Yay! and Oh no!
I successfully handed both essays in on time--yay! Apologies to everyone who had to listen to me moan endlessly about them, and also thank you for doing so. It seems to be my default reaction to essays (along with panicking and doubting my self-worth), but talking through my stresses with people really helps to calm me down and put things in perspective. I'm so glad they're done (no matter how badly) and out of the way.
Unfortunately, though, the week of hell is still not over. Having recovered myself through sleep last night, I am now enduring another all nighter in the hope of getting the next two things done: my personal statement for Seijo University (in Japanese), and my year abroad project proposal (which was due on Tuesday). As expected, despite proving to myself just days ago that no matter how bleak the situation seems I can finish things, I am once again having a crisis of faith in myself and can't see how I am ever going to get through them both. Doh.
I know that completing these should, in theory, be infinitely easier than the essays (which I did!), but somehow I'm feeling the pressure of these all the more keenly. Especially with the personal statement.
I think it's the fact that I know the deadline for this (Thursday) cannot be changed, as it is nothing to do with Sheffield, and that it isn't a case of just of handing something in and accepting a bad mark if that's what happens. It has to be decent. Someone is going to make a judgement of me based on this. I'm trying to tell myself that it's mostly just a formality and that the university will accept me anyway, but I don't know if that's the case. Furthermore, because I haven't been keeping up with my weekly sakubun at all this semester, every sentence in Japanese is like getting blood from a stone.
More importantly, though, I am positively furious with myself for leaving this so late! I really have no one but myself to blame. What kind of idiot leaves something so very, very important until the last minute like this?! Because of my own stupidity in not doing something so simple, I'm jeopardising the year abroad that I have looked forward to for so long! When will I learn?!
*sigh* I guess all I can do is keep going at it and hope I have something for Nagai-sensei to correct in the morning. Otherwise I don't know what'll happen.
Until this is done, I think I'll ignore the project proposal. Expect a panic about that (and how late it is) later.
I really wish this week were over already.
Unfortunately, though, the week of hell is still not over. Having recovered myself through sleep last night, I am now enduring another all nighter in the hope of getting the next two things done: my personal statement for Seijo University (in Japanese), and my year abroad project proposal (which was due on Tuesday). As expected, despite proving to myself just days ago that no matter how bleak the situation seems I can finish things, I am once again having a crisis of faith in myself and can't see how I am ever going to get through them both. Doh.
I know that completing these should, in theory, be infinitely easier than the essays (which I did!), but somehow I'm feeling the pressure of these all the more keenly. Especially with the personal statement.
I think it's the fact that I know the deadline for this (Thursday) cannot be changed, as it is nothing to do with Sheffield, and that it isn't a case of just of handing something in and accepting a bad mark if that's what happens. It has to be decent. Someone is going to make a judgement of me based on this. I'm trying to tell myself that it's mostly just a formality and that the university will accept me anyway, but I don't know if that's the case. Furthermore, because I haven't been keeping up with my weekly sakubun at all this semester, every sentence in Japanese is like getting blood from a stone.
More importantly, though, I am positively furious with myself for leaving this so late! I really have no one but myself to blame. What kind of idiot leaves something so very, very important until the last minute like this?! Because of my own stupidity in not doing something so simple, I'm jeopardising the year abroad that I have looked forward to for so long! When will I learn?!
*sigh* I guess all I can do is keep going at it and hope I have something for Nagai-sensei to correct in the morning. Otherwise I don't know what'll happen.
Until this is done, I think I'll ignore the project proposal. Expect a panic about that (and how late it is) later.
I really wish this week were over already.