(no subject)
Title: MAD or DIE
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: AijixMaya (one-sided), MAD MayaxMaya, MAD AijixMaya
Word Count: 5431
Sumamry: There was simply no understanding what went through Maya’s head at times.
Warnings: PWP, S&M,
Author's Notes: None of this makes sense at all except in my head because I am effin weird. Also sorry for now MLD update! I promise I'm working on it, just difficult to balance life and fiction writing~. So here's this to tide you over?
There was simply no understanding what went through Maya's head at times. The majority of the time he had the sunniest of dispositions, a real beam of happiness and mood raiser the moment he walked into a room. He made heads turn and frowns turn upside down, but when something happened to be off everyone knew. If there was one thing everyone knew about Maya, it was his ability to go into funks for a period of time. It wasn't like he was upset or anything, he simply had his moods. As easy as it was to placate the vocalist, it was just as simple to watch him become temperamental.
For the past several days Maya had been lounging in his room, though not in the bedroom that belonged to him. He had taken to Nagano (as he usually did this time of year) and holed himself up in his childhood bedroom, where Aiji had gone off cross-country to some tropical destination. Not that Maya was bitter, really, Aiji deserved a break like that. After all, in a couple of days the older man would be back in the studio slaving away. And yet Maya would remain in Nagano with his parents, fighting to break from the mood he had been in since the end of their Budokan live.
This was not sadness. When Maya was upset, there were tears and sobs and moping and copious amount of junk food eating. No, what he experienced was a tightening in his chest. His entire body ached for reasons unbeknownst to him, the ability to breathe became more and more difficult as the day progressed, and he endured a restlessness that was not uncommon to him at certain times of the year. No, this was not sadness. This sensation could only be akin to needing something. A release of some sort. Something to get his mind clear and satisfy whatever urge his body was craving.
His fingers gave a twitch of frustration, tangling into the pale blue sheets that he laid on top of. The tightening in his chest only twisted more, making him shift uncomfortably from side to side as he stared at the ceiling above him. Judging from the moonlight that crept it's way into his room and across his face, it had to be at least nine at night. Maybe closer to ten. He arched his neck, trying to peer over at the window to see the stars. If it was one thing he loved about Nagano, it was the stars. But even they could not quell this listlessness that kept him from being able to concentrate.
Was it because he hadn't gotten laid in a while? No, that could not be it. Maya may have been a male of the species but he never really cared too much about sex. It was never too difficult for him to get laid, especially given his profession and flirtatious nature to begin with. The last time he had slept with someone had to only have been two weeks ago. A cute girl he had met near the studio. She had been nice enough though had failed to keep his interest in the long run and he found himself ditching her to go hang out with Aiji more often than not. It was sad, honestly, when he would have rather sat in the studio and get yelled out at Aiji than let a cute girl suck his dick.
The thought alone was enough to put a small smile on his lips. Aiji really was a jerk when it came close to an important live or a release of a single. It was easier to piss him off and get on his bad side on those days. All Maya had to do was doze off during rehearsal or come in late or say something sarcastic to earn a good tongue lashing from his senpai. Aiji always looked so handsome when he was pissed off, though. His nose would wrinkle slightly and he would get such an attractive glare going. Maya had always been convinced that Aiji could make the entire world kneel with just one look. If anyone had an intimidating gaze, it was certainly his guitarist. The image alone in his mind was enough to make a shiver run down his spine and bring a light smile to his face. Honestly, he found himself trying to piss Aiji off more when he was in these kinds of moods. Strange.
He rolled over onto his stomach against his mattress, listening as Momo padded out in the hall way. She had been resting outside of his door for the past hour since his parents had left for dinner with no hopes of returning for a couple of hours. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he buried his face in his arms with a frustrated groan. Thanks to his odd mood, he had not been able to sleep for the past couple of days. An hour here and there, nothing too satisfying but enough to keep him from becoming seriously ill or in danger. What was wrong with him?
"I know what it is," a voice purred in his ear.
Almost immediately Maya sat up, looking wide eyed in front of him as if he expected someone to be there. Of course there was no one, it wasn't like someone had been in the house besides himself. Waiting for the insistent pounding in his chest to slow, he laid himself back down onto the mattress slowly. There was no use in stressing himself out with bodiless voices, he told himself as he allowed his eyes to close once more.
"Are you really going to ignore me? I'm trying to help you," the voice came once more, startling the blonde into sitting straight up rather abruptly to the point where he kicked one of the pillows out onto the ground from the force of his movements.
"Who's there?" Maya called out, voice more agitated than he was frightened. There was a familiarity In that voice, so much so that he didn't think to worry about what this person wanted. They weren't threatening, at least, that's what his mind told himself.
"No one who wasn't already invited," came the reply.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Never one to be good with riddles let alone enjoy them, Maya stared across the room. There was absolutely no way anyone could be in the room with him. It was just himself. His door had been locked the entire time and his eyes wide open. So where did this voice come from?
"Do you still not see me? Tsk, tsk. You should go take a look in the mirror, Maya. You're looking a little pale."
He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, mouth feeling suddenly try and skin breaking out into a cold sweat. A shallow wave of paranoia washed over him and settled in the pit of his stomach as he got up, walking over to the full length mirror he had situated across the room. Though what he witnessed drew a strangled gasp from his throat. Where he had anticipated witnessing a pale and borderline ill looking face, he was met with full red lips smirking back at him. While he had expected messy blonde hair from being in bed all week, he saw curly blonde and baby doll bangs that he knew he did not have. And where he thought he'd see scared, almost sad chocolate eyes he saw piercing blue staring back at him under the outline of heavy kohl and thick lashes. This reflection, this person was not him. This person could never be him. But to a degree, it was. This person was his creation after all, wasn't it? Someone Maya had always wanted to be but was too soft hearted and sweet to even try.
"What's the matter sweetie, cat got your tongue?" his double laughed, causing Maya took look immediately to the ground in silent shame. "You're too cute, I can't stand it. I could just eat you up. Come now, look up! Don't be rude!"
Compelled by the sugary sweet but blatantly mocking voice of his double, Maya looked up. But instead of seeing the Mad version of himself, he saw the pajama clad man he had thought to see to begin with. Blinking several times, Maya frowned, pressing his fingers to the cool glass in confusion as if he had expected it to ripple like when a pebble dropped into water. What the hell? What had he just saw? Was he going crazy?
"Oh honey, no. I'm the crazy one. You're just the confused little kitty cat that needs it's tummy scratched," the voice purred, before Maya felt two very solid arms wrap their way around his neck from behind and a much pudgier cheek than his nuzzle playfully against his face.
Where Maya wanted to scream, he found his voice dying immediately in his throat. He only stood there wide eyed, staring at the mirror. There was no one behind him in the reflection, but he could feel them all too well. The hot breath of his double against his neck, the tickle of that curly poodle hair against his face, the wandering fingers sliding down his chest. As if to clarify that he was not just making this up, Maya looked down to see the painted fingers sliding lower to his abdomen and back up his chest, curling as they clawed at him through the fabric of his shirt.
"I don't…I'm hallucinating," Maya gasped finally, able to form some sort of sentence as he stared down with horrified eyes.
"I guess you could say that. Or you could say that you're just talking to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night. I don't think I would be here, though, if that were the case. Seems to me like we have a problem," the Mad man spoke teasingly, moving gracefully in front of Maya to give his nose a mocking tap. "Looks to me like my sweeter half has a problem, mm? Can't sleep? Can't concentrate? Causing trouble with Senpai?"
He would have asked how this person who looked so much like him knew what he was going through, but then he had to stop and think about the fact that, well, this person was him. So there was no surprise by the fact that he knew everything Maya did. Regardless he nodded his head, staring stupidly at the man in front of him.
"You didn't really need to answer that. You're so stupid, I love it," Mad Maya laughed, clapping his hands together before he gripped the other's cheeks between his fingers tightly, giving a rough squeeze and a shake to his head that caused Maya to whimper in confusion. "Say you're stupid, Mayachan," he instructed rather coldly.
"What?!" Maya snapped, cheeks growing hot in embarrassment. While he completely understood that this person was him, he was not about to sit there and tolerate being spoken down to. Even if this person was, well, him. "Get the hell out I'm not stupid!"
"Says the person who's talking to himself, right?" his double laughed, eyes rolling before he promptly back handed Maya across the face. The blonde stumbled, head rearing to the side from the force of the slap as he reached up to touch his cheek gently. What the hell? Did this man come into his house to slap him around!? "Let me repeat myself one more time, Mayachan, because I won't be repeating myself again. Say. You're. Stupid."
He felt tears well up in his eyes from a combination of the stinging in his cheeks and the burning humiliation at the very idea of admitting that he was stupid. Was he? There wasn't any indication that he was smart, and he was pretty much talking to himself at this point… "I'm stupid," Maya murmured shyly after a few moments of silence, swallowing hard once more.
"What was that? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of the heater," the other hummed, fingers moving to tangle themselves into Maya's hair as they yanked harshly, causing him to whimper in pained confusion.
"I said I'm stupid!" Maya shouted a little louder, peering coyly at his Mad self. "Okay? I'm..I'm stupid."
"Good boy," Mad Maya smiled a toothy smile, moving to trail the tips of his nails across the small red mark on his better half's face. "And do you know why you're stupid? Because you don't understand your own wants and needs. Because you can't comprehend the fact that you're a whiny little brat that wants to be treated like a misbehaving child. Honestly, you little brat. Do you really not understand what you need?"
Maya shook his head gently, sucking his upper lip into his mouth out of habit as he waited patiently for the other to continue speaking.
"So stupid," Mad Maya purred, cupping the man's cheeks between dainty fingers as he drew Maya in close, whispering softly into his ear. "I'm not going to tell you what it is yet. You're going to figure it out on your own. Otherwise how else will you learn?" he chuckled, quick to yank the other's hair harshly in a downward motion to get him to lean to the side.
Maya was not used to someone being the same height as him. The last time he had to deal with that was the time he had gone to visit his old friend Miyavi to see how his two daughters were doing. It was odd, not having to look down at someone. Though the force at which his double yanked on his hair had Maya following those fingers with his head in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort in his skull, whimpering softly as he tried to keep himself from being hurt any more than necessary. However the more Maya followed those fingers, the more the double yanked, until eventually he had been forced down onto his knees with his fingers clutching onto that scrawny wrist that was so much like his own with a frustrated cry. It hurt, the top of his head. Though he knew without a doubt that he was not putting up nearly as big of a fight as he could have. There was simply no fight in him. He did not have the desire to argue or resist whatever it was his other half was doing. Not even when the other pushed him stomach first into the mattress did he fight back besides digging his nails into his wrist to keep his Mad self from yanking out his hair. His knees came into contact with the tatami below him, upper body draped over the mattress.
"You're not going to argue with me, Masahito?" the man behind him practically whispered behind him, the tone in his voice bringing a shiver down his spine much like the way Aiji's stare downs would. But Maya didn't answer. "Of course you're not. You're such a little glutton and you won't even acknowledge it, will you?" he laughed.
What did he mean by glutton, Maya asked himself bitterly. His fingers slowly dropped from the wrist they were clutching onto, instead reaching out to tangle into the sheets he was half slung over. Not once did it seem strange to him that he was fighting with himself, albeit a little confusing as to how it had happened. Most people would have considered themselves insane for seeing themselves in a solid, tangible form that wasn't, well, themselves in actuality. It was confusing, naturally, but he was past the point of caring.
Strangely enough with this doppelgänger here, the clenching in his chest was less suffocating. He could breathe more easily and his thoughts were less of a jumble and more of a smooth line. Maya let out a slow breath of air as he shut his eyes, trying to gather his wits as the man behind him yanked harder at his hair and forced his head up from the bed.
"Why are you ignoring me? You know I don't like to be ignored, Maya," his Mad self spoke dully above him, causing Maya to wince quietly. He did hate being ignored. Did this one hate it too?
"I don't know what you want me to say," Maya answered finally, fingers twitching against the sheets as he tightened and loosened his grip on the cotton several times in random intervals in a nervous attempt to calm himself.
"I want you to tell me what's wrong with you," the other responded calmly, the pretty hand currently not forcing his head up sliding along Maya's forearm and to lace with his fingers almost lovingly as those painted lips kissed along his rounded jaw lovingly. "Speak up."
"I don't know," Maya answered without missing a beat, finding himself leaning towards the full set of lips that were more better suited for a woman and not a man. Then again this man did not really exist, right? It was all in his head. But…
"Liar," the Mad man laughed, sinking his teeth into Maya's neck to the point where he actually cried out in pain, eyes wide as he was sure the fucking idiot had drawn blood. "You know exactly what's wrong with you, so fucking admit it you bratty little bitch!" a sharp slap across the face.
Stunned, Maya peered over his shoulder at the man hovering above him staring down at him with steely blue eyes. This wasn't him, but something he wanted to be on some degree, right? Someone who had no worries or cares and said fuck the world I'm going to do what I want. Someone that knew exactly what they wanted and what made them happy (or whatever could make someone Mad happy, really). So why did this creation of his mind decide to manifest himself? Because he was upset? Because he needed….he needed…
"I don't know," Maya replied once more, choking on his words as an icy sort of chill worked its way up his spine. Another slap, this one causing the blonde to cry out in distress. "I don't know!" he spoke louder as the third slap hit him, this time on the opposite cheek and sending him facing the other way. "I don't know!" this time a shout, this time a slap by the back of the other's hand. "I don't fucking know!" at this point he was screaming, tears rolling down his cheeks unbeknownst to him before he felt his body being flipped over onto his back to stare up at the other with wide eyes.
Just as quickly as that choking sensation had grasped him, the other's fingers wrapped around his throat with two thumbs pressing up and into his windpipe to close off the flow of air to his lungs. He was locked under those eyes, gasping for breath as he clawed and slapped at the wrists connected to those hands that had him choked to the point where his lungs burned and eyes saw spots of black. His cheeks were red and aching from the continuous slaps he had received from his double, still painfully confused as to why he was being hurt, even more so as to why he wasn't doing much to prevent it. Any normal person would thrash and scream and run but Maya just…laid there dutifully with the occasional scratch of frustration like an agitated kitten with no real malicious intent. This wasn't a fight for his life, this was something entirely different.
"You know what's wrong with you? You don't have someone to put you in your place. That's what you need. You'll agitate your senpai and behave poorly just so he'll give you a second glance. So he'll speak to you, so he'll put you down and assert the fact that you aren't anything without him. Because let's face it, darling, you value yourself through the eyes of others. You don't think anything of yourself and you want to be reminded of that fact. So without senpai around to tell his kouhai that he's being a dumb bitch and bossing him around, he's lost. He doesn't know what to do with himself.
"But that's not enough anymore, is it? Now you can't just have Aiji bossing you around. You need him to assert himself in other ways," the man gave Maya a tiny shake by his throat, causing the vocalist to cry out in a combination of distress and what could arguably be agreement. "Now you need him to put you down in a more visible way, too. You want him to put his hands on you, you want him to leave marks. Is that it?"
There was a space for an answer from Maya, though all the blonde could do was choke and sputter stupidly as his eyes rolled back the longer he was denied oxygen. Why couldn't he breathe? This wasn't really happening so why did it feel like it was. But on some level, he knew that what his Mad self was saying was true. Though did he only know because this was him? Or was he that obvious? This restlessness, this desire for something that he couldn't quite put into words. It made sense with what he was saying.
"You know he'll never do it," the other purred, finally letting go of Maya's throat and watched as the blonde inhaled sharply for oxygen and began coughing to the point of doubling over. The Mad Maya smiled, hands propping them haughtily on slender hips as he cocked his head to the side. "He doesn't even look at you romantically, let alone enough to give you what you want. So what are you going to do?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" Maya broke down, curling in on himself and clutching the bed sheets for dear life. "I get it, okay! I'm fucked up. I'm not as innocent and rainbow fucking cute as I like others to see me as. I want my stupid guitarist to beat the hell out of me and then fuck me senseless because that's what gets me off! I get it! I know that because it's what I want, so why do you feel the need to rub it in my face? Do you not think I'm already ashamed of myself? Fuck you!" Maya shouted, picking up a pillow and throwing it at his double though it missed completely and hit the far wall.
"We know he can't do these things you want Maya but that doesn't mean that there isn't another solution," a voice, smooth as silk but deadly as sin spoke into his ear. The rich tone and familiarity caused Maya's blood to run cold, eyes wide as he turned to stare at the man seated next to him.
"S-senpai?" Maya stuttered out stupidly, heart pounding in his chest.
No, this wasn't his senpai. The clothing he wore, tight ripped jeans and a studded jacket with that eyepatch and Mohawk-esque hair. This wasn't his senpai, this was the fictional version of him they had created together just like there was another Maya standing in the room. Maya looked over to see his double before finding that he wasn't there anymore. Confused, he looked back over to the man seated beside him before he was grabbed by the shoulders and slammed against the far wall near his bed, head colliding with the wall with a loud thud though not enough to cause serious damage. Just a hell of a lot of dull throbbing.
"So you want to be degraded, huh?" Aiji who was not truly Aiji spoke, voice bored almost as he gripped Maya by the jaw and squeezed tightly.
Without a moment's hesitation Maya nodded, overwhelmed by the authority that radiated off this man in waves. There was no beating around the bush when it came to this one. He wanted him and he wanted everything that he represented in his fucked up mind. Aiji-dangerous but still Aiji.
"You really are a sick little slut some times, Maya," Aiji scoffed, standing on his feet and motioning flippantly with his hand for the blonde to roll over. Like a good dog Maya rolled over, laying on his stomach for the second time that night and letting his eyes lock onto a spot on the wall in front of him as the fabric of his pajama pants slowly fell off his hips and pooled on the ground. He was glad he was facing away from Aiji, even if none of this could possibly be real.
Before he could even really register what was going on the sound of something ripping through the air caught his ears before the sensation of being struck registered against his skin. Maya cried out in pained surprise as something hit the back of his bare thighs, smarting painfully and yanking him against the mattress a little further. However he did not have much time to dwell on the pain as another slash was brought just below his bottom, making the tall blonde writhe on the sheets below him.
"Count the hits, Maya," Aiji spoke dully behind him, echoing loudly in his ears for one reason or another.
"O-okay," he gasped softly in pain, tears once again stinging the corners of his eyes as he inhaled the moment the belt slapped against his bottom again, "One!" Maya cried out, only to scream in startled pain the moment the belt slammed down against a spot that had already been struck.
"Wrong. What are you, stupid? Can't you count?" Aiji scowled, slapping against the spot a second time. "Try it again.
Unable to form much of agreement besides a numb nod, Maya tried his hardest not to sob as his body tried to relax to ease the pain in his thighs and bottom but to no avail. The belt slapped down against the top of his back and Maya cried out once again, counting frantically in his head. The one he got wrong, the two he got after plus…plus…The one from before? "F-four?!" Maya shouted out in confusion, sobbing in pained dismay as Aiji slapped down the belt against that same spot again in punishment. The welt was surely bleeding a little by now.
"Five! Five you stupid bitch! God, do I have to count for you now, too?" he scowled in annoyance, watching as Maya shook his head furiously in the negative.
"N-no I forgot! I didn't know you wanted.. you wanted…" Maya couldn't even finish his sentence as he sobbed in pain, shaking his head repeatedly.
Before he could protest any further he was flipped onto his back once more, met with that intimidating gaze that would bring anyone to their knees. Maya immediately stopped his tears, sniffling occasionally as he peered up at Aiji from beneath his bangs.
"He's cute, isn't he?" his Mad self hummed from beside Aiji, arms folded over his chest. "Stupid, but cute." When did he get here again? Maya went to look over at the other but he was gone as quickly as he had came. Like a modern day Cheshire Cat.
"Did you really get hard over something like that?" Aiji chuckled, sliding his hand down to wrap around the blonde's cock, stroking him slowly. Maya was amazed at the fact that he had indeed became hard during the assault, sniffling once again as the pain melted into frustration the more Aiji handled him. His hips arched in a silent plea for more, dark eyes peering up at him pleadingly. "Now you want me to touch you gently, huh?"
"No…" Maya spoke softly in shame, crying out in discomfort as the Mad version of his person of interest squeezed his cock a little too tightly.
"No, of course not. Because you want to be treated like some common day tramp, isn't that right?" Maya nodded without even a second's thought. What the fuck was wrong with him?
"You think you're special?" his Mad self whispered into his ear, making Maya yank his head to the side to stare at the nothing that was to his right. But…
"What do you want, Maya?" Aiji asked, thumbing the rosy top slowly as he watched him with that dull almost bored look that made the blonde throb between his fingers.
"I want you to fuck me," Maya whispered, looking up at him once again as the voice of his double continued to echo in his ears.
"Is that all you want?"
"I want you to mark me," Maya corrected himself.
"Let's be real with ourselves, sweetie."
"I…I w-want you to degrade me," came his final answer.
Without a word the manifestation of his darkest wants and desires turned Maya to face the head board of the bed, placing the blonde onto his hands and knees. Before he could do much else Maya felt his wrists being tied behind his back and something latch around his throat, something that made the blonde feel less like a human and more like an animal than anything else. He whimpered softly as he felt something slick and hard press against his entrance, what he could only assume was the older man's cock.
"S-senp-" he couldn't even get the title out before he was being entered roughly by the older man, forcing his body forward and the breath right out of his lungs for the umpteenth time in such a short amount of time.
There was no room for adjusting as Aiji just began to fuck him harshly, yanking him forward each time and agitating the marks that he had left on his skin from before. His fingers wrapped against the base of Maya's neck, pressing him further against the mattress as he kept the blonde's upper body elevated and pressed against his own hips. The pace at which he moved had Maya breathing hard, body aching from the force of his movements but not in as painful a way as he would have imagined.
"You're such a slut, Maya…" Aiji whispered softly, the sound seeming like it wrapped around Maya and settled in the base of his stomach and made his entire body ache wonderfully.
"I'm a slut," Maya echoed, eyes fluttering shut as his shoulders ached from having to have his arms behind him for so long.
"Whose slut are you, Maya?" he growled, slamming his hips forward harder as he watched the blonde, Maya choking back a whimper and pressing back against the cock that was fucking him so wonderfully.
"Yours!" Maya cried out, cock throbbing between his legs. "I'm y-your slut! Oh God!"
"Are you really, though?" his Mad self hummed, seated finally by Maya's range of sight as he wrapped his fingers around Maya's cock, pumping the other slowly in sharp contrast to the sharp way that Aiji fucked him from out of sight.
"I'm your slut, Aiji!" Maya repeated, as if to dispel the comment made by his double as his thighs began to tremble from the pleasure coursing through him as the doppelganger squeezed and twisted his palm against his cock in just the way Maya enjoyed, Aiji beginning to pound relentlessly against his prostate.
He didn't want this to end so soon, soft sobs racking his frame from stress and pleasure, unsure of how to deal with the flood of sensations that washed over him. He opened his eyes, greeted with the view of the ceiling much to his confusion so he shut them again, opening to see the headboard. Confused but so lost in the rapture of endorphins suffocating him, he simply allowed the other to fuck him harder still and the familiar sensation of his own hand rubbing his eager cock.
"You can cum now," Aiji spoke, sounding eerily like himself.
Needing no further permission Maya found himself cumming on command, dirtying the sheets and his double's fingers with his seed. His mind swam back and forth, body trembling and shaking as he lay there on the mattress. For a moment he just laid there listening to his heart pound in his chest, gasping for breath. The sheets clung to his back, his own hand resting messily on his chest while the other still had three of those slender digits inside of himself. He opened his eyes slowly and saw the ceiling again.
There was no Aiji, no doppelganger Maya, no marks on his skin or even pain. Only himself and the smell of sex an mind numbing silence.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: AijixMaya (one-sided), MAD MayaxMaya, MAD AijixMaya
Word Count: 5431
Sumamry: There was simply no understanding what went through Maya’s head at times.
Warnings: PWP, S&M,
Author's Notes: None of this makes sense at all except in my head because I am effin weird. Also sorry for now MLD update! I promise I'm working on it, just difficult to balance life and fiction writing~. So here's this to tide you over?
There was simply no understanding what went through Maya's head at times. The majority of the time he had the sunniest of dispositions, a real beam of happiness and mood raiser the moment he walked into a room. He made heads turn and frowns turn upside down, but when something happened to be off everyone knew. If there was one thing everyone knew about Maya, it was his ability to go into funks for a period of time. It wasn't like he was upset or anything, he simply had his moods. As easy as it was to placate the vocalist, it was just as simple to watch him become temperamental.
For the past several days Maya had been lounging in his room, though not in the bedroom that belonged to him. He had taken to Nagano (as he usually did this time of year) and holed himself up in his childhood bedroom, where Aiji had gone off cross-country to some tropical destination. Not that Maya was bitter, really, Aiji deserved a break like that. After all, in a couple of days the older man would be back in the studio slaving away. And yet Maya would remain in Nagano with his parents, fighting to break from the mood he had been in since the end of their Budokan live.
This was not sadness. When Maya was upset, there were tears and sobs and moping and copious amount of junk food eating. No, what he experienced was a tightening in his chest. His entire body ached for reasons unbeknownst to him, the ability to breathe became more and more difficult as the day progressed, and he endured a restlessness that was not uncommon to him at certain times of the year. No, this was not sadness. This sensation could only be akin to needing something. A release of some sort. Something to get his mind clear and satisfy whatever urge his body was craving.
His fingers gave a twitch of frustration, tangling into the pale blue sheets that he laid on top of. The tightening in his chest only twisted more, making him shift uncomfortably from side to side as he stared at the ceiling above him. Judging from the moonlight that crept it's way into his room and across his face, it had to be at least nine at night. Maybe closer to ten. He arched his neck, trying to peer over at the window to see the stars. If it was one thing he loved about Nagano, it was the stars. But even they could not quell this listlessness that kept him from being able to concentrate.
Was it because he hadn't gotten laid in a while? No, that could not be it. Maya may have been a male of the species but he never really cared too much about sex. It was never too difficult for him to get laid, especially given his profession and flirtatious nature to begin with. The last time he had slept with someone had to only have been two weeks ago. A cute girl he had met near the studio. She had been nice enough though had failed to keep his interest in the long run and he found himself ditching her to go hang out with Aiji more often than not. It was sad, honestly, when he would have rather sat in the studio and get yelled out at Aiji than let a cute girl suck his dick.
The thought alone was enough to put a small smile on his lips. Aiji really was a jerk when it came close to an important live or a release of a single. It was easier to piss him off and get on his bad side on those days. All Maya had to do was doze off during rehearsal or come in late or say something sarcastic to earn a good tongue lashing from his senpai. Aiji always looked so handsome when he was pissed off, though. His nose would wrinkle slightly and he would get such an attractive glare going. Maya had always been convinced that Aiji could make the entire world kneel with just one look. If anyone had an intimidating gaze, it was certainly his guitarist. The image alone in his mind was enough to make a shiver run down his spine and bring a light smile to his face. Honestly, he found himself trying to piss Aiji off more when he was in these kinds of moods. Strange.
He rolled over onto his stomach against his mattress, listening as Momo padded out in the hall way. She had been resting outside of his door for the past hour since his parents had left for dinner with no hopes of returning for a couple of hours. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he buried his face in his arms with a frustrated groan. Thanks to his odd mood, he had not been able to sleep for the past couple of days. An hour here and there, nothing too satisfying but enough to keep him from becoming seriously ill or in danger. What was wrong with him?
"I know what it is," a voice purred in his ear.
Almost immediately Maya sat up, looking wide eyed in front of him as if he expected someone to be there. Of course there was no one, it wasn't like someone had been in the house besides himself. Waiting for the insistent pounding in his chest to slow, he laid himself back down onto the mattress slowly. There was no use in stressing himself out with bodiless voices, he told himself as he allowed his eyes to close once more.
"Are you really going to ignore me? I'm trying to help you," the voice came once more, startling the blonde into sitting straight up rather abruptly to the point where he kicked one of the pillows out onto the ground from the force of his movements.
"Who's there?" Maya called out, voice more agitated than he was frightened. There was a familiarity In that voice, so much so that he didn't think to worry about what this person wanted. They weren't threatening, at least, that's what his mind told himself.
"No one who wasn't already invited," came the reply.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Never one to be good with riddles let alone enjoy them, Maya stared across the room. There was absolutely no way anyone could be in the room with him. It was just himself. His door had been locked the entire time and his eyes wide open. So where did this voice come from?
"Do you still not see me? Tsk, tsk. You should go take a look in the mirror, Maya. You're looking a little pale."
He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, mouth feeling suddenly try and skin breaking out into a cold sweat. A shallow wave of paranoia washed over him and settled in the pit of his stomach as he got up, walking over to the full length mirror he had situated across the room. Though what he witnessed drew a strangled gasp from his throat. Where he had anticipated witnessing a pale and borderline ill looking face, he was met with full red lips smirking back at him. While he had expected messy blonde hair from being in bed all week, he saw curly blonde and baby doll bangs that he knew he did not have. And where he thought he'd see scared, almost sad chocolate eyes he saw piercing blue staring back at him under the outline of heavy kohl and thick lashes. This reflection, this person was not him. This person could never be him. But to a degree, it was. This person was his creation after all, wasn't it? Someone Maya had always wanted to be but was too soft hearted and sweet to even try.
"What's the matter sweetie, cat got your tongue?" his double laughed, causing Maya took look immediately to the ground in silent shame. "You're too cute, I can't stand it. I could just eat you up. Come now, look up! Don't be rude!"
Compelled by the sugary sweet but blatantly mocking voice of his double, Maya looked up. But instead of seeing the Mad version of himself, he saw the pajama clad man he had thought to see to begin with. Blinking several times, Maya frowned, pressing his fingers to the cool glass in confusion as if he had expected it to ripple like when a pebble dropped into water. What the hell? What had he just saw? Was he going crazy?
"Oh honey, no. I'm the crazy one. You're just the confused little kitty cat that needs it's tummy scratched," the voice purred, before Maya felt two very solid arms wrap their way around his neck from behind and a much pudgier cheek than his nuzzle playfully against his face.
Where Maya wanted to scream, he found his voice dying immediately in his throat. He only stood there wide eyed, staring at the mirror. There was no one behind him in the reflection, but he could feel them all too well. The hot breath of his double against his neck, the tickle of that curly poodle hair against his face, the wandering fingers sliding down his chest. As if to clarify that he was not just making this up, Maya looked down to see the painted fingers sliding lower to his abdomen and back up his chest, curling as they clawed at him through the fabric of his shirt.
"I don't…I'm hallucinating," Maya gasped finally, able to form some sort of sentence as he stared down with horrified eyes.
"I guess you could say that. Or you could say that you're just talking to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night. I don't think I would be here, though, if that were the case. Seems to me like we have a problem," the Mad man spoke teasingly, moving gracefully in front of Maya to give his nose a mocking tap. "Looks to me like my sweeter half has a problem, mm? Can't sleep? Can't concentrate? Causing trouble with Senpai?"
He would have asked how this person who looked so much like him knew what he was going through, but then he had to stop and think about the fact that, well, this person was him. So there was no surprise by the fact that he knew everything Maya did. Regardless he nodded his head, staring stupidly at the man in front of him.
"You didn't really need to answer that. You're so stupid, I love it," Mad Maya laughed, clapping his hands together before he gripped the other's cheeks between his fingers tightly, giving a rough squeeze and a shake to his head that caused Maya to whimper in confusion. "Say you're stupid, Mayachan," he instructed rather coldly.
"What?!" Maya snapped, cheeks growing hot in embarrassment. While he completely understood that this person was him, he was not about to sit there and tolerate being spoken down to. Even if this person was, well, him. "Get the hell out I'm not stupid!"
"Says the person who's talking to himself, right?" his double laughed, eyes rolling before he promptly back handed Maya across the face. The blonde stumbled, head rearing to the side from the force of the slap as he reached up to touch his cheek gently. What the hell? Did this man come into his house to slap him around!? "Let me repeat myself one more time, Mayachan, because I won't be repeating myself again. Say. You're. Stupid."
He felt tears well up in his eyes from a combination of the stinging in his cheeks and the burning humiliation at the very idea of admitting that he was stupid. Was he? There wasn't any indication that he was smart, and he was pretty much talking to himself at this point… "I'm stupid," Maya murmured shyly after a few moments of silence, swallowing hard once more.
"What was that? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of the heater," the other hummed, fingers moving to tangle themselves into Maya's hair as they yanked harshly, causing him to whimper in pained confusion.
"I said I'm stupid!" Maya shouted a little louder, peering coyly at his Mad self. "Okay? I'm..I'm stupid."
"Good boy," Mad Maya smiled a toothy smile, moving to trail the tips of his nails across the small red mark on his better half's face. "And do you know why you're stupid? Because you don't understand your own wants and needs. Because you can't comprehend the fact that you're a whiny little brat that wants to be treated like a misbehaving child. Honestly, you little brat. Do you really not understand what you need?"
Maya shook his head gently, sucking his upper lip into his mouth out of habit as he waited patiently for the other to continue speaking.
"So stupid," Mad Maya purred, cupping the man's cheeks between dainty fingers as he drew Maya in close, whispering softly into his ear. "I'm not going to tell you what it is yet. You're going to figure it out on your own. Otherwise how else will you learn?" he chuckled, quick to yank the other's hair harshly in a downward motion to get him to lean to the side.
Maya was not used to someone being the same height as him. The last time he had to deal with that was the time he had gone to visit his old friend Miyavi to see how his two daughters were doing. It was odd, not having to look down at someone. Though the force at which his double yanked on his hair had Maya following those fingers with his head in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort in his skull, whimpering softly as he tried to keep himself from being hurt any more than necessary. However the more Maya followed those fingers, the more the double yanked, until eventually he had been forced down onto his knees with his fingers clutching onto that scrawny wrist that was so much like his own with a frustrated cry. It hurt, the top of his head. Though he knew without a doubt that he was not putting up nearly as big of a fight as he could have. There was simply no fight in him. He did not have the desire to argue or resist whatever it was his other half was doing. Not even when the other pushed him stomach first into the mattress did he fight back besides digging his nails into his wrist to keep his Mad self from yanking out his hair. His knees came into contact with the tatami below him, upper body draped over the mattress.
"You're not going to argue with me, Masahito?" the man behind him practically whispered behind him, the tone in his voice bringing a shiver down his spine much like the way Aiji's stare downs would. But Maya didn't answer. "Of course you're not. You're such a little glutton and you won't even acknowledge it, will you?" he laughed.
What did he mean by glutton, Maya asked himself bitterly. His fingers slowly dropped from the wrist they were clutching onto, instead reaching out to tangle into the sheets he was half slung over. Not once did it seem strange to him that he was fighting with himself, albeit a little confusing as to how it had happened. Most people would have considered themselves insane for seeing themselves in a solid, tangible form that wasn't, well, themselves in actuality. It was confusing, naturally, but he was past the point of caring.
Strangely enough with this doppelgänger here, the clenching in his chest was less suffocating. He could breathe more easily and his thoughts were less of a jumble and more of a smooth line. Maya let out a slow breath of air as he shut his eyes, trying to gather his wits as the man behind him yanked harder at his hair and forced his head up from the bed.
"Why are you ignoring me? You know I don't like to be ignored, Maya," his Mad self spoke dully above him, causing Maya to wince quietly. He did hate being ignored. Did this one hate it too?
"I don't know what you want me to say," Maya answered finally, fingers twitching against the sheets as he tightened and loosened his grip on the cotton several times in random intervals in a nervous attempt to calm himself.
"I want you to tell me what's wrong with you," the other responded calmly, the pretty hand currently not forcing his head up sliding along Maya's forearm and to lace with his fingers almost lovingly as those painted lips kissed along his rounded jaw lovingly. "Speak up."
"I don't know," Maya answered without missing a beat, finding himself leaning towards the full set of lips that were more better suited for a woman and not a man. Then again this man did not really exist, right? It was all in his head. But…
"Liar," the Mad man laughed, sinking his teeth into Maya's neck to the point where he actually cried out in pain, eyes wide as he was sure the fucking idiot had drawn blood. "You know exactly what's wrong with you, so fucking admit it you bratty little bitch!" a sharp slap across the face.
Stunned, Maya peered over his shoulder at the man hovering above him staring down at him with steely blue eyes. This wasn't him, but something he wanted to be on some degree, right? Someone who had no worries or cares and said fuck the world I'm going to do what I want. Someone that knew exactly what they wanted and what made them happy (or whatever could make someone Mad happy, really). So why did this creation of his mind decide to manifest himself? Because he was upset? Because he needed….he needed…
"I don't know," Maya replied once more, choking on his words as an icy sort of chill worked its way up his spine. Another slap, this one causing the blonde to cry out in distress. "I don't know!" he spoke louder as the third slap hit him, this time on the opposite cheek and sending him facing the other way. "I don't know!" this time a shout, this time a slap by the back of the other's hand. "I don't fucking know!" at this point he was screaming, tears rolling down his cheeks unbeknownst to him before he felt his body being flipped over onto his back to stare up at the other with wide eyes.
Just as quickly as that choking sensation had grasped him, the other's fingers wrapped around his throat with two thumbs pressing up and into his windpipe to close off the flow of air to his lungs. He was locked under those eyes, gasping for breath as he clawed and slapped at the wrists connected to those hands that had him choked to the point where his lungs burned and eyes saw spots of black. His cheeks were red and aching from the continuous slaps he had received from his double, still painfully confused as to why he was being hurt, even more so as to why he wasn't doing much to prevent it. Any normal person would thrash and scream and run but Maya just…laid there dutifully with the occasional scratch of frustration like an agitated kitten with no real malicious intent. This wasn't a fight for his life, this was something entirely different.
"You know what's wrong with you? You don't have someone to put you in your place. That's what you need. You'll agitate your senpai and behave poorly just so he'll give you a second glance. So he'll speak to you, so he'll put you down and assert the fact that you aren't anything without him. Because let's face it, darling, you value yourself through the eyes of others. You don't think anything of yourself and you want to be reminded of that fact. So without senpai around to tell his kouhai that he's being a dumb bitch and bossing him around, he's lost. He doesn't know what to do with himself.
"But that's not enough anymore, is it? Now you can't just have Aiji bossing you around. You need him to assert himself in other ways," the man gave Maya a tiny shake by his throat, causing the vocalist to cry out in a combination of distress and what could arguably be agreement. "Now you need him to put you down in a more visible way, too. You want him to put his hands on you, you want him to leave marks. Is that it?"
There was a space for an answer from Maya, though all the blonde could do was choke and sputter stupidly as his eyes rolled back the longer he was denied oxygen. Why couldn't he breathe? This wasn't really happening so why did it feel like it was. But on some level, he knew that what his Mad self was saying was true. Though did he only know because this was him? Or was he that obvious? This restlessness, this desire for something that he couldn't quite put into words. It made sense with what he was saying.
"You know he'll never do it," the other purred, finally letting go of Maya's throat and watched as the blonde inhaled sharply for oxygen and began coughing to the point of doubling over. The Mad Maya smiled, hands propping them haughtily on slender hips as he cocked his head to the side. "He doesn't even look at you romantically, let alone enough to give you what you want. So what are you going to do?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" Maya broke down, curling in on himself and clutching the bed sheets for dear life. "I get it, okay! I'm fucked up. I'm not as innocent and rainbow fucking cute as I like others to see me as. I want my stupid guitarist to beat the hell out of me and then fuck me senseless because that's what gets me off! I get it! I know that because it's what I want, so why do you feel the need to rub it in my face? Do you not think I'm already ashamed of myself? Fuck you!" Maya shouted, picking up a pillow and throwing it at his double though it missed completely and hit the far wall.
"We know he can't do these things you want Maya but that doesn't mean that there isn't another solution," a voice, smooth as silk but deadly as sin spoke into his ear. The rich tone and familiarity caused Maya's blood to run cold, eyes wide as he turned to stare at the man seated next to him.
"S-senpai?" Maya stuttered out stupidly, heart pounding in his chest.
No, this wasn't his senpai. The clothing he wore, tight ripped jeans and a studded jacket with that eyepatch and Mohawk-esque hair. This wasn't his senpai, this was the fictional version of him they had created together just like there was another Maya standing in the room. Maya looked over to see his double before finding that he wasn't there anymore. Confused, he looked back over to the man seated beside him before he was grabbed by the shoulders and slammed against the far wall near his bed, head colliding with the wall with a loud thud though not enough to cause serious damage. Just a hell of a lot of dull throbbing.
"So you want to be degraded, huh?" Aiji who was not truly Aiji spoke, voice bored almost as he gripped Maya by the jaw and squeezed tightly.
Without a moment's hesitation Maya nodded, overwhelmed by the authority that radiated off this man in waves. There was no beating around the bush when it came to this one. He wanted him and he wanted everything that he represented in his fucked up mind. Aiji-dangerous but still Aiji.
"You really are a sick little slut some times, Maya," Aiji scoffed, standing on his feet and motioning flippantly with his hand for the blonde to roll over. Like a good dog Maya rolled over, laying on his stomach for the second time that night and letting his eyes lock onto a spot on the wall in front of him as the fabric of his pajama pants slowly fell off his hips and pooled on the ground. He was glad he was facing away from Aiji, even if none of this could possibly be real.
Before he could even really register what was going on the sound of something ripping through the air caught his ears before the sensation of being struck registered against his skin. Maya cried out in pained surprise as something hit the back of his bare thighs, smarting painfully and yanking him against the mattress a little further. However he did not have much time to dwell on the pain as another slash was brought just below his bottom, making the tall blonde writhe on the sheets below him.
"Count the hits, Maya," Aiji spoke dully behind him, echoing loudly in his ears for one reason or another.
"O-okay," he gasped softly in pain, tears once again stinging the corners of his eyes as he inhaled the moment the belt slapped against his bottom again, "One!" Maya cried out, only to scream in startled pain the moment the belt slammed down against a spot that had already been struck.
"Wrong. What are you, stupid? Can't you count?" Aiji scowled, slapping against the spot a second time. "Try it again.
Unable to form much of agreement besides a numb nod, Maya tried his hardest not to sob as his body tried to relax to ease the pain in his thighs and bottom but to no avail. The belt slapped down against the top of his back and Maya cried out once again, counting frantically in his head. The one he got wrong, the two he got after plus…plus…The one from before? "F-four?!" Maya shouted out in confusion, sobbing in pained dismay as Aiji slapped down the belt against that same spot again in punishment. The welt was surely bleeding a little by now.
"Five! Five you stupid bitch! God, do I have to count for you now, too?" he scowled in annoyance, watching as Maya shook his head furiously in the negative.
"N-no I forgot! I didn't know you wanted.. you wanted…" Maya couldn't even finish his sentence as he sobbed in pain, shaking his head repeatedly.
Before he could protest any further he was flipped onto his back once more, met with that intimidating gaze that would bring anyone to their knees. Maya immediately stopped his tears, sniffling occasionally as he peered up at Aiji from beneath his bangs.
"He's cute, isn't he?" his Mad self hummed from beside Aiji, arms folded over his chest. "Stupid, but cute." When did he get here again? Maya went to look over at the other but he was gone as quickly as he had came. Like a modern day Cheshire Cat.
"Did you really get hard over something like that?" Aiji chuckled, sliding his hand down to wrap around the blonde's cock, stroking him slowly. Maya was amazed at the fact that he had indeed became hard during the assault, sniffling once again as the pain melted into frustration the more Aiji handled him. His hips arched in a silent plea for more, dark eyes peering up at him pleadingly. "Now you want me to touch you gently, huh?"
"No…" Maya spoke softly in shame, crying out in discomfort as the Mad version of his person of interest squeezed his cock a little too tightly.
"No, of course not. Because you want to be treated like some common day tramp, isn't that right?" Maya nodded without even a second's thought. What the fuck was wrong with him?
"You think you're special?" his Mad self whispered into his ear, making Maya yank his head to the side to stare at the nothing that was to his right. But…
"What do you want, Maya?" Aiji asked, thumbing the rosy top slowly as he watched him with that dull almost bored look that made the blonde throb between his fingers.
"I want you to fuck me," Maya whispered, looking up at him once again as the voice of his double continued to echo in his ears.
"Is that all you want?"
"I want you to mark me," Maya corrected himself.
"Let's be real with ourselves, sweetie."
"I…I w-want you to degrade me," came his final answer.
Without a word the manifestation of his darkest wants and desires turned Maya to face the head board of the bed, placing the blonde onto his hands and knees. Before he could do much else Maya felt his wrists being tied behind his back and something latch around his throat, something that made the blonde feel less like a human and more like an animal than anything else. He whimpered softly as he felt something slick and hard press against his entrance, what he could only assume was the older man's cock.
"S-senp-" he couldn't even get the title out before he was being entered roughly by the older man, forcing his body forward and the breath right out of his lungs for the umpteenth time in such a short amount of time.
There was no room for adjusting as Aiji just began to fuck him harshly, yanking him forward each time and agitating the marks that he had left on his skin from before. His fingers wrapped against the base of Maya's neck, pressing him further against the mattress as he kept the blonde's upper body elevated and pressed against his own hips. The pace at which he moved had Maya breathing hard, body aching from the force of his movements but not in as painful a way as he would have imagined.
"You're such a slut, Maya…" Aiji whispered softly, the sound seeming like it wrapped around Maya and settled in the base of his stomach and made his entire body ache wonderfully.
"I'm a slut," Maya echoed, eyes fluttering shut as his shoulders ached from having to have his arms behind him for so long.
"Whose slut are you, Maya?" he growled, slamming his hips forward harder as he watched the blonde, Maya choking back a whimper and pressing back against the cock that was fucking him so wonderfully.
"Yours!" Maya cried out, cock throbbing between his legs. "I'm y-your slut! Oh God!"
"Are you really, though?" his Mad self hummed, seated finally by Maya's range of sight as he wrapped his fingers around Maya's cock, pumping the other slowly in sharp contrast to the sharp way that Aiji fucked him from out of sight.
"I'm your slut, Aiji!" Maya repeated, as if to dispel the comment made by his double as his thighs began to tremble from the pleasure coursing through him as the doppelganger squeezed and twisted his palm against his cock in just the way Maya enjoyed, Aiji beginning to pound relentlessly against his prostate.
He didn't want this to end so soon, soft sobs racking his frame from stress and pleasure, unsure of how to deal with the flood of sensations that washed over him. He opened his eyes, greeted with the view of the ceiling much to his confusion so he shut them again, opening to see the headboard. Confused but so lost in the rapture of endorphins suffocating him, he simply allowed the other to fuck him harder still and the familiar sensation of his own hand rubbing his eager cock.
"You can cum now," Aiji spoke, sounding eerily like himself.
Needing no further permission Maya found himself cumming on command, dirtying the sheets and his double's fingers with his seed. His mind swam back and forth, body trembling and shaking as he lay there on the mattress. For a moment he just laid there listening to his heart pound in his chest, gasping for breath. The sheets clung to his back, his own hand resting messily on his chest while the other still had three of those slender digits inside of himself. He opened his eyes slowly and saw the ceiling again.
There was no Aiji, no doppelganger Maya, no marks on his skin or even pain. Only himself and the smell of sex an mind numbing silence.