The Expression of Interest

[ahunter3]

When you're a sissy femme male, you learn that indicating sexual interest in anyone is risky and can conjure hostility and contempt. If it happens to be male-bodied people that you like that way, you learn that not only the straight ones but the gay ones as well may regard you as creepy and pathetic and perverted and disgusting. If, on the other

Comments

[kanzeon_2040]

What you're describing sounds like a New Puritanism toward sex that is riding along with the Me Too movement. Not only is it bad to commit sexual assault, but it is bad to even want consensual sex with a woman. Just wanting to have sex is now bad - proving your male entitlement. Asking a coworker on a date is now equated with sexual assault. Saying nice things about a woman's appearance is creepy.

You'd think that women don't even like sex and would rather live in a world where sex didn't exist.

Yet, there is this power differential between men and women that can make it difficult for enlightened men and women to form egalitarian relationships across the gender divide. And there are definitely men who won't take "no" for an answer, which can make women feel wary of any man who asks her for consent or compliments her appearance, she never knows if he's going to be one of those who will persist no matter what she says.

So our culture is complex ... having to stand up for your right to be horny, while also standing up for people's right to be left alone. I think one way to deal with this would be to create both safe spaces for asexuality and safe spaces for sexuality. For example, no sexuality at the workplace. What if as a culture we set clear guidelines about which social spaces are asexual and which are sexual? Those who don't want sexuality in their faces, avoid the sexual social spaces. Those who feel horny, don't express that horniness in the asexual social spaces. This would require - not taking sides - but admitting that both sides are correct. There should be places where you are welcome to flirt, and places where you aren't. Or perhaps we could have explicit symbols that people could wear - I'm available, or I'm not available. The taboo would be - do not flirt with somebody who is wearing the I'm not available symbol.

But we're not rewarded today for coming up with live and let live solutions, those don't drive consumer engagement on the Internet.

[amw]

I like this idea of asexual social spaces. Personally, the older i've gotten the less interested i have become about sex. It's at the point now where i'd prefer not to read or watch or experience anything about it at all. I'm not a prude, i just find it boring and a waste of time. On the other hand, most of the social spaces i enjoy (like bars) would probably end up being classified as sexual anyway, so perhaps i'm going to be forced into situations where i have to deal with it regardless.

I definitely find it creepy when a man hits on me. I always did before, but i tried to ignore it. Now i tend to find it a bit offensive too. Like. There are apps for that. If you want to get laid, use the app. Don't flirt or come at me in person. I suppose that's the modern day "available" symbol: are you on the app?