. Let's face it, I screwed myself over freshman year, and now that I commute, I'm only further hindering myself.}} I debated posting this sentiment...because I do have friends. Cue yesterday: After feeling like I wanted to just dissolve through the floor earlier in the day, I actually had a really fun night. I laughed, talked with some friends and got to have some bonding with Christina. I probably should spend more time with her and LeeAnne, because they end up being really good nights. (New Moon....'nuff said) And I feel at peace when I'm at anime club.
~~~However, I feel like I miss out on so much that happens when I'm not there. The dorm events, hanging out for impromptu parties, going to on campus events...It sucks. And if one more person tells me to just put my name on the housing list....I will scream. Lack of housing is not my problem. The fact that I can't afford it is.
Sorry if that last bit seemed whiny, but I'm just trying to get everything out.
Well, to keep my mind from wandering: I've been reading a lot of fanfiction lately....mostly Glee ^^;; so it is beginning to inspire me to write a bit more. I mean, if my mind is focused on plot, I won't have time to worry, right? Right.
-Also: I really need a theatre outlet. I feel so much better after listening to my iPod and dancing like an idiot. It's like I'm suddenly a new person. I think that part of me misses theatre. I miss the rush of production week (better known as "hell week"). I always found a small thrill when we first got our scripts, then costumes. I miss dance routines, singing down the hallway with the rest of drama club...fun times. I remember sneaking in coffee and Wendy's during dress rehearsels. Rushing around on opening night trying to scramble to get makeup done and finding one of the girls to obvi, double french braid your hair. I remember the smell of hairspray, and having to find someone to lace up a corset (For senior year anyway), and then running down the hall to the piano room for warm ups. And of course during intermission: Sending a techie upstairs to bring down forbidden ice cream. The rush of being on stage, and the applause and bright lights....I miss it. I really really really do. It's probably the one thing I will always miss about high school. So I take solace in my music. It courses through my veins.
For the promised happiness: I have discovered the most adorable picture ever. Just google "turtle eating strawberry" So freaking adorable! The turtle eating mashed potatoes was pretty cute to. Google them I say, google! And stop by KawaiiNot.com. 'cause it's awesome.
peace.
...the darkest side of me...(Animal- Three Days Grace)
Well, I suppose I owe a lot of explanations...first off, I just need to write down things I need to say:
-I honestly need to spend more time with you
-Last night was probably the happiest I've been since school started. Thank you.
-I'm so sorry. I was intrusive and I'm really embarassed.
-I hate how I've been recently (freakin' OCD), and I wish I could just stop it for your sake. I love you so much
-We should talk more often
-You honestly know me better than anyone else. I don't think words can describe how appreciative I am to still have you in my life. I want you to know how much you mean to me.
-The support is very much welcome, it's nice to know that I'm not the first one to go through this
-It's nothing you've done, I just need to slow my mind down.
Sooo yeah. Anyway, the past few days have been...exhausting. I won't go into any crazy details, I figure writing some stuff down will help me out. Major things that I've come to realize/have happened:
- I realized today that no one was meant to have it all. The good grades, satisfying job, good friendships, a significant other, a social life, and sanity. How the hell does anyone do this? I'm struggling and I'm only taking four classes this semester -_-;;
{{-I try and have a social life, but I already know that I'm never going to have the same college experiences as everyone else. Let's face it, I screwed myself over freshman year, and now that I commute, I'm only further hindering myself.}} I debated posting this sentiment...because I do have friends. Cue yesterday: After feeling like I wanted to just dissolve through the floor earlier in the day, I actually had a really fun night. I laughed, talked with some friends and got to have some bonding with Christina. I probably should spend more time with her and LeeAnne, because they end up being really good nights. (New Moon....'nuff said) And I feel at peace when I'm at anime club.
~~~However, I feel like I miss out on so much that happens when I'm not there. The dorm events, hanging out for impromptu parties, going to on campus events...It sucks. And if one more person tells me to just put my name on the housing list....I will scream. Lack of housing is not my problem. The fact that I can't afford it is.
Sorry if that last bit seemed whiny, but I'm just trying to get everything out.
Well, to keep my mind from wandering: I've been reading a lot of fanfiction lately....mostly Glee ^^;; so it is beginning to inspire me to write a bit more. I mean, if my mind is focused on plot, I won't have time to worry, right? Right.
-Also: I really need a theatre outlet. I feel so much better after listening to my iPod and dancing like an idiot. It's like I'm suddenly a new person. I think that part of me misses theatre. I miss the rush of production week (better known as "hell week"). I always found a small thrill when we first got our scripts, then costumes. I miss dance routines, singing down the hallway with the rest of drama club...fun times. I remember sneaking in coffee and Wendy's during dress rehearsels. Rushing around on opening night trying to scramble to get makeup done and finding one of the girls to obvi, double french braid your hair. I remember the smell of hairspray, and having to find someone to lace up a corset (For senior year anyway), and then running down the hall to the piano room for warm ups. And of course during intermission: Sending a techie upstairs to bring down forbidden ice cream. The rush of being on stage, and the applause and bright lights....I miss it. I really really really do. It's probably the one thing I will always miss about high school. So I take solace in my music. It courses through my veins.
For the promised happiness: I have discovered the most adorable picture ever. Just google "turtle eating strawberry" So freaking adorable! The turtle eating mashed potatoes was pretty cute to. Google them I say, google! And stop by KawaiiNot.com. 'cause it's awesome.
peace.