Fic: Timorous Beastie
Title: Timorous Beastie
Author: aibhinn
Characters: Ten, Rose (implied Ten/Rose)
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Nobody at the BBC has hired me to write for them, dammit.
Summary: Unexpected guests on the TARDIS make Rose nervous. Very nervous.
Author's note: This is pure crack. Entirely silly. I wrote it for larielromeniel, who has her own timorous beastie to deal with just now. :)
"What on earth are you doing?" Rose demanded, staring up at the Doctor.
"Nothing," he said. "Well, nothing on Earth. We're on Folaris Minor, remember?"
Rose crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip, glaring up. "Why are you standing on one of the kitchen chairs?" she asked slowly and distinctly.
"Ah," the Doctor said. "Yes. Well, there are a number of things that need doing up here, you know. Dusting the tops of the kitchen cabinets-no idea how long it's been since that was done. Several centuries at least; I think Sarah Jane was the last one to do it, and that was back in my fourth incarnation. I could be fixing that loose screw in the hinge of the tea cupboard-that's needed doing for a while too. Or I could be replacing one of the ceiling lights, though as they're all working, that's probably not the proper answer, is it?"
"Doctor," Rose said again, rapidly losing patience.
"I can tell you what it's not," he said quickly. "It's not a mouse. I'm not up here because I saw a mouse on the floor. And certainly not a Folaran mouse. There's no way one could have got in here anyway, unless I carried it in with that load of spare parts I got from the junk yard, which is just ridiculous, because mice don't live in junk yards, and-"
Rose was on a chair now as well, turning round and round, trying to scan every inch of the kitchen floor. "What do Folaran mice look like?" she asked. She wasn't scared of rodents in the normal way of things, but the way he'd said 'certainly not a Folaran mouse' made her decide she really didn't want to take chances.
"Ever see one of those really big ginger toms, the ones that are a good stone or more? You know, with the huge paws and those great big golden eyes?"
Rose's eyes had become pretty big by now as well. "Uh-yeah?"
"That's what we need," the Doctor said decisively. "A great big mouser. Though, of course, female cats are generally better at mousing than males are."
"Doctor," Rose said impatiently. "What kind of a mouse am I looking for? I mean, what does it look like?"
"Oh, four paws, a tail, a head, two ears…general mouse-like qualities. And an affinity for…er…" He paused, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand.
"What?" Rose asked, feeling apprehension begin to rise.
"For…humans," he said reluctantly. "Something about the oils and salts on your skin. They love 'em. They won't hurt you, don't worry, but they do like to lick the salts off."
Rose's jaw dropped. "You mean, if we don't find this thing, I could wake up in the middle of the night with a mouse licking me?" she said, horrified.
"Could do," the Doctor said, looking at her over his specs with an expression like a little boy whose present for mummy has just broken or exploded or escaped from its box. "Erm, sorry?"
"You get to go find it," Rose said firmly. "And get rid of it. I'm not coming down until you do. Having you going around licking things is bad enough. I won't have a mouse doing it!"
He gave her his best puppy-dog-eye look, but she remained firm. No way was she getting down with a mouse like that around. "And you'd better get it done fast," she said, "or you'll be sleeping alone for a very long time."
He sighed and got down very carefully, looking all round as he did. "I suppose I could get one of the traps they sell on the planet," he said doubtfully. "All it'll do is secure the little bugger so we can let him go outside the TARDIS."
"Whatever," Rose said, sitting down on the kitchen table. "Just get it fast."
He left, and she put her head in her hands, groaning.
And then a thought occurred to her, and she glanced up. "Doctor?" she called.
"Yeah?" His voice echoed down the hallway.
"What's today's date, Earth time? Relative date, I mean? For me?"
"Oh…" He popped his head back round the doorway and grinned. "First of April. Why?"
She growled and took off after him as he sprinted down the corridor, laughing.
Author: aibhinn
Characters: Ten, Rose (implied Ten/Rose)
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Nobody at the BBC has hired me to write for them, dammit.
Summary: Unexpected guests on the TARDIS make Rose nervous. Very nervous.
Author's note: This is pure crack. Entirely silly. I wrote it for larielromeniel, who has her own timorous beastie to deal with just now. :)
"What on earth are you doing?" Rose demanded, staring up at the Doctor.
"Nothing," he said. "Well, nothing on Earth. We're on Folaris Minor, remember?"
Rose crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip, glaring up. "Why are you standing on one of the kitchen chairs?" she asked slowly and distinctly.
"Ah," the Doctor said. "Yes. Well, there are a number of things that need doing up here, you know. Dusting the tops of the kitchen cabinets-no idea how long it's been since that was done. Several centuries at least; I think Sarah Jane was the last one to do it, and that was back in my fourth incarnation. I could be fixing that loose screw in the hinge of the tea cupboard-that's needed doing for a while too. Or I could be replacing one of the ceiling lights, though as they're all working, that's probably not the proper answer, is it?"
"Doctor," Rose said again, rapidly losing patience.
"I can tell you what it's not," he said quickly. "It's not a mouse. I'm not up here because I saw a mouse on the floor. And certainly not a Folaran mouse. There's no way one could have got in here anyway, unless I carried it in with that load of spare parts I got from the junk yard, which is just ridiculous, because mice don't live in junk yards, and-"
Rose was on a chair now as well, turning round and round, trying to scan every inch of the kitchen floor. "What do Folaran mice look like?" she asked. She wasn't scared of rodents in the normal way of things, but the way he'd said 'certainly not a Folaran mouse' made her decide she really didn't want to take chances.
"Ever see one of those really big ginger toms, the ones that are a good stone or more? You know, with the huge paws and those great big golden eyes?"
Rose's eyes had become pretty big by now as well. "Uh-yeah?"
"That's what we need," the Doctor said decisively. "A great big mouser. Though, of course, female cats are generally better at mousing than males are."
"Doctor," Rose said impatiently. "What kind of a mouse am I looking for? I mean, what does it look like?"
"Oh, four paws, a tail, a head, two ears…general mouse-like qualities. And an affinity for…er…" He paused, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand.
"What?" Rose asked, feeling apprehension begin to rise.
"For…humans," he said reluctantly. "Something about the oils and salts on your skin. They love 'em. They won't hurt you, don't worry, but they do like to lick the salts off."
Rose's jaw dropped. "You mean, if we don't find this thing, I could wake up in the middle of the night with a mouse licking me?" she said, horrified.
"Could do," the Doctor said, looking at her over his specs with an expression like a little boy whose present for mummy has just broken or exploded or escaped from its box. "Erm, sorry?"
"You get to go find it," Rose said firmly. "And get rid of it. I'm not coming down until you do. Having you going around licking things is bad enough. I won't have a mouse doing it!"
He gave her his best puppy-dog-eye look, but she remained firm. No way was she getting down with a mouse like that around. "And you'd better get it done fast," she said, "or you'll be sleeping alone for a very long time."
He sighed and got down very carefully, looking all round as he did. "I suppose I could get one of the traps they sell on the planet," he said doubtfully. "All it'll do is secure the little bugger so we can let him go outside the TARDIS."
"Whatever," Rose said, sitting down on the kitchen table. "Just get it fast."
He left, and she put her head in her hands, groaning.
And then a thought occurred to her, and she glanced up. "Doctor?" she called.
"Yeah?" His voice echoed down the hallway.
"What's today's date, Earth time? Relative date, I mean? For me?"
"Oh…" He popped his head back round the doorway and grinned. "First of April. Why?"
She growled and took off after him as he sprinted down the corridor, laughing.