Latest Rankings
Objective Rankings of LJ "Philosophers"
"Most analytic, Anglo-American, positivist, analytic philosophers believe that I have AIDS."
Clearheads:
Incompetent in anything other than analytic philosophy. Anything older than 60 years is "too difficult to read."
Common tactics:
Either run from attack or argue from authority. Everything is an S or a P.
Ways to defeat them:
Keep the heat on for one or two responses, and they won't reply again. If you're lucky, you can force them to leave the community that way.
Examples:
cabrutus, philosophyjeff1, drsmax
"Grasping something through the intellect is a strange concept for me."2
Meatheads:
Thick-skulled, knuckle-dragging oafs, can't understand simple points, unread in philosophy but like to talk a lot anyway.
Common tactics:
Insist terms mean what they don't, stare blankly, have no clear methodology, use red herring arguments (but not systematically), "durrrr!"
Ways to defeat them:
If you have the patience, cracks under persistent pressure.
Examples:
i_am_lane, xiota, thisisnotsteve, bvihvhkjbkfdmek, yeasty_baggins, dangerzooey
Bad command or file name.
C:\>
Cylons:
Can't learn, repeat themselves, can't argue rationally, can't be defeated. Robots.
Common tactics:
Stare straight ahead, defend nothing, always attack.
Ways to defeat them:
None known. Only solution is to toss them out the airlock.
Examples:
nanikore, alienus1, zdover
"Darkness falls
across the land
The midnight hour
is close at hand"
Forces of Darkness:
Evil obscurantists, exist to harm, thrive on pain.
Common tactics:
Obfuscation, trolling, taunting, indecency, mudslinging, sadism.
Ways to defeat them:
Prayer and good works, exorcism, recitation.
Examples:
apperception, mendaciloquent, zentiger, dialogic
"Father, the Sleeper has Awakened!"
Space Cadets:
Astral beings, lost in reverie for Cosmic Consciousness, communicate from the Ether.
Common tactics:
Appeal to mysticism and Theosophy, divination and channeling, voodoo, human sacrifice, "If that is the case, then how do you explain the insights of the Vedas?"
Ways to defeat them:
Garlic, world peace.
Examples:
jeffrock, mostconducive, vulpina
1. Defeated by the Forces of Darkness
2. Actual i_am_lane quote