Dear Diary 5-6/17
Title: Dear Diary
Author: ai_08
Warnings: Slash, college AU
Pairings: Russia/America, minor France/Canada and a few others
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. You'll see; just read his diary.
Chapter Five
February 3nd
God, Arthur is going to notice if Francis makes a habit of visiting Matthew. But what am I supposed to do? Tell them sorry, Francis isn't allowed over here because it would kill my best friend to see them together? And what about Mattie? If he ever finds out that Arthur likes Francis, knowing him, he's going to feel all guilty about it like a girl or something.
I don't want either one of them to get hurt over this, but I can't see it ending well at all. What if Arthur tries to confess or something? Or if Matt decides to tell him? Or, worse yet, if Arthur walks in on them? OMG the mental image.
This fucking sucks; I'm not supposed to have to worry about shit like this. I feel like I'm stuck in some preteen soap opera. And none of it's even my drama.
Later
Oh wait. I forgot. I totally fit into this soap opera. I'm the one with the freak stalker who's probably going to try to lure me into a false sense of security and then kill me or something.
Later
So I've decided that I'm going to try to keep the shit from hitting the fan for as long as possible. Which means that I'm going to have to keep Arthur away from Matthew and Francis. It shouldn't be too hard keeping him away from Francis, since he's hell bent on pretending that everything is normal and that I don't know a damn thing about it, which is way more than ok with me, but it's a little tougher to keep him away from Mattie since we sort of all live in the same dorm...
February 4th
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Matt said he rented some movies and wants to know if Arthur and I wanted to watch them with him. Fuuuuuck.
Later
Ok. I got out of it by using my amazing verbal skills.
"Is uh… um, is Francis coming over, too?" I asked.
Mattie got all exasperated when I asked him that. "It's not like we're going to be all over each other!" he said. (Which is a complete lie. Did he forget who he was dating?)
Anyways, then I had to make up some lame excuse about having a club meeting tonight, and how Arthur had to come too, which is also a complete lie.
Later
Note to self: Remember to tell Arthur that we are now members of the… (kill me) Literary Club, and we have a meeting tonight at 8 o'clock.
Later
That was close. Arthur almost didn't buy my lame-ass awesome excuse.
"I'm already a member of the Literary Club," he said, aggravated that I'd interrupted his alone time with his two best friends: Jane Austen and Earl Grey. (Ok so he was reading the paper but you know he's got to love all that stupid romance novel crap, too.) But yeah. I seriously wanted to kick myself. If I had known that he was busy tonight anyways, then I wouldn't have had to bother with all this.
"Ok," I said. "Well, now I'm a member too, and I'm coming with you!"
Except I really don't want to go. I don't read. Who the fuck reads? But it would look suspicious if I suddenly changed my mind.
Arthur was suspicious anyways. He narrowed his eyes and gave me The Look. (Copyright pending.)
"Why the sudden interest?" he asked.
Well I wasn't about to tell him that it was only because I didn't want him to witness Francis and Matthew's epic hand holding and footsie fest.
So I told him that I just wanted to "broaden my horizons" and "become more worldly."
And do you know what he did? He laughed at me and patted my head, like he thought I was being cute or something. Well I'll show him. Alfred F. Jones knows a challenge when he sees one.
Screw class. I'm going to the library.
Later
The books were way too long, so I just went to Spark Notes and read the summary for some book called Brave New World which was weird as fuck. Who comes up with that shit?
Later
I googled the author and -surprise, surprise- he was British.
That actually explains a lot.
Later
I am going to kill Arthur. He knew Braginski was part of the Literary Club and he didn't tell me. That fucker. If I was less awesome, I would totally retract my offer to go watch that piano recital with him. But since I'm such an amazing person (and I still feel really guilty about keeping the whole Francis thing from him) I guess I'm still going.
But still.
That was not cool, man. Not cool at all.
Oooh, Family Guy's on. More later.
February 5th
So. About last night: I am never going back to that stupid club. On top of Braginski being there, apparently they're all in the middle of reading some book called Anna Karenina. Which sucks for three reasons:
1. It's Russian.
2. I don't like Russians because they're creepy and they stalk me.
3. Arthur failed to tell me they were reading said stupid creepy stalker Russian novel so I looked like an idiot for not knowing what was going on. Arthur said that he didn't think it would matter since, to quote him, "you never know what's going on, anyways."
What is that supposed to mean? I am so putting coffee in his tea bags.
And of course Braginski was all sorts of happy to see that I was there, and he kept asking me questions about the book, even though it was obvious that I hadn't read it. I think that he and Arthur are secretly plotting against me.
Later
…Trying to put coffee in tea bags doesn't work…
Later
…Arthur just came by and thanked me for not telling anyone about his feelings for Francis. He even got me a Big Mac.
"Arthur, you don't have to worry about it," I said. "I'm your best friend; I'm not going to tell anyone."
"Well," he said, "Still. Thanks. I just want to put all of this behind me."
I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Later
So after trig I thought that Braginski was taking his stalking to a whole new level, cause he followed me from the math building all the way to the campus post office, but it turns out he was just checking his mail like I was. (Thank god.)
It was really weird, though. He had a letter in his hand, obviously to mail. But when he checked his PO box and read what had been sent to him… For a split second his face went from its normal, eerily happy expression to something… almost hateful. And then he didn't even mail the letter he had brought with him; instead he threw them both away. I wonder what made him do that.
Ugh, speak of the devil. My 'escort' is here. Must be time for practice.
Later
I couldn't help it; curiosity got the better of me. I mean, who wouldn't want to know what was in the letters? Plus, he was extra focused at practice tonight. Not that I was paying attention to him or anything. It was just painfully obvious that he was trying to keep his mind off of something was all.
So after practice I went back to the post office and (after making sure no one was around) I fished them out of the trashcan. I know that's probably a little weird, but whatever.
The first letter, the one that had been sent to him, was post marked from Russia; It must be from a family member or something. When I opened it up, of course it was all in that weird language so there was no way I could tell what it said. But it seemed pretty short; it was only two or three sentences long. I know if my mom or dad wrote me a letter it would at least be a page… I wonder why it was so short? And it must say something bad, for him to have reacted that way. I wish I knew what it said. Stupid Russians and their stupid non-English speaking ways.
Anyways, the letter he was going to mail was addressed to the same place. I opened it, and it was much longer. It was to some… моя самая дорогая сестра. (God that took forever to copy.) At least that's what the first line said. Seems kind of long for a name, but who knows. The letter itself was about two pages long. Most of it was in Russian, but the last paragraph was in English… and it mentioned me.
-
Ivan's letter:
"I am very pleased to see that you have taken an interest in learning English as well; it is a surprisingly useful tool and a simple language to master. I am sure that you will have little difficulty in your studies. As requested, here is a short message in English for you. I am not sure what else there is to say though.
School is going very well. My senior thesis recital is next month. We will be performing Vesna svyashchennaya. It is coming together quite nicely. I wish that you could see it, but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. As I have already said, I am enjoying my stay in the States. Basketball is going very well this year and I have made many new friends. There is one in particular that I wish you could meet. His name is Alfred. He is not very bright, but he is a very charismatic and interesting individual. He does not care much for the opinions of others, a trait I greatly admire but all too often find lacking in others."
-
He wrote more after that, but it was in Russian so who knows what else he had to say.
But seriously, if he has other friends, then why does he have to follow me around?
Later
Wait, did he call me stupid?
Asshole.
Later
I had dinner with Kiku and some of his baseball buddies tonight. Braginski walked in a little while after I did. I tried not to make eye contact cause I didn't want him to sit with us but I don't think he noticed me anyways. He just went to the basketball table but there wasn't an open seat, and no one bothered to make room for him, so he just sat by himself.
Well, that's what he gets for being such a freak.
Later
When I walked into my dorm tonight, Matt and Francis were pretty much going at it like rabbits. On the couch. In the common area of our dorm.
Which means that Arthur could have seen them.
Forget the fact that I have now seen more of my brother than I have ever wanted to see, Arthur could have seen that. Arthur could have walked in on them playing semi-naked tonsil hockey.
And Arthur is not supposed to even know that they are dating! And Matt agreed to keep it on the DL! Is he trying to get me killed?
So I promptly yanked him off of the couch and drug him into his room. (So I could lock the door. Still haven't gotten my door knob fixed.)
"What are you thinking?" I hissed.
Matt at least had the decency to look extremely embarrassed. "We, I, uh," he stuttered. "We were just doing homework, and then, er…"
I grabbed his arms and started shaking him back and forth pretty vigorously. "Mattie. You cannot 'do your homework' with Francis in our dorm. Arthur will see."
Matt rolled his eyes. "So what?" he asked. "Why should I have to keep this secret from him? He's my friend, and anyways, he's a big kid. I know he dislikes-"
"Hates," I corrected.
"Hates him, but, but he's just going to have to deal with it. I love Francis!"
Yeah, well, so does Arthur. That's precisely the problem.
I sighed. "Mattie," I said, drawing his name out, trying to choose my words carefully. "I don't know how to say this. You just, you can't tell Arthur about you two being together."
"Why not?" he demanded to know.
"Because he's in love with him too and it would kill him!" is what I wanted to say, but I couldn't, cause that would cause a big mess, too. So ok yeah, upon reflection it wasn't the wisest choice, but at the time I thought it was a pretty good excuse. So I said "because he's a homophobe."
And god, the look on Mattie's face when that came outta my mouth...
February 6th
I know those words are going to come back to haunt me. Matt is being distant again, like he was when I didn't know about him having a boyfriend. And his teddy bear is missing, so he probably spent the night at Francis's.
I have got to do something before anything else goes wrong.
Later
Dude. Gilbert is back in town and he's throwing an early birthday party for Antonio or something like that so fuck everything else. I am getting fucking wasted tomorrow. Gilbert's one of Francis's best friends, but Arthur never goes to parties so it's not like I have anything to worry about.
Later
So.
I'm blaming it on a lapse of sanity, but I just invited Braginski to go to Gilbert's party. Maybe if he socializes he'll actually make some friends and stop stalking me.
Plus, my karma could really use some good deeds. And that counts as a good deed, right?
February 7th
Ok maybe that wasn't such a great idea. Maybe I should have just walked an old lady across the street or helped a cat out of a tree or found a cure for cancer or something if I really thought I needed to do a good deed, because now Braginski really won't leave me alone. He keeps going on about how happy he is that we will be "hanging out for a second time," and how pleased he is that I was the one to ask.
Fuck.
Why don't any of my awesome plans go the way they're supposed to?
February 8th
I missed English this morning but damn it was so worth it. Who knew Braginski was so good at beer pong? We fucking killed everyone who thought they were good enough to challenge us. And I don't even think he got drunk. That guy is a beast. And he sort of made other friends last night, too. At least he hit it off pretty well with this one Chinese kid that was there. (Wang? Yang? I don't remember, I've only had one class with him.) So, if I can get him to stop stalking me, there might be hope for him yet.
And get this, that security guard that's dating Feliciano? He's totally Gilbert's little brother. Talk about a small world. Oh, and I remembered his name, it's Ludwig. Anyways, apparently Antonio and Lovino made up. Either that or Lovino was really drunk, cause I'm pretty sure Antonio got lucky last night.
Is it just me or is everyone on the soccer team gay?
Gotta get ready for that stupid piano recital now. Arthur told me I had to "dress nicely" as if I don't already or something. Personally I have no idea why he'd think that. I make lounge pants look damn good.
February 9th
I don't know what the fuck Arthur's problem is, but when I went to that stupid piano recital Kiku was sitting on one side of him, and some brown haired chick that I don't even know was sitting on the other and when I asked him why he hadn't saved a seat for me he wouldn't talk to me.
"Tell Alfred that I don't even want to look at him right now," he said to Kiku, who just looked at me and mouthed, 'He's really mad right now.'
Well no shit.
But what the fuck did I do?
-
Translation: моя самая дорогая сестра- My Dear Sister. (Please let me know if this is wrong, thanks!)
-
Chapter Six
February 10th
Arthur is such an asshole and I don't care if I never speak to him again. He can fly back to England for all I care. And I hope the plane crashes and he drowns in the Pacific or Atlantic or whichever stupid ocean is between America and his stupid island of a country because he is a class A PRICK and I officially don't give a fuck what he does anymore.
I didn't stick around to watch that stupid piano recital. I mean, I didn't stay in the theater, anyways. I guess I should've, cause I kind of met the pianist at Gilbert's party. (His name was Robert? Roger? Something.) But I honestly hate classical music. It's boring and stuffy and way too complicated. Probably why Arthur likes it. Anyways, I waited for him in the lobby. I figured maybe he was mad about something stupid, like maybe there had been some sort of misunderstanding. We have those a lot, cause sometimes he doesn't understand how amazing I am, and sometimes I don't always get his weird little British ways. I figured that the recital would calm him down (cause I heard somewhere that it's good for soothing babies and Arthur is pretty much a big baby) and then maybe we could talk about it afterwards.
So, as everyone was leaving the theater, I tried to pull Arthur aside. "What's got you all pissy?" I asked, joking, trying to make him crack a reluctant smile.
He just brushed me off. "I meant what I said, Alfred," he said callously. "Leave me alone."
I frowned. "At least tell me why you're mad!" I said.
He turned and looked at me, eyes cold. "As if you don't already know."
…Well, no I have no fucking idea! That's why I asked, you ass hat. But whatever.
So Arthur didn't tell me what was wrong. But see if I care. I don't care. If he wants to be a douche bag that's fine by me. I'll go find a new best friend.
Later
List of Possible New Best Friends:
1. Kiku? Nah, he's already got a best friend, that Heracles guy.
2. Matthew? No, that's lame. We're related.
3. Bragi-NO. No. Just no. Never.
4. …um…
…This is harder than I thought.
Later
I'm bored. This blows. He won't answer his door, or my calls, or my texts. And I left him a message on the dry erase board his has on his door, and he wrote back: Fuck you, Jones with a big horribly drawn middle finger next to it. And what I think was supposed to be his face. It looked something like this:
I just… What the hell? One minute everything's fine, and the next he hates me. If he won't tell me what's going on, then I'm just gonna ask Kiku.
Later
Dude. Kiku got Mass Driver. It was pretty sweet. Got to plow through buildings and cars and live stock and stuff at like, 1,000 miles per hour.
…Shit I forgot to ask about Arthur and I'm pretty sure he's hanging out with Heracles now. I'll just text him.
-
hey, forgot 2 ask, wats up w/ arthur?
?
dude kiku he's still pissed at me man. whyyyyyy? D:
idk. he didn't say…
well wat am i supposed 2 do?
…ask him? ._.
he won't talk to me D:
i'm sorry TT_TT
-
February 10th
Ok so Kiku wasn't very helpful. Maybe Mattie will know.
February 11th
Fucking Matthew. I told him to keep his mouth shut. How was I supposed to know that he'd go back on his word and tell Arthur? I can't believe him. If you can't trust your own flesh and blood then who can you trust? God. Arthur's probably never going to speak to me again and it's all Matt's fault.
Yesterday I went by Francis's dorm, cause Matt wasn't in his room. Matt answered the door, and it was totally obvious that he knew why I was there, and it was even more obvious that he didn't want to talk about it, cause he kept asking me about basketball and school and shit. Finally, I just had to corner him.
"Matthew," I cut him off mid-sentence. "Do you know why Arthur is mad at me?"
He seemed shocked when I said that, as if that hadn't been what he'd been expecting me to say. "Why is he mad at you?" he asked. "I mean, I know he's mad at me, but…"
And that was when I knew the shit had hit the fan.
"What did you do?" I demanded.
Matt got all flustered and tried to hide himself behind the blanket in his lap.
"Before you get mad, I never broke my promise!" he said. "I never told him anything. It's just that… Arthur has been acting really distant lately, and then you told me about the whole homophobe thing, and I hated thinking that he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore if he knew, so all I did was invite him to a party because I like being friends with him and-"
"What party?" I asked.
"G-Gilbert's, you know-"
"You went?"
"Yeah, we're friends! You were in the kitchen the whole time, playing beer pong, so you probably didn't see us…"
Well that was fucking super and all, but it still didn't explain why Arthur was mad at me.
"So what happened?" I was really starting to get impatient by that point, but he just kept fiddling with the stupid fringe on his stupid maple leaf blanket.
"Well?" I asked again.
"Arthur saw Francis kiss me and I just sort of told him everythng and now he won't speak to me," he blurted out so fast I almost missed it.
Actually, I almost wish I hadn't caught what he'd said. I can't believe that he did that to me. Matt knew he couldn't let Arthur see them together. So maybe it was for the wrong reason, but still! The point is, he knew it would make Arthur upset. So what if I told a little white lie? The end result was the same, wasn't it?
So then me and Matthew started arguing, which made Francis come out of his room to see what was going on, so then me and Francis started arguing and he made me leave. I really wanted to hit him again, cause when you get down to it it's really all his fault in the first place. But Coach said if I got into another fight they'd probably put me on probation and I want to see the season through more than I want to bash Francis's face in. But just barely.
Anyways, thanks to stupid Francis's stupid existence and my stupid brother's stupid need to make Arthur hang out with him, Arthur now knows about Matt and Francis, Matt now thinks Arthur hates him for being gay, and Arthur now hates me because he thinks I was keeping a secret from him.
Which, I mean, I was, but not because I was trying to be mean or anything. I was just trying to keep him from getting hurt but no one seems to see where I was coming from and now everyone is mad at me and all I was trying to do was help. Why does no one appreciate this?
Later
Braginski just texted me asking if I was going to go to the Literary Club meeting tonight. I told him to fuck off because I have better things to do.
Later
I don't feel guilty at all for being mean to him.
Later
I really don't.
February 12th
As usual, Braginski is more than happy to see me. I guess he didn't get mad at me from last night's text message. God, if only he'd be mad at me. Then maybe he'd leave me the fuck alone.
Taking him to that party did nothing; he still follows me around. Today he came by a half an hour earlier to pick me up for morning practice. I wasn't even out of bed yet and he just came into my room, turned the lights on, and pulled me of the bed.
First of all, thank god I don't sleep naked. Second of all, how the fuck did he get into my dorm?
"You and Arthur are fighting, da?" Maybe it was just me, but he sounded pretty cheerful about it, if that stupid smile that never left his face was any indication.
"How did you know?" I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and trying to find a pair of socks.
"The sign on his door is a warning for you to stay away from him," he explained cheerfully. "Beneath it there is a rather crudely drawn example of what he will do to you if you don't."
"It's not a big deal," I said as I grabbed my shoes. "Come on, big guy. Let's go."
"I will be your new best friend, since Arthur now hates you," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Er, that's really not necessary," I said.
He laughed. "Silly Alfred, I was not asking!"
I. Hate. My. Life.
Later
No really. I do.
And Tuesday's and Thursday's are the worst, because I've got practice (with Braginski) and Trig (also with Braginski). And he usually follows me around for the entire day and generally makes a nuisance of himself. Plus it's difficult to do fun things like play video games or chat up the ladies when you've got this six foot something scary beast trailing behind you.
But I guess sometimes he comes in handy, because when we were leaving the DH we ran into Arthur. (Yeah I ate lunch with Braginski but he didn't talk too much so it wasn't so bad.) Anyways, Arthur was with a bunch of his nerdy English major friends. When he saw me he wrinkled his nose and pointedly looked the other way. I did the same and grabbed Braginski by the arm, dragging him as fast as I could.
"Come on, Ivan," I said loudly, hoping he'd over hear. "We've got better things to do then hang out with stupid British people."
Arthur scoffed. "What, found a new sidekick?" he asked.
I turned around and smirked. "Yeah," I said. "It was pretty easy, too."
He rolled his eyes and kept walking. Didn't have anything to say to that.
Later
Braginski won't shut up about how I used his first name instead of his last. God, with the way he's been going on about it, you'd think I'd just given him a million dollars or proposed to him or something. He doesn't seem to get that it was just because of Arthur. And I haven't said it since, but that doesn't seem to faze him.
Freak.
In other news, Francis is still mad at me for fighting with Matthew (who I refuse to speak to) which sucks because I need help with French.
Later
God, there is absolutely no one to hang out with. Everyone is over at Antonio's, including Arthur, which makes no sense because he's about as social as… as really, really, stupid, unsocial things. Yeah.
And Kiku is out doing stupid stuff with his stupid baseball buddies, leaving me- popular, amazing, totally awesome me- all alone and bored as fuck.
This should be illegal.
February 13th
Home game tonight. Time to kick some ass!
Later
…Arthur didn't come watch like he usually does. Guess it's a good thing, seeing as we lost.
February 14th
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!
Nothing's gonna get me down today; I freakin' love this holiday- I always get a shit load of candy and stuff!
Later
Ok. This is weird. Usually by noon I have at least ten or twenty gifts from a ton of girls, but I haven't gotten anything yet, which is strange because pretty much everyone is in love with me. Oh wait, someone's at the door. I bet it's a gift for me!
Later
What. The. Fuck.
It was Braginski.
…With a valentine for me.
As in, he knocked on my door and held out a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. And gave them to me.
"I have decided that I no longer wish to be your best friend," he said. "From now on we will be lovers."
I just stared at him, completely… I don't even know. So I just stared at him.
Er, it was a nice thought and all. (I guess.) Except, you know, for the little fact that I'M NOT GAY and HE'S A FREAK. So I tried to tell him as nicely as possible that I was flattered (not) but that I would have to say no. (More like HELL NO.) But, of course, he just kept smiling and said that he would be by around six to pick me up for our first 'official date'.
I think I'm going to go hide in the science building or something. No one will ever find me there.
God, someone else is at the door. If it's Braginski again I'm going to kill him.
-
A note Alfred found tapped to his door:
Roses are Red, Violet's are Blue.
Stay away from Ivan or I will kill you.
Author: ai_08
Warnings: Slash, college AU
Pairings: Russia/America, minor France/Canada and a few others
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. You'll see; just read his diary.
Chapter Five
February 3nd
God, Arthur is going to notice if Francis makes a habit of visiting Matthew. But what am I supposed to do? Tell them sorry, Francis isn't allowed over here because it would kill my best friend to see them together? And what about Mattie? If he ever finds out that Arthur likes Francis, knowing him, he's going to feel all guilty about it like a girl or something.
I don't want either one of them to get hurt over this, but I can't see it ending well at all. What if Arthur tries to confess or something? Or if Matt decides to tell him? Or, worse yet, if Arthur walks in on them? OMG the mental image.
This fucking sucks; I'm not supposed to have to worry about shit like this. I feel like I'm stuck in some preteen soap opera. And none of it's even my drama.
Later
Oh wait. I forgot. I totally fit into this soap opera. I'm the one with the freak stalker who's probably going to try to lure me into a false sense of security and then kill me or something.
Later
So I've decided that I'm going to try to keep the shit from hitting the fan for as long as possible. Which means that I'm going to have to keep Arthur away from Matthew and Francis. It shouldn't be too hard keeping him away from Francis, since he's hell bent on pretending that everything is normal and that I don't know a damn thing about it, which is way more than ok with me, but it's a little tougher to keep him away from Mattie since we sort of all live in the same dorm...
February 4th
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Matt said he rented some movies and wants to know if Arthur and I wanted to watch them with him. Fuuuuuck.
Later
Ok. I got out of it by using my amazing verbal skills.
"Is uh… um, is Francis coming over, too?" I asked.
Mattie got all exasperated when I asked him that. "It's not like we're going to be all over each other!" he said. (Which is a complete lie. Did he forget who he was dating?)
Anyways, then I had to make up some lame excuse about having a club meeting tonight, and how Arthur had to come too, which is also a complete lie.
Later
Note to self: Remember to tell Arthur that we are now members of the… (kill me) Literary Club, and we have a meeting tonight at 8 o'clock.
Later
That was close. Arthur almost didn't buy my lame-ass awesome excuse.
"I'm already a member of the Literary Club," he said, aggravated that I'd interrupted his alone time with his two best friends: Jane Austen and Earl Grey. (Ok so he was reading the paper but you know he's got to love all that stupid romance novel crap, too.) But yeah. I seriously wanted to kick myself. If I had known that he was busy tonight anyways, then I wouldn't have had to bother with all this.
"Ok," I said. "Well, now I'm a member too, and I'm coming with you!"
Except I really don't want to go. I don't read. Who the fuck reads? But it would look suspicious if I suddenly changed my mind.
Arthur was suspicious anyways. He narrowed his eyes and gave me The Look. (Copyright pending.)
"Why the sudden interest?" he asked.
Well I wasn't about to tell him that it was only because I didn't want him to witness Francis and Matthew's epic hand holding and footsie fest.
So I told him that I just wanted to "broaden my horizons" and "become more worldly."
And do you know what he did? He laughed at me and patted my head, like he thought I was being cute or something. Well I'll show him. Alfred F. Jones knows a challenge when he sees one.
Screw class. I'm going to the library.
Later
The books were way too long, so I just went to Spark Notes and read the summary for some book called Brave New World which was weird as fuck. Who comes up with that shit?
Later
I googled the author and -surprise, surprise- he was British.
That actually explains a lot.
Later
I am going to kill Arthur. He knew Braginski was part of the Literary Club and he didn't tell me. That fucker. If I was less awesome, I would totally retract my offer to go watch that piano recital with him. But since I'm such an amazing person (and I still feel really guilty about keeping the whole Francis thing from him) I guess I'm still going.
But still.
That was not cool, man. Not cool at all.
Oooh, Family Guy's on. More later.
February 5th
So. About last night: I am never going back to that stupid club. On top of Braginski being there, apparently they're all in the middle of reading some book called Anna Karenina. Which sucks for three reasons:
1. It's Russian.
2. I don't like Russians because they're creepy and they stalk me.
3. Arthur failed to tell me they were reading said stupid creepy stalker Russian novel so I looked like an idiot for not knowing what was going on. Arthur said that he didn't think it would matter since, to quote him, "you never know what's going on, anyways."
What is that supposed to mean? I am so putting coffee in his tea bags.
And of course Braginski was all sorts of happy to see that I was there, and he kept asking me questions about the book, even though it was obvious that I hadn't read it. I think that he and Arthur are secretly plotting against me.
Later
…Trying to put coffee in tea bags doesn't work…
Later
…Arthur just came by and thanked me for not telling anyone about his feelings for Francis. He even got me a Big Mac.
"Arthur, you don't have to worry about it," I said. "I'm your best friend; I'm not going to tell anyone."
"Well," he said, "Still. Thanks. I just want to put all of this behind me."
I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Later
So after trig I thought that Braginski was taking his stalking to a whole new level, cause he followed me from the math building all the way to the campus post office, but it turns out he was just checking his mail like I was. (Thank god.)
It was really weird, though. He had a letter in his hand, obviously to mail. But when he checked his PO box and read what had been sent to him… For a split second his face went from its normal, eerily happy expression to something… almost hateful. And then he didn't even mail the letter he had brought with him; instead he threw them both away. I wonder what made him do that.
Ugh, speak of the devil. My 'escort' is here. Must be time for practice.
Later
I couldn't help it; curiosity got the better of me. I mean, who wouldn't want to know what was in the letters? Plus, he was extra focused at practice tonight. Not that I was paying attention to him or anything. It was just painfully obvious that he was trying to keep his mind off of something was all.
So after practice I went back to the post office and (after making sure no one was around) I fished them out of the trashcan. I know that's probably a little weird, but whatever.
The first letter, the one that had been sent to him, was post marked from Russia; It must be from a family member or something. When I opened it up, of course it was all in that weird language so there was no way I could tell what it said. But it seemed pretty short; it was only two or three sentences long. I know if my mom or dad wrote me a letter it would at least be a page… I wonder why it was so short? And it must say something bad, for him to have reacted that way. I wish I knew what it said. Stupid Russians and their stupid non-English speaking ways.
Anyways, the letter he was going to mail was addressed to the same place. I opened it, and it was much longer. It was to some… моя самая дорогая сестра. (God that took forever to copy.) At least that's what the first line said. Seems kind of long for a name, but who knows. The letter itself was about two pages long. Most of it was in Russian, but the last paragraph was in English… and it mentioned me.
-
Ivan's letter:
"I am very pleased to see that you have taken an interest in learning English as well; it is a surprisingly useful tool and a simple language to master. I am sure that you will have little difficulty in your studies. As requested, here is a short message in English for you. I am not sure what else there is to say though.
School is going very well. My senior thesis recital is next month. We will be performing Vesna svyashchennaya. It is coming together quite nicely. I wish that you could see it, but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. As I have already said, I am enjoying my stay in the States. Basketball is going very well this year and I have made many new friends. There is one in particular that I wish you could meet. His name is Alfred. He is not very bright, but he is a very charismatic and interesting individual. He does not care much for the opinions of others, a trait I greatly admire but all too often find lacking in others."
-
He wrote more after that, but it was in Russian so who knows what else he had to say.
But seriously, if he has other friends, then why does he have to follow me around?
Later
Wait, did he call me stupid?
Asshole.
Later
I had dinner with Kiku and some of his baseball buddies tonight. Braginski walked in a little while after I did. I tried not to make eye contact cause I didn't want him to sit with us but I don't think he noticed me anyways. He just went to the basketball table but there wasn't an open seat, and no one bothered to make room for him, so he just sat by himself.
Well, that's what he gets for being such a freak.
Later
When I walked into my dorm tonight, Matt and Francis were pretty much going at it like rabbits. On the couch. In the common area of our dorm.
Which means that Arthur could have seen them.
Forget the fact that I have now seen more of my brother than I have ever wanted to see, Arthur could have seen that. Arthur could have walked in on them playing semi-naked tonsil hockey.
And Arthur is not supposed to even know that they are dating! And Matt agreed to keep it on the DL! Is he trying to get me killed?
So I promptly yanked him off of the couch and drug him into his room. (So I could lock the door. Still haven't gotten my door knob fixed.)
"What are you thinking?" I hissed.
Matt at least had the decency to look extremely embarrassed. "We, I, uh," he stuttered. "We were just doing homework, and then, er…"
I grabbed his arms and started shaking him back and forth pretty vigorously. "Mattie. You cannot 'do your homework' with Francis in our dorm. Arthur will see."
Matt rolled his eyes. "So what?" he asked. "Why should I have to keep this secret from him? He's my friend, and anyways, he's a big kid. I know he dislikes-"
"Hates," I corrected.
"Hates him, but, but he's just going to have to deal with it. I love Francis!"
Yeah, well, so does Arthur. That's precisely the problem.
I sighed. "Mattie," I said, drawing his name out, trying to choose my words carefully. "I don't know how to say this. You just, you can't tell Arthur about you two being together."
"Why not?" he demanded to know.
"Because he's in love with him too and it would kill him!" is what I wanted to say, but I couldn't, cause that would cause a big mess, too. So ok yeah, upon reflection it wasn't the wisest choice, but at the time I thought it was a pretty good excuse. So I said "because he's a homophobe."
And god, the look on Mattie's face when that came outta my mouth...
February 6th
I know those words are going to come back to haunt me. Matt is being distant again, like he was when I didn't know about him having a boyfriend. And his teddy bear is missing, so he probably spent the night at Francis's.
I have got to do something before anything else goes wrong.
Later
Dude. Gilbert is back in town and he's throwing an early birthday party for Antonio or something like that so fuck everything else. I am getting fucking wasted tomorrow. Gilbert's one of Francis's best friends, but Arthur never goes to parties so it's not like I have anything to worry about.
Later
So.
I'm blaming it on a lapse of sanity, but I just invited Braginski to go to Gilbert's party. Maybe if he socializes he'll actually make some friends and stop stalking me.
Plus, my karma could really use some good deeds. And that counts as a good deed, right?
February 7th
Ok maybe that wasn't such a great idea. Maybe I should have just walked an old lady across the street or helped a cat out of a tree or found a cure for cancer or something if I really thought I needed to do a good deed, because now Braginski really won't leave me alone. He keeps going on about how happy he is that we will be "hanging out for a second time," and how pleased he is that I was the one to ask.
Fuck.
Why don't any of my awesome plans go the way they're supposed to?
February 8th
I missed English this morning but damn it was so worth it. Who knew Braginski was so good at beer pong? We fucking killed everyone who thought they were good enough to challenge us. And I don't even think he got drunk. That guy is a beast. And he sort of made other friends last night, too. At least he hit it off pretty well with this one Chinese kid that was there. (Wang? Yang? I don't remember, I've only had one class with him.) So, if I can get him to stop stalking me, there might be hope for him yet.
And get this, that security guard that's dating Feliciano? He's totally Gilbert's little brother. Talk about a small world. Oh, and I remembered his name, it's Ludwig. Anyways, apparently Antonio and Lovino made up. Either that or Lovino was really drunk, cause I'm pretty sure Antonio got lucky last night.
Is it just me or is everyone on the soccer team gay?
Gotta get ready for that stupid piano recital now. Arthur told me I had to "dress nicely" as if I don't already or something. Personally I have no idea why he'd think that. I make lounge pants look damn good.
February 9th
I don't know what the fuck Arthur's problem is, but when I went to that stupid piano recital Kiku was sitting on one side of him, and some brown haired chick that I don't even know was sitting on the other and when I asked him why he hadn't saved a seat for me he wouldn't talk to me.
"Tell Alfred that I don't even want to look at him right now," he said to Kiku, who just looked at me and mouthed, 'He's really mad right now.'
Well no shit.
But what the fuck did I do?
-
Translation: моя самая дорогая сестра- My Dear Sister. (Please let me know if this is wrong, thanks!)
-
Chapter Six
February 10th
Arthur is such an asshole and I don't care if I never speak to him again. He can fly back to England for all I care. And I hope the plane crashes and he drowns in the Pacific or Atlantic or whichever stupid ocean is between America and his stupid island of a country because he is a class A PRICK and I officially don't give a fuck what he does anymore.
I didn't stick around to watch that stupid piano recital. I mean, I didn't stay in the theater, anyways. I guess I should've, cause I kind of met the pianist at Gilbert's party. (His name was Robert? Roger? Something.) But I honestly hate classical music. It's boring and stuffy and way too complicated. Probably why Arthur likes it. Anyways, I waited for him in the lobby. I figured maybe he was mad about something stupid, like maybe there had been some sort of misunderstanding. We have those a lot, cause sometimes he doesn't understand how amazing I am, and sometimes I don't always get his weird little British ways. I figured that the recital would calm him down (cause I heard somewhere that it's good for soothing babies and Arthur is pretty much a big baby) and then maybe we could talk about it afterwards.
So, as everyone was leaving the theater, I tried to pull Arthur aside. "What's got you all pissy?" I asked, joking, trying to make him crack a reluctant smile.
He just brushed me off. "I meant what I said, Alfred," he said callously. "Leave me alone."
I frowned. "At least tell me why you're mad!" I said.
He turned and looked at me, eyes cold. "As if you don't already know."
…Well, no I have no fucking idea! That's why I asked, you ass hat. But whatever.
So Arthur didn't tell me what was wrong. But see if I care. I don't care. If he wants to be a douche bag that's fine by me. I'll go find a new best friend.
Later
List of Possible New Best Friends:
1. Kiku? Nah, he's already got a best friend, that Heracles guy.
2. Matthew? No, that's lame. We're related.
3. Bragi-NO. No. Just no. Never.
4. …um…
…This is harder than I thought.
Later
I'm bored. This blows. He won't answer his door, or my calls, or my texts. And I left him a message on the dry erase board his has on his door, and he wrote back: Fuck you, Jones with a big horribly drawn middle finger next to it. And what I think was supposed to be his face. It looked something like this:
I just… What the hell? One minute everything's fine, and the next he hates me. If he won't tell me what's going on, then I'm just gonna ask Kiku.
Later
Dude. Kiku got Mass Driver. It was pretty sweet. Got to plow through buildings and cars and live stock and stuff at like, 1,000 miles per hour.
…Shit I forgot to ask about Arthur and I'm pretty sure he's hanging out with Heracles now. I'll just text him.
-
hey, forgot 2 ask, wats up w/ arthur?
?
dude kiku he's still pissed at me man. whyyyyyy? D:
idk. he didn't say…
well wat am i supposed 2 do?
…ask him? ._.
he won't talk to me D:
i'm sorry TT_TT
-
February 10th
Ok so Kiku wasn't very helpful. Maybe Mattie will know.
February 11th
Fucking Matthew. I told him to keep his mouth shut. How was I supposed to know that he'd go back on his word and tell Arthur? I can't believe him. If you can't trust your own flesh and blood then who can you trust? God. Arthur's probably never going to speak to me again and it's all Matt's fault.
Yesterday I went by Francis's dorm, cause Matt wasn't in his room. Matt answered the door, and it was totally obvious that he knew why I was there, and it was even more obvious that he didn't want to talk about it, cause he kept asking me about basketball and school and shit. Finally, I just had to corner him.
"Matthew," I cut him off mid-sentence. "Do you know why Arthur is mad at me?"
He seemed shocked when I said that, as if that hadn't been what he'd been expecting me to say. "Why is he mad at you?" he asked. "I mean, I know he's mad at me, but…"
And that was when I knew the shit had hit the fan.
"What did you do?" I demanded.
Matt got all flustered and tried to hide himself behind the blanket in his lap.
"Before you get mad, I never broke my promise!" he said. "I never told him anything. It's just that… Arthur has been acting really distant lately, and then you told me about the whole homophobe thing, and I hated thinking that he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore if he knew, so all I did was invite him to a party because I like being friends with him and-"
"What party?" I asked.
"G-Gilbert's, you know-"
"You went?"
"Yeah, we're friends! You were in the kitchen the whole time, playing beer pong, so you probably didn't see us…"
Well that was fucking super and all, but it still didn't explain why Arthur was mad at me.
"So what happened?" I was really starting to get impatient by that point, but he just kept fiddling with the stupid fringe on his stupid maple leaf blanket.
"Well?" I asked again.
"Arthur saw Francis kiss me and I just sort of told him everythng and now he won't speak to me," he blurted out so fast I almost missed it.
Actually, I almost wish I hadn't caught what he'd said. I can't believe that he did that to me. Matt knew he couldn't let Arthur see them together. So maybe it was for the wrong reason, but still! The point is, he knew it would make Arthur upset. So what if I told a little white lie? The end result was the same, wasn't it?
So then me and Matthew started arguing, which made Francis come out of his room to see what was going on, so then me and Francis started arguing and he made me leave. I really wanted to hit him again, cause when you get down to it it's really all his fault in the first place. But Coach said if I got into another fight they'd probably put me on probation and I want to see the season through more than I want to bash Francis's face in. But just barely.
Anyways, thanks to stupid Francis's stupid existence and my stupid brother's stupid need to make Arthur hang out with him, Arthur now knows about Matt and Francis, Matt now thinks Arthur hates him for being gay, and Arthur now hates me because he thinks I was keeping a secret from him.
Which, I mean, I was, but not because I was trying to be mean or anything. I was just trying to keep him from getting hurt but no one seems to see where I was coming from and now everyone is mad at me and all I was trying to do was help. Why does no one appreciate this?
Later
Braginski just texted me asking if I was going to go to the Literary Club meeting tonight. I told him to fuck off because I have better things to do.
Later
I don't feel guilty at all for being mean to him.
Later
I really don't.
February 12th
As usual, Braginski is more than happy to see me. I guess he didn't get mad at me from last night's text message. God, if only he'd be mad at me. Then maybe he'd leave me the fuck alone.
Taking him to that party did nothing; he still follows me around. Today he came by a half an hour earlier to pick me up for morning practice. I wasn't even out of bed yet and he just came into my room, turned the lights on, and pulled me of the bed.
First of all, thank god I don't sleep naked. Second of all, how the fuck did he get into my dorm?
"You and Arthur are fighting, da?" Maybe it was just me, but he sounded pretty cheerful about it, if that stupid smile that never left his face was any indication.
"How did you know?" I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and trying to find a pair of socks.
"The sign on his door is a warning for you to stay away from him," he explained cheerfully. "Beneath it there is a rather crudely drawn example of what he will do to you if you don't."
"It's not a big deal," I said as I grabbed my shoes. "Come on, big guy. Let's go."
"I will be your new best friend, since Arthur now hates you," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Er, that's really not necessary," I said.
He laughed. "Silly Alfred, I was not asking!"
I. Hate. My. Life.
Later
No really. I do.
And Tuesday's and Thursday's are the worst, because I've got practice (with Braginski) and Trig (also with Braginski). And he usually follows me around for the entire day and generally makes a nuisance of himself. Plus it's difficult to do fun things like play video games or chat up the ladies when you've got this six foot something scary beast trailing behind you.
But I guess sometimes he comes in handy, because when we were leaving the DH we ran into Arthur. (Yeah I ate lunch with Braginski but he didn't talk too much so it wasn't so bad.) Anyways, Arthur was with a bunch of his nerdy English major friends. When he saw me he wrinkled his nose and pointedly looked the other way. I did the same and grabbed Braginski by the arm, dragging him as fast as I could.
"Come on, Ivan," I said loudly, hoping he'd over hear. "We've got better things to do then hang out with stupid British people."
Arthur scoffed. "What, found a new sidekick?" he asked.
I turned around and smirked. "Yeah," I said. "It was pretty easy, too."
He rolled his eyes and kept walking. Didn't have anything to say to that.
Later
Braginski won't shut up about how I used his first name instead of his last. God, with the way he's been going on about it, you'd think I'd just given him a million dollars or proposed to him or something. He doesn't seem to get that it was just because of Arthur. And I haven't said it since, but that doesn't seem to faze him.
Freak.
In other news, Francis is still mad at me for fighting with Matthew (who I refuse to speak to) which sucks because I need help with French.
Later
God, there is absolutely no one to hang out with. Everyone is over at Antonio's, including Arthur, which makes no sense because he's about as social as… as really, really, stupid, unsocial things. Yeah.
And Kiku is out doing stupid stuff with his stupid baseball buddies, leaving me- popular, amazing, totally awesome me- all alone and bored as fuck.
This should be illegal.
February 13th
Home game tonight. Time to kick some ass!
Later
…Arthur didn't come watch like he usually does. Guess it's a good thing, seeing as we lost.
February 14th
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!
Nothing's gonna get me down today; I freakin' love this holiday- I always get a shit load of candy and stuff!
Later
Ok. This is weird. Usually by noon I have at least ten or twenty gifts from a ton of girls, but I haven't gotten anything yet, which is strange because pretty much everyone is in love with me. Oh wait, someone's at the door. I bet it's a gift for me!
Later
What. The. Fuck.
It was Braginski.
…With a valentine for me.
As in, he knocked on my door and held out a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. And gave them to me.
"I have decided that I no longer wish to be your best friend," he said. "From now on we will be lovers."
I just stared at him, completely… I don't even know. So I just stared at him.
Er, it was a nice thought and all. (I guess.) Except, you know, for the little fact that I'M NOT GAY and HE'S A FREAK. So I tried to tell him as nicely as possible that I was flattered (not) but that I would have to say no. (More like HELL NO.) But, of course, he just kept smiling and said that he would be by around six to pick me up for our first 'official date'.
I think I'm going to go hide in the science building or something. No one will ever find me there.
God, someone else is at the door. If it's Braginski again I'm going to kill him.
-
A note Alfred found tapped to his door:
Roses are Red, Violet's are Blue.
Stay away from Ivan or I will kill you.