[fic] Paranoia - Yugioh, 'Atemu'xYugi, drama/serious, PG-13, theme 065 (100_chances)
Theme: 065 - Paranoia; for 100_chances
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Genre: Drama/serious
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 'Atemu'/Yugi implied, past 'Atemu'/Jounouchi implied
Archive: Here
Warnings: AU, drug smuggling, violence, swearing
Spoilers: None
Summary: He knew the gun was loaded but he didn't think it'd kill...
Disclaimer: Yugioh is not mine. The characters are probably happy about that.
---
The cell phone beside the couch rang. One eye still on an article in a gaming magazine, the young man beside it reached over and flipped it open.
“Hey.”
“What’s up Atemu?” greeted the caller, causing Atemu to set down the magazine and give the phone his full attention. Only a handful of people in the world knew him by his real name. Even fewer knew both his name and this number.
“Mac?”
“I’m touched, you remember me.”
Atemu leaned back against the couch. “What’s with the call?”
“I have a favor to ask.”
The words, so innocuous, sent a chill down Atemu’s spine. “What do you mean, a favor? You fired me, remember?”
“Technically no. You told me you wanted some time off.”
“I must have been at a different meeting. I distinctly remember you telling me I needed to relax and get my head in order.”
“A mutual parting of the ways, then,” Mac said. “But not an official retirement.”
“You called me unstable. I don’t even know where the fuck you got that idea.”
“You agreed that some time alone would do you good,” Mac countered. Atemu muttered grudgingly. He couldn’t deny that.
“You could’ve been a little nicer about it,” he finally said. “So what’s the favor?”
On the other end of the line he heard what sounded like the squeak of a leather chair being leaned back. “You nearly got busted,” Mac said, and Atemu thought resignedly that it had been too much to hope that his old boss would let the fight go. “Everyone was talking about it. Someone of your caliber almost being taken down is a big story.”
Atemu snorted. “I told you, the other guy was the problem, he got spooked by something and his partner started shooting.”
“What’d he get spooked by?”
“I don’t know.”
Mac’s voice went graver. “Some people were saying it was because you had a gun visible on you.”
“What the hell did you want from me, Mac?” he asked in exasperation. “Your first rule was to always carry a weapon.”
“Not a fucking automatic!” Anticipating argument, he kept speaking, raising his voice over Atemu’s noises of protest. “If you have to carry, you keep it small and concealed. You don’t go showing it off for the world to see.”
“I couldn’t hold the suitcase and keep my hand near a hidden gun at the same time. Look, you said you had a favor to ask?”
His poor attempt at a segue went unnoticed. “You shouldn’t have even felt like you needed a gun. You’d done deals with that guy before, you know he’s clean.”
Atemu didn’t want to answer that one. He’d elected not to answer it when Mac had grilled him about it months before, too. “So why’d he spook then,” he said. “He ought to know I’m clean too. I still can’t believe you’d let some junkie’s flip-out get to you.”
“You can’t turn this on him, Atemu. People were getting scared of you. Contacts I’d known for years were suddenly refusing to do deals. I had to do something.”
That was something he hadn’t mentioned at their last meeting. It made Atemu snort. “That’s stupid. I’m not unstable.”
The pause on the other end of the phone line wasn’t encouraging.
“Mac? Don’t tell me you told me to take a break because of some ridiculous rumors.”
“I don’t think you meant any harm,” he answered slowly.
“But…?” Atemu said, sensing the pause.
“But I do think you were getting paranoid. And it’s a slippery slope from there if you don’t throw in the towel and retire. Everyone who has ever gone down started with paranoia. Then they began using from their own supply to deal with it. Then they’d get sloppy, or alienate their contacts, and from there it’s jail if you’re lucky and a bullet in the head if you’re not. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”
“I wasn’t going to start using,” Atemu said roughly. “I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re still hurt and that pain can cause people to make mistakes.”
Atemu had heard enough. There were lines even long-time business partners and buddies didn’t cross.
“Don’t even start that with me, Mac. You’re not my therapist. And if you want to ask me for a favor, pissing me off isn’t the way to get it.”
A gusty sigh whistled through the phone. “There’s a new kid coming into your area to do a deal today. I want you to keep an eye on him and get him out if the deal goes bad.”
Instantly, Atemu replied, “Mac, no. I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t. You know why.”
“In the past you’dve been happy to help out a newbie.”
“That was in the past,” Atemu growled. “Let the newbie handle it on his own and leave me out of it. I don’t work with people anymore. You agreed I didn’t have to, way before the break you agreed.”
Mac paused. “I didn’t want to have to say this, but I think there’s going to be trouble. It’s with a gang who’s caused problems before.”
Something cold dropped into Atemu’s stomach. There was only one gang in the area he could be talking about. “Mac, you didn’t.”
“I run a business, Atemu. They asked me for a product and they’re willing to pay. I can’t afford to burn that bridge.”
“Why’d you put a newbie on a case like that?” Atemu demanded. “At least send someone experienced.”
“He asked for it. Wouldn’t take no for an answer and said he didn’t want coddling.” There was almost a note of fucking pride in his voice, Atemu thought in near disgust. “I’d just feel better if there was someone looking out for him who knows how to handle the worst.”
“I can’t deal with people right now,” Atemu said, letting some desperation slip in. “Are you listening to me? I can’t.”
“Atemu, you never officially retired. I’m still your boss.”
“Fine, then I retire.”
Atemu could hear him chomping on a pen, the way he always did when he had to hand down a harsh order. “It doesn’t work that way. Look, we’re buddies and I don’t want to order you to do this. You know as well as I do that I can’t force you to, but I can make you wish you had. I don’t want to do that.”
Atemu scowled, but said nothing.
“I’m just asking you for twenty hours, that’s it, then it’s back to hermitville for good. He’s coming in on a private vessel this evening at eight.”
Atemu glanced at the clock and sighed. It was nearing seven o’clock already. He should have guessed. “I’m assuming you already told him I’d meet him there.”
“I may have said something to that effect. The deal’s set to go down at four tomorrow at the normal rendezvous point for these guys. Twenty hours, tag along on one deal, it’s not a lot to ask. One last run. Hand to God, you’ll never get a call from me again after this.”
Normal rendezvous point. That being the former ship yard. Atemu’s jaw tightened.
Of course it would be that place. Nothing like throwing salt on the wounds, huh Mac?
He didn’t want to do it. He really didn’t want to do it. And had it been any other gang, he would have said no. It wouldn’t be worth the nightmares. But these people…
Nightmares would come anyway and he couldn’t let this newbie walk into potential danger alone.
“Fine, I’ll help. What’s his alias?”
Mac’s tone suddenly became affable again. “Funny you should ask, Yami. I think you’ll find this amusing. It’s Hikari.”
“You kidding?”
“Not at all.”
“Weird coincidence, then. Light and Dark working together.”
“Now that you mention it,” Mac said, “he doesn’t have a partner yet.”
Whatever minor amusement the name coincidence had brought vanished. “Eight o’clock, twenty hours, we do the deal, he goes home, I’m out. Good night, Mac,” he said, closing the phone before he could get a reply and throwing it down at the couch.
God damn it.
His hands were shaking. He folded them into fists against the cushions. Then he got up restlessly and began putting together what he’d need for his temporary housemate. He wasn’t exactly equipped for visitors. After putting some extra blankets on the couch, he took stock of his groceries. He had enough for a couple meals for two. The kid down the road who he paid to do his grocery shopping for him wouldn’t be by for another few days, but he’d just eat light until then.
Finally he pulled on a jacket and got his keys. The commercial docks were a bit of a drive. He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and removed a small pistol, looking at it for a moment.
He was just going to pick someone up. Nothing complicated or dangerous about that.
Then again, the night he’d lost Jou was supposed to have been a simple deal, too.
I’m not paranoid, he told the concerned vision of Mac in his head. I’m not.
He put the gun back in the pocket, grabbed his wallet and headed out.
- - -
At 7:45 he parked his car and walked to join the crowd of friends and relatives watching a large passenger ship slowly make its way toward the docks. Mac had always liked to time arrivals with cruise ships, to make his mark just another face in the crowd. He’d hung up before Mac could tell him what this Hikari fellow looked like and was counting on the newbie to have been told who to look for. The crowd made him nervous and he stayed off to the side, staring at the ground, careful not to meet anyone’s eyes. The mere festive atmosphere in the air was enough to make his stomach ache and his heart pound.
The ship docked, passengers disembarked, and Atemu lingered by the back of the crowd until it had thinned out, then stepped forward and pretended to study the ship as he allowed a quick glance around. Immediately he noticed a young man walking his way, dragging a rolling suitcase behind him.
Something was wrong…there was no way, this person couldn’t be-
“Yami?” the stranger asked once he was within earshot. Atemu straightened at the sound of his code name and nodded, but he couldn’t answer, too busy staring.
This boy looked like a teenager, and not a late teenager at that. Mac had never accepted anyone this young as a smuggler before. What was he thinking?
“Hikari?” he asked.
The young man nodded and before Atemu could turn, met his eyes. Purple, an unusual hue. And gentle. Atemu had to look away. Those weren’t the kind of eyes that belonged on someone carrying a case of drugs, but Atemu had no doubts about what filled the large suitcase the young man called Hikari was dragging, nor that somewhere on his skinny frame the young man had his own gun.
Mac, you asshole. Why would you accept someone like this into your business?
He swallowed heavily.
And why would you send him to me?
“Make the trip okay?” he asked aloud.
Hikari gave him a slightly concerned look. “Pretty well.”
“Good. The car’s over here.”
He remained silent for the rest of the ride, letting the radio fill up the silence. At his house, he held out his hand and said, “Let me have the suitcase. I have a safe it can be put in until tomorrow.”
Hikari hesitated, then nodded and held it out.
“I’ll make some dinner if you’re hungry. For now, there’s some blankets on the couch for you, let me know if you need more. Bathroom’s down the hall to the right.”
“Thanks,” Hikari said, and smiled.
Feeling ill, Atemu took the suitcase and walked away. He closed the door to his bedroom and tried to ignore the nausea.
He’d just had to smile.
He unlocked the safe and hoisted the suitcase up inside it. Better to keep the merchandise out of sight. Despite his defense of himself to Mac, there had been times when it had occurred to him that the only reason people would pay so much is if the drugs really helped. Made them forget their problems, maybe made them feel better.
And there were days when he thought it would be really nice to feel better.
He scowled at his own mental weakness, locked the safe, and shut the closet doors for good measure before walking back out into the living room.
“Any preferences on what you want to eat?” he asked, coming in to see Hikari browsing the decorations around the room. Atemu kept the place fairly bare, aside from some paintings and a bookcase. He saw Hikari pick up a framed photo from the bookcase and darted forward. “Don’t touch that!” he snapped and snatched it back, causing Hikari to jump.
“Sorry.” Hikari’s gaze was still on the photo, Atemu standing beside a taller blond man. “Who’s that you’re with?”
“That would be none of your business.”
“Oh…okay.” Hikari turned his gaze on Atemu, making him uncomfortable. He didn’t like the way this stranger was looking at him, as if he could see something Atemu couldn’t. He set the frame down with a sharp thump.
“I’m making dinner. You can set the table if you want to help.”
“All right.”
Moments later, as Hikari turned away to organize the table, Atemu allowed himself a moment to argue with himself.
There was no reason to lie about the picture. Hell, Mac had probably already filled Hikari in. You send someone to stay with a supposed lunatic for a day, it’s only right to fill them in.
At the same time, if Mac hadn’t explained about Jou, Atemu didn’t want to risk scaring Hikari. Fear could be a person’s friend or worst enemy, depending on how healthy a dose it was, but he didn’t know how Hikari might react. More than that, he didn’t want to risk the discussion causing some sort of connection, however menial, between them. He wasn’t here to make friends or to protect people who’d made their own choices.
He wasn’t much good at protecting people, period.
- - -
Not long after midnight, the young man with the alias Hikari got up from where he’d been sleeping on the couch and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. Having availed himself of the facilities, he was on his way back to the couch, stretching as he did, when he passed by the open door of Yami’s room.
There was a low light on inside, which struck him as unusual. But then, he’d noticed small lights along the edges of all the rooms. They weren’t bright enough to keep him awake, but more light than most people had in their houses at night.
For security, he realized with a nod to himself. In case there’s an intruder, this way he can see.
As if any intruder could get inside. He’d watched Yami hook up the house’s complicated alarm system before he’d gone to bed. There were probably banks less heavily wired.
In the glow of the light in the room, he could see Yami curled up asleep and drew in a slightly sharper breath when he saw, on the nightstand beside the bed, three different guns and extra ammunition for each, carefully arranged.
He could understand having one gun within reach. Maybe a second somewhere. But this?
Mac’s words from earlier, before he’d set out for the port, came back to him.
Yami’s trustworthy, you’ll be safe with him. He’s one of my oldest workers.
“Oldest” had made him assume that the man he was going to meet would be in his forties, if not higher. He’d been startled to see that Yami was probably barely pushing late twenties.
You might find him a little odd, Mac had warned him. He’s been hurting for awhile now from a loss. Been holed up alone for too long if you ask me. But if things get bad he won’t leave you behind. He’d get you out even if it killed him.
A loss. He assumed it had to go back to the picture he’d seen of Yami with the blond-haired man.
Instinctively, he knew that it was the smuggling world that had caused the likely death of the blond. That was the only explanation for why Yami was withdrawing from it. He hadn’t met that many of his fellow smugglers so far, but the ones he had, even the retired ones, had all been confident and breezy. "It's just a job," they'd say with a grin. He hadn’t seen someone broken down like this.
Realizing it was foolish to be lingering in the doorway of the room of a man who would probably blow him away if he awoke and saw him, he returned to the couch and pulled the blanket back over himself.
Yami was a weird person. It worried him, especially in light of the next day. He’d never seen Mac really concerned about a deal before and was starting to wonder if letting his pride accept the job had been bright. But he’d been told to trust Yami.
He hadn’t been told to feel sorry for him.
He’s hurting, he couldn’t help thinking. And me being here is causing him more hurt.
There’d been plenty of days when he wondered if this was the right world for him. Soft, emotional as he was, more than one person had said he might not be cut out for the harder parts. He took that as a challenge to accept any job he could, but sometimes, when alone, the doubts crept back in and he’d wonder if he was in too deep yet.
So he rolled onto his side, closed his eyes, and counted on that feeling to be gone by morning.
- - -
Atemu woke up at seven-thirty, groaning at the sunlight across his face. His mind wandered, unbidden, back to the day before. Immediately he felt his stomach drop as he remembered Hikari and what would happen later.
There was no warmth in admitting it to himself, but there had been something nice about having someone to eat dinner with. Someone to say good night to. Instead of making him feel good about his housemate, however, it made him feel sick.
He could get killed doing this job.
Maybe not today, or next week, but someday. Atemu knew well enough how high the chances were. It did something to him, something bad, when he looked at Hikari and imagined him dead. No more smile, no more clear eyes, just a body to be dumped somewhere or a nameless corpse for the morgue.
There was a reason he’d disappeared after losing Jou. A reason he’d cut off contact with everyone except his clients. He didn’t want to see good people anymore. Anyone he saw alive, happy, living, he would just see motionless and cold in nightmares later.
It was irrational and stupid and all he could do was watch himself become a slave to it.
Mac’s right. I am losing it.
He rolled over in bed, burying his face in the pillow. He was tired of seeing death in the face of every person he passed. So damn tired.
Fifteen minutes later he finally got up, smoothed his pajama shirt and padded out of the room.
“G’ morning,” he mumbled when he saw that Hikari was sitting up, studying something in his hand. A second look made him stop in his tracks. He was holding the picture from the bookcase again. “I told you not to touch that!”
Hikari looked up, a troubled expression on his face. “Why won’t you say who he is?”
“Because you don’t want to know.”
“But I do. You’re hiding something.”
“Get used to it,” he replied harshly. “You want coffee?”
Hikari gave him a look that surprised Atemu a bit. Obviously there was a tougher core in him than Atemu had thought. “With milk if that’s all right.”
Atemu nodded. It’d be easier to make tea, but there was something therapeutic about grinding coffee beans.
Hikari was still holding the picture when Atemu walked back in from the kitchen.
“Mac said you’re coming along tonight to make sure I get out safely,” he said.
Atemu nodded, folding his arms.
“So I’m supposed to be able to trust you.”
“You don’t have to. I’d rather you didn’t.”
Hikari’s brow furrowed. “I want to be able to. I’d feel better about this whole thing if I could.”
“Not much I can do about that,” Atemu said quietly, a queasy feeling in his gut. Guilt?
“I’ve heard this gang isn’t very nice,” Hikari said.
“They’re not.”
“Mac said this one was dangerous. Does he always say that?”
Atemu lifted one shoulder. “I think someone can be in danger without even realizing it. What anyone else says doesn’t matter.”
Hikari set the frame down. “How old are you?”
The sudden change of topic made Atemu uncomfortable, but he answered anyway, “Twenty-seven.”
“Only three years above me then.”
Atemu stared. He couldn’t help it. Hikari was twenty-four? He didn’t look a day over seventeen.
“But I’ve only been involved for a year,” he continued. “And I’ve never done a deal that went bad. You’ve done this a lot longer, haven’t you, Yami?”
“Since I was fifteen,” he muttered. “Been dealing since nineteen.”
“Were your parents in this…?”
“Oh, no, they wouldn’t have anything to do with this business. They raised me right. Good school, middle-income, the whole package. I was the one who took a wrong turn somewhere. Mac took me in.”
“Oh.” His gaze went back to the picture. Atemu watched him.
It wasn’t right, to hide the details. Hikari deserved to know. Mac, for all his faults, was decent about letting newbies leave if they weren’t in too deep. Hikari would still have to answer for any personal enemies he’d already made, but maybe he could convince the young man to back out of the system while he still had a chance.
“Look…if you really want to know, his name’s Jounouchi,” he said. “Or it was. He was my partner. We were doing a simple deal with a gang, I was lookout. A rival gang took the opportunity to strike and he was caught in the crossfire. It happened before I could move. The rival gang who broke the pact to not involve neutral parties is the one you’re meeting later today. That’s the story.”
Hikari released an audible breath and looked up, his large eyes wide with sympathy.
Atemu grit his teeth. “You shouldn’t be part of this business,” he said, shaking his head. “You don’t have the eyes for it.”
“I can learn,” Hikari replied defensively, though his expression betrayed the statement.
“Let me guess, you’re in it for some honorable reason, right? A sick sibling needs medicine, you need to save an orphanage from being foreclosed on…?”
Hikari shook his head. “Nothing like that. I was born poor and it sucked. I’d just like to build up my finances. Be able to afford something nice for a change. Maybe then, if my parents think I’m successful, they can stop regretting what they couldn’t give me.”
Well damn. Atemu turned around and returned to the kitchen to check on the coffee. It’d be easier to dismiss him if he had some sappy goal. Somehow, one with a bit of honest selfishness wasn’t so easy to laugh at.
Back in the living area he handed the mug of coffee with cream to Hikari and sat down beside him on the couch. He’d left his black and bitter. It suited his mood.
“Does Mac know? That this gang is the one who killed your friend?” Hikari asked between sips.
Atemu shook his head. “I didn’t have proof. He refuses to start burning his bridges with the gangs around here unless I have proof of who it was. I was pissed, but I guess I can’t blame him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You go around feeling weakness for people and it won’t be long before someone figures out how to exploit that,” Atemu muttered.
“I guess you’ve experienced that firsthand?”
“No offense, but it’s the reason you’re here.”
“Huh?” Hikari said.
“I don’t know if Mac told you or not, but I’m not really a people person. He knows why. Technically I’m not even doing deals anymore. But he convinced me to let you come here by appealing to my weaker nature. He knew there was no way I could let a newbie face the people who I believe killed Jou alone.”
“Oh.” He swirled the coffee in his mug. “Well, thank you, I guess.”
Atemu felt that stab of guilt again. “It’s nothing personal. I just…don’t do well with people these days. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else coming here either.”
“No, I understand.” The coffee had cooled. Hikari took a longer draught and looked up. “Mac did mention a few things…nothing specific.”
“He tell you I’m apparently losing it?”
“I think he used the phrase ‘burning out.’”
“Ah,” Atemu said. “Well, don’t worry, I’m not going to lose it today. I’m retired, not incompetent.”
“I didn’t think you’d lose it today.”
“Then why do you look so unsure?”
Hikari drained his mug and set it down. “I guess I’m wondering if I’m in over my head.”
Atemu was relieved by the uncertainty. So Hikari still had some sense left in him after all. “No shame in that. This isn’t for everyone. Even the people who it’s for, if they survive, it’s not forever.”
Hikari didn’t look as if he liked the addition of the “if they survive” comment. “Yami?”
“Yeah?” he said, raising his mug to his lips. It was tough to drink black coffee fast.
“My name is Yugi.”
Atemu swallowed the bitter gulp of coffee badly and tried not to cough. “Why…why would you tell me that?”
“Because I want to know your name.” He met his eyes again, fearlessly. “And it’s only fair that I give you mine in return.”
Atemu didn’t have to answer. He could stand up right then, refuse, and there was nothing Hikari - Yugi now, he supposed - could do about it.
Instead, he replied, “Atemu. It’s Atemu.”
“Atemu.” Yugi paused. “If something goes wrong tonight, can I trust you?”
Atemu looked away, down at his mug.
No, you can’t. Jou trusted me and he’s gone.
His mind flashed upon Yugi’s possible death, and he felt his hands clench.
“You can trust me,” he said aloud.
Yugi nodded, then smiled. “Thank you.”
Atemu gulped down the rest of his coffee, grabbed Yugi’s mug, and stood up. “Thank me when we get home safely,” he said, leaving the room.
It was too late. A connection had been foraged whether he liked it or not.
- - -
The radio once again served to fill the silence in the car (this one a rental, on an account with a fake name) that evening as they drove through the choppy, pre-rush hour traffic. Atemu kept his eyes focused on the road, Yugi beside him sitting with the suitcase in his lap. Before they left, Atemu had helped him hook up a small radio system under his clothes, as well as tried to help him position his pistol someplace within easy reach, only for Yugi to roll his eyes at that and comment that he wasn’t a complete idiot. Atemu had backed off on suggestions after that.
The wire was new to him though. He’d never worn one before. Hell, he’d never heard of any smuggler using one before. It was a tiny microphone attached to the inside of his clothes, with a thin wire that led to a small battery in his pocket, invisible from the outside. A receiver had been set up inside the car. The idea was for Atemu to monitor the conversation and swoop in if things went bad.
“Is this necessary?” he’d asked.
“Mac would call me paranoid,” Atemu had acknowledged.
“But you have a good reason to be, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
Yugi had nodded then and not argued.
They made it to the appointed meeting place on time. Atemu wasn’t surprised to not see the gang leader among the people waiting. He wouldn’t dare show his face at a drug deal. That’s what lackeys were for.
He pulled up, let Yugi out with the suitcase, then drove a safe distance away, sat and watched. He wasn’t worried about the gang knowing he was there; it was normal enough for someone to have a partner waiting nearby. One man stepped away from the rest; obviously the appointed dealer. The conversation crackled over the wire: an exchange of pleasantries and confirmation of the agreement. Then talk turned to payment.
“So it’s six hundred?” the go-between asked.
Atemu sat up a little straighter. This was the part he’d worried about from the beginning. His hand hovered over his gun.
“No,” came Yugi’s voice. Atemu saw him straighten his back a little as well. “Mac changed the prices, it’s seven now.”
From inside the car, Atemu saw the dealer’s face darken. “Fucking Mac,” he swore, “trying to rip us off.”
Yugi stood his ground. “It’s the economy. You’re telling me you haven’t raised your own prices?”
Atemu winced. Yugi, don’t challenge them…
The dealer glared, pulling himself to his full height. “All right wiseass. You’ll sell it to me at the normal price and you can make up the difference yourself.”
“You’ll buy it at the price we’ve set or not at all,” Yugi returned, too harshly.
Atemu, who was watching the scene closely, spotted the moment that the dealer went for his gun. He already had the car in gear and rolling when Yugi noticed the dealer’s weapon and reacted.
In a fluid, well-practiced movement he drew his own gun and fired. Atemu hit the brakes on the car, his heart pounding. The dealer’s body wasn’t thrown backwards so much as it crumpled.
In that instant, Atemu realized two things.
First, Yugi, while he’d obviously practiced drawing and firing, had never actually killed someone and seen the dirty side of death. He was frozen where he was, eyes wide with shock, a stunned expression on his face.
Second, the rest of the gang had only turned to pay attention when the gunshot went off, making Yugi’s attack appear unprovoked.
“Fuck,” he swore, grabbing one of his guns from the seat and slamming on the gas pedal.
Yugi’s gaze was focused on the motionless body before him. He swayed where he was, not knowing what to do. He hadn’t thought, hadn’t planned for this…
“What the hell?” someone nearby demanded, and he looked up to see the rest of the gang taking notice, many reaching for their own weapons. More people had appeared, back-up who had hidden nearby.
Yugi’s brain screamed at him to run, but his legs didn’t move. His gun only had seven bullets left and he was nowhere near good enough to outshoot twice that many experienced gang members. Pointlessly, he squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would stop the lead from tearing him apart.
There was a screech of brakes, the sudden roar of gunfire and the clanging of bullets on metal. A car door opened and louder, closer gunshots answered. The gang members broke ranks and someone grabbed Yugi’s arm and yanked him off balance. Yugi opened his eyes to see Atemu in front of him.
“Get in the car,” Atemu said, shoving him and the suitcase toward the open driver-side door. He carried a short, stocky black gun with a second clip taped to the bottom of the one already feeding into it.
“Ate-”
“Now, Hikari!” he snarled, peering down the barrel of his automatic and pressing the trigger again.
Never again, you bastards.
This time there was return fire and Yugi heard bullets clanging on the car and hitting the pavement, sending up sprays of asphalt.
“But- if I leave- how will you get away?”
I don’t care.
His mind had been made up from the moment he left the car. What better way to make amends, what better way to fix the pain, than to go out finally being able to protect someone?
If he survived the fight, he’d decided, it would be by mistake.
Atemu yanked the clip out, flipped it to the fresh one, and jammed it back in. In the few seconds it took, the gang members surged forward, around the side of the car. Yugi dove behind the car door as Atemu swung his gun up to fire back.
He noticed Yugi move. For a second he was distracted, relieved that Yugi had taken cover.
Sudden pain in his right shoulder made him curse and involuntarily drop his gun. He heard a shout of victory from one of the gang members.
Another eruption of pain followed from his leg. He dropped to one knee, picked up the gun with his other hand and fired awkwardly. It forced the gang to scatter, but they still moved in closer, nearly close enough to aim to kill.
He had a second set of clips, but his right arm wasn’t responding. Slick blood had covered his useless fingers, making it impossible to pull out the other set. A third bullet found his body, just under his ribs, as he struggled to hold the spent gun as a shield over his chest.
The haze of pain was making it hard to focus. He could see the world fading out.
At least it won’t hurt anymore.
The thought almost made him smile.
That’s when he heard the car. The engine revved and the evening came alive with shrieks and sharp cracks and dull thuds. The gunfire ceased.
With the strength he had left, he looked up in time to see the rental car mowing through the gang, plowing into the men not swift enough to leap out of the way. It spun around with a screech. The passenger door was open.
The car lurched to a stop beside him. Atemu saw Yugi reaching down toward him, and felt him grab his arms. His injured shoulder screamed. For all he knew, he was screaming too. He could hear Yugi whispering, “oh my God, oh God, no,” to himself and felt him trying to haul him up.
Even as part of his mind argued that this was wrong, that he wasn’t supposed to be rescued, he used the last strength in his uninjured leg to help lift himself and fell sideways into the passenger’s seat. There was the sound of a door slamming, another engine roar, and a number of jolts as the vehicle spun around again. His body protested.
Yugi was saying something. Atemu didn’t know what. His mind had had enough.
No more pain. No more fear. He prayed it would stay that way.
- - -
But since when had God ever listened to him?
When Atemu awoke, it was to the sight of a ceiling. He tried to move and groaned at the stabs of pain. An older man with hawk-like features came into view; Atemu recognized him.
“Itami,” he mumbled.
“Don’t move, Atemu,” the man warned belatedly.
Atemu stared up at the ceiling. He recognized it, too; this was the home of one of the best underground doctors in the area. “What…how’d I get here?”
“Guy you were with might be green, but he’s no fool,” Itami replied, carrying over a few pills and a glass of water. “He brought you to the right place. Here, take these.”
Atemu swallowed the pills. “I don’t suppose you’ve got anything faster lying around? Real hospitals have morphine.”
Itami gave him a look. “Maybe if you got yourself hurt doing something legal you could have the luxury of a hospital.”
“Hmn,” Atemu conceded, before trying to sit up again. “Wait, where is Yu- Hikari. Is he okay?”
“The kid’s fine. You want, I’ll bring him down to see you. He’s been fretting upstairs all day. He won’t eat, won’t sleep, won’t even call Mac ‘til he sees you.”
“Mac doesn’t know I’m here?”
“Of course he knows you’re here, I called him. He foots all your bills.”
“Next time you talk to him, tell him he’s an asshole,” Atemu muttered. “Sending Hikari into that…”
“I may paraphrase. You want to talk to the kid?”
Atemu shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
Itami left the room. Moments later Atemu heard footsteps flying down the stairs, and Yugi burst into the room. His face was ashen. There were dark stains on his hands.
“Atemu!” He took a few timid steps toward the bed.
“How’d you know to bring me here?” Atemu asked.
“I found the address in your wallet. Mac said to always keep…an address…” His voice failed and he took another step. “Are you- will you-?”
“I’ll be fine.”
It must have been the wrong thing to say. Yugi’s eyes filled with tears.
“Yugi?”
Slowly, he made the last few steps, coming to stand beside the bed. His expression grew more stricken as he looked down at him and his hands clenched, gripping a corner of the blanket in his fingers.
“Yugi?” Atemu asked again, causing him to flinch.
“You didn’t intend to survive that fight, did you?” Yugi whispered. “I saw your face…you had the chance to get in the car and we could have left, but you…you just stayed there…”
“I was giving you a chance to escape.”
“I’d already escaped! Damn it, Atemu, why? You could have died, they would have killed you…”
Atemu shrugged and winced. “If I went out giving you a chance to get away-”
“Then what?!” Yugi exploded. “What? Then that makes everything okay? Then that gets you off the hook for Jounouchi’s death?”
“Yugi,” Atemu said, startled.
“That’s it. You didn’t want to survive. You were just using this - using me - to set up a situation you could die in!”
“No, Yugi, that was never- I just meant that if I died, it was okay, because I saved you.”
Yugi’s face almost appeared to crumple under the weight of the emotion on it. “So it’s okay to leave me to feel guilty the rest of my life? So long as you’re dead, so long as you die feeling like a hero it’s fine if I have to see it?” Tears welled up in his eyes and red splotches of anger colored his cheeks as he grit his teeth, glaring at Atemu. “How is that okay? How do you figure that’s okay!?”
Taken aback, Atemu mumbled feebly, “I didn’t…I didn’t mean for that-”
“Yes, you did!”
Atemu tried to stare him down, but was unable to. He broke away from Yugi’s gaze. “I didn’t plan it. I couldn’t have known there would be a fight. But once I was in it, I thought…if I had died, who cares?”
The tears escaped, sliding down Yugi’s face. “Atemu…?”
“Jounouchi’s gone. Mac thinks I’m insane. My parents won’t talk to me, they pretend like I’m dead. I can’t go out in public anymore without losing my mind. I ignored all my friends until they were gone.” He closed his eyes. “Who’s left to hurt over me? The boy down the street who I pay to get my groceries? I guess he might miss the extra income.”
There was a thump and he looked to see that Yugi was on his knees, still gripping the sheet. His shoulders trembled. “Don’ talk like that.”
“Yugi?”
“I’m left! You were nice to me and you protected me; you saved my life after my own stupid mistake. Doesn’t that form a connection? Don’t you think…how much it would hurt me, to see you die because of me?”
Once again he met Atemu’s eyes, but this time Atemu didn’t respond. And Yugi could see utter shock in his expression.
“It really…didn’t occur to you.”
Atemu shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Somehow, that hurt worse. And he stared down at Atemu, at this person who was damaged in so many ways, and he felt helpless.
He really believes no one would care.
“You said you didn’t think I belonged in this business,” he said slowly.
Atemu nodded. “I still say so.”
Yugi took a deep breath. “Yeah. I…think you might have a point. After last night…I don’t know if I could get used to that. If I fuck up like that again and nobody's there to get me out...”
Atemu’s expression softened into something like approval. “You shouldn’t want to get used to it. Call Mac first thing and say you want out, he’ll let you.”
“I feel like a quitter.”
“Better a quitter than ending up like me.”
Yugi surveyed him through reddened eyes. “You’re one hell of a life coach.”
“Yeah, well.” He tried to shrug and grunted from the pain. “You’re making a good choice. Make money some other way, it’s no good if you’re dead.”
“So you don’t mind if I stay with you until I figure my plans out, then,” Yugi said, almost conversationally, causing Atemu’s jaw to drop.
“What?”
“You’re the one who’s got me talked out my job. I need someplace to stay.”
“You’re not staying with me!”
Itami poked his head around the door and addressed Yugi. “Please, stay with him or the dumbass will never heal.”
“This is none of your business,” Atemu snapped at him, turning his attention to Yugi. “You can’t stay with me. I have to get out of here, anyway. Those guys are going to want revenge.”
“And you think I’m letting them take it out on you?” Yugi asked. “Two of us means twice the defense if they do.”
“Like hell-”
Yugi interrupted him. “Give it up. You need someone to stay with you for awhile and I need a place to crash and we both need someone to watch our backs. We’re friends now, so it just makes sense. Besides, I’m not letting you slink off alone after what you did for me. Deal with it.”
Atemu was rendered speechless for the moment.
God, it was just like when he and Jounouchi had teamed up and he’d informed his new partner, “You know I’m used to being alone.”
“Well you’d better get over that,” Jounouchi had retorted.
It had made him laugh at the time. Yugi’s words didn’t make him laugh. They did something different.
It had been such a long time since he’d smiled.
X - X - X
Notes: I’m kind of excited about this theme, so it’s cool that its posting day fell on my birthday. x3 One year older today! This theme, like Impressionable youth and Streak, is one that I’m really curious to see the responses to.
The first scene was inspired by the song Smuggler’s Blues. Then it kind of went off on a tangent. xD; I strongly encourage you to look the song up. It’s quite good.
Also if you do prayer circles for computers, mine needs one. I've been fighting with it since yesterday to make it not die on me. Live, computer! Live! *sob*
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Genre: Drama/serious
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 'Atemu'/Yugi implied, past 'Atemu'/Jounouchi implied
Archive: Here
Warnings: AU, drug smuggling, violence, swearing
Spoilers: None
Summary: He knew the gun was loaded but he didn't think it'd kill...
Disclaimer: Yugioh is not mine. The characters are probably happy about that.
---
The cell phone beside the couch rang. One eye still on an article in a gaming magazine, the young man beside it reached over and flipped it open.
“Hey.”
“What’s up Atemu?” greeted the caller, causing Atemu to set down the magazine and give the phone his full attention. Only a handful of people in the world knew him by his real name. Even fewer knew both his name and this number.
“Mac?”
“I’m touched, you remember me.”
Atemu leaned back against the couch. “What’s with the call?”
“I have a favor to ask.”
The words, so innocuous, sent a chill down Atemu’s spine. “What do you mean, a favor? You fired me, remember?”
“Technically no. You told me you wanted some time off.”
“I must have been at a different meeting. I distinctly remember you telling me I needed to relax and get my head in order.”
“A mutual parting of the ways, then,” Mac said. “But not an official retirement.”
“You called me unstable. I don’t even know where the fuck you got that idea.”
“You agreed that some time alone would do you good,” Mac countered. Atemu muttered grudgingly. He couldn’t deny that.
“You could’ve been a little nicer about it,” he finally said. “So what’s the favor?”
On the other end of the line he heard what sounded like the squeak of a leather chair being leaned back. “You nearly got busted,” Mac said, and Atemu thought resignedly that it had been too much to hope that his old boss would let the fight go. “Everyone was talking about it. Someone of your caliber almost being taken down is a big story.”
Atemu snorted. “I told you, the other guy was the problem, he got spooked by something and his partner started shooting.”
“What’d he get spooked by?”
“I don’t know.”
Mac’s voice went graver. “Some people were saying it was because you had a gun visible on you.”
“What the hell did you want from me, Mac?” he asked in exasperation. “Your first rule was to always carry a weapon.”
“Not a fucking automatic!” Anticipating argument, he kept speaking, raising his voice over Atemu’s noises of protest. “If you have to carry, you keep it small and concealed. You don’t go showing it off for the world to see.”
“I couldn’t hold the suitcase and keep my hand near a hidden gun at the same time. Look, you said you had a favor to ask?”
His poor attempt at a segue went unnoticed. “You shouldn’t have even felt like you needed a gun. You’d done deals with that guy before, you know he’s clean.”
Atemu didn’t want to answer that one. He’d elected not to answer it when Mac had grilled him about it months before, too. “So why’d he spook then,” he said. “He ought to know I’m clean too. I still can’t believe you’d let some junkie’s flip-out get to you.”
“You can’t turn this on him, Atemu. People were getting scared of you. Contacts I’d known for years were suddenly refusing to do deals. I had to do something.”
That was something he hadn’t mentioned at their last meeting. It made Atemu snort. “That’s stupid. I’m not unstable.”
The pause on the other end of the phone line wasn’t encouraging.
“Mac? Don’t tell me you told me to take a break because of some ridiculous rumors.”
“I don’t think you meant any harm,” he answered slowly.
“But…?” Atemu said, sensing the pause.
“But I do think you were getting paranoid. And it’s a slippery slope from there if you don’t throw in the towel and retire. Everyone who has ever gone down started with paranoia. Then they began using from their own supply to deal with it. Then they’d get sloppy, or alienate their contacts, and from there it’s jail if you’re lucky and a bullet in the head if you’re not. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”
“I wasn’t going to start using,” Atemu said roughly. “I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re still hurt and that pain can cause people to make mistakes.”
Atemu had heard enough. There were lines even long-time business partners and buddies didn’t cross.
“Don’t even start that with me, Mac. You’re not my therapist. And if you want to ask me for a favor, pissing me off isn’t the way to get it.”
A gusty sigh whistled through the phone. “There’s a new kid coming into your area to do a deal today. I want you to keep an eye on him and get him out if the deal goes bad.”
Instantly, Atemu replied, “Mac, no. I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t. You know why.”
“In the past you’dve been happy to help out a newbie.”
“That was in the past,” Atemu growled. “Let the newbie handle it on his own and leave me out of it. I don’t work with people anymore. You agreed I didn’t have to, way before the break you agreed.”
Mac paused. “I didn’t want to have to say this, but I think there’s going to be trouble. It’s with a gang who’s caused problems before.”
Something cold dropped into Atemu’s stomach. There was only one gang in the area he could be talking about. “Mac, you didn’t.”
“I run a business, Atemu. They asked me for a product and they’re willing to pay. I can’t afford to burn that bridge.”
“Why’d you put a newbie on a case like that?” Atemu demanded. “At least send someone experienced.”
“He asked for it. Wouldn’t take no for an answer and said he didn’t want coddling.” There was almost a note of fucking pride in his voice, Atemu thought in near disgust. “I’d just feel better if there was someone looking out for him who knows how to handle the worst.”
“I can’t deal with people right now,” Atemu said, letting some desperation slip in. “Are you listening to me? I can’t.”
“Atemu, you never officially retired. I’m still your boss.”
“Fine, then I retire.”
Atemu could hear him chomping on a pen, the way he always did when he had to hand down a harsh order. “It doesn’t work that way. Look, we’re buddies and I don’t want to order you to do this. You know as well as I do that I can’t force you to, but I can make you wish you had. I don’t want to do that.”
Atemu scowled, but said nothing.
“I’m just asking you for twenty hours, that’s it, then it’s back to hermitville for good. He’s coming in on a private vessel this evening at eight.”
Atemu glanced at the clock and sighed. It was nearing seven o’clock already. He should have guessed. “I’m assuming you already told him I’d meet him there.”
“I may have said something to that effect. The deal’s set to go down at four tomorrow at the normal rendezvous point for these guys. Twenty hours, tag along on one deal, it’s not a lot to ask. One last run. Hand to God, you’ll never get a call from me again after this.”
Normal rendezvous point. That being the former ship yard. Atemu’s jaw tightened.
Of course it would be that place. Nothing like throwing salt on the wounds, huh Mac?
He didn’t want to do it. He really didn’t want to do it. And had it been any other gang, he would have said no. It wouldn’t be worth the nightmares. But these people…
Nightmares would come anyway and he couldn’t let this newbie walk into potential danger alone.
“Fine, I’ll help. What’s his alias?”
Mac’s tone suddenly became affable again. “Funny you should ask, Yami. I think you’ll find this amusing. It’s Hikari.”
“You kidding?”
“Not at all.”
“Weird coincidence, then. Light and Dark working together.”
“Now that you mention it,” Mac said, “he doesn’t have a partner yet.”
Whatever minor amusement the name coincidence had brought vanished. “Eight o’clock, twenty hours, we do the deal, he goes home, I’m out. Good night, Mac,” he said, closing the phone before he could get a reply and throwing it down at the couch.
God damn it.
His hands were shaking. He folded them into fists against the cushions. Then he got up restlessly and began putting together what he’d need for his temporary housemate. He wasn’t exactly equipped for visitors. After putting some extra blankets on the couch, he took stock of his groceries. He had enough for a couple meals for two. The kid down the road who he paid to do his grocery shopping for him wouldn’t be by for another few days, but he’d just eat light until then.
Finally he pulled on a jacket and got his keys. The commercial docks were a bit of a drive. He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and removed a small pistol, looking at it for a moment.
He was just going to pick someone up. Nothing complicated or dangerous about that.
Then again, the night he’d lost Jou was supposed to have been a simple deal, too.
I’m not paranoid, he told the concerned vision of Mac in his head. I’m not.
He put the gun back in the pocket, grabbed his wallet and headed out.
- - -
At 7:45 he parked his car and walked to join the crowd of friends and relatives watching a large passenger ship slowly make its way toward the docks. Mac had always liked to time arrivals with cruise ships, to make his mark just another face in the crowd. He’d hung up before Mac could tell him what this Hikari fellow looked like and was counting on the newbie to have been told who to look for. The crowd made him nervous and he stayed off to the side, staring at the ground, careful not to meet anyone’s eyes. The mere festive atmosphere in the air was enough to make his stomach ache and his heart pound.
The ship docked, passengers disembarked, and Atemu lingered by the back of the crowd until it had thinned out, then stepped forward and pretended to study the ship as he allowed a quick glance around. Immediately he noticed a young man walking his way, dragging a rolling suitcase behind him.
Something was wrong…there was no way, this person couldn’t be-
“Yami?” the stranger asked once he was within earshot. Atemu straightened at the sound of his code name and nodded, but he couldn’t answer, too busy staring.
This boy looked like a teenager, and not a late teenager at that. Mac had never accepted anyone this young as a smuggler before. What was he thinking?
“Hikari?” he asked.
The young man nodded and before Atemu could turn, met his eyes. Purple, an unusual hue. And gentle. Atemu had to look away. Those weren’t the kind of eyes that belonged on someone carrying a case of drugs, but Atemu had no doubts about what filled the large suitcase the young man called Hikari was dragging, nor that somewhere on his skinny frame the young man had his own gun.
Mac, you asshole. Why would you accept someone like this into your business?
He swallowed heavily.
And why would you send him to me?
“Make the trip okay?” he asked aloud.
Hikari gave him a slightly concerned look. “Pretty well.”
“Good. The car’s over here.”
He remained silent for the rest of the ride, letting the radio fill up the silence. At his house, he held out his hand and said, “Let me have the suitcase. I have a safe it can be put in until tomorrow.”
Hikari hesitated, then nodded and held it out.
“I’ll make some dinner if you’re hungry. For now, there’s some blankets on the couch for you, let me know if you need more. Bathroom’s down the hall to the right.”
“Thanks,” Hikari said, and smiled.
Feeling ill, Atemu took the suitcase and walked away. He closed the door to his bedroom and tried to ignore the nausea.
He’d just had to smile.
He unlocked the safe and hoisted the suitcase up inside it. Better to keep the merchandise out of sight. Despite his defense of himself to Mac, there had been times when it had occurred to him that the only reason people would pay so much is if the drugs really helped. Made them forget their problems, maybe made them feel better.
And there were days when he thought it would be really nice to feel better.
He scowled at his own mental weakness, locked the safe, and shut the closet doors for good measure before walking back out into the living room.
“Any preferences on what you want to eat?” he asked, coming in to see Hikari browsing the decorations around the room. Atemu kept the place fairly bare, aside from some paintings and a bookcase. He saw Hikari pick up a framed photo from the bookcase and darted forward. “Don’t touch that!” he snapped and snatched it back, causing Hikari to jump.
“Sorry.” Hikari’s gaze was still on the photo, Atemu standing beside a taller blond man. “Who’s that you’re with?”
“That would be none of your business.”
“Oh…okay.” Hikari turned his gaze on Atemu, making him uncomfortable. He didn’t like the way this stranger was looking at him, as if he could see something Atemu couldn’t. He set the frame down with a sharp thump.
“I’m making dinner. You can set the table if you want to help.”
“All right.”
Moments later, as Hikari turned away to organize the table, Atemu allowed himself a moment to argue with himself.
There was no reason to lie about the picture. Hell, Mac had probably already filled Hikari in. You send someone to stay with a supposed lunatic for a day, it’s only right to fill them in.
At the same time, if Mac hadn’t explained about Jou, Atemu didn’t want to risk scaring Hikari. Fear could be a person’s friend or worst enemy, depending on how healthy a dose it was, but he didn’t know how Hikari might react. More than that, he didn’t want to risk the discussion causing some sort of connection, however menial, between them. He wasn’t here to make friends or to protect people who’d made their own choices.
He wasn’t much good at protecting people, period.
- - -
Not long after midnight, the young man with the alias Hikari got up from where he’d been sleeping on the couch and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. Having availed himself of the facilities, he was on his way back to the couch, stretching as he did, when he passed by the open door of Yami’s room.
There was a low light on inside, which struck him as unusual. But then, he’d noticed small lights along the edges of all the rooms. They weren’t bright enough to keep him awake, but more light than most people had in their houses at night.
For security, he realized with a nod to himself. In case there’s an intruder, this way he can see.
As if any intruder could get inside. He’d watched Yami hook up the house’s complicated alarm system before he’d gone to bed. There were probably banks less heavily wired.
In the glow of the light in the room, he could see Yami curled up asleep and drew in a slightly sharper breath when he saw, on the nightstand beside the bed, three different guns and extra ammunition for each, carefully arranged.
He could understand having one gun within reach. Maybe a second somewhere. But this?
Mac’s words from earlier, before he’d set out for the port, came back to him.
Yami’s trustworthy, you’ll be safe with him. He’s one of my oldest workers.
“Oldest” had made him assume that the man he was going to meet would be in his forties, if not higher. He’d been startled to see that Yami was probably barely pushing late twenties.
You might find him a little odd, Mac had warned him. He’s been hurting for awhile now from a loss. Been holed up alone for too long if you ask me. But if things get bad he won’t leave you behind. He’d get you out even if it killed him.
A loss. He assumed it had to go back to the picture he’d seen of Yami with the blond-haired man.
Instinctively, he knew that it was the smuggling world that had caused the likely death of the blond. That was the only explanation for why Yami was withdrawing from it. He hadn’t met that many of his fellow smugglers so far, but the ones he had, even the retired ones, had all been confident and breezy. "It's just a job," they'd say with a grin. He hadn’t seen someone broken down like this.
Realizing it was foolish to be lingering in the doorway of the room of a man who would probably blow him away if he awoke and saw him, he returned to the couch and pulled the blanket back over himself.
Yami was a weird person. It worried him, especially in light of the next day. He’d never seen Mac really concerned about a deal before and was starting to wonder if letting his pride accept the job had been bright. But he’d been told to trust Yami.
He hadn’t been told to feel sorry for him.
He’s hurting, he couldn’t help thinking. And me being here is causing him more hurt.
There’d been plenty of days when he wondered if this was the right world for him. Soft, emotional as he was, more than one person had said he might not be cut out for the harder parts. He took that as a challenge to accept any job he could, but sometimes, when alone, the doubts crept back in and he’d wonder if he was in too deep yet.
So he rolled onto his side, closed his eyes, and counted on that feeling to be gone by morning.
- - -
Atemu woke up at seven-thirty, groaning at the sunlight across his face. His mind wandered, unbidden, back to the day before. Immediately he felt his stomach drop as he remembered Hikari and what would happen later.
There was no warmth in admitting it to himself, but there had been something nice about having someone to eat dinner with. Someone to say good night to. Instead of making him feel good about his housemate, however, it made him feel sick.
He could get killed doing this job.
Maybe not today, or next week, but someday. Atemu knew well enough how high the chances were. It did something to him, something bad, when he looked at Hikari and imagined him dead. No more smile, no more clear eyes, just a body to be dumped somewhere or a nameless corpse for the morgue.
There was a reason he’d disappeared after losing Jou. A reason he’d cut off contact with everyone except his clients. He didn’t want to see good people anymore. Anyone he saw alive, happy, living, he would just see motionless and cold in nightmares later.
It was irrational and stupid and all he could do was watch himself become a slave to it.
Mac’s right. I am losing it.
He rolled over in bed, burying his face in the pillow. He was tired of seeing death in the face of every person he passed. So damn tired.
Fifteen minutes later he finally got up, smoothed his pajama shirt and padded out of the room.
“G’ morning,” he mumbled when he saw that Hikari was sitting up, studying something in his hand. A second look made him stop in his tracks. He was holding the picture from the bookcase again. “I told you not to touch that!”
Hikari looked up, a troubled expression on his face. “Why won’t you say who he is?”
“Because you don’t want to know.”
“But I do. You’re hiding something.”
“Get used to it,” he replied harshly. “You want coffee?”
Hikari gave him a look that surprised Atemu a bit. Obviously there was a tougher core in him than Atemu had thought. “With milk if that’s all right.”
Atemu nodded. It’d be easier to make tea, but there was something therapeutic about grinding coffee beans.
Hikari was still holding the picture when Atemu walked back in from the kitchen.
“Mac said you’re coming along tonight to make sure I get out safely,” he said.
Atemu nodded, folding his arms.
“So I’m supposed to be able to trust you.”
“You don’t have to. I’d rather you didn’t.”
Hikari’s brow furrowed. “I want to be able to. I’d feel better about this whole thing if I could.”
“Not much I can do about that,” Atemu said quietly, a queasy feeling in his gut. Guilt?
“I’ve heard this gang isn’t very nice,” Hikari said.
“They’re not.”
“Mac said this one was dangerous. Does he always say that?”
Atemu lifted one shoulder. “I think someone can be in danger without even realizing it. What anyone else says doesn’t matter.”
Hikari set the frame down. “How old are you?”
The sudden change of topic made Atemu uncomfortable, but he answered anyway, “Twenty-seven.”
“Only three years above me then.”
Atemu stared. He couldn’t help it. Hikari was twenty-four? He didn’t look a day over seventeen.
“But I’ve only been involved for a year,” he continued. “And I’ve never done a deal that went bad. You’ve done this a lot longer, haven’t you, Yami?”
“Since I was fifteen,” he muttered. “Been dealing since nineteen.”
“Were your parents in this…?”
“Oh, no, they wouldn’t have anything to do with this business. They raised me right. Good school, middle-income, the whole package. I was the one who took a wrong turn somewhere. Mac took me in.”
“Oh.” His gaze went back to the picture. Atemu watched him.
It wasn’t right, to hide the details. Hikari deserved to know. Mac, for all his faults, was decent about letting newbies leave if they weren’t in too deep. Hikari would still have to answer for any personal enemies he’d already made, but maybe he could convince the young man to back out of the system while he still had a chance.
“Look…if you really want to know, his name’s Jounouchi,” he said. “Or it was. He was my partner. We were doing a simple deal with a gang, I was lookout. A rival gang took the opportunity to strike and he was caught in the crossfire. It happened before I could move. The rival gang who broke the pact to not involve neutral parties is the one you’re meeting later today. That’s the story.”
Hikari released an audible breath and looked up, his large eyes wide with sympathy.
Atemu grit his teeth. “You shouldn’t be part of this business,” he said, shaking his head. “You don’t have the eyes for it.”
“I can learn,” Hikari replied defensively, though his expression betrayed the statement.
“Let me guess, you’re in it for some honorable reason, right? A sick sibling needs medicine, you need to save an orphanage from being foreclosed on…?”
Hikari shook his head. “Nothing like that. I was born poor and it sucked. I’d just like to build up my finances. Be able to afford something nice for a change. Maybe then, if my parents think I’m successful, they can stop regretting what they couldn’t give me.”
Well damn. Atemu turned around and returned to the kitchen to check on the coffee. It’d be easier to dismiss him if he had some sappy goal. Somehow, one with a bit of honest selfishness wasn’t so easy to laugh at.
Back in the living area he handed the mug of coffee with cream to Hikari and sat down beside him on the couch. He’d left his black and bitter. It suited his mood.
“Does Mac know? That this gang is the one who killed your friend?” Hikari asked between sips.
Atemu shook his head. “I didn’t have proof. He refuses to start burning his bridges with the gangs around here unless I have proof of who it was. I was pissed, but I guess I can’t blame him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You go around feeling weakness for people and it won’t be long before someone figures out how to exploit that,” Atemu muttered.
“I guess you’ve experienced that firsthand?”
“No offense, but it’s the reason you’re here.”
“Huh?” Hikari said.
“I don’t know if Mac told you or not, but I’m not really a people person. He knows why. Technically I’m not even doing deals anymore. But he convinced me to let you come here by appealing to my weaker nature. He knew there was no way I could let a newbie face the people who I believe killed Jou alone.”
“Oh.” He swirled the coffee in his mug. “Well, thank you, I guess.”
Atemu felt that stab of guilt again. “It’s nothing personal. I just…don’t do well with people these days. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else coming here either.”
“No, I understand.” The coffee had cooled. Hikari took a longer draught and looked up. “Mac did mention a few things…nothing specific.”
“He tell you I’m apparently losing it?”
“I think he used the phrase ‘burning out.’”
“Ah,” Atemu said. “Well, don’t worry, I’m not going to lose it today. I’m retired, not incompetent.”
“I didn’t think you’d lose it today.”
“Then why do you look so unsure?”
Hikari drained his mug and set it down. “I guess I’m wondering if I’m in over my head.”
Atemu was relieved by the uncertainty. So Hikari still had some sense left in him after all. “No shame in that. This isn’t for everyone. Even the people who it’s for, if they survive, it’s not forever.”
Hikari didn’t look as if he liked the addition of the “if they survive” comment. “Yami?”
“Yeah?” he said, raising his mug to his lips. It was tough to drink black coffee fast.
“My name is Yugi.”
Atemu swallowed the bitter gulp of coffee badly and tried not to cough. “Why…why would you tell me that?”
“Because I want to know your name.” He met his eyes again, fearlessly. “And it’s only fair that I give you mine in return.”
Atemu didn’t have to answer. He could stand up right then, refuse, and there was nothing Hikari - Yugi now, he supposed - could do about it.
Instead, he replied, “Atemu. It’s Atemu.”
“Atemu.” Yugi paused. “If something goes wrong tonight, can I trust you?”
Atemu looked away, down at his mug.
No, you can’t. Jou trusted me and he’s gone.
His mind flashed upon Yugi’s possible death, and he felt his hands clench.
“You can trust me,” he said aloud.
Yugi nodded, then smiled. “Thank you.”
Atemu gulped down the rest of his coffee, grabbed Yugi’s mug, and stood up. “Thank me when we get home safely,” he said, leaving the room.
It was too late. A connection had been foraged whether he liked it or not.
- - -
The radio once again served to fill the silence in the car (this one a rental, on an account with a fake name) that evening as they drove through the choppy, pre-rush hour traffic. Atemu kept his eyes focused on the road, Yugi beside him sitting with the suitcase in his lap. Before they left, Atemu had helped him hook up a small radio system under his clothes, as well as tried to help him position his pistol someplace within easy reach, only for Yugi to roll his eyes at that and comment that he wasn’t a complete idiot. Atemu had backed off on suggestions after that.
The wire was new to him though. He’d never worn one before. Hell, he’d never heard of any smuggler using one before. It was a tiny microphone attached to the inside of his clothes, with a thin wire that led to a small battery in his pocket, invisible from the outside. A receiver had been set up inside the car. The idea was for Atemu to monitor the conversation and swoop in if things went bad.
“Is this necessary?” he’d asked.
“Mac would call me paranoid,” Atemu had acknowledged.
“But you have a good reason to be, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
Yugi had nodded then and not argued.
They made it to the appointed meeting place on time. Atemu wasn’t surprised to not see the gang leader among the people waiting. He wouldn’t dare show his face at a drug deal. That’s what lackeys were for.
He pulled up, let Yugi out with the suitcase, then drove a safe distance away, sat and watched. He wasn’t worried about the gang knowing he was there; it was normal enough for someone to have a partner waiting nearby. One man stepped away from the rest; obviously the appointed dealer. The conversation crackled over the wire: an exchange of pleasantries and confirmation of the agreement. Then talk turned to payment.
“So it’s six hundred?” the go-between asked.
Atemu sat up a little straighter. This was the part he’d worried about from the beginning. His hand hovered over his gun.
“No,” came Yugi’s voice. Atemu saw him straighten his back a little as well. “Mac changed the prices, it’s seven now.”
From inside the car, Atemu saw the dealer’s face darken. “Fucking Mac,” he swore, “trying to rip us off.”
Yugi stood his ground. “It’s the economy. You’re telling me you haven’t raised your own prices?”
Atemu winced. Yugi, don’t challenge them…
The dealer glared, pulling himself to his full height. “All right wiseass. You’ll sell it to me at the normal price and you can make up the difference yourself.”
“You’ll buy it at the price we’ve set or not at all,” Yugi returned, too harshly.
Atemu, who was watching the scene closely, spotted the moment that the dealer went for his gun. He already had the car in gear and rolling when Yugi noticed the dealer’s weapon and reacted.
In a fluid, well-practiced movement he drew his own gun and fired. Atemu hit the brakes on the car, his heart pounding. The dealer’s body wasn’t thrown backwards so much as it crumpled.
In that instant, Atemu realized two things.
First, Yugi, while he’d obviously practiced drawing and firing, had never actually killed someone and seen the dirty side of death. He was frozen where he was, eyes wide with shock, a stunned expression on his face.
Second, the rest of the gang had only turned to pay attention when the gunshot went off, making Yugi’s attack appear unprovoked.
“Fuck,” he swore, grabbing one of his guns from the seat and slamming on the gas pedal.
Yugi’s gaze was focused on the motionless body before him. He swayed where he was, not knowing what to do. He hadn’t thought, hadn’t planned for this…
“What the hell?” someone nearby demanded, and he looked up to see the rest of the gang taking notice, many reaching for their own weapons. More people had appeared, back-up who had hidden nearby.
Yugi’s brain screamed at him to run, but his legs didn’t move. His gun only had seven bullets left and he was nowhere near good enough to outshoot twice that many experienced gang members. Pointlessly, he squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would stop the lead from tearing him apart.
There was a screech of brakes, the sudden roar of gunfire and the clanging of bullets on metal. A car door opened and louder, closer gunshots answered. The gang members broke ranks and someone grabbed Yugi’s arm and yanked him off balance. Yugi opened his eyes to see Atemu in front of him.
“Get in the car,” Atemu said, shoving him and the suitcase toward the open driver-side door. He carried a short, stocky black gun with a second clip taped to the bottom of the one already feeding into it.
“Ate-”
“Now, Hikari!” he snarled, peering down the barrel of his automatic and pressing the trigger again.
Never again, you bastards.
This time there was return fire and Yugi heard bullets clanging on the car and hitting the pavement, sending up sprays of asphalt.
“But- if I leave- how will you get away?”
I don’t care.
His mind had been made up from the moment he left the car. What better way to make amends, what better way to fix the pain, than to go out finally being able to protect someone?
If he survived the fight, he’d decided, it would be by mistake.
Atemu yanked the clip out, flipped it to the fresh one, and jammed it back in. In the few seconds it took, the gang members surged forward, around the side of the car. Yugi dove behind the car door as Atemu swung his gun up to fire back.
He noticed Yugi move. For a second he was distracted, relieved that Yugi had taken cover.
Sudden pain in his right shoulder made him curse and involuntarily drop his gun. He heard a shout of victory from one of the gang members.
Another eruption of pain followed from his leg. He dropped to one knee, picked up the gun with his other hand and fired awkwardly. It forced the gang to scatter, but they still moved in closer, nearly close enough to aim to kill.
He had a second set of clips, but his right arm wasn’t responding. Slick blood had covered his useless fingers, making it impossible to pull out the other set. A third bullet found his body, just under his ribs, as he struggled to hold the spent gun as a shield over his chest.
The haze of pain was making it hard to focus. He could see the world fading out.
At least it won’t hurt anymore.
The thought almost made him smile.
That’s when he heard the car. The engine revved and the evening came alive with shrieks and sharp cracks and dull thuds. The gunfire ceased.
With the strength he had left, he looked up in time to see the rental car mowing through the gang, plowing into the men not swift enough to leap out of the way. It spun around with a screech. The passenger door was open.
The car lurched to a stop beside him. Atemu saw Yugi reaching down toward him, and felt him grab his arms. His injured shoulder screamed. For all he knew, he was screaming too. He could hear Yugi whispering, “oh my God, oh God, no,” to himself and felt him trying to haul him up.
Even as part of his mind argued that this was wrong, that he wasn’t supposed to be rescued, he used the last strength in his uninjured leg to help lift himself and fell sideways into the passenger’s seat. There was the sound of a door slamming, another engine roar, and a number of jolts as the vehicle spun around again. His body protested.
Yugi was saying something. Atemu didn’t know what. His mind had had enough.
No more pain. No more fear. He prayed it would stay that way.
- - -
But since when had God ever listened to him?
When Atemu awoke, it was to the sight of a ceiling. He tried to move and groaned at the stabs of pain. An older man with hawk-like features came into view; Atemu recognized him.
“Itami,” he mumbled.
“Don’t move, Atemu,” the man warned belatedly.
Atemu stared up at the ceiling. He recognized it, too; this was the home of one of the best underground doctors in the area. “What…how’d I get here?”
“Guy you were with might be green, but he’s no fool,” Itami replied, carrying over a few pills and a glass of water. “He brought you to the right place. Here, take these.”
Atemu swallowed the pills. “I don’t suppose you’ve got anything faster lying around? Real hospitals have morphine.”
Itami gave him a look. “Maybe if you got yourself hurt doing something legal you could have the luxury of a hospital.”
“Hmn,” Atemu conceded, before trying to sit up again. “Wait, where is Yu- Hikari. Is he okay?”
“The kid’s fine. You want, I’ll bring him down to see you. He’s been fretting upstairs all day. He won’t eat, won’t sleep, won’t even call Mac ‘til he sees you.”
“Mac doesn’t know I’m here?”
“Of course he knows you’re here, I called him. He foots all your bills.”
“Next time you talk to him, tell him he’s an asshole,” Atemu muttered. “Sending Hikari into that…”
“I may paraphrase. You want to talk to the kid?”
Atemu shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
Itami left the room. Moments later Atemu heard footsteps flying down the stairs, and Yugi burst into the room. His face was ashen. There were dark stains on his hands.
“Atemu!” He took a few timid steps toward the bed.
“How’d you know to bring me here?” Atemu asked.
“I found the address in your wallet. Mac said to always keep…an address…” His voice failed and he took another step. “Are you- will you-?”
“I’ll be fine.”
It must have been the wrong thing to say. Yugi’s eyes filled with tears.
“Yugi?”
Slowly, he made the last few steps, coming to stand beside the bed. His expression grew more stricken as he looked down at him and his hands clenched, gripping a corner of the blanket in his fingers.
“Yugi?” Atemu asked again, causing him to flinch.
“You didn’t intend to survive that fight, did you?” Yugi whispered. “I saw your face…you had the chance to get in the car and we could have left, but you…you just stayed there…”
“I was giving you a chance to escape.”
“I’d already escaped! Damn it, Atemu, why? You could have died, they would have killed you…”
Atemu shrugged and winced. “If I went out giving you a chance to get away-”
“Then what?!” Yugi exploded. “What? Then that makes everything okay? Then that gets you off the hook for Jounouchi’s death?”
“Yugi,” Atemu said, startled.
“That’s it. You didn’t want to survive. You were just using this - using me - to set up a situation you could die in!”
“No, Yugi, that was never- I just meant that if I died, it was okay, because I saved you.”
Yugi’s face almost appeared to crumple under the weight of the emotion on it. “So it’s okay to leave me to feel guilty the rest of my life? So long as you’re dead, so long as you die feeling like a hero it’s fine if I have to see it?” Tears welled up in his eyes and red splotches of anger colored his cheeks as he grit his teeth, glaring at Atemu. “How is that okay? How do you figure that’s okay!?”
Taken aback, Atemu mumbled feebly, “I didn’t…I didn’t mean for that-”
“Yes, you did!”
Atemu tried to stare him down, but was unable to. He broke away from Yugi’s gaze. “I didn’t plan it. I couldn’t have known there would be a fight. But once I was in it, I thought…if I had died, who cares?”
The tears escaped, sliding down Yugi’s face. “Atemu…?”
“Jounouchi’s gone. Mac thinks I’m insane. My parents won’t talk to me, they pretend like I’m dead. I can’t go out in public anymore without losing my mind. I ignored all my friends until they were gone.” He closed his eyes. “Who’s left to hurt over me? The boy down the street who I pay to get my groceries? I guess he might miss the extra income.”
There was a thump and he looked to see that Yugi was on his knees, still gripping the sheet. His shoulders trembled. “Don’ talk like that.”
“Yugi?”
“I’m left! You were nice to me and you protected me; you saved my life after my own stupid mistake. Doesn’t that form a connection? Don’t you think…how much it would hurt me, to see you die because of me?”
Once again he met Atemu’s eyes, but this time Atemu didn’t respond. And Yugi could see utter shock in his expression.
“It really…didn’t occur to you.”
Atemu shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Somehow, that hurt worse. And he stared down at Atemu, at this person who was damaged in so many ways, and he felt helpless.
He really believes no one would care.
“You said you didn’t think I belonged in this business,” he said slowly.
Atemu nodded. “I still say so.”
Yugi took a deep breath. “Yeah. I…think you might have a point. After last night…I don’t know if I could get used to that. If I fuck up like that again and nobody's there to get me out...”
Atemu’s expression softened into something like approval. “You shouldn’t want to get used to it. Call Mac first thing and say you want out, he’ll let you.”
“I feel like a quitter.”
“Better a quitter than ending up like me.”
Yugi surveyed him through reddened eyes. “You’re one hell of a life coach.”
“Yeah, well.” He tried to shrug and grunted from the pain. “You’re making a good choice. Make money some other way, it’s no good if you’re dead.”
“So you don’t mind if I stay with you until I figure my plans out, then,” Yugi said, almost conversationally, causing Atemu’s jaw to drop.
“What?”
“You’re the one who’s got me talked out my job. I need someplace to stay.”
“You’re not staying with me!”
Itami poked his head around the door and addressed Yugi. “Please, stay with him or the dumbass will never heal.”
“This is none of your business,” Atemu snapped at him, turning his attention to Yugi. “You can’t stay with me. I have to get out of here, anyway. Those guys are going to want revenge.”
“And you think I’m letting them take it out on you?” Yugi asked. “Two of us means twice the defense if they do.”
“Like hell-”
Yugi interrupted him. “Give it up. You need someone to stay with you for awhile and I need a place to crash and we both need someone to watch our backs. We’re friends now, so it just makes sense. Besides, I’m not letting you slink off alone after what you did for me. Deal with it.”
Atemu was rendered speechless for the moment.
God, it was just like when he and Jounouchi had teamed up and he’d informed his new partner, “You know I’m used to being alone.”
“Well you’d better get over that,” Jounouchi had retorted.
It had made him laugh at the time. Yugi’s words didn’t make him laugh. They did something different.
It had been such a long time since he’d smiled.
X - X - X
Notes: I’m kind of excited about this theme, so it’s cool that its posting day fell on my birthday. x3 One year older today! This theme, like Impressionable youth and Streak, is one that I’m really curious to see the responses to.
The first scene was inspired by the song Smuggler’s Blues. Then it kind of went off on a tangent. xD; I strongly encourage you to look the song up. It’s quite good.
Also if you do prayer circles for computers, mine needs one. I've been fighting with it since yesterday to make it not die on me. Live, computer! Live! *sob*