For Reme on her Birthday
Happy birthday, dear!
*HUGS*
Eep, this fic was eaten by my USB stick! I hope the rewritten version is as good as the original one, and hopefully without too many typos.
Title: The First Ten Things Sirius Did in His New Flat
Author: aillil
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not an era that appears in canon, and such a minor detail that a certain authoress surely wouldn't bother with it.
Word Count: 1,322
- Have the first wank in his own four walls, moaning as loudly as possible. This was actually the very first thing he did, even before there were any of his belongings in the flat, or indeed anything had been cleaned. Which was just as well, because he got so carried away that there was come splattered all over the wooden floor in the room he intended to turn into his living room. A week later, when everything had seen a good scouring spell or two and most of the furniture had been bought and delivered, Lily dropped by for a cup of tea. As she crawled out of the fireplace, she remarked how odd it was that there was a large drop of wax on the grate enclosing the fireplace; Sirius blinked and drowned his remark that he hadn't bought any candles yet in a fit of violent coughing.
- Put a sound proofing charm on every wall and window, and the ceiling and the floor even and spend hours screaming at Regulus in absentia. It took about ten minutes for him to get so worked up that he didn't hear his own voice anymore, and the whole event involved so much emotion, so many tears and sobs and angry raging that he would never tell anyone about it. He was terribly hoarse for the next two days, but steadfastly claimed to have smoked too much or caught a nasty bug. Mrs Potter looked at him shrewdly, however, hugged him briefly and pressed a jar of lime blossom honey into his hands.
- Fuck Remus through the floor. Memorable experience, of course. No bothering with niceties, either. As soon as Remus had stepped out of the fire, brushing the soot of his robes, Sirius pushed him against the wall, snogging the life out of him. It didn't take long for them to get enough clothes off and take their actions onto a higher level of involvement, so that soon enough, Remus was bending over the backrest of the newly acquired sofa, trying to keep steady enough to counter each of Sirius' thrusts by digging his fingers into the stuffing between loud and breathless moans.
- Charm all the walls of one room green and throw red and gold paintballs at them. He had thought about asking James over for this, but decided that it was probably best enjoyed when done alone, just like his screaming at Regulus. In the end, he couldn't decide what had been more brilliant, seeing the paintballs explode upon contact, or watching the paint run down the wall and cover the green. The exercise proved to be immensely stress-relieving, but Sirius was very glad in the aftermath that a few well-placed spells were all that was needed to clear the mess up; scrubbing the floor would've been considerably less fun.
- Let himself get fucked through the floor by Remus. Another memorable experience, naturally. For the first time absolutely undisturbed and in a comfortable bed, too, that neither of them had to conjure up out of thin air beforehand (well, NEWT Transfiguration had to have been good for something, right?), and hadn't they always felt silly for doing this in greenhouse three at any rate. Anyway, this time everything was perfect: no candlelight, but broad daylight, no romance, but plenty of lube and good sound-proofing charms to counteract any stray neighbouring ears. This was the second time that Sirius screamed in his flat, but for entirely different reasons than the first time, and much more enjoyable, too. He wasn't hoarse, either, for the rest of the day, but he did walk funny.
- Invite James, Remus and Peter for a booze night. This would've been a memorable experience, only none of them could remember anything from the time after they'd started their third bottle of Ogden's besides the Tequila James had brought along as a Muggle specialty. They started out slowly enough, but after the first drinking game, things got out of hand pretty quickly, considering that this wasn't their first night of planned overindulgence. Still, the blinding headaches all four of them woke up with late the next morning were memorable enough to put a bit of a damper on the enjoyment part of tasting firewhiskey for the next time. Sirius still recoils inwardly when his mind decides to present him with a picture of his loo from the morning after, and he swears that some of the puke stains haven't come off to this day.
- Spend two whole days shut up on his own, relishing the quiet. Sirius had always been a sociable creature, but after seven years at Hogwarts and a month at the Potters' (which had been very nice, but James without anything to distract him, because he had the whole month free, had proved quite a handful - something James probably said about him, too) he decided that rest and relaxation was in order. He had his floo disconnected for forty-eight hours, cast a Silencing Spell on everything with vocal cords (even himself), or some sorry excuse for vocal cords, and another sound-proofing charm on everything else. First of all, he slept for fourteen hours in one go. For breakfast (lunch really, sleeping for fourteen hours will put quite a dent in anyone's morning), he made himself porridge, because toast made too much noise when chewed, and for dinner, he ate left-over soup Mrs Potter had insisted he take the day before. When, after forty-one hours and two more silent meals, he thought his breathing oddly loud, he knew it was enough and time to return into the world at large.
- Puke all over the floor of his bedroom on a night alone, which he'd spent trying to get into a trance. Earlier that day, he could be found trawling through the small businesses on his street, setting foot - for the first time in his life - into the wondrously small and cramped Indian and Chinese shops that offered all these fascinating little knickknacks. There were candles, and also little sticks of strong-smelling incense which, the shopkeeper informed him in his quirky English, would help him find his way onto a new plane. Naturally, Sirius couldn't resist and bought a whole box of incense sticks off the man. In the evening then, when dusk had fallen, he lit several of them, five for good measure, and not half an hour later, he was vowing never to repeat the experience.
- Have a pot smoking session with James, guaranteed undisturbed. Sirius had managed to buy a large piece of good Afghan at a dark corner on King's Road, and he and James started early, just after noon. By five o'clock they were high as kites, and when there was nothing left in the icebox in Sirius' kitchen, a less-than-lucid corner of Sirius' brain decided that James would surely taste quite as good as he had several years earlier. The sudden urge to sleep, however, brought their little adventure to an abrupt end, and when Sirius woke up in the small hours, he couldn't for the life of him remember what had brought about his state of semi-nakedness.
- Almost breathe fire from one of the famous mild Indian curries he got himself for dinner one night. This memorable experience made him decide that he should learn to cook, and rather than asking Lily for help (he could do without her fit of laughter, thank you very much), he went to Flourish&Blotts and bought a cookbook. The clerk asked him whether he wanted it wrapped for his girlfriend, and Sirius said yes, grinning widely. At home, he presented it to himself, gleeful, and set up shop for all kinds of experiments that his friends had to suffer through for some weeks until he got the hang of it. Aunt Amelia's Guide to Good Cooking proved quite the sensible investment all in all, and it's still got its place on the shelf in his kitchen.
Apart from that, many thanks to midnitemaraud_r for the pile of gifts in my user info. *hugs*