Rambles
It's six am and I'm thinking about Spencer. I was thinking about being in Guidance for two hours having a breakdown with two of the people he's closest with as witnesses. Of course, his best friend told him--I wouldn't entirely be surprised if said best friend had started the rumor.
I looked at his profile then on Facebook. His "likes" include Brazilian Jujitsu and Muy Thai. It made me laugh. How the hell could I have fallen for someone who likes either one, much less both? I mean no offense but ego, from what the black belts have told me, is prominent in both arts and it's the exact opposite of the arts at my dojo.
You know he has three first names as his first, middle, and last name?
I thought about someone telling him about my issues with the jackasses who teased me, aka his friends, and their version of what happend. I thought about how he would have stood up for me if we had still been friends.
I see his sister at lunch sometimes. She hasn't changed much since I last saw her a year ago. I know she doesn't remember me and that's more than fine with me.
No one mentions him to me anymore. He was the last one of the guys I was really close to.
I always looked up to him. Even now, my heart either beats wildly or with pain when I think of him. I've come to realize a part of me will always crave his approval but that I don't need it and that I'm strong enough to fight my battles without him.
I'm always going to be the girl that stays up reading on a lazy weekend night but I'm not weak. Not in the least.
me
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