Dear Diary 1-2/17
This was originally posted on fanfiction.net but the format works much better for this site, so I'm posting it here as well. Now with less mistakes and more strikeouts. :)
Title: Dear Diary
Author: ai_08
Warnings: Slash, college AU
Pairings: Russia/America, minor France/Canada and a few others
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. You'll see; just read his diary.
Chapter One
January 9th
Matt is way late coming back. He went to the library like, two hours ago. How long does it take to write a paper? I think he's hiding something. Like a girlfriend. Which is so not fair. How does my introverted nerdy brother get a girlfriend before me? Arthur says it's because he's manlier and doesn't keep a diary. I told him to shut his face or I'd tell Francis he was the one who told everyone he has chlamydia.
Even though it was sort of a service to the public. Not sure if he really has it or not though.
Anyways, Arthur didn't seem all that phased so I just called him a douche bag.
Later
I was right. He does have a girlfriend.
He also has a hickey half the size of Texas on his neck. Which is cool and all, but when I asked him about it he got all flustered and hid in his room. The fuck? I'll have to demand answers later but it's burger night in the DH and I don't wanna have to wait in line.
Later
Matt didn't come down for dinner and neither did Arthur assholes so I ate with my team. Which is cool, but Braginski sat next to me and that kid gives me the heebie-jeebies, always smiling and saying creepy stuff. And I swear to god I saw him pour some vodka in his powerade. If he wasn't such a good basketball player and so fucking creepy I'd give him what for.
Ah, dammit. Morning practice tomorrow. Guess that's an ixnay on the Halo all-nighter. I'll just have to kick Kiku's ass later.
January 10th
I take it back. I am going to kill Braginski. Fucker hit me in the face with the ball during practice and broke it. My nose, I mean. Can't play for the next two weeks and coach is pissed at me and not him? He didn't even apologize. Actually, he didn't even seem to notice that I'd been hurt. Even though my blood was all over the court. I'm gonna have Arthur hex him, and then I'm gonna bust his kneecaps with my awesome. I can't play and I sound like I've got a fucking speech impediment.
This means war.
Later
Arthur said he wouldn't hex him unless I gave him twenty bucks. I told him as my best friend he should feel obligated to defend my honor. He said that he'd be more than happy to defend my honor if I helped pay for gas. Ha. As if.
Later
I think I failed my Economics test. Gonna have to see if Mattie will help me with extra credit. And by help I mean do.
A minute later
I just knocked on Matthew's door and got no answer so I texted him. And do you know what he said? He told me he was busy and to not wait up for him. This is beyond fishy. More later, I think Antonio got pizza.
Later
I swear to god, the soccer team is full of freaks. Antonio is madly in love with his psycho roomie/team mate, Lovino, and I just know his brother Feliciano is having an affair with the new security guard. Which is, you know, really weird, but he always turns a blind eye when we play beer pong, so I guess it doesn't matter.
Matt still isn't back and it's like, 1 AM. He is in so much trouble.
January 11th
WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously. What. The. Fuck. That was so weird I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
So me and Arthur went to English first thing this morning, like we always do, and then we went to the DH to grab some breakfast. Well there we were, just minding our own business and eating our stale cereal and rubber eggs, when Braginski comes up to us and asks us if he can eat with us. Arthur looked at me and shook his head no, and I looked at Braginski and shook my head no, and you know what the fucker did? He sat down with us anyways! "Nice weather, da?" he asked, being all stupid with his stupid accent and his stupid small talk and I really wanted to punch him in the face and see how he liked it, but picking a fight in the caf wouldn't have been the best idea so I didn't say anything, praying that if I pretended he wasn't there then he'd just go away.
Instead, he just kept on talkin. "It has come to my attention that you feel that your broken nose is somehow my fault," he said. "Somehow your fault?" I asked. "You aimed for my face!" "You had a clear shot to the basket. If you had been paying attention you could have easily caught it." That's what he said to me. He actually had the nerve to come sit down with me and Artie and tell me it was my own damn fault that I got hurt. And then insult me on top of it all. Well, I didn't have to take that. So I grabbed Arthur and walked out like a pimp. Yeah.
Later
I'm starving. I should have taken my breakfast with me. Arthur offered me some of his homemade death biscuits, but I'd rather be hungry than die. I've got to sneak out in a minute. Francis said he'd help me study for my French quiz, but Arthur said I'm not allowed to "fraternize" with the enemy so to keep the peace I'm just gonna keep it on the DL. Even though telling someone that they have big eyebrows really doesn't seem grounds to make an enemy out of them, but whatever.
Later
Weirdest thing. When I went to Francis's room Matt was there. I didn't even know Matt had friends. Huh.
January 12th
Aced my French quiz. Still in a shit mood though. Game tonight. And of course Braginski's playing. I don't wanna talk about it.
Later
We won. 95-70. I still don't want to talk about it.
Later
Why does Braginski know where I live? How does Braginski know where I live? And more importantly, why is he sitting in our dorm? If Arthur thinks I'm coming out of my room he's crazy. I am not talking to that Russian freak until I figure out how to get back at him for hurting my beautiful face and fucking with my season.
Later
Abjbsac fdefcv wtf. I can't even… What? Just… what?
Later
No seriously. Did that just happen? I asked Arthur. He said it did. I can't… I can't deal with this right now.
January 13th
So. Last night. Last night was weird as fuck. I refused to come out of my room, but Braginski refused to leave until I did. So after about a half an hour I finally gave in and went to see what he wanted. And do you know what he did? He was sitting there, all comfortable on our couch, flipping through the TV stations like he owned the place. "Good game tonight, da?" he asked. "I wouldn't know," I said, glaring at him from my doorway. There was no way in hell I was going to come any closer. "I played very well tonight," he continued. (Conceited much?) "If you say so," I said.
And that's when he said it. He turned and looked at me, that creepy smile on his face, and said it: "We are going to the movies tomorrow night."
What the fuck. Like hell we are. I'm switching his vodka with some cyanide.
Later
Arthur said it's impossible to get ahold of cyanide, so I'm just going to have to settle for telling him no.
Later
I told Matt what happened with Braginski. He actually asked me if I was going to go out with him. I asked him if he was crazy. He wanted to know if it was because Braginski was a guy. I said no, it was because he was a creepy vodka-loving, face-breaking weirdo AND a guy. For some reason that made Matt really sad. So then I asked him how he and his secret girlfriend were doing and he just mumbled something about a hockey game being on TV and then he left.
Except there is no hockey game on right now. I checked.
Later
So I found this really weird list in Arthur's English notebook. It's called "Reason's why Francis is a fairy." I mean, I know Arthur believes in weird shit like that, but he's not allowed to make fun of me for believing in UFOs anymore. And besides, who wastes their time writing lists and shit like that? God, next thing you know he'll be doing needlework or something.
Later
I just exploded so many zombie chickens and it was the best experience of my life. I love Saturdays.
Later
Braginski is standing outside my door. Eefing Kiku let him him. He keeps saying it's time for our date. I fucking hate Saturdays.
Chapter Two
January 13th
Today sucked so bad I don't even want to think about it. And tomorrow we have doubles and I'm still expected to go to practice, even though all I can do is sit on the fucking bleachers. I'm gonna go blow up some zombies now and not think about how completely not-awesome today was.
January 14th
Coach made me do suicides. I could have tripped and done even more damage to my beautiful face, but he didn't care so long as I "didn't get fat." So now my everything hurts.
Oh yeah, about yesterday.
Braginski broke my door knob. I'm not even shitting you. I was just lounging around my room in my sweats, because, you know, I was not about to go out to see a fucking movie with that creep. But he knocked on my door and I told him to go away. He knocked again and I told him to go away again. Then he knocked a third time and I told him to go fuck himself and that he was going to have to break my door down if he wanted me to come out of my room.
Well he took me literally so now I have to go to Rez Life and explain to them why my door knob was snapped clear off. Anyways, I'm not gonna lie. When he did that, I sort of lost the urge to fight him and just went along with it. I was not about to say no to someone with the strength of freakin Chuck Norris. I mean, it's not like I couldn't totally kick his ass, but how the hell would I explain a busted door and wall to my RA? Gotta pick and choose your battles, ya know? Plus he'd gotten tickets to go see Sherlock Holmes and I hear it's a pretty kick ass movie. Not to mention Rachel MacAdams is in it. And she is fine.
The movie itself was great. A lot of fighting and dead bodies and stuff. And Braginski paid for everything so I got a free drink, popcorn, and candy. All in all it was an OK night, until he decided to try to talk to me afterwards. "So you had a good time, da?" he asked as we walked back to campus. (Arthur refused to lend me his car, the prick, and I refused to get in Braginski's car cause he'd probably drive out to the woods and chop me up with an axe or something.) "The movie was good," I'd said. "But we will not be making a habit of this."
But as usual he completely ignored what I'd said and kept talking and said something weird and way too wordy like: "I am glad that my attempt to make you feel better about your broken nose and your complete lack of motor skills was a success. I too enjoyed our date."
He called it a date. And he insulted me. Again. …And did I mention he called it a date? IT WAS NOT A FUCKING DATE. Christ on a cracker I can't even write about it without getting mad. I fucking hate him and as soon as my nose is healed I am going to break off both of his arms and force feed them to him.
It was not a date.
Later
Arthur says that if someone invites someone else out and they pay for everything then it's a date so I'm not speaking to him for the rest of the day.
Later
Arthur just bought me a Hardee's Thick Burger. I completely retract my previous statement.
Later
FUCK. The extra credit for Economics is due tomorrow and I totally forgot to tell Mattie who, as usual, is MIA and also ignoring my calls and that's really starting to get on my nerves. He's been hanging out with Francis, though. Maybe he'll tell me what's going on.
January 15th
Worst hangover ever. Missed Economics. Gonna throw up.
Later
There was a hockey game last night. A bunch of people were over at Francis's watching it, including Matthew. I was gonna ask him for help with my extra credit, but I got distracted by the food and beer. And then Lovino challenged me to a drinking game. I'm pretty sure he won, and I'm pretty sure I puked on Arthur when he came to get me. lol.
Later
I bought Arthur some tea as a peace offering, but he said I bought the kind you use to make iced tea, not hot tea. I didn't even know there was a difference.
January 16th
Today was the last day to drop or add a class. Guess who is now in my trig class? Fucking Braginski, who is apparently stalking me.
-
Alfred F. Jone's Trignometry Notebook:
A 5 m long ladder leans against a vertical wall making an angle of 65˚ with the ground. If said ladder slips, at what velocity must it be falling in order to hit Braginski in the head, killing him on the spot?
This equation is algebraically unsound, Alfred. You are missing vital information. In order to solve for velocity you must also know how far from my head it is, and also how long it took to fall. Any idiot would know that. But it is very sweet of you to be thinking of me. :)
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NOTEBOOK?
You left it in the math building and I returned it to you. You are very welcome.
DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF. AGAIN.
-
January 16th
The weirdest thing happened tonight. After practice I was going to call Mattie to see if he wanted to get dinner with me, but he wound up calling me first. I said hello, but he didn't say anything. I stayed on the line for a few moments, thinking maybe the connection was just weird, but he still didn't say anything. Then I started hearing really weird noises and a very distinctive… I'm not even gonna go there. I think my brother butt dialed me. And I think he was having sex when it happened. Excuse me while I go try to wash my brain off.
Later
Kiku and I went to WalMart around ten. We had to buy some toilet paper, and for some weird reason he bought cat food as well. I asked him if he was feeding the stays around campus and he just smiled, saying that it was his turn to buy food for his and Heracles's friends. Those two are going to grow up to be those freaky old cat ladys when they're older, I swear.
Anyways, I saw Braginski there, too. Thank god he didn't notice me. He was in the flower aisle, just staring at the sunflowers. Who goes to WalMart at night by themselves just to stare at flowers? What. A. Freak.
January 17th
Arthur was in a really pissy mood after English class today cause he got a B on his paper, which is "unsatisfactory!" to him. Hell, I'd kill for a B. I don't know what the big deal is. But when we went to the DH to get breakfast, Braginski was already sitting at our table, which pissed Arthur off even more. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Arthur demanded. Braginski just smiled and pulled out the two chairs on either side of him. "I am eating breakfast with friends, da?"
"Nobody asked you to sit with us," Arthur said, sounding all mean and scathing. And that is why he is my best friend in the whole wide world.
Later
Francis said he was going out tonight, so I asked Matthew if he'd help me with French but he said that he was going out, too. I asked if he had a hot date with the girlfriend he refuses to introduce me to, and he told me to mind my own business. So of course I'm going to follow him.
Later
My conversation with Arthur went something like this:
"Wanna pretend to be spies?"
"Not right now, Alfred. I have to finish this book before class tomorrow."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"God dammit Alfred I said no!"
"…Please?"
"Argh, fine, if it'll get you to shut the feck up!"
So now we're just waiting for Matt to leave and the suspense is freaking killing me. I tried to get Arthur to wear a matching black suit with me, like a real secret agent, but he refused. Wouldn't let me give us code names either. He's such a stick in the mud.
Oooh, Matt just left. It's go time!
Later
When Matt left Arthur and I made a mad dash for his car. We parked near the door to the dormitory so we could watch for Matt to leave the building. And guess who he was with? Freaking Francis. Am I ever going to see who Matt's dating?
Arthur didn't want to "stare at Francis's ugly mug any longer than he already had to," and I could care less what Matt did with his friends, so we called it quits. That was a complete disappointment.
January 18th
Braginski sat next to me in trig today. And when we were turning our homework in he looked at mine and proceeded to tell me that I had made several stupid and careless mistakes and that from now on he would tutor me. I told him thanks but no thanks, asshole. He told me that he would not take no for an answer and that he would come by my room after practice to help me. I told him that I had better things to do on a Friday night than study.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Get drunk," I said with a shrug.
Then he gave me that creepy smile again and said, "You and I have much in common. We will study, and as a reward I will let you get drunk, da?"
Does everything I say to this freak just go in one ear and out the other?
-
Alfred F. Jone's Voicemail:
"Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya."
"Alfred, you must have forgotten that we agreed to study trigonometry tonight, da? Hurry back. Your roommate Kiku said that it was alright for me to wait in your dorm for you. Since you still have not gotten your door fixed, I let myself into your room."
"Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya."
"You are very late, but that is alright, I am patient. I could not help but notice the photographs on your desk. You were very cute as a child, how did you turn out to be so stupid and forgetful?"
"Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya. Unless your name is Braginski, in which case I hope you die in a couch fire. Get the fuck out of my room and stop calling me, you freak."
"Kiku said that you would probably be a while, but I don't mind waiting. I will see you when you return, друг."
-
January 19th
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
Later
Ifdevgfrefcc dsada asefrg wtf.
Later
I have to kill myself. It's the only way. I can't even- I don't even- OHMYGOD.
-
A note Alfred found taped to his headboard when he woke up:
Dear Alfred,
Though you returned home far too late to study, I still enjoyed our evening together. I will come walk with you to practice this afternoon.
Your Friend, Ivan
January 19th
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
---
Translations: Друг- Friend
Thanks for reading! If you find any errors, let me know!-
Title: Dear Diary
Author: ai_08
Warnings: Slash, college AU
Pairings: Russia/America, minor France/Canada and a few others
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. You'll see; just read his diary.
Chapter One
January 9th
Matt is way late coming back. He went to the library like, two hours ago. How long does it take to write a paper? I think he's hiding something. Like a girlfriend. Which is so not fair. How does my introverted nerdy brother get a girlfriend before me? Arthur says it's because he's manlier and doesn't keep a diary. I told him to shut his face or I'd tell Francis he was the one who told everyone he has chlamydia.
Even though it was sort of a service to the public. Not sure if he really has it or not though.
Anyways, Arthur didn't seem all that phased so I just called him a douche bag.
Later
I was right. He does have a girlfriend.
He also has a hickey half the size of Texas on his neck. Which is cool and all, but when I asked him about it he got all flustered and hid in his room. The fuck? I'll have to demand answers later but it's burger night in the DH and I don't wanna have to wait in line.
Later
Matt didn't come down for dinner and neither did Arthur assholes so I ate with my team. Which is cool, but Braginski sat next to me and that kid gives me the heebie-jeebies, always smiling and saying creepy stuff. And I swear to god I saw him pour some vodka in his powerade. If he wasn't such a good basketball player and so fucking creepy I'd give him what for.
Ah, dammit. Morning practice tomorrow. Guess that's an ixnay on the Halo all-nighter. I'll just have to kick Kiku's ass later.
January 10th
I take it back. I am going to kill Braginski. Fucker hit me in the face with the ball during practice and broke it. My nose, I mean. Can't play for the next two weeks and coach is pissed at me and not him? He didn't even apologize. Actually, he didn't even seem to notice that I'd been hurt. Even though my blood was all over the court. I'm gonna have Arthur hex him, and then I'm gonna bust his kneecaps with my awesome. I can't play and I sound like I've got a fucking speech impediment.
This means war.
Later
Arthur said he wouldn't hex him unless I gave him twenty bucks. I told him as my best friend he should feel obligated to defend my honor. He said that he'd be more than happy to defend my honor if I helped pay for gas. Ha. As if.
Later
I think I failed my Economics test. Gonna have to see if Mattie will help me with extra credit. And by help I mean do.
A minute later
I just knocked on Matthew's door and got no answer so I texted him. And do you know what he said? He told me he was busy and to not wait up for him. This is beyond fishy. More later, I think Antonio got pizza.
Later
I swear to god, the soccer team is full of freaks. Antonio is madly in love with his psycho roomie/team mate, Lovino, and I just know his brother Feliciano is having an affair with the new security guard. Which is, you know, really weird, but he always turns a blind eye when we play beer pong, so I guess it doesn't matter.
Matt still isn't back and it's like, 1 AM. He is in so much trouble.
January 11th
WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously. What. The. Fuck. That was so weird I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
So me and Arthur went to English first thing this morning, like we always do, and then we went to the DH to grab some breakfast. Well there we were, just minding our own business and eating our stale cereal and rubber eggs, when Braginski comes up to us and asks us if he can eat with us. Arthur looked at me and shook his head no, and I looked at Braginski and shook my head no, and you know what the fucker did? He sat down with us anyways! "Nice weather, da?" he asked, being all stupid with his stupid accent and his stupid small talk and I really wanted to punch him in the face and see how he liked it, but picking a fight in the caf wouldn't have been the best idea so I didn't say anything, praying that if I pretended he wasn't there then he'd just go away.
Instead, he just kept on talkin. "It has come to my attention that you feel that your broken nose is somehow my fault," he said. "Somehow your fault?" I asked. "You aimed for my face!" "You had a clear shot to the basket. If you had been paying attention you could have easily caught it." That's what he said to me. He actually had the nerve to come sit down with me and Artie and tell me it was my own damn fault that I got hurt. And then insult me on top of it all. Well, I didn't have to take that. So I grabbed Arthur and walked out like a pimp. Yeah.
Later
I'm starving. I should have taken my breakfast with me. Arthur offered me some of his homemade death biscuits, but I'd rather be hungry than die. I've got to sneak out in a minute. Francis said he'd help me study for my French quiz, but Arthur said I'm not allowed to "fraternize" with the enemy so to keep the peace I'm just gonna keep it on the DL. Even though telling someone that they have big eyebrows really doesn't seem grounds to make an enemy out of them, but whatever.
Later
Weirdest thing. When I went to Francis's room Matt was there. I didn't even know Matt had friends. Huh.
January 12th
Aced my French quiz. Still in a shit mood though. Game tonight. And of course Braginski's playing. I don't wanna talk about it.
Later
We won. 95-70. I still don't want to talk about it.
Later
Why does Braginski know where I live? How does Braginski know where I live? And more importantly, why is he sitting in our dorm? If Arthur thinks I'm coming out of my room he's crazy. I am not talking to that Russian freak until I figure out how to get back at him for hurting my beautiful face and fucking with my season.
Later
Abjbsac fdefcv wtf. I can't even… What? Just… what?
Later
No seriously. Did that just happen? I asked Arthur. He said it did. I can't… I can't deal with this right now.
January 13th
So. Last night. Last night was weird as fuck. I refused to come out of my room, but Braginski refused to leave until I did. So after about a half an hour I finally gave in and went to see what he wanted. And do you know what he did? He was sitting there, all comfortable on our couch, flipping through the TV stations like he owned the place. "Good game tonight, da?" he asked. "I wouldn't know," I said, glaring at him from my doorway. There was no way in hell I was going to come any closer. "I played very well tonight," he continued. (Conceited much?) "If you say so," I said.
And that's when he said it. He turned and looked at me, that creepy smile on his face, and said it: "We are going to the movies tomorrow night."
What the fuck. Like hell we are. I'm switching his vodka with some cyanide.
Later
Arthur said it's impossible to get ahold of cyanide, so I'm just going to have to settle for telling him no.
Later
I told Matt what happened with Braginski. He actually asked me if I was going to go out with him. I asked him if he was crazy. He wanted to know if it was because Braginski was a guy. I said no, it was because he was a creepy vodka-loving, face-breaking weirdo AND a guy. For some reason that made Matt really sad. So then I asked him how he and his secret girlfriend were doing and he just mumbled something about a hockey game being on TV and then he left.
Except there is no hockey game on right now. I checked.
Later
So I found this really weird list in Arthur's English notebook. It's called "Reason's why Francis is a fairy." I mean, I know Arthur believes in weird shit like that, but he's not allowed to make fun of me for believing in UFOs anymore. And besides, who wastes their time writing lists and shit like that? God, next thing you know he'll be doing needlework or something.
Later
I just exploded so many zombie chickens and it was the best experience of my life. I love Saturdays.
Later
Braginski is standing outside my door. Eefing Kiku let him him. He keeps saying it's time for our date. I fucking hate Saturdays.
Chapter Two
January 13th
Today sucked so bad I don't even want to think about it. And tomorrow we have doubles and I'm still expected to go to practice, even though all I can do is sit on the fucking bleachers. I'm gonna go blow up some zombies now and not think about how completely not-awesome today was.
January 14th
Coach made me do suicides. I could have tripped and done even more damage to my beautiful face, but he didn't care so long as I "didn't get fat." So now my everything hurts.
Oh yeah, about yesterday.
Braginski broke my door knob. I'm not even shitting you. I was just lounging around my room in my sweats, because, you know, I was not about to go out to see a fucking movie with that creep. But he knocked on my door and I told him to go away. He knocked again and I told him to go away again. Then he knocked a third time and I told him to go fuck himself and that he was going to have to break my door down if he wanted me to come out of my room.
Well he took me literally so now I have to go to Rez Life and explain to them why my door knob was snapped clear off. Anyways, I'm not gonna lie. When he did that, I sort of lost the urge to fight him and just went along with it. I was not about to say no to someone with the strength of freakin Chuck Norris. I mean, it's not like I couldn't totally kick his ass, but how the hell would I explain a busted door and wall to my RA? Gotta pick and choose your battles, ya know? Plus he'd gotten tickets to go see Sherlock Holmes and I hear it's a pretty kick ass movie. Not to mention Rachel MacAdams is in it. And she is fine.
The movie itself was great. A lot of fighting and dead bodies and stuff. And Braginski paid for everything so I got a free drink, popcorn, and candy. All in all it was an OK night, until he decided to try to talk to me afterwards. "So you had a good time, da?" he asked as we walked back to campus. (Arthur refused to lend me his car, the prick, and I refused to get in Braginski's car cause he'd probably drive out to the woods and chop me up with an axe or something.) "The movie was good," I'd said. "But we will not be making a habit of this."
But as usual he completely ignored what I'd said and kept talking and said something weird and way too wordy like: "I am glad that my attempt to make you feel better about your broken nose and your complete lack of motor skills was a success. I too enjoyed our date."
He called it a date. And he insulted me. Again. …And did I mention he called it a date? IT WAS NOT A FUCKING DATE. Christ on a cracker I can't even write about it without getting mad. I fucking hate him and as soon as my nose is healed I am going to break off both of his arms and force feed them to him.
It was not a date.
Later
Arthur says that if someone invites someone else out and they pay for everything then it's a date so I'm not speaking to him for the rest of the day.
Later
Arthur just bought me a Hardee's Thick Burger. I completely retract my previous statement.
Later
FUCK. The extra credit for Economics is due tomorrow and I totally forgot to tell Mattie who, as usual, is MIA and also ignoring my calls and that's really starting to get on my nerves. He's been hanging out with Francis, though. Maybe he'll tell me what's going on.
January 15th
Worst hangover ever. Missed Economics. Gonna throw up.
Later
There was a hockey game last night. A bunch of people were over at Francis's watching it, including Matthew. I was gonna ask him for help with my extra credit, but I got distracted by the food and beer. And then Lovino challenged me to a drinking game. I'm pretty sure he won, and I'm pretty sure I puked on Arthur when he came to get me. lol.
Later
I bought Arthur some tea as a peace offering, but he said I bought the kind you use to make iced tea, not hot tea. I didn't even know there was a difference.
January 16th
Today was the last day to drop or add a class. Guess who is now in my trig class? Fucking Braginski, who is apparently stalking me.
-
Alfred F. Jone's Trignometry Notebook:
A 5 m long ladder leans against a vertical wall making an angle of 65˚ with the ground. If said ladder slips, at what velocity must it be falling in order to hit Braginski in the head, killing him on the spot?
This equation is algebraically unsound, Alfred. You are missing vital information. In order to solve for velocity you must also know how far from my head it is, and also how long it took to fall. Any idiot would know that. But it is very sweet of you to be thinking of me. :)
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NOTEBOOK?
You left it in the math building and I returned it to you. You are very welcome.
DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF. AGAIN.
-
January 16th
The weirdest thing happened tonight. After practice I was going to call Mattie to see if he wanted to get dinner with me, but he wound up calling me first. I said hello, but he didn't say anything. I stayed on the line for a few moments, thinking maybe the connection was just weird, but he still didn't say anything. Then I started hearing really weird noises and a very distinctive… I'm not even gonna go there. I think my brother butt dialed me. And I think he was having sex when it happened. Excuse me while I go try to wash my brain off.
Later
Kiku and I went to WalMart around ten. We had to buy some toilet paper, and for some weird reason he bought cat food as well. I asked him if he was feeding the stays around campus and he just smiled, saying that it was his turn to buy food for his and Heracles's friends. Those two are going to grow up to be those freaky old cat ladys when they're older, I swear.
Anyways, I saw Braginski there, too. Thank god he didn't notice me. He was in the flower aisle, just staring at the sunflowers. Who goes to WalMart at night by themselves just to stare at flowers? What. A. Freak.
January 17th
Arthur was in a really pissy mood after English class today cause he got a B on his paper, which is "unsatisfactory!" to him. Hell, I'd kill for a B. I don't know what the big deal is. But when we went to the DH to get breakfast, Braginski was already sitting at our table, which pissed Arthur off even more. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Arthur demanded. Braginski just smiled and pulled out the two chairs on either side of him. "I am eating breakfast with friends, da?"
"Nobody asked you to sit with us," Arthur said, sounding all mean and scathing. And that is why he is my best friend in the whole wide world.
Later
Francis said he was going out tonight, so I asked Matthew if he'd help me with French but he said that he was going out, too. I asked if he had a hot date with the girlfriend he refuses to introduce me to, and he told me to mind my own business. So of course I'm going to follow him.
Later
My conversation with Arthur went something like this:
"Wanna pretend to be spies?"
"Not right now, Alfred. I have to finish this book before class tomorrow."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"God dammit Alfred I said no!"
"…Please?"
"Argh, fine, if it'll get you to shut the feck up!"
So now we're just waiting for Matt to leave and the suspense is freaking killing me. I tried to get Arthur to wear a matching black suit with me, like a real secret agent, but he refused. Wouldn't let me give us code names either. He's such a stick in the mud.
Oooh, Matt just left. It's go time!
Later
When Matt left Arthur and I made a mad dash for his car. We parked near the door to the dormitory so we could watch for Matt to leave the building. And guess who he was with? Freaking Francis. Am I ever going to see who Matt's dating?
Arthur didn't want to "stare at Francis's ugly mug any longer than he already had to," and I could care less what Matt did with his friends, so we called it quits. That was a complete disappointment.
January 18th
Braginski sat next to me in trig today. And when we were turning our homework in he looked at mine and proceeded to tell me that I had made several stupid and careless mistakes and that from now on he would tutor me. I told him thanks but no thanks, asshole. He told me that he would not take no for an answer and that he would come by my room after practice to help me. I told him that I had better things to do on a Friday night than study.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Get drunk," I said with a shrug.
Then he gave me that creepy smile again and said, "You and I have much in common. We will study, and as a reward I will let you get drunk, da?"
Does everything I say to this freak just go in one ear and out the other?
-
Alfred F. Jone's Voicemail:
"Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya."
"Alfred, you must have forgotten that we agreed to study trigonometry tonight, da? Hurry back. Your roommate Kiku said that it was alright for me to wait in your dorm for you. Since you still have not gotten your door fixed, I let myself into your room."
"Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya."
"You are very late, but that is alright, I am patient. I could not help but notice the photographs on your desk. You were very cute as a child, how did you turn out to be so stupid and forgetful?"
"Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya. Unless your name is Braginski, in which case I hope you die in a couch fire. Get the fuck out of my room and stop calling me, you freak."
"Kiku said that you would probably be a while, but I don't mind waiting. I will see you when you return, друг."
-
January 19th
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
Later
Ifdevgfrefcc dsada asefrg wtf.
Later
I have to kill myself. It's the only way. I can't even- I don't even- OHMYGOD.
-
A note Alfred found taped to his headboard when he woke up:
Dear Alfred,
Though you returned home far too late to study, I still enjoyed our evening together. I will come walk with you to practice this afternoon.
Your Friend, Ivan
January 19th
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
---
Translations: Друг- Friend
Thanks for reading! If you find any errors, let me know!-