Just some writing. A sad story.
You know how like, sometimes you just cry, but it's really soft and you kind of don't want the people you're with to notice it? Well she was crying like that. It started out so small. Her nose started to sting and then she felt the warmth of tears in her eyes and then suddenly she was crying. Tears rolling carelessly down her pale cheeks that just now were starting to redden. He wouldn't even look at her. Probably just couldn't bare to see her crying. But still.
She wiped the tears from her face even though more were on the way and sucked in a long shakey breath. She absolutely hated crying. And she also absolutely hated the fact that he was witnessing such an act from her and trying to pretend that he didn't notice all at the same time. Awful. Just awful. She hadn't felt this bad in such a long time.
When he did finally turn toward her, she was looking at the floor, hugging her arms around herself like she was trying to keep warm or something. Really, she just wanted to bolt. Leave right that second so that everything that was inevitably going to happen, wouldn't. Couldn't. But when you reach a certain age, running away from your problems becomes kind of unacceptable. I mean, people still do it all the time but it never lasts long. You can't run away forever and even if you did, you'd regret it in the end.
So she looked into his eyes and knew that for now she'd have to settle for the same old shit she'd been settling for for the last 3 years. But fuck. It's not like she wasn't already used to being alone.
Eyes that were the most beautiful shade of brown she'd ever seen moved over her face. She loved that he was just tall enough so that when they were dancing she could rest her head on his chest and hear his heart beating. And she loved the way he bit his lower lip when he was lost in thought after dinner. But you know...he wouldn't be her's. And that knowledge left her feeling pretty empty. But fuck...it's not like she wasn't already used to feeling that way.
"Things are going to get easier," he said "I mean, these feelings, they won't last forever. I know it."
She wanted to smack him.
"If I could fall in love with you, I would in a second. I hate how things are right now and I hate that I keep hurting you." he made a move as if to step up to her but she flinched and he stopped.
She looked back down at the floor.
He laughed inwardly "I don't even know what you see in me."
She scoffed.
"What?" he asked.
She met his eyes "I look at you and in you I see all the things that I wanted to be for so long. I didn't want to fall for you. I hate that it happened. But I can't help how I feel."
He looked at her with tears in his own eyes "I know."
There was a heavy silence. She looked into his glassy eyes for countless minutes. Then she turned and started down the hall towards the door. She knew that he was still standing there, slightly bewildered, watching her leave. She also knew that their friendship was over. It hurt deeply. But she pushed the pain away. She had to think of herself for a change and set all her feelings for him aside. She still cared. Just not enough to go back and make up with him.
She wiped the tears from her face even though more were on the way and sucked in a long shakey breath. She absolutely hated crying. And she also absolutely hated the fact that he was witnessing such an act from her and trying to pretend that he didn't notice all at the same time. Awful. Just awful. She hadn't felt this bad in such a long time.
When he did finally turn toward her, she was looking at the floor, hugging her arms around herself like she was trying to keep warm or something. Really, she just wanted to bolt. Leave right that second so that everything that was inevitably going to happen, wouldn't. Couldn't. But when you reach a certain age, running away from your problems becomes kind of unacceptable. I mean, people still do it all the time but it never lasts long. You can't run away forever and even if you did, you'd regret it in the end.
So she looked into his eyes and knew that for now she'd have to settle for the same old shit she'd been settling for for the last 3 years. But fuck. It's not like she wasn't already used to being alone.
Eyes that were the most beautiful shade of brown she'd ever seen moved over her face. She loved that he was just tall enough so that when they were dancing she could rest her head on his chest and hear his heart beating. And she loved the way he bit his lower lip when he was lost in thought after dinner. But you know...he wouldn't be her's. And that knowledge left her feeling pretty empty. But fuck...it's not like she wasn't already used to feeling that way.
"Things are going to get easier," he said "I mean, these feelings, they won't last forever. I know it."
She wanted to smack him.
"If I could fall in love with you, I would in a second. I hate how things are right now and I hate that I keep hurting you." he made a move as if to step up to her but she flinched and he stopped.
She looked back down at the floor.
He laughed inwardly "I don't even know what you see in me."
She scoffed.
"What?" he asked.
She met his eyes "I look at you and in you I see all the things that I wanted to be for so long. I didn't want to fall for you. I hate that it happened. But I can't help how I feel."
He looked at her with tears in his own eyes "I know."
There was a heavy silence. She looked into his glassy eyes for countless minutes. Then she turned and started down the hall towards the door. She knew that he was still standing there, slightly bewildered, watching her leave. She also knew that their friendship was over. It hurt deeply. But she pushed the pain away. She had to think of herself for a change and set all her feelings for him aside. She still cared. Just not enough to go back and make up with him.