Fic: Fall in love whenever you can - interlude III
The first thought that pops into Jaejoong’s mind when he sees Changmin, as crazy and ridiculous as it sounds, is that he dreamed everything. The whole situation they’re in, it was all just the result of a bad dinner or a restless sleep. Yunho didn’t really come back, he’s not dying, and Jaejoong never broke up with Changmin.
Changmin’s back is to him; he’s cursing and trying to put on his jacket. It’s a familiar morning scene that he would repeat practically every day, and Jaejoong is so relieved he blurts out, “Changmin!” without thinking.
He knows something’s off when Changmin stiffens and doesn’t move for a second. He knows there’s something wrong when Changmin turns and there’s a tense, angry look in his eyes.
He knows he didn’t dream anything.
“Changmin, what-?” Jaejoong extends his hand unconsciously, but Changmin yanks his own away before they can make contact.
“Don’t touch me.” His voice is loud and sharp and all Jaejoong can think of is what an oddly fitting statement that is. Because that’s how people show their love, by touching one another, and Changmin certainly doesn’t want his love.
Jaejoong flinches again when Changmin mentions Yunho because he hasn’t even thought of him since last night, but Changmin interprets it a different way.
“That’s what I thought.” There's no spite in his voice but the words still sting. “Can’t let your boyfriend learn you fucked your ex.”
You fucked your ex.
Oh, god.
Changmin, underneath him, eyes dark and unreadable, Changmin leaning up and kissing him, the taste of skin and sweat bitter on his tongue. Soft touches, the slide of clothes against clothes and the feverish heat of skin on skin. Incoherent sounds, gasps, moans, Changmin’s eyes closed face flushed and lips parted, pleading for more. Jaejoong’s strangled cry when he comes, the silence of the aftermath, darkness and three quiet words: I love you.
He opens his mouth. Changmin looks impossibly young and fragile and hurt and it’s all Jaejoong’s fault. A part of him is still suspended in disbelief, but another, louder part is screaming, “You took advantage of him, that’s what you did!”
The situation is so fucked up that Jaejoong doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. Is this the time for him to confess everything, if only to offer some sort of explanation for what he just did? How would Changmin react? Would he even believe him? What if telling Changmin only makes it worse?
In the end, it doesn’t really matter what Jaejoong decides, because before he can say a thing Changmin’s out the door and gone.
He really has to hand it to himself. He couldn’t have thought of a more perfect way to ensure they never get together again.
As he pulls on his clothes, he tells himself it’s better this way.
*
There’s no point in obsessing over Changmin, not if Jaejoong wants to forget about him. He’s determined to put last night out of his mind and focus all his energy in making Yunho happy.
After a quick shower and change of clothes, he drives to Yunho’s apartment. Yunho looks a little better, and Jaejoong take the opportunity to animatedly list different places they can go and interesting sights to see. He even has a folder prepared of nearby attractions; Yunho flips through it with an amused smile on his lips. Jaejoong's full of enthusiasm, energetic, and putting on a complete sham.
“How about this one?” Yunho hands him one of the clippings, an amusement park that opened several months ago. “They’re offering a special reduction of prices this week.”
Jaejoong winces slightly when he reads it. It’s the one he had planned to see with Changmin, back when it had recently opened, but he’s not going to begrudge Yunho of anything now.
“Sure,” he says brightly. “Sounds great! Let’s go!”
*
To his intense annoyance Yunho constantly brings up Changmin, on the car ride there and as they’re walking through the amusement park. Whether Yunho’s feeling guilty or just plain concerned, he’s fucking persistent when he wants to be.
“You should just tell him,” Yunho urges, multiple times. “You’re being a moron.”
“I can’t tell him,” Jaejoong repeats, over and over again. “It’d just make things worse.”
After an hour of advice and skeptical looks, he finally snaps, “Yunho. Stop worrying about me.” Jaejoong doesn’t say what they’re both thinking: you should be worrying about yourself.
To his relief Yunho takes the hint and does shut up, albeit reluctantly, and they manage to have something resembling a good time.
That is, until they run into Changmin and his two friends, Junsu and Yoochun.
*
There’s an awkward silence as they all stare at each other; Yunho shoots Jaejoong a look that he pointedly ignores, opting to look down at the ground instead. The stillness is broken when Junsu steps forward, ugly scowl on his normally good-natured face, ready to lash out at Jaejoong for what he did. At this point Jaejoong doesn’t really care and would almost welcome some kind of punishment, but Changmin and Yoochun quickly hold him back.
Changmin’s face looks strained, and he touches Junsu's sleeve lightly. Almost immediately Junsu’s anger for Changmin turns to concern and he backs off, but it doesn’t prevent him from shooting Jaejoong one last dirty look and mouthing coward. He and Yunho would probably get along well.
As they move away, Changmin looks back, and for a split second their eyes meet. Jaejoong’d like to think there was sympathy in Changmin’s gaze, sadness, worry- he breaks off this train of thought abruptly. He’s seeing things that aren’t there, that he doesn’t deserve.
Once they’re out of sight, Jaejoong comes back to his senses. “Come on,” he says, too quickly, and walks in the opposite direction. He gets only a few steps before realizing Yunho’s not behind him, and turns around.
Yunho’s kneeling on the ground, face ashen, breathing harshly.
“Shit,” he mutters, and rushes to his side immediately. “Damn it, Yunho, are you okay?”
“It sort of hurts,” Yunho manages, one hand clutching his chest.
“I’m taking you to the hospital,” Jaejoong says grimly, hardening his expression to cover up his fear.
*
The doctors tell Jaejoong that Yunho’s getting worse, and they’re going to keep him overnight to see if there are any changes, good or bad. They won’t let Jaejoong see him, but he refuses to leave and dozes fitfully in the waiting room.
It’s near daybreak when the doctor wakes him up, looking harried and tired.
“He’s awake, and wants to see you.”
Yunho’s first words to him are, “You look terrible, Jaejoong. Did you sleep at all?”
Jaejoong glares at him, but he’s so relieved and exhausted he can’t be properly angry. “You’re so stupid,” he snaps. “You don’t take care of yourself! You should’ve told me you weren’t feeling good.” His voice cracks a bit. “I was worried.”
Yunho sighs and closes his eyes. Jaejoong can see the delicate outline of veins on them, and a shudder runs down his spine.
“I’m okay now, though.” Yunho smiles reassuringly at him. “The doctor says my condition is pretty stable now, but they’re going to keep me here for a while longer to monitor it.”
*
They talk for an hour. Jaejoong cracks stupid jokes if only to get Yunho to smile and lose the weariness in his eyes. Jaejoong’s in the middle of telling a story about his latest trip to the supermarket, watching Yunho carefully to gauge his reaction.
For a second Yunho's gaze seems to shift and it looks like he's staring at something behind him, but when Jaejoong turns there's no one there.
He turns back around. “Yunho, what were you-” but he stops, because Yunho suddenly grabs the sleeve of his shirt and pulls Jaejoong forward.
“One last chance, ok?” he breathes. “Don't screw this up.”
“What are you talking about?” Jaejoong asks, surprised, and pulls away a little. “Yunho?”
Yunho smiles slightly and shakes his head, but Jaejoong could swear he saw tears in his eyes. “Nothing,” he says cheerfully. “Listen, I want you to go home, all right? I’m sure you didn’t get any sleep, and I’m going to be here for a while.”
“But-”
“There’s nothing you can do.” Yunho takes his hand. “I appreciate it, but I know you must be tired.”
Jaejoong reluctantly gets up, gives Yunho one last hug. “Okay. I'll go back home and rest for a bit. But call me so I can pick you up.” He pauses by the doorway, hesitating. He really doesn’t want to leave, but Yunho is waiting and watching him and he doesn’t have much of a choice.
“It’s going to be all right,” Yunho says softly, and Jaejoong nods and walks away.