Telling you what I think about the poem seemed out of place in a comment and I was going to write it in an email blah blah blah. But then add my organisations skills into the mix and look what happens.
I really like this poem. It made me grin, in fact, I think it's devlish. Unlike Starsong I really like how you seperated 'dirty' at the end, that's what makes the whole poem - dirty, I suppose. The part about the flutes seems a little random - maybe some more description of other instruments? My favourite lines are 'playing perfection' 'mellow melody' and 'one-two, one-two.' Not that I can really explain why, I just think they work particularly well. The only other thing I thought was that in the last staza, having 'playing dirty' in the third line takes away a bit from the effect of 'dirty' at the end of the poem. Another adjective perhaps, or another similie like 'flirting with your instrument' (that was another line I really liked actually) might make it more effective.
In the end though, it's your poem. I think it's really good, the best poem of yours I've read (not that I've read many, but still), because it has an attitude that comes across clearly and confidently. But what matters is that you like and are satisfied with it.
*Still really doesn't get it* I really don't. And I;ve been online for two hours, stalking people.
I now feel silly, so I will leave.
But I have changed my LJ theme! HA! The things I can accomplish in....um, two....hours. *Clears throat* Okay, I'm going to go...study. Maybe. Not. Possibly. Could be...
Yeah, I wasn't so sure about the flute bit...It was hard though. I was trying to work out how to describe the other instruments last night, and I couldn't very easily.
And I'm trying to think of something different to say.
Telling you what I think about the poem seemed out of place in a comment and I was going to write it in an email blah blah blah. But then add my organisations skills into the mix and look what happens.
I really like this poem. It made me grin, in fact, I think it's devlish. Unlike Starsong I really like how you seperated 'dirty' at the end, that's what makes the whole poem - dirty, I suppose. The part about the flutes seems a little random - maybe some more description of other instruments? My favourite lines are 'playing perfection' 'mellow melody' and 'one-two, one-two.' Not that I can really explain why, I just think they work particularly well. The only other thing I thought was that in the last staza, having 'playing dirty' in the third line takes away a bit from the effect of 'dirty' at the end of the poem. Another adjective perhaps, or another similie like 'flirting with your instrument' (that was another line I really liked actually) might make it more effective.
In the end though, it's your poem. I think it's really good, the best poem of yours I've read (not that I've read many, but still), because it has an attitude that comes across clearly and confidently. But what matters is that you like and are satisfied with it.
Going to write a response to text now.
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I now feel silly, so I will leave.
But I have changed my LJ theme! HA! The things I can accomplish in....um, two....hours. *Clears throat* Okay, I'm going to go...study. Maybe. Not. Possibly. Could be...
~ Starsong
Reply
Yeah, I wasn't so sure about the flute bit...It was hard though. I was trying to work out how to describe the other instruments last night, and I couldn't very easily.
And I'm trying to think of something different to say.
Have fun with the rtt. *grins*
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