(no subject)
Life is continually and unendingly the same, every day, every week, every month, every year.
I feel like all that I'm made of is talk, talk, talk. I tell everyone that I'm moving, but I never do. I tell everyone I'm going to Chicago, but I didn't. I tell everyone that I'm going to Europe, but I doubt it. All I do is tell and I never go.
I feel like I have to do it this time. I don't even think there's a question about it, because if I don't do it, it'll just completely satisfy my fear that the only reason I'm still here is my OWN weaknesses and inhibitions. After all, this is, by and far, the best time I ever could move, considering I'm not in school, I have the money, and I'm young, and I have nothing holding me here.
Except the fear that I'll never make friends that are as close to me as the ones here. All of a sudden seeing Laura isn't going to be even close to as frequent as it already has sunken to. Shannon, my buddy, and I, will never be able to spend an entire stretch of a month with each other again. I don't know. It's intimidating and all, but I'm also planning on coming back. Just a little escape...almost like a prolonged vacation. It's a funny way to think about it. 9 month vacation and then I have to come home.
I've been sad lately and I'm not sure why. I don't like being sad and I want it to stop. Bryan is the first person I've been comfortable with my body around in like my whole life, but now all of a sudden I get nervous about things again. I have self-confidance issues, but it felt like they were going away, only now they're back again. I don't know. I can't figure out if I need to work through these myself, or if it is really important to have another person here...I don't know. This is getting way too personal.
Ha.
(Becky-call me when you get home. I don't have the internet anymore, so I only get messages like once every week....I'll see you soon! I'm totally excited!)
This entry made NO sense.
I feel like all that I'm made of is talk, talk, talk. I tell everyone that I'm moving, but I never do. I tell everyone I'm going to Chicago, but I didn't. I tell everyone that I'm going to Europe, but I doubt it. All I do is tell and I never go.
I feel like I have to do it this time. I don't even think there's a question about it, because if I don't do it, it'll just completely satisfy my fear that the only reason I'm still here is my OWN weaknesses and inhibitions. After all, this is, by and far, the best time I ever could move, considering I'm not in school, I have the money, and I'm young, and I have nothing holding me here.
Except the fear that I'll never make friends that are as close to me as the ones here. All of a sudden seeing Laura isn't going to be even close to as frequent as it already has sunken to. Shannon, my buddy, and I, will never be able to spend an entire stretch of a month with each other again. I don't know. It's intimidating and all, but I'm also planning on coming back. Just a little escape...almost like a prolonged vacation. It's a funny way to think about it. 9 month vacation and then I have to come home.
I've been sad lately and I'm not sure why. I don't like being sad and I want it to stop. Bryan is the first person I've been comfortable with my body around in like my whole life, but now all of a sudden I get nervous about things again. I have self-confidance issues, but it felt like they were going away, only now they're back again. I don't know. I can't figure out if I need to work through these myself, or if it is really important to have another person here...I don't know. This is getting way too personal.
Ha.
(Becky-call me when you get home. I don't have the internet anymore, so I only get messages like once every week....I'll see you soon! I'm totally excited!)
This entry made NO sense.