Shame (Spain/Romano)
There are many details in his life that shame Romano, but only one that he is too ashamed of to accept. He can deal with being considered less than his younger brother. It may hurt, but he's lived with it long enough that it almost doesn't effect him anymore. He can deal with being a bad catholic. Many of his citizens are bad catholics, they would not condemn him for this. Not for this. They would condemn him for the other, though, and that is what he cannot cope with.
When did he become the kind of nation that does not accurately represent his people? Nations may have their own emotions, own lives, but above it all they should be their people. Romano's greatest shame is that he knows if his people ever knew about him, they would not approve. They would think him a monster, a sinner of the worst order, and they would be ashamed to be represented by him.
He tries so hard to shut out these emotions, push them into the dark recesses of his heart and seal them up so that they never bother him again, but it never lasts. He tries avoiding the problem, he tries being so overwhelmingly cruel that the problem will avoid him, but it never works. The problem returns once again with an apology for nothing done wrong, a big bag of tomatoes and that stupid, stupid grin.
That grin that Romano can't get out of his head no matter how hard he tries, no matter how hard he represses the thought. It's the grin that condemned him, sentenced him to a life of hell, and the worst part is that the holder of it doesn't even know.
The stupid, oblivious bastard has no idea of the torment he's putting Romano through.
He hears the screams in his nightmares sometimes. Voices yelling at him, shooting, scratching, stoning, anything to get rid of the sodomite that represents them. They hate him, or they would, and that, he thinks, is the worst punishment that any nation can have.
He'll never do those things he sometimes imagines, when he can't stop, and he'll never reveal the emotion that runs so deep inside him that it consumes all else. If this is the penance he gets just for having these emotions, these thoughts, he thinks the anguish would drive him to insanity if he ever acted on them.
"Don't worry, my Spain, my love," he thinks (but never, ever says) "you are safe from me."
When did he become the kind of nation that does not accurately represent his people? Nations may have their own emotions, own lives, but above it all they should be their people. Romano's greatest shame is that he knows if his people ever knew about him, they would not approve. They would think him a monster, a sinner of the worst order, and they would be ashamed to be represented by him.
He tries so hard to shut out these emotions, push them into the dark recesses of his heart and seal them up so that they never bother him again, but it never lasts. He tries avoiding the problem, he tries being so overwhelmingly cruel that the problem will avoid him, but it never works. The problem returns once again with an apology for nothing done wrong, a big bag of tomatoes and that stupid, stupid grin.
That grin that Romano can't get out of his head no matter how hard he tries, no matter how hard he represses the thought. It's the grin that condemned him, sentenced him to a life of hell, and the worst part is that the holder of it doesn't even know.
The stupid, oblivious bastard has no idea of the torment he's putting Romano through.
He hears the screams in his nightmares sometimes. Voices yelling at him, shooting, scratching, stoning, anything to get rid of the sodomite that represents them. They hate him, or they would, and that, he thinks, is the worst punishment that any nation can have.
He'll never do those things he sometimes imagines, when he can't stop, and he'll never reveal the emotion that runs so deep inside him that it consumes all else. If this is the penance he gets just for having these emotions, these thoughts, he thinks the anguish would drive him to insanity if he ever acted on them.
"Don't worry, my Spain, my love," he thinks (but never, ever says) "you are safe from me."