Been a long time and I'm really sorry.
Been a long time since I ever even logged in, but I've had a lot of things going on with me and my life and I'm really sorry to all of the people I disappeared from, I'm horrible with keeping up with people and even more so when for the last 5 or more years of my life I was taking care of my mom. My mom had a lot of problems and some of them were that she ended up in a hospital bed, I've learned the ins and outs of taking care of someone who was bedridden and I'm sure I can explain more about that as posts go on. But last year she passed away and I've spent almost a year now in a depression fog that I cannot lift out of, when she left it was like the color drained from my world and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces.
I have been a bad friend. I have disappeared from places including furry worlds like Tapestries and ignored all my friends who have helped me along the way. I'm sorry I never wanted to treat anyone like they were some toy forgotten behind the couch and if I ever did treat you that way then I am sorry that you ever felt that way. Being in the here and now I've spent a lot of time in reflection and I miss the people I used to know and I miss them. I've been sitting here crying for the past few hours because I know I've been a bad person.
I just had to be in the midst of it all with my mom and all of her health problems and in the end she died of septic shock after a procedure got infected and I had to be the one to let her go. I had to be the one to make the call at the hospital to set her free because everything was keeping her body alive and in the end I didn't want her to suffer anymore. But all the doctor visits, all the changing of diapers, all the worry over her going to the hospital visits and everything of the last 4-5 years just came crashing down around me and I know I left some people behind. I'm really sorry. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship - other than friendship or fix what I broke when I left. I didn't mean to leave, I just had to focus on her and sometimes I felt the most alone.
If anyone is out there who still wants to be my friend. I hope we can start again and find out about our lives since the last moment we spoke. I'd like that. It would be nice to find the friends I lost when I left my Wonderland.
I have been a bad friend. I have disappeared from places including furry worlds like Tapestries and ignored all my friends who have helped me along the way. I'm sorry I never wanted to treat anyone like they were some toy forgotten behind the couch and if I ever did treat you that way then I am sorry that you ever felt that way. Being in the here and now I've spent a lot of time in reflection and I miss the people I used to know and I miss them. I've been sitting here crying for the past few hours because I know I've been a bad person.
I just had to be in the midst of it all with my mom and all of her health problems and in the end she died of septic shock after a procedure got infected and I had to be the one to let her go. I had to be the one to make the call at the hospital to set her free because everything was keeping her body alive and in the end I didn't want her to suffer anymore. But all the doctor visits, all the changing of diapers, all the worry over her going to the hospital visits and everything of the last 4-5 years just came crashing down around me and I know I left some people behind. I'm really sorry. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship - other than friendship or fix what I broke when I left. I didn't mean to leave, I just had to focus on her and sometimes I felt the most alone.
If anyone is out there who still wants to be my friend. I hope we can start again and find out about our lives since the last moment we spoke. I'd like that. It would be nice to find the friends I lost when I left my Wonderland.