dammit, my journal has become a whine/suckfest

[ailika20]

i'm having severe emotional issues, and they are preventing me from concentrating on my finals. and i realize the triviality of my problems, i'm so involved in my problems, i'm overdramtizing them to be bigger than they really are. there's this sort of desperation, loneliness, and frustration at my own weakness and inability to get over this. i think i am capable of getting my work done, but whenever i go to do it, i get overcome with this sadness of how my life is going, how this semester has been, just plain sucky and confusing. and i hate that i've become so whiny and "why me?" - it's not who i want myself to be, how i want to live and go through this time in my life. and also my life isn't as bad as it could be. i need to become a robot, an automaton - is there a pill for that? i can take it and then just directly focus upon my work, finish it all, and go home to pennsylvania and sleep. i have to get over my own personal issues, they aren't important right now, in the greater scheme of this life, that i need to do well, or at least finish my work, so i can then move on in college, and graduate, and get a job, and support myself during the time i'm here on this earth, i need to just concentrate on my work, and disregard my emotional state.

ok... that's what i'm going to do. it's going to get done. i'm already in an emotionless mindset, the feelings don't matter. off to my theories of society class, let's see how much sociological thinking i can absorb and use.