[fic] Just Don't Look Back, Chapter 12 - Yugioh, YamixYugi, angst/romance, R, AU
Title: Just Don't Look Back
Chapter: 12
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/romance
Pairing: YamixYugi
Archive: Here
Overall warnings: AU, implied sex, insanity, violence
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Before he met Yugi, Yami spent his days panhandling alone. Yugi put his heart into changing Yami’s life, giving him companionship, a home and his love. But even he can’t save Yami from the control of his past, nor the dark path he is set upon.
Disclaimer: Yugioh continues to not belong to me.
- 01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 - 11 -
---
Yami didn’t manage to get much sleep that night. Even when he finally did fall asleep, strange dreams that made no sense followed him and left him waking up feeling restless and exhausted. That day he spent wandering around the apartment aimlessly. He seemed not to hear when his mother tried to talk to him in the morning, as if mere voices couldn’t penetrate the place his mind was lost in. Despite his convictions that he was doing the right thing, she knew he couldn’t be completely at peace with himself. He had never had a more melancholy posture.
For something to do, he found an atlas, picked a town to start his new life in, and dug up a bus schedule to decide on which one to take. Early Thursday morning, before she left for work, they said their good-byes.
“Yami, are you sure about this?” Eve had asked this over and over in the preceding day, hoping he’d eventually decide not to go. If he ran, it would only cement a dangerous behavior that he’d finally shown a glimmer of hope to change. If he would just stay, she might be able to arrange a way for he and Yugi to meet up, even if it was against his wishes. She was sure Yugi wouldn’t hate him. She was also sure Yugi would be able to talk some sense into him, if he’d just listen.
“Yes,” he always replied. His answer was no different this time.
“Well, if you change your mind and decide to stay, I can help you find someplace to live-”
“I know,” he said distractedly, glancing out the window. The bus was due any moment.
“Be careful. At least call me when you get a chance and let me know you’re alright. And take care of yourself-”
“Mom, the bus is here. I have to go.”
“I love you, Yami. Wherever you end up, please stay safe.” She reached out to hug him. Yami hugged her back automatically. He wasn’t surprised to see her reluctance to let him go; he knew she had hoped he wouldn’t go back to this life. It wasn’t until after a few minutes passed that he began to get antsy.
“Mom, the bus, I’m going miss it-”
She still didn’t let go. Helpless, he tried to pull away. “Seriously, I have to catch the-”
Eve tightened her grip. He thought he heard a quiet sob and stopped fighting, feeling awkward. Don’t cry over me, Mom. It isn’t like I’ve been the best son.
He couldn’t say that aloud. “Um…it’s okay…I’ll call, I swear,” he finally said uncomfortably. It was too late. Outside the window he saw the bus doors close and the vehicle pull forward. He felt his heart sink. The next bus that left the city didn’t come for another few hours.
Suddenly, Eve released him and turned away to pick up her purse. “Have a safe trip,” she said quietly, but when she turned toward the door he caught a glimpse of her face. Her eyes were surprisingly clear for someone who had supposedly been crying only a moment before. Yami’s brows furrowed with suspicion as he watched her leave.
Did she just make me miss my bus on purpose?
It was pointless of her, really. A couple hours of extra thinking time wasn’t going to change anything. He was getting out of town whether she wanted him to go or not.
He briefly considered using the subway system, but his skin crawled at the thought of descending underground into the tight maze of tunnels. No, the bus was the only mode of transportation available. He would just have to wait.
Flopping down on the couch with a sigh, he picked up the television remote and began flipping channels, finally settling on a talk show. It was engaging enough to keep his mind from wandering, at least until it ended. The following program was a televised court proceeding. He lunged for the remote. That was the last thing he wanted to watch; court only made him think of what awaited him if the police caught up with him.
Relocating to a nature channel he slouched against the back of the couch. He was fighting a losing battle; it was impossible not to think about it. Flexing his fingers, he tried for the millionth time to feel some remorse. Sadness, guilt, something. Anything to let him know he was normal. And yet, he still didn’t.
But did that mean something was truly wrong with him…or did it just mean that what he’d done, if ‘wrong,’ was at least vindicated in his heart?
He wasn’t sure. He liked to think it was the second possibility, but he couldn’t help a feeling that even if his actions were justified, there was something wrong. His mind chided at him that he ought to feel something after taking someone’s life and doing a fair job at attempting to take another five. It didn’t matter what they had done, they were still people. They had pasts and families too. Who was he to pass judgment on them?
But every time he told himself he was a killer, another part of his mind kept whispering to him: If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have had to leave Yugi. It’s their fault. They hurt him, they brought back the fear, they made me leave.
He thought both sides of his mind had good points. And the one thing they did both agree on was a strong desire to not go to jail.
If only he could just settle on a feeling and be done with it. Instead, the only time he felt any real pain was when he thought of what Yugi would think of him if he ever found out.
Loud knocking on the door startled him out of his ruminating. He rose to his feet, puzzled. Did his mother forget her key, or had she returned home to prevent him from catching the next bus as well?
He had just reached for the handle when a new thought occurred to him.
What if it’s the police?
He stumbled back.
Did I leave evidence? I must have, and they’re probably here to ask my mom where I am…
His heart pounding, he flattened himself against the wall where he couldn’t be seen through any of the windows.
If he didn’t answer, would they break down the door? His gaze darted around the room. There were no other exits, except the window in the bedroom, but that was a two-story drop…
The knocking returned, louder this time. Whoever was outside was pounding against the door hard enough to shake it.
Maybe he could chance the drop. People had fallen from further heights and walked away. He just had to remember…are you supposed to lock your legs? No, that was for falling into water. Try to land on your hands and knees? No…
The person outside was clearly out of patience. With a final loud thump he shouted, “Yami, I know you’re here! Open the door!”
Yami felt his heart leap. That wasn’t a police officer, he recognized that voice. An entirely new fear replaced the old. He hesitated a few moments, then reached for the door and opened it.
He was eye-to-eye with Yugi.
Yugi raised his hand and Yami ducked. Instead of smacking him, however, Yugi simply put his hand on his shoulder and pulled him forward to hug him.
Yami blinked into Yugi’s hair, feeling a lump in his throat. Yugi’s touch brought back too many emotions to handle.
“Yugi, what are you doing here? How did you even know where to find me?” he asked as Yugi pulled away.
Yugi looked slightly uncomfortable. Yami frowned, suddenly understanding the real reason Eve had made him miss the first bus. “Did my mother call you?”
Yugi nodded. “Yes.”
“He’s leaving in a few hours, on the 9:45 bus by my apartment,” Eve had told him, calling from a pay phone outside the store she worked at. “I want you to have a chance to talk to him before he leaves. He owes you that much.”
And Yugi had promised, not just for her, but for himself, that he would go and confront Yami. He would not go home without getting the full story, no matter how bad a fight it caused or how much anger he’d have to endure seeing in Yami’s face. Like the anger there was in it right now.
Yami scowled, stepping back inside the room. “I don’t believe this. I told her I wanted to leave this behind. Her speech doesn’t work so she goes and calls you to come beg me…”
His dismissive tone set Yugi off. He strode inside, slammed the door, and scowled back at him. “Could you be slightly less full of yourself? She didn’t call me to tell me to beg you to stay here. She called me because you were too busy running away to show me the respect I deserve! You don’t think the fact that you’re leaving is my business too? Goddamn it, Yami, I love you, when will you start acting like that’s worth something to you?”
Yami’s eyes darkened. “You don’t understand-”
“Yes, I do! I understand, Yami, I know why you run. I know why you go off on these crazy tangents. And I’m telling you that you’re not getting anywhere! You take off thinking you’re going to face fewer walls, but that isn’t true because no matter how far you go you’ll keep hitting them, because you’re putting them up. You think you’re escaping something…but you’re the one locking yourself up, Yami. You can’t escape pain by just leaving behind the people who care about you! And you can’t help me by leaving me here alone!”
Yami gazed at him. “But…”
“No, no ‘buts,’” Yugi interrupted. “Maybe you don’t get it, maybe you really think you’re helping, but you’re dead wrong. All you’re doing is hurting me. You aren’t helping, you aren’t being noble, you’re hurting me, Yami. And just because you’re running doesn’t mean you’re actually getting someplace. You’re trying to outrun something that isn’t even physical. If you keep this up, one day you’ll finally turn around and you’ll realize there is nothing scary behind you, and you will regret all the chances you lost because you were too afraid to stop before!”
Yami felt his heart sting. “Yugi…I….I did something bad,” he finally murmured, not sure how to say the words. I’m a murderer. How was he supposed to tell him?
Yugi went silent. He stood for a long moment, his expression hard to read, and then gazed across the room toward the wall, not meeting Yami’s eyes. Quietly, he said, “So…it was you. I read about it in the paper.”
He wasn’t sure if the fact that Yugi already knew made him feel better or worse. “It was. And I don’t feel anything, Yugi. I don’t…I should feel something, but I don’t, and that can’t possibly mean anything good.”
Yugi stood in silence for a long time. His expression was still unreadable. Finally, he folded his arms and asked, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you go after them?”
“I didn’t,” he said. “I mean, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t plan on it.”
Yugi considered that, looking slightly confused. “So when you left, you weren’t planning on revenge?”
Yami, feeling as if the entire world as he knew it had been turned upside down in the last few minutes, said, “No, I wasn’t. I just happened to run across them. I lost control I guess. It’s all a blur.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“I saw no other way out. I was scared and sad and…” He stopped. “I just felt like it was the only thing I could do.”
“But you never intended to hurt them,” Yugi said.
“No, I didn’t plan to. Why is this important? I still did what I did.”
“It makes a difference.”
“How? I don’t understand, why are you still standing here, knowing that your suspicions were correct?” Yami stared at him, his tone slightly hysterical. “Killing is something completely different from me being scared and taking off. I get coming here to yell at me, I deserved that, but you hate violence. Why don’t you hate me?”
“I can’t hate you,” Yugi said, just as frustrated. “Why does everything have to be so black and white? Yami, I’m not saying what you did is right. I’ll never say that; I wish you hadn't done it. But being upset or angry or confused doesn’t have to equal hate. Hating isn’t going to fix anything, and neither is running. I already figured out my choice, I’m here. Now you need to figure out yours.” He stared up at Yami; his eyes looked somewhat wet, but their gaze was steely.
“I don’t want you to keep trying to run when it’s only going to hurt you in the end. You’ve put yourself in a corner, do you honestly think putting yourself deeper in the corner is going to fix anything? Leaving isn’t going to make things better and it won’t make you feel better. It won’t take away what you did; it won’t forgive what you did. If you want to make things better, come back. You can make amends if you come back, I can forgive you if you come back, but not if you keep running away. I can’t forgive you for deciding that I’m not worth facing your fears for.”
Yami stared at him for several long moments. Yugi grew uncomfortable and was about to ask what he was staring at when Yami spoke. His voice was thick with tears. “Did they hurt you?”
Against everything else he felt, an odd spot of warmth entered Yugi’s chest. He reached out and took his hand, gentling his voice. “No. My mom exaggerated. I was fine, just bruised. What happened wasn’t your fault. I chose to go out that night, I wanted to fight. I wanted to challenge them. It was my choice, and it made me feel like I wasn’t so weak. My mom lied to me, she told me that you knew I was okay and that you didn’t want me to get up. That's why I didn't come down to talk to you. She had no right to blame you or tell you I was hurt.”
He felt Yami’s fingers tighten slightly on his own.
“Please Yami, come back home. I want you to come back. We can handle this, we can discuss it and decide what to do together. I can help you.”
Yami felt his eyes stinging. “I-I can’t. There’s something inside me-”
“There is nothing inside you that you can’t fight,” Yugi said, hoping, praying for a response. Yami lowered his head, his hands shaking.
From outside the window came the sound of a familiar vehicle. Yami stiffened. “My bus is here, I have to go.” He tugged his hand from Yugi’s and took off at a stride for the door. Yugi raced after him and grabbed his arm just as he reached the bottom of the stairs.
“Yami, no, don’t.”
“You don’t understand Yugi, you think now that you can forgive me, but what happens later? When it really sinks in that I killed someone? Do you want to be an accomplice to that?” Yami asked, not meeting his eyes.
“Why don’t we wait until then to see how I feel rather than deciding now?” Yugi returned, ignoring the concerned flutter in his mind, which questioned if Yami was right. He could spare no time for doubts now - he was relying on his heart to tell him what the right choice was. Right now, his heart told him he had to stop Yami from running again, at all costs.
Yami grit his teeth. He had never gone back on what his instinct told him was right before…when something bad happened, he knew to get away from it. And this, this was the very worst thing. He’d let himself care about Yugi, and it got Yugi hurt. He had committed an unforgivable sin. He had let the poisoned part of himself grow stronger, a part of himself that Yugi had no idea existed. Yugi said he would forgive him in time, but it seemed impossible.
At the same time, he had never cared for someone the way he did for Yugi before either. He couldn’t bear the thought that leaving would cause the pain Yugi said it would. And he was scared, lost, and Yugi had told him they could find a way to make things okay. It seemed impossible, but his love for Yugi told him to trust him.
Yugi stared back at him, his eyes open and clear, the same flawless amethyst that had captured Yami’s attention from the very beginning.
Yami's eyes were wet. His voice cracked feebly when he managed to speak. “Yugi...I’m sorry.”
Three minutes later, the bus doors closed and it pulled away from the curb. Yugi stood beside the stairs, watching it go, his head on Yami's shoulder.
“Thank you, Yami,” he whispered, hugging him. “Thank you for not leaving.”
Yami hugged him back, clinging to him. His choice terrified him, but at the same time he felt something fall into place inside him as he stroked Yugi’s hair and took in the comfort of his warmth. There would be time later to discuss all the issues still surrounding them. Time to plead forgiveness and try to explain himself.
But right now he could believe there was something beyond the immediate future. Happiness. Belonging. Something lasting. Today, he had finally glimpsed it.
He didn’t need to reply. His touch said everything, and Yugi understood.
X - X - X
Notes: I'm fond of this chapter, because I love me some take-charge!Yugi. He’s cute when he needs protection from Yami, but I adore it when he stands up and gets tough when Yami needs protection from himself.
I consider this sort of the end of Part One of this story, so this chapter had to be something extra-special. I re-wrote these scenes over and over. Different dialogue, different shifts of power in the argument, different emotions…I even acted out the hand motions and dialogue. There were a couple ways it could go and I think each would have made for an interesting scene, but I have no regrets choosing this one over the others.
Thank you everyone for your support this far. Your feedback means more to me than I can express, and I can only hope that you’ll continue to follow the story into Part Two. Personally, I think it’s better than Part One. ;3
Chapter: 12
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/romance
Pairing: YamixYugi
Archive: Here
Overall warnings: AU, implied sex, insanity, violence
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Before he met Yugi, Yami spent his days panhandling alone. Yugi put his heart into changing Yami’s life, giving him companionship, a home and his love. But even he can’t save Yami from the control of his past, nor the dark path he is set upon.
Disclaimer: Yugioh continues to not belong to me.
- 01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 - 11 -
---
Yami didn’t manage to get much sleep that night. Even when he finally did fall asleep, strange dreams that made no sense followed him and left him waking up feeling restless and exhausted. That day he spent wandering around the apartment aimlessly. He seemed not to hear when his mother tried to talk to him in the morning, as if mere voices couldn’t penetrate the place his mind was lost in. Despite his convictions that he was doing the right thing, she knew he couldn’t be completely at peace with himself. He had never had a more melancholy posture.
For something to do, he found an atlas, picked a town to start his new life in, and dug up a bus schedule to decide on which one to take. Early Thursday morning, before she left for work, they said their good-byes.
“Yami, are you sure about this?” Eve had asked this over and over in the preceding day, hoping he’d eventually decide not to go. If he ran, it would only cement a dangerous behavior that he’d finally shown a glimmer of hope to change. If he would just stay, she might be able to arrange a way for he and Yugi to meet up, even if it was against his wishes. She was sure Yugi wouldn’t hate him. She was also sure Yugi would be able to talk some sense into him, if he’d just listen.
“Yes,” he always replied. His answer was no different this time.
“Well, if you change your mind and decide to stay, I can help you find someplace to live-”
“I know,” he said distractedly, glancing out the window. The bus was due any moment.
“Be careful. At least call me when you get a chance and let me know you’re alright. And take care of yourself-”
“Mom, the bus is here. I have to go.”
“I love you, Yami. Wherever you end up, please stay safe.” She reached out to hug him. Yami hugged her back automatically. He wasn’t surprised to see her reluctance to let him go; he knew she had hoped he wouldn’t go back to this life. It wasn’t until after a few minutes passed that he began to get antsy.
“Mom, the bus, I’m going miss it-”
She still didn’t let go. Helpless, he tried to pull away. “Seriously, I have to catch the-”
Eve tightened her grip. He thought he heard a quiet sob and stopped fighting, feeling awkward. Don’t cry over me, Mom. It isn’t like I’ve been the best son.
He couldn’t say that aloud. “Um…it’s okay…I’ll call, I swear,” he finally said uncomfortably. It was too late. Outside the window he saw the bus doors close and the vehicle pull forward. He felt his heart sink. The next bus that left the city didn’t come for another few hours.
Suddenly, Eve released him and turned away to pick up her purse. “Have a safe trip,” she said quietly, but when she turned toward the door he caught a glimpse of her face. Her eyes were surprisingly clear for someone who had supposedly been crying only a moment before. Yami’s brows furrowed with suspicion as he watched her leave.
Did she just make me miss my bus on purpose?
It was pointless of her, really. A couple hours of extra thinking time wasn’t going to change anything. He was getting out of town whether she wanted him to go or not.
He briefly considered using the subway system, but his skin crawled at the thought of descending underground into the tight maze of tunnels. No, the bus was the only mode of transportation available. He would just have to wait.
Flopping down on the couch with a sigh, he picked up the television remote and began flipping channels, finally settling on a talk show. It was engaging enough to keep his mind from wandering, at least until it ended. The following program was a televised court proceeding. He lunged for the remote. That was the last thing he wanted to watch; court only made him think of what awaited him if the police caught up with him.
Relocating to a nature channel he slouched against the back of the couch. He was fighting a losing battle; it was impossible not to think about it. Flexing his fingers, he tried for the millionth time to feel some remorse. Sadness, guilt, something. Anything to let him know he was normal. And yet, he still didn’t.
But did that mean something was truly wrong with him…or did it just mean that what he’d done, if ‘wrong,’ was at least vindicated in his heart?
He wasn’t sure. He liked to think it was the second possibility, but he couldn’t help a feeling that even if his actions were justified, there was something wrong. His mind chided at him that he ought to feel something after taking someone’s life and doing a fair job at attempting to take another five. It didn’t matter what they had done, they were still people. They had pasts and families too. Who was he to pass judgment on them?
But every time he told himself he was a killer, another part of his mind kept whispering to him: If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have had to leave Yugi. It’s their fault. They hurt him, they brought back the fear, they made me leave.
He thought both sides of his mind had good points. And the one thing they did both agree on was a strong desire to not go to jail.
If only he could just settle on a feeling and be done with it. Instead, the only time he felt any real pain was when he thought of what Yugi would think of him if he ever found out.
Loud knocking on the door startled him out of his ruminating. He rose to his feet, puzzled. Did his mother forget her key, or had she returned home to prevent him from catching the next bus as well?
He had just reached for the handle when a new thought occurred to him.
What if it’s the police?
He stumbled back.
Did I leave evidence? I must have, and they’re probably here to ask my mom where I am…
His heart pounding, he flattened himself against the wall where he couldn’t be seen through any of the windows.
If he didn’t answer, would they break down the door? His gaze darted around the room. There were no other exits, except the window in the bedroom, but that was a two-story drop…
The knocking returned, louder this time. Whoever was outside was pounding against the door hard enough to shake it.
Maybe he could chance the drop. People had fallen from further heights and walked away. He just had to remember…are you supposed to lock your legs? No, that was for falling into water. Try to land on your hands and knees? No…
The person outside was clearly out of patience. With a final loud thump he shouted, “Yami, I know you’re here! Open the door!”
Yami felt his heart leap. That wasn’t a police officer, he recognized that voice. An entirely new fear replaced the old. He hesitated a few moments, then reached for the door and opened it.
He was eye-to-eye with Yugi.
Yugi raised his hand and Yami ducked. Instead of smacking him, however, Yugi simply put his hand on his shoulder and pulled him forward to hug him.
Yami blinked into Yugi’s hair, feeling a lump in his throat. Yugi’s touch brought back too many emotions to handle.
“Yugi, what are you doing here? How did you even know where to find me?” he asked as Yugi pulled away.
Yugi looked slightly uncomfortable. Yami frowned, suddenly understanding the real reason Eve had made him miss the first bus. “Did my mother call you?”
Yugi nodded. “Yes.”
“He’s leaving in a few hours, on the 9:45 bus by my apartment,” Eve had told him, calling from a pay phone outside the store she worked at. “I want you to have a chance to talk to him before he leaves. He owes you that much.”
And Yugi had promised, not just for her, but for himself, that he would go and confront Yami. He would not go home without getting the full story, no matter how bad a fight it caused or how much anger he’d have to endure seeing in Yami’s face. Like the anger there was in it right now.
Yami scowled, stepping back inside the room. “I don’t believe this. I told her I wanted to leave this behind. Her speech doesn’t work so she goes and calls you to come beg me…”
His dismissive tone set Yugi off. He strode inside, slammed the door, and scowled back at him. “Could you be slightly less full of yourself? She didn’t call me to tell me to beg you to stay here. She called me because you were too busy running away to show me the respect I deserve! You don’t think the fact that you’re leaving is my business too? Goddamn it, Yami, I love you, when will you start acting like that’s worth something to you?”
Yami’s eyes darkened. “You don’t understand-”
“Yes, I do! I understand, Yami, I know why you run. I know why you go off on these crazy tangents. And I’m telling you that you’re not getting anywhere! You take off thinking you’re going to face fewer walls, but that isn’t true because no matter how far you go you’ll keep hitting them, because you’re putting them up. You think you’re escaping something…but you’re the one locking yourself up, Yami. You can’t escape pain by just leaving behind the people who care about you! And you can’t help me by leaving me here alone!”
Yami gazed at him. “But…”
“No, no ‘buts,’” Yugi interrupted. “Maybe you don’t get it, maybe you really think you’re helping, but you’re dead wrong. All you’re doing is hurting me. You aren’t helping, you aren’t being noble, you’re hurting me, Yami. And just because you’re running doesn’t mean you’re actually getting someplace. You’re trying to outrun something that isn’t even physical. If you keep this up, one day you’ll finally turn around and you’ll realize there is nothing scary behind you, and you will regret all the chances you lost because you were too afraid to stop before!”
Yami felt his heart sting. “Yugi…I….I did something bad,” he finally murmured, not sure how to say the words. I’m a murderer. How was he supposed to tell him?
Yugi went silent. He stood for a long moment, his expression hard to read, and then gazed across the room toward the wall, not meeting Yami’s eyes. Quietly, he said, “So…it was you. I read about it in the paper.”
He wasn’t sure if the fact that Yugi already knew made him feel better or worse. “It was. And I don’t feel anything, Yugi. I don’t…I should feel something, but I don’t, and that can’t possibly mean anything good.”
Yugi stood in silence for a long time. His expression was still unreadable. Finally, he folded his arms and asked, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you go after them?”
“I didn’t,” he said. “I mean, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t plan on it.”
Yugi considered that, looking slightly confused. “So when you left, you weren’t planning on revenge?”
Yami, feeling as if the entire world as he knew it had been turned upside down in the last few minutes, said, “No, I wasn’t. I just happened to run across them. I lost control I guess. It’s all a blur.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“I saw no other way out. I was scared and sad and…” He stopped. “I just felt like it was the only thing I could do.”
“But you never intended to hurt them,” Yugi said.
“No, I didn’t plan to. Why is this important? I still did what I did.”
“It makes a difference.”
“How? I don’t understand, why are you still standing here, knowing that your suspicions were correct?” Yami stared at him, his tone slightly hysterical. “Killing is something completely different from me being scared and taking off. I get coming here to yell at me, I deserved that, but you hate violence. Why don’t you hate me?”
“I can’t hate you,” Yugi said, just as frustrated. “Why does everything have to be so black and white? Yami, I’m not saying what you did is right. I’ll never say that; I wish you hadn't done it. But being upset or angry or confused doesn’t have to equal hate. Hating isn’t going to fix anything, and neither is running. I already figured out my choice, I’m here. Now you need to figure out yours.” He stared up at Yami; his eyes looked somewhat wet, but their gaze was steely.
“I don’t want you to keep trying to run when it’s only going to hurt you in the end. You’ve put yourself in a corner, do you honestly think putting yourself deeper in the corner is going to fix anything? Leaving isn’t going to make things better and it won’t make you feel better. It won’t take away what you did; it won’t forgive what you did. If you want to make things better, come back. You can make amends if you come back, I can forgive you if you come back, but not if you keep running away. I can’t forgive you for deciding that I’m not worth facing your fears for.”
Yami stared at him for several long moments. Yugi grew uncomfortable and was about to ask what he was staring at when Yami spoke. His voice was thick with tears. “Did they hurt you?”
Against everything else he felt, an odd spot of warmth entered Yugi’s chest. He reached out and took his hand, gentling his voice. “No. My mom exaggerated. I was fine, just bruised. What happened wasn’t your fault. I chose to go out that night, I wanted to fight. I wanted to challenge them. It was my choice, and it made me feel like I wasn’t so weak. My mom lied to me, she told me that you knew I was okay and that you didn’t want me to get up. That's why I didn't come down to talk to you. She had no right to blame you or tell you I was hurt.”
He felt Yami’s fingers tighten slightly on his own.
“Please Yami, come back home. I want you to come back. We can handle this, we can discuss it and decide what to do together. I can help you.”
Yami felt his eyes stinging. “I-I can’t. There’s something inside me-”
“There is nothing inside you that you can’t fight,” Yugi said, hoping, praying for a response. Yami lowered his head, his hands shaking.
From outside the window came the sound of a familiar vehicle. Yami stiffened. “My bus is here, I have to go.” He tugged his hand from Yugi’s and took off at a stride for the door. Yugi raced after him and grabbed his arm just as he reached the bottom of the stairs.
“Yami, no, don’t.”
“You don’t understand Yugi, you think now that you can forgive me, but what happens later? When it really sinks in that I killed someone? Do you want to be an accomplice to that?” Yami asked, not meeting his eyes.
“Why don’t we wait until then to see how I feel rather than deciding now?” Yugi returned, ignoring the concerned flutter in his mind, which questioned if Yami was right. He could spare no time for doubts now - he was relying on his heart to tell him what the right choice was. Right now, his heart told him he had to stop Yami from running again, at all costs.
Yami grit his teeth. He had never gone back on what his instinct told him was right before…when something bad happened, he knew to get away from it. And this, this was the very worst thing. He’d let himself care about Yugi, and it got Yugi hurt. He had committed an unforgivable sin. He had let the poisoned part of himself grow stronger, a part of himself that Yugi had no idea existed. Yugi said he would forgive him in time, but it seemed impossible.
At the same time, he had never cared for someone the way he did for Yugi before either. He couldn’t bear the thought that leaving would cause the pain Yugi said it would. And he was scared, lost, and Yugi had told him they could find a way to make things okay. It seemed impossible, but his love for Yugi told him to trust him.
Yugi stared back at him, his eyes open and clear, the same flawless amethyst that had captured Yami’s attention from the very beginning.
Yami's eyes were wet. His voice cracked feebly when he managed to speak. “Yugi...I’m sorry.”
Three minutes later, the bus doors closed and it pulled away from the curb. Yugi stood beside the stairs, watching it go, his head on Yami's shoulder.
“Thank you, Yami,” he whispered, hugging him. “Thank you for not leaving.”
Yami hugged him back, clinging to him. His choice terrified him, but at the same time he felt something fall into place inside him as he stroked Yugi’s hair and took in the comfort of his warmth. There would be time later to discuss all the issues still surrounding them. Time to plead forgiveness and try to explain himself.
But right now he could believe there was something beyond the immediate future. Happiness. Belonging. Something lasting. Today, he had finally glimpsed it.
He didn’t need to reply. His touch said everything, and Yugi understood.
X - X - X
Notes: I'm fond of this chapter, because I love me some take-charge!Yugi. He’s cute when he needs protection from Yami, but I adore it when he stands up and gets tough when Yami needs protection from himself.
I consider this sort of the end of Part One of this story, so this chapter had to be something extra-special. I re-wrote these scenes over and over. Different dialogue, different shifts of power in the argument, different emotions…I even acted out the hand motions and dialogue. There were a couple ways it could go and I think each would have made for an interesting scene, but I have no regrets choosing this one over the others.
Thank you everyone for your support this far. Your feedback means more to me than I can express, and I can only hope that you’ll continue to follow the story into Part Two. Personally, I think it’s better than Part One. ;3