CrackFic: Contagious
Title: Contagious
Authors: dark_aegis,Aibhinn and wendymr, with contributions and egging-on from LarielRomeniel and un_sedentary
Pairing: Nine/Rose/Jack
Rating: R
Summary: “I... I... I can’t let anyone get near me. I’m contagious.”
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Yet more crack!fic from the Order of Setting 4432. You have been warned.
Authors' notes: We can't even blame cold meds for this one. Seriously, we're a bad influence on each other. If you don't believe me, check out Could Be a Little More Sonic and We'll Be In Our Bunk.
“We’ll find him, Rose. It’s only been a few minutes. He can’t have gone that far. He’s a Time Lord, not Superman.”
“Yeah, well, when we do I am so going to make him wear that whistling dog-tag I picked up on that last planet!”
“Oh, wouldn’t I like to see - What’s that?”
“Doctor!” Rose rushes forward as a lanky, dark-clad form stumbles out of some bushes.
“No! Stay away!” He comes to a staggering halt a few feet from her, hands held up in a fending-off gesture.
“What’s wrong?” Alarmed, she tries to reach for him. He backs away again.
“Nothin’.” He’s avoiding her gaze, as if terrified she’ll see something he doesn’t want her to. “Rose, go back to the TARDIS. I need my... my...” He stares at Jack, pleading for help.
“Triple-functioning anti-gravity polarisation device?” Jack suggests helpfully.
“Yes! That!”
“Um... okay... but wouldn’t it be better if Jack went? I mean, he knows what it is!”
“No!” The Doctor shakes his head frantically. “It’s... it’s... In the med-lab,” he says hurriedly. “Third cabinet from the left, fourth drawer down. Go!”
Looking confused and unconvinced, Rose runs off.
“Okay, Doc. What’s the problem, and why didn’t you want Rose to know about it?” Hands on hips, Jack gives him an assessing look. “Oh, and you can thank me later.”
“I... I... I can’t let anyone get near me. I’m contagious.”
“Contagious?” He frowns. “What’s the problem? Moxallian flu? Gingaplant fever? Raving Frescian infection?”
The Doctor looks away. “No.”
“What, then?”
His expression is shifty. “I got poisoned with a cocktail of nitrous oxide, a little bit of adrenaline and a range of aural stimulators with androgens on the side.”
“Um... okay, could you maybe repeat that in layman’s language? Never did manage to pass my chemistry exams.”
He’s definitely looking hunted now. “I gotsprayedwithahormonecompound. That... enhances the neural receptors in response to particular stimuli.”
“You got sprayed with a sex pheromone?”
“Oh, that’s fantastic. Tell the entire planet, why don’t you?”
Jack's lips are twitching with the effort to spare the poor bloke his laughter. But this is just too priceless. "Always knew you were a walking aphrodisiac, Doc. How's this any different?"
He gets a glare for his efforts. "Just keep Rose away from me."
"Afraid she'll jump you?" he asks. "Or afraid you'll jump her?" He grins as he moves closer to his friend, almost, but not quite, within touching distance. Or jumping distance, not that he minds either.
"Jack." His name is a combination of aggravation and is that a hint of longing? Oh-ho, so the old boy is flexible. Not that there was any doubt, of course. He's just glad he's got the evidence right in front of him.
The Doctor steps back, increasing the space between them, his muscles twitching spasmodically.
"That's my name. So, tell me, Doc. These sex pheromones… Does it mean what I think it means?" He has an idea. A very, very good idea. One that involves lots of jumping.
The Doctor's lips narrow as he looks away. Probably doesn't want to admit it. But it's nothing to be ashamed of. Every space traveller has it happen at least once. In his case, about fifteen, but who's counting?
"MeansI'vegottahavesexorIdie." The mutter is barely understandable, but he gets it. Oh, yes, he gets it.
"Ah, yes. The classic shag or die problem," he replies.
Before the Doctor has the chance to reply, a shoe scrapes against the ground behind him. "What?" Rose asks.
If a human - well, humanoid - really could jump out of their skin, the Doctor would’ve done it just there. He comes pretty damn close to it. “Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about. Nothing at all.”
“That wasn’t nothing I just heard.” Rose moves closer to the Doctor. “Heard Jack say something about dying.”
“No. Not dying. Die. He said... he said cry. Right, Jack?”
Biting his lip to stop himself laughing, he nods. “Uh, that’s right.”
Rose clearly doesn’t believe him. In one rapid movement, she’s darted over to the Doctor and her hand’s on his arm.
The Doctor’s eyes roll almost into the back of his head. He reaches for her, then in almost the same movement jerks away. He’s swallowing, gulping, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “Rose,” he croaks at last. “Get - away - from - me.”
“Why? Doctor, why’re you acting like this? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” The word’s only just recognisable. He sounds like he’s being strangled.
“Doctor!”
Body jerking frantically as he struggles with impulses he can barely control, the Doctor finally catches Jack’s eye. The message is clear. Help.
“He’s... not himself, Rose.”
“Can bloody see that, can’t I? What’s wrong with him?”
There’s nothing for it but to tell her the truth. “He’s a walking sex machine, Rose.”
She can’t quite manage to stifle a splutter of laughter. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“No, really. I mean, more than usual.” He inhales, then takes pity on the Doctor, walking over and catching Rose’s hand to pull her away from him. “He got sprayed with a sex pheromone. If he doesn’t have sex, he’ll...”
“He’ll what?”
The Doctor's going to kill him. "He'll die, Rose."
"He'll what?" she repeats herself, looking bemused. "Die? Don't be daft."
Of course she won't believe him. Should've expected that. "I'm serious, Rose. Every manual the Time Agency's ever put out has a warning about these sorts of things. The Time Lords probably had something similar. Happens at least once in a time traveller's life. Guess it's the Doctor's turn."
She blinks at him. "So, he's got to shag or he'll die?"
He nods slowly and her expression changes. It's actually rather calculating as she looks between them. "How long?" she asks.
"First five hours are the worst," he replies. "After that? Well, won't matter any more."
The Doctor's alternately edging forward and back, his hands twitching at his sides.
"Then we've gotta do something about it, yeah?"
He's tempted to say 'well, duh' but he suspects that that'd just earn him a slap. “Well, if we don’t want the whole Last of the Time Lords thing to go poof, just like that.” He refuses to look at the Doctor, who he knows is sending murderous thoughts in his direction.
Rose’s expression is worth a thousand words as first she opens her mouth, then closes it, opens it again and finally weakly says, “What do you have in mind?"
Jack gives her a Look. "Well, Rose, when people love each other very much...”
Rose smacks him. "I mean," she says, "how do you plan to get him out of that bloody jacket? I think he sleeps in it."
The Doctor shivers, pulling one arm free from his sleeve, then the other. "Hot," he complains, apparently barely able complete the word.
Jack stares. It should be illegal for the Doctor to be so clothed, yet so naked. "Don't think that'll be a problem."
Rose stares. "Apparently not." Oh, she’s winding him up now. He so recognises that glint in her eye. "Doctor, this is going to be difficult with your jumper on, too."
He shucks it, and she all but cheers. No doubt about it. Rose is having fun.
"No," the Doctor says suddenly. "No. Not doing this." And he turns on his heel and makes a run for it into the bushes.
"Damn," Jack says, and takes off after him. "Come on, Rose, we've got to shag him even if we have to hold him down to do it.”
It would've been a brilliant escape, too, except for the untied shoelace.
Rose is right on his heels, unfortunately, which means that, just as the Doctor flips over to get to his feet, she trips over him, landing atop him.
Jack doesn't have enough time to stop. As far as he can tell, he has one of two choices. Land on top of them both or try to avoid them. Fate, however, takes that choice away from him as he topples too. Rose grunts beneath him, wiggling a little too much for his own comfort. Beneath her, the Doctor's groaning.
"Go away," the Doctor says weakly. "I won't do this to you. I won't."
"Doc, we're offering to help you. Sacrifice for the good of the team and all that," he says, deliberately staying exactly where he is. "Unless you'd rather take your chances that the plant-life around here has a higher level of sentience than most?"
"What if we want you to do this to us?" Rose asks, bucking a little underneath him. Jack lifts himself off her, giving her the space to move to the Doctor's side. He moves so that they're both flanking the Time Lord.
Obviously deciding that the Doctor's just going to argue until he dies, Rose takes matters into her own hands. Or, well, takes him into her own hands.
The Doctor's protests turn into groans as Rose does something with her fingers that Jack really, really, really wishes she'd do to him. Well, he consoles himself, she will. Plenty to go around, after all. Rose, the Doctor.... Oh, yes, definitely a lot to go around.
"Shouldn't..." the Doctor protests, but his hands are saying he's lying. He's got Rose by the breasts... oh, YEAH, baby.
"Why?" Rose demands. "D'you think we're gonna let your morals or whatever kill ya because you don't want to have sex with us?"
"Never said didn't want," the Doctor corrects her, grunting a little as he shifts beneath her. "Just said shouldn't."
Rose doesn't hesitate, just leans forward and claims his mouth with hers. The Doctor moans, and Jack finds himself echoing the sound as Rose shifts to straddle the Doctor. Through with voyeurism, Jack leans forward and starts to nibble on Rose's neck, letting his hand drop between her and the Doctor to join her hand in teasing the Time Lord.
"Not... enough," the Doctor gasps, tearing his mouth away from Rose's. "Got to... or I'll..."
"Easy, Doc," Jack says, flicking open the fastening of the Doctor's jeans. "We're not gonna kill you. Well, we are, but only in a good way. Just a little death, is all." He smirks.
"Toss you for first go," Rose says with a wicked grin.
The Doctor groans as he's freed from the confines of his trousers and he echoes that sound. He never knew that the Doctor went commando too. He takes a long, appreciative look and then turns towards Rose, grinning. "Who says we have to take turns? I'm for all at once."
Rose's eyes widen. "How?"
"It's called," he says, drawing out the words, "a Doctor sandwich."
"It's called," the Doctor grunts, impatience and agony lacing his voice, "torture unless you bloody get on with it!"
Jack reaches over and starts helping Rose out of her clothes, only to find his hands batted away by the Doctor, who tugs Rose's clothes off in record time and manages his own as well.
He's aching by the time they're skin-to-skin. Rose has been placed lovingly on the Doctor's jacket, his own clothes serving as a pillow beneath her head. The Doctor braces himself over her and Jack pauses before he moves into position, admiring the Doctor's backside. There's something sensual about the man, especially without clothes. He spares a moment to send a mental thanks to the sex drug. He doubts this would've happened otherwise.
Rose is whimpering and the Doctor's laughing as the three of them move together, awkwardly at first and then, as he holds the Doctor's hips steady, with a more fluid motion. So much for the Doctor pretending he's not interested, that he's above all this sex business. Couldn't fool him, not a chance.
The Doctor's apparently an old pro at this.
"Faker," he whispers into the Doctor's ear, following it with a nip at the lobe.
And Rose, for all her twenty-first century morality and apparent shock when she discovered he doesn't only go for women, is taking to this like a duck to water.
If he has his way, there's a lot of fun nights ahead of them on the TARDIS. He's already planning his favourite combinations, deciding on what order he wants to try them and how many times, when...
...the Doctor suddenly does something and the whole world explodes and shatters. It's only when his eyes open several seconds later that he realises the planet hasn't really blown up beneath them.
It's a damn long time since anyone took him that much by surprise.
"Wow," Rose says, blinking up at them both. "Jus'...wow."
The Doctor is silent, running his hands up and over Rose and Jack as though trying to memorise them through his skin.
"You all right now?" Rose asks, concern in her voice. "Not gonna die on us or anything stupid like that?"
The Doctor coughs slightly and turns a faint shade of red. "Oh, no. Nothing like that. Nope, not at all. Much better now, me. Fantastic, even!"
"See, should've come right out and asked us from the start," Jack says. "Instead of being a moron and risking your life. You ever seriously think we wouldn't've come through for you?"
The Doctor coughs and mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like 'Seriously thought I wouldn't have had the courage without it.' But he can't be sure he heard that properly.
"As if you needed an excuse, Jack!" Rose snorts.
"Rose?" Jack says hopefully.
"Yeah?" She's lying cradled in the Doctor's arms now, a blissful look on her face.
"My turn?"
Rose turns her head and grins at him. "With 'im or me?"
"Already had him."
"Oi! Plenty of me to go around, y'know," the Doctor says, grinning. "Besides, I think it's *our* turn. Right, Rose?"
"Definitely." She rolls over in order to turn the full force of her sultry grin on Jack. "Hardly fair otherwise."
Fairness is definitely a virtue of which he approves. It's very much time to lie back and think of the TARDIS.
***
Later - how much later he has no idea - he stirs and reaches for his companions again. Can't waste too much good shagging time, after all.
"You're insatiable, Jack!" Rose says, giggling. "Can't a girl get some rest?"
The Doctor fumbles around, and a moment later he's handing Jack the sonic screwdriver. "Setting 4432," he comments, deadpan.
"What's setting 4432?" he asks, staring dumbfounded at the sonic screwdriver.
"Vibrator," Rose says.
"Oh, now *this* has possibilities!"
The Doctor stares. "How do you know -?"
" 'M not stupid, Doctor! So, when did you come up with that setting?” Rose says.
“Ever had a long night? Ever got... Right.” At Jack's raised eyebrow, the Doctor subsides.
Jack looks hopefully at his two companions again, but Rose seems to have fallen asleep and the Doctor's ignoring him. "Oh, well," he says with a grin. "Setting 4432 it is, then."
And they all vibrated happily ever after.
END
Authors: dark_aegis,Aibhinn and wendymr, with contributions and egging-on from LarielRomeniel and un_sedentary
Pairing: Nine/Rose/Jack
Rating: R
Summary: “I... I... I can’t let anyone get near me. I’m contagious.”
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Yet more crack!fic from the Order of Setting 4432. You have been warned.
Authors' notes: We can't even blame cold meds for this one. Seriously, we're a bad influence on each other. If you don't believe me, check out Could Be a Little More Sonic and We'll Be In Our Bunk.
“We’ll find him, Rose. It’s only been a few minutes. He can’t have gone that far. He’s a Time Lord, not Superman.”
“Yeah, well, when we do I am so going to make him wear that whistling dog-tag I picked up on that last planet!”
“Oh, wouldn’t I like to see - What’s that?”
“Doctor!” Rose rushes forward as a lanky, dark-clad form stumbles out of some bushes.
“No! Stay away!” He comes to a staggering halt a few feet from her, hands held up in a fending-off gesture.
“What’s wrong?” Alarmed, she tries to reach for him. He backs away again.
“Nothin’.” He’s avoiding her gaze, as if terrified she’ll see something he doesn’t want her to. “Rose, go back to the TARDIS. I need my... my...” He stares at Jack, pleading for help.
“Triple-functioning anti-gravity polarisation device?” Jack suggests helpfully.
“Yes! That!”
“Um... okay... but wouldn’t it be better if Jack went? I mean, he knows what it is!”
“No!” The Doctor shakes his head frantically. “It’s... it’s... In the med-lab,” he says hurriedly. “Third cabinet from the left, fourth drawer down. Go!”
Looking confused and unconvinced, Rose runs off.
“Okay, Doc. What’s the problem, and why didn’t you want Rose to know about it?” Hands on hips, Jack gives him an assessing look. “Oh, and you can thank me later.”
“I... I... I can’t let anyone get near me. I’m contagious.”
“Contagious?” He frowns. “What’s the problem? Moxallian flu? Gingaplant fever? Raving Frescian infection?”
The Doctor looks away. “No.”
“What, then?”
His expression is shifty. “I got poisoned with a cocktail of nitrous oxide, a little bit of adrenaline and a range of aural stimulators with androgens on the side.”
“Um... okay, could you maybe repeat that in layman’s language? Never did manage to pass my chemistry exams.”
He’s definitely looking hunted now. “I gotsprayedwithahormonecompound. That... enhances the neural receptors in response to particular stimuli.”
“You got sprayed with a sex pheromone?”
“Oh, that’s fantastic. Tell the entire planet, why don’t you?”
Jack's lips are twitching with the effort to spare the poor bloke his laughter. But this is just too priceless. "Always knew you were a walking aphrodisiac, Doc. How's this any different?"
He gets a glare for his efforts. "Just keep Rose away from me."
"Afraid she'll jump you?" he asks. "Or afraid you'll jump her?" He grins as he moves closer to his friend, almost, but not quite, within touching distance. Or jumping distance, not that he minds either.
"Jack." His name is a combination of aggravation and is that a hint of longing? Oh-ho, so the old boy is flexible. Not that there was any doubt, of course. He's just glad he's got the evidence right in front of him.
The Doctor steps back, increasing the space between them, his muscles twitching spasmodically.
"That's my name. So, tell me, Doc. These sex pheromones… Does it mean what I think it means?" He has an idea. A very, very good idea. One that involves lots of jumping.
The Doctor's lips narrow as he looks away. Probably doesn't want to admit it. But it's nothing to be ashamed of. Every space traveller has it happen at least once. In his case, about fifteen, but who's counting?
"MeansI'vegottahavesexorIdie." The mutter is barely understandable, but he gets it. Oh, yes, he gets it.
"Ah, yes. The classic shag or die problem," he replies.
Before the Doctor has the chance to reply, a shoe scrapes against the ground behind him. "What?" Rose asks.
If a human - well, humanoid - really could jump out of their skin, the Doctor would’ve done it just there. He comes pretty damn close to it. “Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about. Nothing at all.”
“That wasn’t nothing I just heard.” Rose moves closer to the Doctor. “Heard Jack say something about dying.”
“No. Not dying. Die. He said... he said cry. Right, Jack?”
Biting his lip to stop himself laughing, he nods. “Uh, that’s right.”
Rose clearly doesn’t believe him. In one rapid movement, she’s darted over to the Doctor and her hand’s on his arm.
The Doctor’s eyes roll almost into the back of his head. He reaches for her, then in almost the same movement jerks away. He’s swallowing, gulping, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “Rose,” he croaks at last. “Get - away - from - me.”
“Why? Doctor, why’re you acting like this? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” The word’s only just recognisable. He sounds like he’s being strangled.
“Doctor!”
Body jerking frantically as he struggles with impulses he can barely control, the Doctor finally catches Jack’s eye. The message is clear. Help.
“He’s... not himself, Rose.”
“Can bloody see that, can’t I? What’s wrong with him?”
There’s nothing for it but to tell her the truth. “He’s a walking sex machine, Rose.”
She can’t quite manage to stifle a splutter of laughter. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“No, really. I mean, more than usual.” He inhales, then takes pity on the Doctor, walking over and catching Rose’s hand to pull her away from him. “He got sprayed with a sex pheromone. If he doesn’t have sex, he’ll...”
“He’ll what?”
The Doctor's going to kill him. "He'll die, Rose."
"He'll what?" she repeats herself, looking bemused. "Die? Don't be daft."
Of course she won't believe him. Should've expected that. "I'm serious, Rose. Every manual the Time Agency's ever put out has a warning about these sorts of things. The Time Lords probably had something similar. Happens at least once in a time traveller's life. Guess it's the Doctor's turn."
She blinks at him. "So, he's got to shag or he'll die?"
He nods slowly and her expression changes. It's actually rather calculating as she looks between them. "How long?" she asks.
"First five hours are the worst," he replies. "After that? Well, won't matter any more."
The Doctor's alternately edging forward and back, his hands twitching at his sides.
"Then we've gotta do something about it, yeah?"
He's tempted to say 'well, duh' but he suspects that that'd just earn him a slap. “Well, if we don’t want the whole Last of the Time Lords thing to go poof, just like that.” He refuses to look at the Doctor, who he knows is sending murderous thoughts in his direction.
Rose’s expression is worth a thousand words as first she opens her mouth, then closes it, opens it again and finally weakly says, “What do you have in mind?"
Jack gives her a Look. "Well, Rose, when people love each other very much...”
Rose smacks him. "I mean," she says, "how do you plan to get him out of that bloody jacket? I think he sleeps in it."
The Doctor shivers, pulling one arm free from his sleeve, then the other. "Hot," he complains, apparently barely able complete the word.
Jack stares. It should be illegal for the Doctor to be so clothed, yet so naked. "Don't think that'll be a problem."
Rose stares. "Apparently not." Oh, she’s winding him up now. He so recognises that glint in her eye. "Doctor, this is going to be difficult with your jumper on, too."
He shucks it, and she all but cheers. No doubt about it. Rose is having fun.
"No," the Doctor says suddenly. "No. Not doing this." And he turns on his heel and makes a run for it into the bushes.
"Damn," Jack says, and takes off after him. "Come on, Rose, we've got to shag him even if we have to hold him down to do it.”
It would've been a brilliant escape, too, except for the untied shoelace.
Rose is right on his heels, unfortunately, which means that, just as the Doctor flips over to get to his feet, she trips over him, landing atop him.
Jack doesn't have enough time to stop. As far as he can tell, he has one of two choices. Land on top of them both or try to avoid them. Fate, however, takes that choice away from him as he topples too. Rose grunts beneath him, wiggling a little too much for his own comfort. Beneath her, the Doctor's groaning.
"Go away," the Doctor says weakly. "I won't do this to you. I won't."
"Doc, we're offering to help you. Sacrifice for the good of the team and all that," he says, deliberately staying exactly where he is. "Unless you'd rather take your chances that the plant-life around here has a higher level of sentience than most?"
"What if we want you to do this to us?" Rose asks, bucking a little underneath him. Jack lifts himself off her, giving her the space to move to the Doctor's side. He moves so that they're both flanking the Time Lord.
Obviously deciding that the Doctor's just going to argue until he dies, Rose takes matters into her own hands. Or, well, takes him into her own hands.
The Doctor's protests turn into groans as Rose does something with her fingers that Jack really, really, really wishes she'd do to him. Well, he consoles himself, she will. Plenty to go around, after all. Rose, the Doctor.... Oh, yes, definitely a lot to go around.
"Shouldn't..." the Doctor protests, but his hands are saying he's lying. He's got Rose by the breasts... oh, YEAH, baby.
"Why?" Rose demands. "D'you think we're gonna let your morals or whatever kill ya because you don't want to have sex with us?"
"Never said didn't want," the Doctor corrects her, grunting a little as he shifts beneath her. "Just said shouldn't."
Rose doesn't hesitate, just leans forward and claims his mouth with hers. The Doctor moans, and Jack finds himself echoing the sound as Rose shifts to straddle the Doctor. Through with voyeurism, Jack leans forward and starts to nibble on Rose's neck, letting his hand drop between her and the Doctor to join her hand in teasing the Time Lord.
"Not... enough," the Doctor gasps, tearing his mouth away from Rose's. "Got to... or I'll..."
"Easy, Doc," Jack says, flicking open the fastening of the Doctor's jeans. "We're not gonna kill you. Well, we are, but only in a good way. Just a little death, is all." He smirks.
"Toss you for first go," Rose says with a wicked grin.
The Doctor groans as he's freed from the confines of his trousers and he echoes that sound. He never knew that the Doctor went commando too. He takes a long, appreciative look and then turns towards Rose, grinning. "Who says we have to take turns? I'm for all at once."
Rose's eyes widen. "How?"
"It's called," he says, drawing out the words, "a Doctor sandwich."
"It's called," the Doctor grunts, impatience and agony lacing his voice, "torture unless you bloody get on with it!"
Jack reaches over and starts helping Rose out of her clothes, only to find his hands batted away by the Doctor, who tugs Rose's clothes off in record time and manages his own as well.
He's aching by the time they're skin-to-skin. Rose has been placed lovingly on the Doctor's jacket, his own clothes serving as a pillow beneath her head. The Doctor braces himself over her and Jack pauses before he moves into position, admiring the Doctor's backside. There's something sensual about the man, especially without clothes. He spares a moment to send a mental thanks to the sex drug. He doubts this would've happened otherwise.
Rose is whimpering and the Doctor's laughing as the three of them move together, awkwardly at first and then, as he holds the Doctor's hips steady, with a more fluid motion. So much for the Doctor pretending he's not interested, that he's above all this sex business. Couldn't fool him, not a chance.
The Doctor's apparently an old pro at this.
"Faker," he whispers into the Doctor's ear, following it with a nip at the lobe.
And Rose, for all her twenty-first century morality and apparent shock when she discovered he doesn't only go for women, is taking to this like a duck to water.
If he has his way, there's a lot of fun nights ahead of them on the TARDIS. He's already planning his favourite combinations, deciding on what order he wants to try them and how many times, when...
...the Doctor suddenly does something and the whole world explodes and shatters. It's only when his eyes open several seconds later that he realises the planet hasn't really blown up beneath them.
It's a damn long time since anyone took him that much by surprise.
"Wow," Rose says, blinking up at them both. "Jus'...wow."
The Doctor is silent, running his hands up and over Rose and Jack as though trying to memorise them through his skin.
"You all right now?" Rose asks, concern in her voice. "Not gonna die on us or anything stupid like that?"
The Doctor coughs slightly and turns a faint shade of red. "Oh, no. Nothing like that. Nope, not at all. Much better now, me. Fantastic, even!"
"See, should've come right out and asked us from the start," Jack says. "Instead of being a moron and risking your life. You ever seriously think we wouldn't've come through for you?"
The Doctor coughs and mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like 'Seriously thought I wouldn't have had the courage without it.' But he can't be sure he heard that properly.
"As if you needed an excuse, Jack!" Rose snorts.
"Rose?" Jack says hopefully.
"Yeah?" She's lying cradled in the Doctor's arms now, a blissful look on her face.
"My turn?"
Rose turns her head and grins at him. "With 'im or me?"
"Already had him."
"Oi! Plenty of me to go around, y'know," the Doctor says, grinning. "Besides, I think it's *our* turn. Right, Rose?"
"Definitely." She rolls over in order to turn the full force of her sultry grin on Jack. "Hardly fair otherwise."
Fairness is definitely a virtue of which he approves. It's very much time to lie back and think of the TARDIS.
***
Later - how much later he has no idea - he stirs and reaches for his companions again. Can't waste too much good shagging time, after all.
"You're insatiable, Jack!" Rose says, giggling. "Can't a girl get some rest?"
The Doctor fumbles around, and a moment later he's handing Jack the sonic screwdriver. "Setting 4432," he comments, deadpan.
"What's setting 4432?" he asks, staring dumbfounded at the sonic screwdriver.
"Vibrator," Rose says.
"Oh, now *this* has possibilities!"
The Doctor stares. "How do you know -?"
" 'M not stupid, Doctor! So, when did you come up with that setting?” Rose says.
“Ever had a long night? Ever got... Right.” At Jack's raised eyebrow, the Doctor subsides.
Jack looks hopefully at his two companions again, but Rose seems to have fallen asleep and the Doctor's ignoring him. "Oh, well," he says with a grin. "Setting 4432 it is, then."
And they all vibrated happily ever after.
END