Chocolate Chip Cookies
Today, I made chocolate chip cookies but not just any chocolate chip cookies, but Gluten free, egg free and milk free.. Although they are free of common ingredients they are GOOOOOD.. The only draw backs are, that I am the the only one who can eat them which isn't good cause when I start I can't end till they are GONE. What would taste good with my chocolate chip cookies is frozen yogurt. :) yuuummmm..
I really havn't written in a long time. I left SDSU this semester and I am now at Grossmont Community College. It is pretty sweet. I like it a lot, better. I think the transition is a lot easier and the classes are smaller which is nice. Unfortunatly half my old highschool attends Grossmont, so I do a lot of duck and covering. NOT because I am ashamed I left SDSU and that I feel some of my fellow classmates are below me but because I really have no interest seeing bitter and competitive people from my old life.
My classes this semester are Geology: The Planet Earth, Oceanography: Introduction, Astronomy: Introduction, Photography, Bowling and a Photo lab class. I really do enjoy my classes this semester. I am really not learning anything in Astronomy unless I choose to read my book and tonight I have really learned a lot. I basically reviewed basic Chemistry and Physics (which I did for all my science classes but anywho) I never really understood it in highschool, but I do now. hahah. Tonight I reviewed the basic principles of Newtons and Keplers Laws. Which is pretty interesting if you think about it. Newton is one smart man.
I was seriously amused just thinking about Newtons 1st law which basically states,"An object will remain at rest or move with constant velocity unless acted upon by a net external force". It trips me out to think if the world were a flat surface and there was no such think as friction or anything a ball could just roll on forever and be never ending for there could be no net external force.
But then again Newtons Universal Law of Gravitation states that any two objects exert a gravitational force of attraction on each other, which means to me that in this situation because the gravitation pull that earth has on the ball and the ball has on earth they are going to be drawn to one another and this pull all depends on the mass of the object which determines its force and so obviously earth has a greater mass, so could the pull affect its ability to be at a constant velocity? hmmmmm.. I need to find a scientist who discuss science in laymans terms. I think I am more confused than before after writing it out. haha.
But I am really learning a lot this semester, especially in Geology and Oceanography. I have a really amazing teacher who tries to make things interesting and fun. I never thought of learning about Plate Tectonics and it being amusing and fun. I think I have a better appreciation for the world now, but I will talk more about that later.
I am seriously LOVING my photography class. I have the most spectacular teacher ever! I have never dreamed of learning so much. Photography should really be a science, with the levels of chemicals and silver usage it is amazing that it isn't. I havn't really learned a lot about the composition of an image (like the rule of thirds and what not but I already know) but I learned so much about the camera and printing. I mean I have taken black and white photography for 4 years and this will be my 5th but I am just so inspired. I mean I never had someone explain F stops to me or film speed or stoping down or really truly understanding depth of field. I feel very blessed to have this teacher.
One thing I am happy about it split filtering, I have done it before but never to the extreme of how I do now. I now know how to time my burning and dodging and using tools and the proper processing. I am very excited to start my life as an independent photographer. I now have a starting point instead of just being lucky or guessing, I now feel capable of producing a perfect print without over analyzing and just knowing what exactly I need to do without wasting paper.
Now to a more personal topic. I have just come to terms and confronted my issues that I have had for 18 years and I feel so much stronger and accepting of life and men. Before I was always trying to put it in the back of my mind but it didn't work, senior year to now, it really caught up with me and I am paying for it now. I do hope that confronting my issue it'll give me a greater success in life and in relationships. I feel healthier, for a long time I felt like I lost my fun loving self and now I got it back and I am grateful to have it. I hope that I never have an obstacle where I loose myself again, I could not bare putting my mom or anyone thru it. I have been depressed and un confident for a long time, and I am back to take back what I have lost. I don't second guess it's not me. I dont let people manipulate me and use me or give them more then 1 chance to make it right and thats how it needs to be.
I have found a lot of guidence in my "recovery" from old letters I have found that I wrote myself. I am like my dad and my sisters in that sense, I write everything down and how I feel. But I hide it in old journals, or pieces of paper I shove in the back of an old sculpture or under my bed. I have so many memories to over see and I am happy that I wrote it all down. I can look and see patterns that have occured in each relationship I have had with a man, a parent or a friend.
Earlier I stated that now I have a greater appreciation for the world. I feel that due to my latest relationships and economic problems I have more acceptance for how I am and why I do the things I do. Yes, I am damaged, but it'll pass with time and I will get better.
I believe I owe this to one man. I let him into my life, I did things to make him happy and it made me happy doing it. Unfortunatly that relationship was ruined, but not single handedly.
He and I recently started talking again but I havn't heard from him in awhile. He has been pretty preoccupied. I know he has moved on to this girl he went to highschool with. Which is good for him and I am ultimately happy for him. Of course I am sad it isn't me but I cant let that affect me.
In the Christian religion, you date to marry and to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and I truly believe that he is someone I could've had a future with. He loves my family and we want the same things and we got a long so well. I just got all weird on him and paranoid. It happens and all I can do now, is ask for forgivness and hope I can get another chance and be positive. I have never had so much passion.
Lately every guy that I have had a relationship with of some sort has been talking to me. It is extremely odd. hah. Like Alex, he is a huge pot head now and it is strange and bizzare. He wants to see me when he is home for sprng break but I have a feeling he just wants to get in my pants. Which in my book, will never happen again.
One thing I seriously need to do is go layout in the sun whether it is at the beach or at my pool I really need to get more melon out. haha. I miss my tan skin. I feel so white and gross. I also need to go to the gym and work off all the reeses, fro-yo and cookies I ate. BOO!!
It is getting late, I should probaly go to sleep now, I wrote a lot tonight. :) I could've wrote more, but I can wait to think clearly.
I no longer write French as much as I used to, It is sad and sort of depressing.
But I will say, Bonne Nuit!