(no subject)
ok, for those of you who keep telling me I need to update this thing..here you go..but just remember, you told me to do this.
This weekend hasnt been nearly as good as I thought it would be. There have been good moments and bad, but tonight I feel totally drained. Not so much physically but emotionally drained. As per usual, today I had another arguement with Lee over the phone, hes playing games, but his games are about to turn on him. I've never wanted to take the kids and move into public housing, but thats exactly what I'm about a hair away from doing. I cant take much more of him at all. Over the past several weeks I have barely seen any money from paychecks. His mother sees more than I do normally to support his son. What about the 3 kids I have here? It may just be me, but I feel like sending her money every week is sooo much more important than anything that has to be done here. I started looking up information on child support, I dont even know how to file for it. I want so badly right now to just throw my hands up and say I give up! but I cant. I dont want to put my kids through anything worse than what I have to now. If I can make it through a few more weeks I can have a job...FINALLY....I can find a cheap car and I can try to make a decent life for my kids. yes, they wont have a lot..but at least it will be a life I can give them. Ive found a small place thats nice, but cheap enough, but now with these latest developments, I dont know if I'll be able to get it. I really need to do this if theres ANY possible way. I need something to go in my favor with this mess...anything to tell me its going to work out.The only things that have kept me going are the kids and Cad. But I havent let Cad know how much things have gotten to me, hes already upset and worried over other things that have happened lately. (Cad had a little "chat" with Lee last weekend, and after what I saw and heard I DARE anyone to tell me that Cad isnt serious and that he doesnt love me.)
We've briefly touched the subject of one of us moving again, but I dont want any of these things to rush that or to be dependant on Cad. I want to get settled in my own life first before I bring him into it more, even as much as I love the idea of being with him every day. He told me once that he was told in past relationships that he was cold....how could anyone ever say that about him? Hes always telling me he loves me, cards, he worries about me, poems, shakespeare, phone calls...I couldnt ask for anyone to do more.
ahh..well...time to go to bed...Goodnight everyone.
This weekend hasnt been nearly as good as I thought it would be. There have been good moments and bad, but tonight I feel totally drained. Not so much physically but emotionally drained. As per usual, today I had another arguement with Lee over the phone, hes playing games, but his games are about to turn on him. I've never wanted to take the kids and move into public housing, but thats exactly what I'm about a hair away from doing. I cant take much more of him at all. Over the past several weeks I have barely seen any money from paychecks. His mother sees more than I do normally to support his son. What about the 3 kids I have here? It may just be me, but I feel like sending her money every week is sooo much more important than anything that has to be done here. I started looking up information on child support, I dont even know how to file for it. I want so badly right now to just throw my hands up and say I give up! but I cant. I dont want to put my kids through anything worse than what I have to now. If I can make it through a few more weeks I can have a job...FINALLY....I can find a cheap car and I can try to make a decent life for my kids. yes, they wont have a lot..but at least it will be a life I can give them. Ive found a small place thats nice, but cheap enough, but now with these latest developments, I dont know if I'll be able to get it. I really need to do this if theres ANY possible way. I need something to go in my favor with this mess...anything to tell me its going to work out.The only things that have kept me going are the kids and Cad. But I havent let Cad know how much things have gotten to me, hes already upset and worried over other things that have happened lately. (Cad had a little "chat" with Lee last weekend, and after what I saw and heard I DARE anyone to tell me that Cad isnt serious and that he doesnt love me.)
We've briefly touched the subject of one of us moving again, but I dont want any of these things to rush that or to be dependant on Cad. I want to get settled in my own life first before I bring him into it more, even as much as I love the idea of being with him every day. He told me once that he was told in past relationships that he was cold....how could anyone ever say that about him? Hes always telling me he loves me, cards, he worries about me, poems, shakespeare, phone calls...I couldnt ask for anyone to do more.
ahh..well...time to go to bed...Goodnight everyone.