If It's The Last Thing I Do
TITLE: If It's The Last Thing I Do
Author: ailaling1017
Genre: romance, fluff supposedly angst
Verse: expanded
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior...although I wish I did. stupid story whut story is mine ~ xD * bricked*
Rating: PG-13
Status/Length: Complete; One-Shot 1,832W
Pairing: KyuMin DUH
Summary: This Valentine's Day, maybe, just maybe, he may not have to be alone after all.
A/N: So IDEK WTH's wrong with me but I really hit a dead end with Quaint so I figured I'd write a Valentine fic instead but the internet connection failed me so I'm one day late *bricked* ~ I swear this was gonna be a drabble but you know, one thing came after the other and before I knew it, the word-count exceeded 1k IDE know how it happened ~ and I swear x 2 that this was gonna be angst but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. T____T
So, here goes the worst fic I think I've ever written ~ Self-beta-ed as usual. Grammatical errors are a must! *dodges bricks*
~
Kyuhyun took a deep breath and stared at the man standing so close in front of him. He took in the man’s brown, fox-like eyes which were staring at him expectantly. The man’s gaze was so intense that he found himself shying from the other’s eyes, only to find himself staring at the man’s pointed nose that was so perfect, it would’ve put the most beautiful sculptures in the Louvre to shame. He then let his eyes linger on the man’s pink lips that were upturned into a natural pout which made the man’s already angelic face pristine all the more. He tried to open his mouth but no words came out. Nonetheless, the words that the man before him spoke were still fresh in his mind and he couldn’t help the single drop of tear that slid onto his cheek.
“sssshhh…” he said as he put his index finger over Kyuhyun’s lips.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you this and I think it’s high time that I did. They say love at first sight only happened in movies and I quite agree with that. When I met you five years ago, I never really knew that you’d be the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. You weren’t exactly the lovable type, no pun intended. You should know by now that the reason the others kept away from you is not because they despise you, but because they’re scared of you. I can see why though. Aside from the fact that you kept to yourself and built walls around you so no one could see the real you, it didn’t help that you injected sarcasm in every word you said and certainly, feeding people with ramen that would make hospital food seem like gourmet is not really a good idea. You might’ve thought that nobody understood you, but you should know that I did. No matter how you faked your smiles, I knew that your heart was breaking inside. I knew that behind every snarky comment you made, is a feeble attempt at showing the affection you oh-so-wanted to pour out but didn’t for the fear of being rejected. Yes, I know how you may have felt and I don’t even know why I do. There’s just this some sort of connection between us that I couldn’t explain. Heck, I bet I can read your thoughts from your actions better than your mother can. When you almost died in that accident, I prayed to God that He take me instead. You may not be the kindest person in the world but you definitely did not deserve to die at such a young age. You still had so many things to do, so many places yet to explore, and so much love from the people around you, I… I still had so much to tell you. When your eyes fluttered open on that 5th day as you were awakened from your coma, I couldn’t help but feel like God has answered my prayers. Sorry if I wasn’t beside you then. I didn’t want you to see how swollen my eyes were from crying for days because I was too scared of losing you. I knew I had to be strong for you. I re-entered your room with nothing so much as a simple grin and I thought I saw a little flicker of disappointment in your eyes. That momentary shift in your expression almost had me reaching out for you. I wanted to hug you to my chest and never let you go for as long as I lived but then I knew that I had to control myself. I always knew I had a soft spot for you but that doesn’t mean everyone else should know. That doesn’t mean YOU should know. Looking back, I can never really fathom why I kept it as a secret. All I know is that I was and I still am content with just having you by my side. And I knew that if I confessed, if I let my guard down, if I let my human frailties get ahead of me, I would risk losing you, and that, I could not bear. Thus, I made do without words. I took care of you with all the compassion I got and I am glad that you finally let me in. You eventually considered me as your friend and I thought that I’d be okay with just that. I thought I was strong enough to handle that. But it seems that life has a funny way of mocking me, and lately, I can feel myself lose the control I’ve oh-so-hardly kept for years. I know I should be your friend and I did try my best to make you happy. It took me all of the acting prowess I had in me to keep myself smiling when you told me about the love you have found. You might not know it, but when you told me about how you had your first kiss with your prom date that night and I told you I’d chat with you later since I was gonna meet someone, I actually spent the night drowning myself in alcohol so as to block the giddy smile on your face that kept flashing before my mind as you told me your story - and I don’t even drink, ever. I felt so frustrated at myself knowing that it could’ve been me, but then again, I knew it was for the best. Once again, I picked my broken self up for the umpteenth time so I could give you the brightest smile I could muster. The smile I knew you deserved - the smile that was, and still is, only for you. When I cried with you when you got yourself dumped for the first time, the second time, hell I think it must’ve gone up to the eighth time, I’ve lost count - selfish as it may seem, all the tears I shed were for myself. I felt sorry for myself for being such a martyr. I knew setting you up in blind dates with my other friends and encouraging you to meet someone else was not a very good idea. I felt like a cheerleader encouraging the team when the score is 100-50 and there’s only the last two minutes left in the game. I knew I was fighting for a lost cause. I should’ve just kissed you senseless until you understood what I meant but I pushed you away instead, and yes, it still ended up with kissing and broken hearts, but the pro which was the con at the same time, was that it did not involve you and me. It crushed me inside but I knew better than to let it show. I must’ve been a really good actor since you never did say a thing despite the fact that I cared like a mother sheep, no, a mother lioness, for you. I don’t even know if I’d be happy with that. All I know is that I wish I could tell you the truth. But the consequence of the possibility of losing you was just too much for me to bear and I chose to keep it all in instead. I know I’m a coward but I’d rather be one hell of a coward, and still have you, than to be a brave heart, only to be left by you. They say one could only have so much self-control and I can’t help but feel that I’m nearing my limit. Five years, after all, is not a short time. I tried my best to continue hiding my feelings, to continue being the good friend that I always led you to believe that I am, but I just couldn’t take it any longer. I figured that when you turn me down, even though I may hurt, I’d eventually find the peace I’ve longed for and I would no longer have to battle with the what-ifs that have been pestering me for so long. I’m telling you this not to pressure you and I have no intention of forcing you to reciprocate my feelings. I’m telling you this, because for once, I want to do something for myself. I want to release myself from the chain that I've restrained myself with for as long as I could. I wanna let you know that I do not expect anything in return and I would completely understand if you wouldn’t want to see me again after this. I betrayed you and for this, I am sorry. But I can never be sorry for feeling the way I do for you since I may be good at most of the things that I do, but my heart is the one part in my body that refuses to be controlled. So, I’m gonna say this to you even if it’s the last thing I do. I LOVE YOU. I always have, and I probably would, always will.”
Kyuhyun blinked as the man’s solemn face before him turned to flash a smile so bright that it ought to have been more popular than that of Mona Lisa’s.
“So, Kyuhyun-ah! What did you think? Is it any good?” Sungmin asked Kyuhyun excitedly.
“Uh… it’s good hyung. It’s really good. I… I have no words.”
“Woah. I guess that’s really something then. Who knew, I , Lee Sungmin, will be the actor who would make the invincible Cho Kyuhyun shed a tear through my impeccable acting skills. Thanks Kyu, I feel confident already.” Sungmin guffawed and Kyuhyun felt himself blush.
“Aishhh hyung!” Kyuhyun said as he threw the nearest bunny plushy he could reach onto Sungmin’s direction. The plushy merely collided with the door as Sungmin agilely slipped out of their room so as to escape the magnae’s wrath.
All Kyuhyun could hear was Sungmin’s shout of good bye that had something to do with being late for auditions. He then turned his gaze on the folder on the floor which was his hyung’s supposedly script for the drama audition he was going to join.
“Oh my god. He forgot these!”
He hastily picked the folder up and went after his hyung but he was nowhere to be found when Kyuhyun reached the living room. He simply sat himself on the couch and made to turn the television on but there was just something nagging at his insides that he couldn’t quite place. His vision averted to the innocent folder beside him and he decided to check it out instead.
“The writer is pretty good.” he muttered to himself.
He felt his world spin as he leafed through the first few pages inside the folder. There were no words in it. It was as blank as Ronald Weasley’s face under the Imperius curse might’ve been, and Kyuhyun found himself smiling. This Valentine’s Day, maybe, just maybe, he may not have to be alone after all.
~END~
P.S. So, I don't know if I made sense AT ALL but this was something I could relate to the pain of "unrequited" love *sniffles* ~ HAHAHA and uhm, I'm not so sure if Kyu indeed have a 4-day coma, I just read it in an article somewhere. I think that's it. COMMENTS AND BRICKS ARE WELCOMED!o.O
Author: ailaling1017
Genre: romance, fluff supposedly angst
Verse: expanded
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior...although I wish I did. stupid story whut story is mine ~ xD * bricked*
Rating: PG-13
Status/Length: Complete; One-Shot 1,832W
Pairing: KyuMin DUH
Summary: This Valentine's Day, maybe, just maybe, he may not have to be alone after all.
A/N: So IDEK WTH's wrong with me but I really hit a dead end with Quaint so I figured I'd write a Valentine fic instead but the internet connection failed me so I'm one day late *bricked* ~ I swear this was gonna be a drabble but you know, one thing came after the other and before I knew it, the word-count exceeded 1k IDE know how it happened ~ and I swear x 2 that this was gonna be angst but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. T____T
So, here goes the worst fic I think I've ever written ~ Self-beta-ed as usual. Grammatical errors are a must! *dodges bricks*
~
Kyuhyun took a deep breath and stared at the man standing so close in front of him. He took in the man’s brown, fox-like eyes which were staring at him expectantly. The man’s gaze was so intense that he found himself shying from the other’s eyes, only to find himself staring at the man’s pointed nose that was so perfect, it would’ve put the most beautiful sculptures in the Louvre to shame. He then let his eyes linger on the man’s pink lips that were upturned into a natural pout which made the man’s already angelic face pristine all the more. He tried to open his mouth but no words came out. Nonetheless, the words that the man before him spoke were still fresh in his mind and he couldn’t help the single drop of tear that slid onto his cheek.
“sssshhh…” he said as he put his index finger over Kyuhyun’s lips.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you this and I think it’s high time that I did. They say love at first sight only happened in movies and I quite agree with that. When I met you five years ago, I never really knew that you’d be the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. You weren’t exactly the lovable type, no pun intended. You should know by now that the reason the others kept away from you is not because they despise you, but because they’re scared of you. I can see why though. Aside from the fact that you kept to yourself and built walls around you so no one could see the real you, it didn’t help that you injected sarcasm in every word you said and certainly, feeding people with ramen that would make hospital food seem like gourmet is not really a good idea. You might’ve thought that nobody understood you, but you should know that I did. No matter how you faked your smiles, I knew that your heart was breaking inside. I knew that behind every snarky comment you made, is a feeble attempt at showing the affection you oh-so-wanted to pour out but didn’t for the fear of being rejected. Yes, I know how you may have felt and I don’t even know why I do. There’s just this some sort of connection between us that I couldn’t explain. Heck, I bet I can read your thoughts from your actions better than your mother can. When you almost died in that accident, I prayed to God that He take me instead. You may not be the kindest person in the world but you definitely did not deserve to die at such a young age. You still had so many things to do, so many places yet to explore, and so much love from the people around you, I… I still had so much to tell you. When your eyes fluttered open on that 5th day as you were awakened from your coma, I couldn’t help but feel like God has answered my prayers. Sorry if I wasn’t beside you then. I didn’t want you to see how swollen my eyes were from crying for days because I was too scared of losing you. I knew I had to be strong for you. I re-entered your room with nothing so much as a simple grin and I thought I saw a little flicker of disappointment in your eyes. That momentary shift in your expression almost had me reaching out for you. I wanted to hug you to my chest and never let you go for as long as I lived but then I knew that I had to control myself. I always knew I had a soft spot for you but that doesn’t mean everyone else should know. That doesn’t mean YOU should know. Looking back, I can never really fathom why I kept it as a secret. All I know is that I was and I still am content with just having you by my side. And I knew that if I confessed, if I let my guard down, if I let my human frailties get ahead of me, I would risk losing you, and that, I could not bear. Thus, I made do without words. I took care of you with all the compassion I got and I am glad that you finally let me in. You eventually considered me as your friend and I thought that I’d be okay with just that. I thought I was strong enough to handle that. But it seems that life has a funny way of mocking me, and lately, I can feel myself lose the control I’ve oh-so-hardly kept for years. I know I should be your friend and I did try my best to make you happy. It took me all of the acting prowess I had in me to keep myself smiling when you told me about the love you have found. You might not know it, but when you told me about how you had your first kiss with your prom date that night and I told you I’d chat with you later since I was gonna meet someone, I actually spent the night drowning myself in alcohol so as to block the giddy smile on your face that kept flashing before my mind as you told me your story - and I don’t even drink, ever. I felt so frustrated at myself knowing that it could’ve been me, but then again, I knew it was for the best. Once again, I picked my broken self up for the umpteenth time so I could give you the brightest smile I could muster. The smile I knew you deserved - the smile that was, and still is, only for you. When I cried with you when you got yourself dumped for the first time, the second time, hell I think it must’ve gone up to the eighth time, I’ve lost count - selfish as it may seem, all the tears I shed were for myself. I felt sorry for myself for being such a martyr. I knew setting you up in blind dates with my other friends and encouraging you to meet someone else was not a very good idea. I felt like a cheerleader encouraging the team when the score is 100-50 and there’s only the last two minutes left in the game. I knew I was fighting for a lost cause. I should’ve just kissed you senseless until you understood what I meant but I pushed you away instead, and yes, it still ended up with kissing and broken hearts, but the pro which was the con at the same time, was that it did not involve you and me. It crushed me inside but I knew better than to let it show. I must’ve been a really good actor since you never did say a thing despite the fact that I cared like a mother sheep, no, a mother lioness, for you. I don’t even know if I’d be happy with that. All I know is that I wish I could tell you the truth. But the consequence of the possibility of losing you was just too much for me to bear and I chose to keep it all in instead. I know I’m a coward but I’d rather be one hell of a coward, and still have you, than to be a brave heart, only to be left by you. They say one could only have so much self-control and I can’t help but feel that I’m nearing my limit. Five years, after all, is not a short time. I tried my best to continue hiding my feelings, to continue being the good friend that I always led you to believe that I am, but I just couldn’t take it any longer. I figured that when you turn me down, even though I may hurt, I’d eventually find the peace I’ve longed for and I would no longer have to battle with the what-ifs that have been pestering me for so long. I’m telling you this not to pressure you and I have no intention of forcing you to reciprocate my feelings. I’m telling you this, because for once, I want to do something for myself. I want to release myself from the chain that I've restrained myself with for as long as I could. I wanna let you know that I do not expect anything in return and I would completely understand if you wouldn’t want to see me again after this. I betrayed you and for this, I am sorry. But I can never be sorry for feeling the way I do for you since I may be good at most of the things that I do, but my heart is the one part in my body that refuses to be controlled. So, I’m gonna say this to you even if it’s the last thing I do. I LOVE YOU. I always have, and I probably would, always will.”
Kyuhyun blinked as the man’s solemn face before him turned to flash a smile so bright that it ought to have been more popular than that of Mona Lisa’s.
“So, Kyuhyun-ah! What did you think? Is it any good?” Sungmin asked Kyuhyun excitedly.
“Uh… it’s good hyung. It’s really good. I… I have no words.”
“Woah. I guess that’s really something then. Who knew, I , Lee Sungmin, will be the actor who would make the invincible Cho Kyuhyun shed a tear through my impeccable acting skills. Thanks Kyu, I feel confident already.” Sungmin guffawed and Kyuhyun felt himself blush.
“Aishhh hyung!” Kyuhyun said as he threw the nearest bunny plushy he could reach onto Sungmin’s direction. The plushy merely collided with the door as Sungmin agilely slipped out of their room so as to escape the magnae’s wrath.
All Kyuhyun could hear was Sungmin’s shout of good bye that had something to do with being late for auditions. He then turned his gaze on the folder on the floor which was his hyung’s supposedly script for the drama audition he was going to join.
“Oh my god. He forgot these!”
He hastily picked the folder up and went after his hyung but he was nowhere to be found when Kyuhyun reached the living room. He simply sat himself on the couch and made to turn the television on but there was just something nagging at his insides that he couldn’t quite place. His vision averted to the innocent folder beside him and he decided to check it out instead.
“The writer is pretty good.” he muttered to himself.
He felt his world spin as he leafed through the first few pages inside the folder. There were no words in it. It was as blank as Ronald Weasley’s face under the Imperius curse might’ve been, and Kyuhyun found himself smiling. This Valentine’s Day, maybe, just maybe, he may not have to be alone after all.
~END~
P.S. So, I don't know if I made sense AT ALL but this was something I could relate to the pain of "unrequited" love *sniffles* ~ HAHAHA and uhm, I'm not so sure if Kyu indeed have a 4-day coma, I just read it in an article somewhere. I think that's it. COMMENTS AND BRICKS ARE WELCOMED!o.O