(no subject)
I'm writing a bragging post. I'm really happy with myself for the way I've been handling the last week. I've realized I'm one of those people who best deals with their little emotional quirks when they're under some sort of pressure. When I'm in "crisis mode". I've had this realization before, but it's hard to get motivated to throw myself into the pressure cooker. Something somewhat involuntary has to throw me in there.
My best example of this is when I was in my last month of therapy, in December of 2006. I was working 30 hours a week, taking a course at UBC, doing therapy two days a week, planning on moving to Vancouver, and trying to fit in several day trips to visit Nick. When the Christmas season hit full force, things got REALLY stressful. I had my final up in Vancouver, but had to work the night before AND the night after. Then I threw my back out something fierce. THEN my grandma died. THEN my great uncle (my grandma's brother) died. And I managed to stay pretty damn sane throughout. In fact, I felt saner at that time than I did during more restful periods.
Flash forward to now. I'm working a hellish schedule this week of night shifts mixed with day shifts, so my amount of sleep is averaging 5 hours a night. Plus, I'm biking at least 3 times a day, which is something my body is certainly not used to. Plus, I'm dropping down on my brain medication, which means that I am a little extra tired, a little extra headachy, and that once every 2 weeks, my blood levels drop, leaving me feeling emotionally wrought. Plus a lot of people are leaving town, so there are all sorts of social things I don't want to miss, or at least want to engage in part of.
And I guess I've realized that one of the things that makes these pressured times so much easier for me to cope with is that they force me to live in the moment. They force me to keep up on my mindfulness skills. I feel angsty because I'm tired or sore or I haven't eaten, and I justified in feeling that way, but I can put it away somewhere I don't have to fret on it. On a regular day, I may feel tired, but I've gotten 8 or 9 hours of sleep, and I don't feel justified in feeling tired and angsty.
That said, I will be glad when a few of the pressures go away. It would be nice if they got replaced by less stressful things. I don't mind the night work, but it would be nice if it was a bit more regular of a schedule, and I had one night at least a week where I was able to just chill out at home. Or if my muscles started to get used to the biking. And being off the brain drugs, and not worrying about getting mood swings from that.
But then again, that's not the pressure cooker I thrive so well in.
My best example of this is when I was in my last month of therapy, in December of 2006. I was working 30 hours a week, taking a course at UBC, doing therapy two days a week, planning on moving to Vancouver, and trying to fit in several day trips to visit Nick. When the Christmas season hit full force, things got REALLY stressful. I had my final up in Vancouver, but had to work the night before AND the night after. Then I threw my back out something fierce. THEN my grandma died. THEN my great uncle (my grandma's brother) died. And I managed to stay pretty damn sane throughout. In fact, I felt saner at that time than I did during more restful periods.
Flash forward to now. I'm working a hellish schedule this week of night shifts mixed with day shifts, so my amount of sleep is averaging 5 hours a night. Plus, I'm biking at least 3 times a day, which is something my body is certainly not used to. Plus, I'm dropping down on my brain medication, which means that I am a little extra tired, a little extra headachy, and that once every 2 weeks, my blood levels drop, leaving me feeling emotionally wrought. Plus a lot of people are leaving town, so there are all sorts of social things I don't want to miss, or at least want to engage in part of.
And I guess I've realized that one of the things that makes these pressured times so much easier for me to cope with is that they force me to live in the moment. They force me to keep up on my mindfulness skills. I feel angsty because I'm tired or sore or I haven't eaten, and I justified in feeling that way, but I can put it away somewhere I don't have to fret on it. On a regular day, I may feel tired, but I've gotten 8 or 9 hours of sleep, and I don't feel justified in feeling tired and angsty.
That said, I will be glad when a few of the pressures go away. It would be nice if they got replaced by less stressful things. I don't mind the night work, but it would be nice if it was a bit more regular of a schedule, and I had one night at least a week where I was able to just chill out at home. Or if my muscles started to get used to the biking. And being off the brain drugs, and not worrying about getting mood swings from that.
But then again, that's not the pressure cooker I thrive so well in.