[fic] Just Don't Look Back, Chapter 25 - Yugioh, YamixYugi, angst/romance, R, AU
Title: Just Don't Look Back
Chapter: 25
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/romance
Pairing: YamixYugi
Archive: Here
Overall warnings: AU, implied sex, insanity, violence
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Before he met Yugi, Yami spent his days panhandling alone. Yugi put his heart into changing Yami’s life, giving him companionship, a home and his love. But even he can’t save Yami from the control of his past, nor the dark path he is set upon.
Disclaimer: Yugioh continues to not belong to me.
- 01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 -
---
Yami raised one hand in a sort of hesitant wave. “Hi.”
For a moment, all Yugi felt was traitorous relief. Yami’s frame had gone from thin to gaunt and there were fading bruises on his face and long scrapes down his right arm, but he was alive. In spite of everything, that fact released some of the strain on Yugi’s heart. It was also proof that he was too weak to risk pleasantries.
Stiffly, he asked, “Who told you to come back?”
“Nobody. I’m here on my own.”
“Right.” Yugi finally forced one foot in front of the other and walked by him, heading for the desk.
“Yugi-”
“Just leave, Yami,” he shot over his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be here.” He turned to the mother and daughter and made a valiant effort to smile. “Will- will this be all?”
His hands were shaking so hard that it took several tries to run the woman’s credit card through the machine and he couldn’t even get a bag open. Frustrated, clammy sweat beading on the back of his neck, he plucked at the plastic with increasingly rough movements, dropping it several times. Finally, the woman took pity on him and said, “It’s okay, we don’t need a bag.”
“Oh. Okay,” he said faintly. “Um…here’s your receipt then. Have…have a good day.”
“Thank you.”
As the family left, Yugi forced himself to look back up. Yami was still standing there.
“I told you to leave,” he said, feeling a little better now with a counter between them and without an audience.
“I have some things I need to say.”
“Well…I’m busy,” Yugi returned.
Yami didn’t budge, though his eyes did roam the empty store for a moment, before returning to Yugi. “You got to say everything you wanted to say when we broke up. I didn’t. I want a chance to talk.”
“You had a chance,” Yugi said, struggling for composure. “You had a million chances.”
“I didn’t see them then,” Yami said. “I thought I was losing you. I couldn’t see anything else.”
Yugi swallowed. He refused to meet Yami’s eyes, but could feel them watching him. “You were never losing me. If you would have just listened to me you would have known that.”
“I know. I mean…I know that now.”
“So you’re telling me that you’ve changed, is that it?”
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Yami said. “Or…at least, I’m ready to change. I can do the right thing now.”
Yugi turned his head away. “Some people don’t change,” he said softly.
“I know, but-”
“There were plenty of times that you said or acted like you would and I believed you, but the only change you made was to become more and more closed-off.”
Yami didn’t try to deny it. “I made mistakes. I didn’t know what I was doing. And you left before I could come to terms with it.”
“You’re the one who left,” Yugi snapped, trying to ignore the sudden lurch in his chest - and the urge to give in. “You took all your things and vanished!”
“I thought that was what you wanted!” Yami said, raising his voice.
“Then you don’t listen very well! I wanted to help you; I didn’t want to lose you!”
Yami didn’t reply. Yugi sighed, feeling more exhausted than ever.
“Yami…I was upset and scared, and I took some of that out on you. I said some things I didn’t mean and I’m sorry. But you knew I loved you. You knew…and you still didn’t trust me. I told you that you needed to let me in. You’re the one who decided you would rather leave; that was your choice. Now go away, please. I can’t settle just because you come in here and tell me you’re better. I can’t put myself through that again.” He turned away, putting his back to Yami so that Yami couldn’t see his wet eyes. “Please, just go away and don’t come back here anymore.”
“Yugi…”
Yugi waited several long moments before he turned. Yami was still standing there, a strange expression on his face, his lips parted slightly as if he was teetering on the verge of speaking.
“I told you to leave,” Yugi choked.
“Yugi, I-” Yami’s breath hitched, killing his voice. His skin had gone clammy as his reflexes resisted.
No, I don’t want to see that again. Those words bring it back, those words make it real.
“I…”
They’ll make it come back. They’ll make it real again.
That time, something inside him pushed back.
It’s a memory, he snarled at himself. It’s my damn memory and I control it.
Before the inner voice could recover, he met Yugi’s eyes. “I- I love you.”
He saw Yugi’s body suddenly tense. Yugi’s eyes widened, unspoken thoughts flashing across them. “What?”
The words flowed more easily now, tumbling out in a rush. “I love you. I know…you wanted to hear that from me. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it back then. I’m sorry I didn’t try. I’m sorry I didn’t fight. I should have.”
“Why now?” Yugi mumbled, more to himself than anyone, but Yami answered anyway.
“If something happens…I need to know that I told you. I can’t stand thinking I never told you how much it all meant to me.”
Yugi’s head shot sharply up and his face seemed to go a bit paler. The movement startled Yami and for a moment he waited, but Yugi didn’t react beyond that.
His heart sinking, Yami turned away.
“I…that’s all…that I wanted to say, I guess. I’ll go now.”
Then he saw something move out of the corner of his eye and turned back to see Yugi stepping forward toward him.
His heart swelling with hope, he stepped forward too and reached out. Only at the last second, as he stretched a bit too far, did he realize that wasn’t a good idea.
“Ow!” He crumpled to the floor. There was barely time to think of how ridiculous he must have looked before he heard Yugi asking “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he said with a grimace, looking up to see Yugi now kneeling in front of him, reaching out to touch his face and tilt up his chin, unmistakable concern in his eyes.
“What happened?”
“I…have some injuries. I shouldn’t have stretched so much, but I’m okay, see?” He sat up a little straighter, trying not to wince noticeably.
Yugi didn’t share his happiness. “What do you mean, ‘injuries’?”
“Stitches…and cracked ribs.”
“What?” Yugi demanded, his hand still resting on his face. Yami felt his fingers tighten on his skin. “How did that happen? Are you okay? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Yami just looked happy. Yugi’s tirade died away. “What?”
He could barely speak around his smile. “You’re worried about me. You still care.”
Yugi’s face flushed. Against his will, the memory of his conversation with Jounouchi returned to him. I can’t. He began to move his hand away.
“Yami, it doesn’t matter if I do. It doesn’t change anything.”
Yami reached out and took his hand before he could pull it back.
“You said it had to be my choice to come here. So I’m here. All I’m asking…is to let me talk. I promise I’m not going to ask you for anything else. You don’t have to forgive me or want me around, just give me one chance to explain.”
Yugi met his eyes. “Why? In case something ‘happens to you?’”
They’d been together too long for Yami not to notice the way Yugi’s voice rose slightly, and he realized how foolish it had been to toss out a phrase like that. “No, because I owe it to you. I’ve been afraid to get too close to you because I was afraid of what might happen and what I might remember. I’m still afraid of that, but…I’ve learned that’s not the worst that could happen. I know what the worst is now. For everything you did for me, you deserve an explanation.”
Yugi smiled, just a little, and seemed about to speak when they were interrupted by the door opening. They both turned. The man who had entered stared back, looking puzzled.
Yugi quickly let go of Yami’s hand and stood up. “Hi…um, if you’ll wait one second, I’ll get someone to help you,” he said quickly, backpedaling toward the stairs.
Yami, (who had also gotten up, albeit more slowly), stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do until Yugi glanced at him and asked, “Are you coming?”
Wordlessly, he followed him upstairs and reached the living room in time to hear Yugi saying, “Okay Grandpa, you’ve got a reprieve. Go back to work.”
“Oh, thank God.” Sugoroku stood up. “What happened to make you-” He stopped, going silent as he saw Yami by the doorway.
Yami offered an uncertain smile, not sure how Yugi’s family would receive him. “Hello.”
“Well hello Yami…this is a surprise.”
“I’m…I’m glad to see you look well,” Yami said, for lack of anything better.
“It’s good to see you, too. Take all the time talking you’d like, boys.” Without another word, he left the room. Yugi picked up the remote and turned the TV off. Yami stayed where he was.
“Grandpa hates the doctor’s lifestyle orders,” Yugi finally said.
“Oh. Well…he always was very active. He looks good. The…surgery helped?”
“It went great.”
The slight comfort that had begun to reappear during their conversation downstairs had vanished. With the topic of their last fight hanging silently over them, they stood awkwardly until Yugi motioned to the couch and said, “Do you want to sit down?”
“Yeah, thanks.” Carefully, he lowered himself to cushions. Yugi sat beside him, leaving a few feet between them. Again, it was he who spoke first:
“So are you going to tell me? About how you got hurt?”
“It’s not really important. We’ve got…other stuff we need to talk about.”
“And we have time to talk about it,” Yugi said impatiently. “First I want to know how you got hurt.”
Yami was struck silent. “But-”
“I asked you a question. I want an answer.”
“A car accident,” he finally said. “I got hit by a car.”
Yugi’s expression grew stricken. “When did this happen?”
“A few weeks ago.”
“But how?” Yugi thought back to his concern over how Yami would handle the break-up, and that enigmatic phrase ‘if something happens…’ and his chest constricted in fear. “You weren’t- it wasn’t on purpose…was it?”
Yami shook his head. “No. it was an accident. I was in…in a bad way. I didn’t know I was in the road.”
“In a bad way…because of me?”
“No, not because of you. It would have happened eventually. There was nothing you could have done.”
Yugi still looked unhappy. The guilt he’d been fighting off for three months, that he had been convincing himself he shouldn’t feel because he’d done the right thing, had returned. Did the right thing include abandoning Yami before the worst happened?
Yami gazed at him. “You’re unhappy. I’ve only been here twenty minutes and I’ve already made you sad.”
“No, you didn’t do anything. I was just thinking…there were a lot of things I shouldn’t have said to you. If you’d been hurt worse and never recovered, then…” He shook his head. “I’m all mixed up right now. Sorry.”
“No. You were right. Everything you said…I was upset because I knew that you were right. I’m glad you confronted me. I don’t want you hiding unhappiness.”
“I don’t want you hiding unhappiness, either,” Yugi said, fixing him with a much stronger look. “You said you weren’t going to hide things from me. So can I ask you now…who is Shoua?”
He could see the fear in Yami’s eyes and almost expected him to brush him off. However, after a moment of silence, Yami took a deep breath and said, “Shoua was my best friend. We grew up together. I wasn’t one of those kids who had tons of friends in school, but it never mattered because he was always with me. We promised to travel and go to the same college after high school. They were childish dreams…but they were fun to plan. Whenever I thought about the future, he was in it.” His voice softened a little. “We had our fights and rough patches, but there was always something special about him. He didn’t mind hugging me or talking about how important we were to each other, even if his friends laughed at him. Then in junior high I started to realize I was gay and everything got weird. My family was fairly open, I wasn’t scared of them kicking me out, but for the first time I had to keep a secret from Shoua.”
Yugi, unconsciously, moved a little closer to him on the couch. “Because you had deeper feelings for him, didn’t you?”
“I told myself I was just confused, because I’d only just come to terms with it,” Yami said. “I thought I was just mistaking deep friendship for romantic love. Maybe I was, I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t tell him. We slept over at each other’s houses, we’d taken showers together as kids, we had all these plans about being roommates…and he wouldn’t have understood. If he knew I was gay and that I might have a crush on him, he would have thought it was weird. He might have ended our friendship completely. Some of the other guys were already saying I wasn’t normal.” He shrugged listlessly. “So I tried not to act weird. I stopped hugging him. I tried to feign an interest in girls. I stopped encouraging our talks. He knew I was acting different, but he never asked why. I guess he assumed we were outgrowing our closeness. But there was this wall, you know? Suddenly there was this wall between us that we’d never had before and it hurt.
“On the day…of the earthquake…that morning Shoua told me he felt a weird pain in his chest. A sharp, shooting pain. I got really worried; something bad happening to him was my worst fear and what with everything being weird between us, I just worried more. He said it was probably nothing, but I forgot about trying to be normal. I pleaded with him all morning to go see the nurse. Finally he agreed to go, just so I would calm down. Then a little while later…the earthquake happened. You know the rest. The school collapsed. We were trapped inside and were dug out later. The nurse’s office was gone. The ceiling had caved in and…Shoua was in there and…” He shook his head as he trailed off, tightening his jaw.
Silently, Yugi moved closer and took his hand with both of his own. Yami jumped at the contact, but Yugi felt him curl his fingers over his as he found his voice to continue.
“I didn’t find out ‘til the next day. There was a field…where all the dead were brought as they were found. I’d just seen some of my family and I was walking, trying to forget what I saw. Then I spotted Shoua’s parents. I went over to ask them where he was and…he was there. He…barely even looked like himself.”
“I’m sorry,” Yugi said gently. Even knowing how the story ended hadn’t prepared him for hearing it. He felt his eyes stinging. As Yami struggled for composure, something occurred to him. “You told him then…didn’t you? You told him you loved him. It was his body you saw when you tried to tell me.”
Yami nodded. He managed to speak: “How could I…say the words to you that I’ve only said once before, to the person I killed?”
“Yami, no, you didn’t kill-”
He wasn’t listening. His voice had gained back some control. “His mother just kept asking, ‘why was he in the nurse’s office?’ It was all she could say, over and over. I couldn’t tell them it was my fault. I ran, after that. I never even told them how sorry I was; I never told them why they’d lost him. Mom…she figured out what was wrong pretty quickly. She knew how I felt about him. She didn’t know it was my fault though, she told me it was just an accident. Just an accident, just an accident…no matter how many times someone says it, it doesn’t change the fact that he only died because I made him leave. Then of course, months later, I found out that chest pains like those are common for teenagers. He was never in any danger.” He choked on a pained, bitter bark of a laugh, gritting his teeth as his ill-held-back sobs caused his body to shake and his sore ribs to hurt. Small sounds escaped his throat as he wrapped his free arm around his middle.
Yugi held his hand tighter. He’d seen despair in Yami’s face before, more than once, but it wasn’t despair there now. It was worse; it was anger and pain, the fury of a person who hated himself for surviving. And it cut deep to Yugi’s heart to realize this was an enemy he’d never seen. While he’d been trying to fight off Yami’s sadness and loneliness and fears, he’d never realized there was hatred under it all. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Yami.” Gently, he rested one hand on his shoulder, holding him steady.
“He’s haunting me,” Yami whispered hoarsely. “In my nightmares, in my mind, in my hallucinations…he’s there. I can hear him.” He gulped air in wet, rough breaths. “He stood right there-” Yami released himself and held out a shaking hand to point toward the center of the room. “He was there, and told me I would…kill you n-next. And then you appeared…and you…died blaming me.”
Yugi was silent a moment, realizing Yami was referring to what had happened when he wasn’t sleeping. It was the first time he’d been told what he’d seen and the first time Yami had admitted to hearing things. “Yami, those were hallucinations. They weren’t real.”
“I caused it,” Yami murmured, his voice choked with grief. “I caused everything.”
“You didn’t cause anything. It was an accident. He was in just as much danger in your classroom, the fact that you survived was luck and chance.” Yami was shaking his head as Yugi spoke and Yugi finally moved his hand from his shoulder to hold his face still. “Yami, listen to me. Your guilt is what’s causing your dreams; it’s what causes hallucinations and voices when you’re weak. Shoua isn’t haunting you. Sometimes bad things just happen…you didn’t do anything to cause it.”
Yami squeezed his eyes shut. Again, the answer that it was just an accident; just bad luck. There was nobody to blame…nobody at all? He was supposed to accept that there was nobody in the world he could be angry at, nobody he could hate for what happened? It was easier to blame himself. At least it gave him someone to turn his anger on. Guilt was better than helplessness, anything was better than helplessness.
Yugi moved closer, right up beside him, and laid his head on his shoulder, holding his hand with both of his own now. “He doesn’t hate you.”
“How…how do you know?”
“Because he cared about you and about your concern for him. He knows you loved him and you wanted him to be happy. If he was truly your friend, he understands and he would never hurt you this way. I know, because I wouldn’t.”
“But he was right. I hurt you.”
“He was right because you believed it. You thought your dreams had to mean something real, but you let your fear make them real. They didn’t have to be. And they don’t have to be anymore. If you just forgive yourself…”
Yami’s thoughts drifted back to his dream about the asylum. A dream, maybe, but also a very real future.
“I don’t want…to be locked away alone,” he whispered. His tears escaped freely from under dark lashes as he leaned into Yugi. “I don’t want that.”
Yugi wrapped one arm gently around his shoulders, careful not to squeeze too hard, and held him still as he cried and he closed his eyes. Some tears of his own fell, for Yami, for himself and for a boy he would never meet; and he found himself silently begging the universe, pleading words he’d heard Yami saying once before. The first time he’d seen Yami scared, he’d heard Yami whispering. He hadn’t understood then and even now he couldn’t be entirely sure what Yami had seen at that moment in the diner. But he understood the desperation in the words.
Make it stop. Please make the pain stop.
- - -
Yugi felt when Yami’s shaking began to subside, but didn’t lift his head right away. He wanted to give Yami a chance to compose himself. It wasn’t long, however, before he was startled upright by the feeling of fingers brushing through his hair.
Yami’s eyes were bloodshot and the lids puffy, but his gaze was steady. “Hey.”
Yugi slowly released him. “How…how are you doing?”
“Okay, I think.”
“You sure?”
Yami nodded slowly, sniffling, wiping his splotched cheeks. “Y-yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Um…do you…have any tissues?”
Yugi felt guilty for not offering them sooner and jumped up to grab a box. He returned to his place beside him as Yami quietly said “thanks,” and made an attempt to clean off his face. They sat in awkward silence until he finished and asked, “What happens now?”
Yugi didn’t know what to say. For the first time he was beginning to realize just how close they were. He scooted away. “I don’t know,” he answered. “Is there anything else…that you wanted to tell me?”
Yami rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I guess not. I mean…I came here mostly because I wanted…to explain. That was the most important thing.” He fiddled with an unraveling string on his sleeve.
“Nothing else?” Yugi asked.
“Just things I promised I wouldn’t ask for,” he finally said.
The person he’d been trying to be for three months screamed at him for it, but Yugi said it anyway. “You can ask. It’s okay.”
His voice was shaking again, as he dreaded the response he might receive. “I guess I wanted to know if all of your feelings for me are gone. Regardless of my mistakes…I never stopped caring about you. I never…stopped missing you. I know time has passed, and you don't have to take me back as your partner, but if I could try to earn your friendship again, even that-? Or is it too late?”
Yugi was silent for a long moment. Yami could see the contemplation, the fear, and the desperate search for the right answer in his eyes, but it was nothing compared to the war that was taking place inside Yugi’s mind.
There had been a few days, after all, when Yugi had felt normal. A few days when he’d found himself enjoying life and knew deep down that even though his heart wasn’t healed yet, it would be eventually. He knew a part of him would always wonder where Yami was and what had happened to him, but had accepted he could live with it. Yami had been his first love; it was probably okay to always love him in some way. Whatever he tried to hide from Jounouchi and even himself, he couldn’t erase their history or his feelings, but he’d begun to feel like it was something he could deal with.
He’d accepted it, or at least he had begun to, and believed he would fully be able to eventually. Friendship wouldn’t work, he wasn’t tough enough for that yet and he wasn’t foolish enough to think that he could ignore feelings still so close to the surface. Giving in, letting Yami back in, would mean turning his back on all the healing he’d made progress with.
As if he hadn’t let Yami already get dangerously close to his heart in the last few hours anyway. If he honestly wanted Yami to go, he never would have sat and listened to the story or let Yami tell him he still loved him.
The words were still ringing in his head. I love you. They were the words he’d waited on for so long. And it was pathetic, really, how even in the middle of all this turmoil they made him feel like smiling.
So yes, yes of course he wanted to take Yami back. He’d have to be a better liar if he was going to convince himself he didn’t, but the mantra he’d consoled himself with for the last few months continued to play:
I have to do what is best for me.
Not for Yami. For himself. And he had never been much good at recognizing, much less doing, the best thing for himself. If he had, he would have made Yami leave a long time ago. That selfishness thing, it was a bitch. His health depended on him thinking of only himself, but his conscience hated himself for abandoning someone in need…especially someone he cared for.
Can’t there be a middle point? Can’t there be something that is best for both of us? Or would that just be giving in?
“I would be lying,” he finally said quietly, “if I…told you I wanted you gone. You- you said it yourself. I still care. I can’t settle, though. I can’t forget what happened. I can’t settle for things being the way they were.”
“And I can’t lie to you,” Yami said. “I didn’t find any miracle answer that fixed everything while I was gone.”
“Things have to change,” Yugi said, refusing to give in.
“I want to change.”
“No, wanting isn’t good enough.” He looked up at him desperately. “You…you have to. I realize…I don’t have the right to tell you that you aren’t allowed to be the way you are. You have a reason, a really good reason, and if I was in your shoes I’d probably be the same way. But you really…really have to try. You can’t just want to, you have to. Otherwise…things could go right back to the cycle before and they can’t be that way again.”
Yami nodded. “I know.”
Yugi bit his lip, struggling to remain calm. Miracle answers or not, Yami had obviously realized Yugi was important to him for him to come back to explain, even knowing this would be the eventual result. The least he could do was be respectful. He owed it to him after the way he’d acted last time. Life had, for some reason, given him a second chance to say good-bye and Yugi was determined to do it right this time.
Yami had kept quiet while Yugi thought, looking distracted. Now, however, his expression settled into one of acceptance and he said, “I will change.”
“What?” Yugi said.
“You’re right, that cycle was wrong. It hurt you. If changing is the only way for me to break it, I have to.”
“You…you mean that?”
Yami’s expression was still unusually calm, as if everything had clicked into place. And, in a way, it finally had. “Either I change, or I lose you. That’s it, isn’t it? I already lost you and I didn’t find any deeper understanding in my life. If I can’t find it out there, it must be here. I think I’ve known, all along…it was here.” Tentatively, he took Yugi’s hand again - loosely, as if he expected Yugi to pull away.
Yugi didn’t. Slowly he moved in closer, gazing into Yami’s eyes, looking for any sign of doubt…or maybe just trying to make up for all the lost time that he hadn’t been able to see them. They were as beautiful as he remembered. “You're sure?”
“I have to at least try, don't I?”
Yugi shook his head. "You don't have to. I want- but I can't order you."
Yami squeezed his hand harder. "To stay here, I have to."
Yugi couldn’t hear his mantra anymore. It had faded feebly away under the weight of his longing and his hope that maybe, just maybe, there was an answer that could work for them both.
He leaned in. Yami was already leaning forward to meet him. As their lips met, Yami felt Yugi’s hand on his face, caressing him as if he had to have proof that he was real. He touched his hand back as his lips parted to deepen the connection. Yearning, born of the months spent apart and the fear that had driven them there, fueled the kiss, soft and slow, still familiar after all this time.
The sound of someone clearing her throat finally distracted them. They broke and turned to see Yugi’s mother standing in the doorway, grocery bags in both hands.
Yami felt his cheeks heat up, feeling like he should say something, but not knowing what. Yugi, on the other hand, seemed to be beyond embarrassment.
“He came here on his own,” he said, looking radiant. “Nobody told him to. He chose to come back.”
Mrs. Mutou gazed back, nodded after a moment and walked by without a word. It wasn’t for being without words; she had never been known to be lacking in those. But for all the things she could say, there was one truth that stood above everything else: her son was smiling again.
Yugi turned back to Yami and embraced him as tightly as he dared, pulling him in close. Yami gladly let himself be pulled, laying his head on Yugi’s shoulder. Closing his eyes, Yugi whispered into his hair, “I love you.” And his heart skipped as, for the first time, he received an answer.
“I love you, too,” Yami whispered back, cuddling closer. “I love you, too, Yugi.”
X - X - X
Notes: Er…it feels like I should say something really impressive about this one. But everything I could say I really, really hope that the chapter says for me. This chapter was one of the toughest to write and even tougher to pare back while editing. I felt like I really had to write the entire conversation for the story’s sake, and not just go with a “so they talked.” But their conversation was a big back-and-forth mash of “it’s my fault.” “No, it’s my fault!” And on and on because I couldn’t find a way for either of them to give in and still be in character >.> I did my best to edit, and still suspect it went on for far too long.
There are some gratuitous scenes in this chapter. And I think it’s kind of predictable. I’m not sure if I like that. Predictable is boring. On the other hand, if people are hoping that Yami and Yugi work things out and for some optimism, then I like to think there’s a sense of “hooray!” when it happens. But let’s not get too settled into one ending or another yet…there’s still one more chapter to go. ;3
Between final NaNoWriMo preparations and Halloween tomorrow, I know I wouldn’t have any time to post. So I wish you all an early happy Halloween today!
Chapter: 25
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/romance
Pairing: YamixYugi
Archive: Here
Overall warnings: AU, implied sex, insanity, violence
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Before he met Yugi, Yami spent his days panhandling alone. Yugi put his heart into changing Yami’s life, giving him companionship, a home and his love. But even he can’t save Yami from the control of his past, nor the dark path he is set upon.
Disclaimer: Yugioh continues to not belong to me.
- 01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 -
---
Yami raised one hand in a sort of hesitant wave. “Hi.”
For a moment, all Yugi felt was traitorous relief. Yami’s frame had gone from thin to gaunt and there were fading bruises on his face and long scrapes down his right arm, but he was alive. In spite of everything, that fact released some of the strain on Yugi’s heart. It was also proof that he was too weak to risk pleasantries.
Stiffly, he asked, “Who told you to come back?”
“Nobody. I’m here on my own.”
“Right.” Yugi finally forced one foot in front of the other and walked by him, heading for the desk.
“Yugi-”
“Just leave, Yami,” he shot over his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be here.” He turned to the mother and daughter and made a valiant effort to smile. “Will- will this be all?”
His hands were shaking so hard that it took several tries to run the woman’s credit card through the machine and he couldn’t even get a bag open. Frustrated, clammy sweat beading on the back of his neck, he plucked at the plastic with increasingly rough movements, dropping it several times. Finally, the woman took pity on him and said, “It’s okay, we don’t need a bag.”
“Oh. Okay,” he said faintly. “Um…here’s your receipt then. Have…have a good day.”
“Thank you.”
As the family left, Yugi forced himself to look back up. Yami was still standing there.
“I told you to leave,” he said, feeling a little better now with a counter between them and without an audience.
“I have some things I need to say.”
“Well…I’m busy,” Yugi returned.
Yami didn’t budge, though his eyes did roam the empty store for a moment, before returning to Yugi. “You got to say everything you wanted to say when we broke up. I didn’t. I want a chance to talk.”
“You had a chance,” Yugi said, struggling for composure. “You had a million chances.”
“I didn’t see them then,” Yami said. “I thought I was losing you. I couldn’t see anything else.”
Yugi swallowed. He refused to meet Yami’s eyes, but could feel them watching him. “You were never losing me. If you would have just listened to me you would have known that.”
“I know. I mean…I know that now.”
“So you’re telling me that you’ve changed, is that it?”
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Yami said. “Or…at least, I’m ready to change. I can do the right thing now.”
Yugi turned his head away. “Some people don’t change,” he said softly.
“I know, but-”
“There were plenty of times that you said or acted like you would and I believed you, but the only change you made was to become more and more closed-off.”
Yami didn’t try to deny it. “I made mistakes. I didn’t know what I was doing. And you left before I could come to terms with it.”
“You’re the one who left,” Yugi snapped, trying to ignore the sudden lurch in his chest - and the urge to give in. “You took all your things and vanished!”
“I thought that was what you wanted!” Yami said, raising his voice.
“Then you don’t listen very well! I wanted to help you; I didn’t want to lose you!”
Yami didn’t reply. Yugi sighed, feeling more exhausted than ever.
“Yami…I was upset and scared, and I took some of that out on you. I said some things I didn’t mean and I’m sorry. But you knew I loved you. You knew…and you still didn’t trust me. I told you that you needed to let me in. You’re the one who decided you would rather leave; that was your choice. Now go away, please. I can’t settle just because you come in here and tell me you’re better. I can’t put myself through that again.” He turned away, putting his back to Yami so that Yami couldn’t see his wet eyes. “Please, just go away and don’t come back here anymore.”
“Yugi…”
Yugi waited several long moments before he turned. Yami was still standing there, a strange expression on his face, his lips parted slightly as if he was teetering on the verge of speaking.
“I told you to leave,” Yugi choked.
“Yugi, I-” Yami’s breath hitched, killing his voice. His skin had gone clammy as his reflexes resisted.
No, I don’t want to see that again. Those words bring it back, those words make it real.
“I…”
They’ll make it come back. They’ll make it real again.
That time, something inside him pushed back.
It’s a memory, he snarled at himself. It’s my damn memory and I control it.
Before the inner voice could recover, he met Yugi’s eyes. “I- I love you.”
He saw Yugi’s body suddenly tense. Yugi’s eyes widened, unspoken thoughts flashing across them. “What?”
The words flowed more easily now, tumbling out in a rush. “I love you. I know…you wanted to hear that from me. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it back then. I’m sorry I didn’t try. I’m sorry I didn’t fight. I should have.”
“Why now?” Yugi mumbled, more to himself than anyone, but Yami answered anyway.
“If something happens…I need to know that I told you. I can’t stand thinking I never told you how much it all meant to me.”
Yugi’s head shot sharply up and his face seemed to go a bit paler. The movement startled Yami and for a moment he waited, but Yugi didn’t react beyond that.
His heart sinking, Yami turned away.
“I…that’s all…that I wanted to say, I guess. I’ll go now.”
Then he saw something move out of the corner of his eye and turned back to see Yugi stepping forward toward him.
His heart swelling with hope, he stepped forward too and reached out. Only at the last second, as he stretched a bit too far, did he realize that wasn’t a good idea.
“Ow!” He crumpled to the floor. There was barely time to think of how ridiculous he must have looked before he heard Yugi asking “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he said with a grimace, looking up to see Yugi now kneeling in front of him, reaching out to touch his face and tilt up his chin, unmistakable concern in his eyes.
“What happened?”
“I…have some injuries. I shouldn’t have stretched so much, but I’m okay, see?” He sat up a little straighter, trying not to wince noticeably.
Yugi didn’t share his happiness. “What do you mean, ‘injuries’?”
“Stitches…and cracked ribs.”
“What?” Yugi demanded, his hand still resting on his face. Yami felt his fingers tighten on his skin. “How did that happen? Are you okay? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Yami just looked happy. Yugi’s tirade died away. “What?”
He could barely speak around his smile. “You’re worried about me. You still care.”
Yugi’s face flushed. Against his will, the memory of his conversation with Jounouchi returned to him. I can’t. He began to move his hand away.
“Yami, it doesn’t matter if I do. It doesn’t change anything.”
Yami reached out and took his hand before he could pull it back.
“You said it had to be my choice to come here. So I’m here. All I’m asking…is to let me talk. I promise I’m not going to ask you for anything else. You don’t have to forgive me or want me around, just give me one chance to explain.”
Yugi met his eyes. “Why? In case something ‘happens to you?’”
They’d been together too long for Yami not to notice the way Yugi’s voice rose slightly, and he realized how foolish it had been to toss out a phrase like that. “No, because I owe it to you. I’ve been afraid to get too close to you because I was afraid of what might happen and what I might remember. I’m still afraid of that, but…I’ve learned that’s not the worst that could happen. I know what the worst is now. For everything you did for me, you deserve an explanation.”
Yugi smiled, just a little, and seemed about to speak when they were interrupted by the door opening. They both turned. The man who had entered stared back, looking puzzled.
Yugi quickly let go of Yami’s hand and stood up. “Hi…um, if you’ll wait one second, I’ll get someone to help you,” he said quickly, backpedaling toward the stairs.
Yami, (who had also gotten up, albeit more slowly), stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do until Yugi glanced at him and asked, “Are you coming?”
Wordlessly, he followed him upstairs and reached the living room in time to hear Yugi saying, “Okay Grandpa, you’ve got a reprieve. Go back to work.”
“Oh, thank God.” Sugoroku stood up. “What happened to make you-” He stopped, going silent as he saw Yami by the doorway.
Yami offered an uncertain smile, not sure how Yugi’s family would receive him. “Hello.”
“Well hello Yami…this is a surprise.”
“I’m…I’m glad to see you look well,” Yami said, for lack of anything better.
“It’s good to see you, too. Take all the time talking you’d like, boys.” Without another word, he left the room. Yugi picked up the remote and turned the TV off. Yami stayed where he was.
“Grandpa hates the doctor’s lifestyle orders,” Yugi finally said.
“Oh. Well…he always was very active. He looks good. The…surgery helped?”
“It went great.”
The slight comfort that had begun to reappear during their conversation downstairs had vanished. With the topic of their last fight hanging silently over them, they stood awkwardly until Yugi motioned to the couch and said, “Do you want to sit down?”
“Yeah, thanks.” Carefully, he lowered himself to cushions. Yugi sat beside him, leaving a few feet between them. Again, it was he who spoke first:
“So are you going to tell me? About how you got hurt?”
“It’s not really important. We’ve got…other stuff we need to talk about.”
“And we have time to talk about it,” Yugi said impatiently. “First I want to know how you got hurt.”
Yami was struck silent. “But-”
“I asked you a question. I want an answer.”
“A car accident,” he finally said. “I got hit by a car.”
Yugi’s expression grew stricken. “When did this happen?”
“A few weeks ago.”
“But how?” Yugi thought back to his concern over how Yami would handle the break-up, and that enigmatic phrase ‘if something happens…’ and his chest constricted in fear. “You weren’t- it wasn’t on purpose…was it?”
Yami shook his head. “No. it was an accident. I was in…in a bad way. I didn’t know I was in the road.”
“In a bad way…because of me?”
“No, not because of you. It would have happened eventually. There was nothing you could have done.”
Yugi still looked unhappy. The guilt he’d been fighting off for three months, that he had been convincing himself he shouldn’t feel because he’d done the right thing, had returned. Did the right thing include abandoning Yami before the worst happened?
Yami gazed at him. “You’re unhappy. I’ve only been here twenty minutes and I’ve already made you sad.”
“No, you didn’t do anything. I was just thinking…there were a lot of things I shouldn’t have said to you. If you’d been hurt worse and never recovered, then…” He shook his head. “I’m all mixed up right now. Sorry.”
“No. You were right. Everything you said…I was upset because I knew that you were right. I’m glad you confronted me. I don’t want you hiding unhappiness.”
“I don’t want you hiding unhappiness, either,” Yugi said, fixing him with a much stronger look. “You said you weren’t going to hide things from me. So can I ask you now…who is Shoua?”
He could see the fear in Yami’s eyes and almost expected him to brush him off. However, after a moment of silence, Yami took a deep breath and said, “Shoua was my best friend. We grew up together. I wasn’t one of those kids who had tons of friends in school, but it never mattered because he was always with me. We promised to travel and go to the same college after high school. They were childish dreams…but they were fun to plan. Whenever I thought about the future, he was in it.” His voice softened a little. “We had our fights and rough patches, but there was always something special about him. He didn’t mind hugging me or talking about how important we were to each other, even if his friends laughed at him. Then in junior high I started to realize I was gay and everything got weird. My family was fairly open, I wasn’t scared of them kicking me out, but for the first time I had to keep a secret from Shoua.”
Yugi, unconsciously, moved a little closer to him on the couch. “Because you had deeper feelings for him, didn’t you?”
“I told myself I was just confused, because I’d only just come to terms with it,” Yami said. “I thought I was just mistaking deep friendship for romantic love. Maybe I was, I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t tell him. We slept over at each other’s houses, we’d taken showers together as kids, we had all these plans about being roommates…and he wouldn’t have understood. If he knew I was gay and that I might have a crush on him, he would have thought it was weird. He might have ended our friendship completely. Some of the other guys were already saying I wasn’t normal.” He shrugged listlessly. “So I tried not to act weird. I stopped hugging him. I tried to feign an interest in girls. I stopped encouraging our talks. He knew I was acting different, but he never asked why. I guess he assumed we were outgrowing our closeness. But there was this wall, you know? Suddenly there was this wall between us that we’d never had before and it hurt.
“On the day…of the earthquake…that morning Shoua told me he felt a weird pain in his chest. A sharp, shooting pain. I got really worried; something bad happening to him was my worst fear and what with everything being weird between us, I just worried more. He said it was probably nothing, but I forgot about trying to be normal. I pleaded with him all morning to go see the nurse. Finally he agreed to go, just so I would calm down. Then a little while later…the earthquake happened. You know the rest. The school collapsed. We were trapped inside and were dug out later. The nurse’s office was gone. The ceiling had caved in and…Shoua was in there and…” He shook his head as he trailed off, tightening his jaw.
Silently, Yugi moved closer and took his hand with both of his own. Yami jumped at the contact, but Yugi felt him curl his fingers over his as he found his voice to continue.
“I didn’t find out ‘til the next day. There was a field…where all the dead were brought as they were found. I’d just seen some of my family and I was walking, trying to forget what I saw. Then I spotted Shoua’s parents. I went over to ask them where he was and…he was there. He…barely even looked like himself.”
“I’m sorry,” Yugi said gently. Even knowing how the story ended hadn’t prepared him for hearing it. He felt his eyes stinging. As Yami struggled for composure, something occurred to him. “You told him then…didn’t you? You told him you loved him. It was his body you saw when you tried to tell me.”
Yami nodded. He managed to speak: “How could I…say the words to you that I’ve only said once before, to the person I killed?”
“Yami, no, you didn’t kill-”
He wasn’t listening. His voice had gained back some control. “His mother just kept asking, ‘why was he in the nurse’s office?’ It was all she could say, over and over. I couldn’t tell them it was my fault. I ran, after that. I never even told them how sorry I was; I never told them why they’d lost him. Mom…she figured out what was wrong pretty quickly. She knew how I felt about him. She didn’t know it was my fault though, she told me it was just an accident. Just an accident, just an accident…no matter how many times someone says it, it doesn’t change the fact that he only died because I made him leave. Then of course, months later, I found out that chest pains like those are common for teenagers. He was never in any danger.” He choked on a pained, bitter bark of a laugh, gritting his teeth as his ill-held-back sobs caused his body to shake and his sore ribs to hurt. Small sounds escaped his throat as he wrapped his free arm around his middle.
Yugi held his hand tighter. He’d seen despair in Yami’s face before, more than once, but it wasn’t despair there now. It was worse; it was anger and pain, the fury of a person who hated himself for surviving. And it cut deep to Yugi’s heart to realize this was an enemy he’d never seen. While he’d been trying to fight off Yami’s sadness and loneliness and fears, he’d never realized there was hatred under it all. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Yami.” Gently, he rested one hand on his shoulder, holding him steady.
“He’s haunting me,” Yami whispered hoarsely. “In my nightmares, in my mind, in my hallucinations…he’s there. I can hear him.” He gulped air in wet, rough breaths. “He stood right there-” Yami released himself and held out a shaking hand to point toward the center of the room. “He was there, and told me I would…kill you n-next. And then you appeared…and you…died blaming me.”
Yugi was silent a moment, realizing Yami was referring to what had happened when he wasn’t sleeping. It was the first time he’d been told what he’d seen and the first time Yami had admitted to hearing things. “Yami, those were hallucinations. They weren’t real.”
“I caused it,” Yami murmured, his voice choked with grief. “I caused everything.”
“You didn’t cause anything. It was an accident. He was in just as much danger in your classroom, the fact that you survived was luck and chance.” Yami was shaking his head as Yugi spoke and Yugi finally moved his hand from his shoulder to hold his face still. “Yami, listen to me. Your guilt is what’s causing your dreams; it’s what causes hallucinations and voices when you’re weak. Shoua isn’t haunting you. Sometimes bad things just happen…you didn’t do anything to cause it.”
Yami squeezed his eyes shut. Again, the answer that it was just an accident; just bad luck. There was nobody to blame…nobody at all? He was supposed to accept that there was nobody in the world he could be angry at, nobody he could hate for what happened? It was easier to blame himself. At least it gave him someone to turn his anger on. Guilt was better than helplessness, anything was better than helplessness.
Yugi moved closer, right up beside him, and laid his head on his shoulder, holding his hand with both of his own now. “He doesn’t hate you.”
“How…how do you know?”
“Because he cared about you and about your concern for him. He knows you loved him and you wanted him to be happy. If he was truly your friend, he understands and he would never hurt you this way. I know, because I wouldn’t.”
“But he was right. I hurt you.”
“He was right because you believed it. You thought your dreams had to mean something real, but you let your fear make them real. They didn’t have to be. And they don’t have to be anymore. If you just forgive yourself…”
Yami’s thoughts drifted back to his dream about the asylum. A dream, maybe, but also a very real future.
“I don’t want…to be locked away alone,” he whispered. His tears escaped freely from under dark lashes as he leaned into Yugi. “I don’t want that.”
Yugi wrapped one arm gently around his shoulders, careful not to squeeze too hard, and held him still as he cried and he closed his eyes. Some tears of his own fell, for Yami, for himself and for a boy he would never meet; and he found himself silently begging the universe, pleading words he’d heard Yami saying once before. The first time he’d seen Yami scared, he’d heard Yami whispering. He hadn’t understood then and even now he couldn’t be entirely sure what Yami had seen at that moment in the diner. But he understood the desperation in the words.
Make it stop. Please make the pain stop.
- - -
Yugi felt when Yami’s shaking began to subside, but didn’t lift his head right away. He wanted to give Yami a chance to compose himself. It wasn’t long, however, before he was startled upright by the feeling of fingers brushing through his hair.
Yami’s eyes were bloodshot and the lids puffy, but his gaze was steady. “Hey.”
Yugi slowly released him. “How…how are you doing?”
“Okay, I think.”
“You sure?”
Yami nodded slowly, sniffling, wiping his splotched cheeks. “Y-yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Um…do you…have any tissues?”
Yugi felt guilty for not offering them sooner and jumped up to grab a box. He returned to his place beside him as Yami quietly said “thanks,” and made an attempt to clean off his face. They sat in awkward silence until he finished and asked, “What happens now?”
Yugi didn’t know what to say. For the first time he was beginning to realize just how close they were. He scooted away. “I don’t know,” he answered. “Is there anything else…that you wanted to tell me?”
Yami rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I guess not. I mean…I came here mostly because I wanted…to explain. That was the most important thing.” He fiddled with an unraveling string on his sleeve.
“Nothing else?” Yugi asked.
“Just things I promised I wouldn’t ask for,” he finally said.
The person he’d been trying to be for three months screamed at him for it, but Yugi said it anyway. “You can ask. It’s okay.”
His voice was shaking again, as he dreaded the response he might receive. “I guess I wanted to know if all of your feelings for me are gone. Regardless of my mistakes…I never stopped caring about you. I never…stopped missing you. I know time has passed, and you don't have to take me back as your partner, but if I could try to earn your friendship again, even that-? Or is it too late?”
Yugi was silent for a long moment. Yami could see the contemplation, the fear, and the desperate search for the right answer in his eyes, but it was nothing compared to the war that was taking place inside Yugi’s mind.
There had been a few days, after all, when Yugi had felt normal. A few days when he’d found himself enjoying life and knew deep down that even though his heart wasn’t healed yet, it would be eventually. He knew a part of him would always wonder where Yami was and what had happened to him, but had accepted he could live with it. Yami had been his first love; it was probably okay to always love him in some way. Whatever he tried to hide from Jounouchi and even himself, he couldn’t erase their history or his feelings, but he’d begun to feel like it was something he could deal with.
He’d accepted it, or at least he had begun to, and believed he would fully be able to eventually. Friendship wouldn’t work, he wasn’t tough enough for that yet and he wasn’t foolish enough to think that he could ignore feelings still so close to the surface. Giving in, letting Yami back in, would mean turning his back on all the healing he’d made progress with.
As if he hadn’t let Yami already get dangerously close to his heart in the last few hours anyway. If he honestly wanted Yami to go, he never would have sat and listened to the story or let Yami tell him he still loved him.
The words were still ringing in his head. I love you. They were the words he’d waited on for so long. And it was pathetic, really, how even in the middle of all this turmoil they made him feel like smiling.
So yes, yes of course he wanted to take Yami back. He’d have to be a better liar if he was going to convince himself he didn’t, but the mantra he’d consoled himself with for the last few months continued to play:
I have to do what is best for me.
Not for Yami. For himself. And he had never been much good at recognizing, much less doing, the best thing for himself. If he had, he would have made Yami leave a long time ago. That selfishness thing, it was a bitch. His health depended on him thinking of only himself, but his conscience hated himself for abandoning someone in need…especially someone he cared for.
Can’t there be a middle point? Can’t there be something that is best for both of us? Or would that just be giving in?
“I would be lying,” he finally said quietly, “if I…told you I wanted you gone. You- you said it yourself. I still care. I can’t settle, though. I can’t forget what happened. I can’t settle for things being the way they were.”
“And I can’t lie to you,” Yami said. “I didn’t find any miracle answer that fixed everything while I was gone.”
“Things have to change,” Yugi said, refusing to give in.
“I want to change.”
“No, wanting isn’t good enough.” He looked up at him desperately. “You…you have to. I realize…I don’t have the right to tell you that you aren’t allowed to be the way you are. You have a reason, a really good reason, and if I was in your shoes I’d probably be the same way. But you really…really have to try. You can’t just want to, you have to. Otherwise…things could go right back to the cycle before and they can’t be that way again.”
Yami nodded. “I know.”
Yugi bit his lip, struggling to remain calm. Miracle answers or not, Yami had obviously realized Yugi was important to him for him to come back to explain, even knowing this would be the eventual result. The least he could do was be respectful. He owed it to him after the way he’d acted last time. Life had, for some reason, given him a second chance to say good-bye and Yugi was determined to do it right this time.
Yami had kept quiet while Yugi thought, looking distracted. Now, however, his expression settled into one of acceptance and he said, “I will change.”
“What?” Yugi said.
“You’re right, that cycle was wrong. It hurt you. If changing is the only way for me to break it, I have to.”
“You…you mean that?”
Yami’s expression was still unusually calm, as if everything had clicked into place. And, in a way, it finally had. “Either I change, or I lose you. That’s it, isn’t it? I already lost you and I didn’t find any deeper understanding in my life. If I can’t find it out there, it must be here. I think I’ve known, all along…it was here.” Tentatively, he took Yugi’s hand again - loosely, as if he expected Yugi to pull away.
Yugi didn’t. Slowly he moved in closer, gazing into Yami’s eyes, looking for any sign of doubt…or maybe just trying to make up for all the lost time that he hadn’t been able to see them. They were as beautiful as he remembered. “You're sure?”
“I have to at least try, don't I?”
Yugi shook his head. "You don't have to. I want- but I can't order you."
Yami squeezed his hand harder. "To stay here, I have to."
Yugi couldn’t hear his mantra anymore. It had faded feebly away under the weight of his longing and his hope that maybe, just maybe, there was an answer that could work for them both.
He leaned in. Yami was already leaning forward to meet him. As their lips met, Yami felt Yugi’s hand on his face, caressing him as if he had to have proof that he was real. He touched his hand back as his lips parted to deepen the connection. Yearning, born of the months spent apart and the fear that had driven them there, fueled the kiss, soft and slow, still familiar after all this time.
The sound of someone clearing her throat finally distracted them. They broke and turned to see Yugi’s mother standing in the doorway, grocery bags in both hands.
Yami felt his cheeks heat up, feeling like he should say something, but not knowing what. Yugi, on the other hand, seemed to be beyond embarrassment.
“He came here on his own,” he said, looking radiant. “Nobody told him to. He chose to come back.”
Mrs. Mutou gazed back, nodded after a moment and walked by without a word. It wasn’t for being without words; she had never been known to be lacking in those. But for all the things she could say, there was one truth that stood above everything else: her son was smiling again.
Yugi turned back to Yami and embraced him as tightly as he dared, pulling him in close. Yami gladly let himself be pulled, laying his head on Yugi’s shoulder. Closing his eyes, Yugi whispered into his hair, “I love you.” And his heart skipped as, for the first time, he received an answer.
“I love you, too,” Yami whispered back, cuddling closer. “I love you, too, Yugi.”
X - X - X
Notes: Er…it feels like I should say something really impressive about this one. But everything I could say I really, really hope that the chapter says for me. This chapter was one of the toughest to write and even tougher to pare back while editing. I felt like I really had to write the entire conversation for the story’s sake, and not just go with a “so they talked.” But their conversation was a big back-and-forth mash of “it’s my fault.” “No, it’s my fault!” And on and on because I couldn’t find a way for either of them to give in and still be in character >.> I did my best to edit, and still suspect it went on for far too long.
There are some gratuitous scenes in this chapter. And I think it’s kind of predictable. I’m not sure if I like that. Predictable is boring. On the other hand, if people are hoping that Yami and Yugi work things out and for some optimism, then I like to think there’s a sense of “hooray!” when it happens. But let’s not get too settled into one ending or another yet…there’s still one more chapter to go. ;3
Between final NaNoWriMo preparations and Halloween tomorrow, I know I wouldn’t have any time to post. So I wish you all an early happy Halloween today!